by Bet Milner
Danni opened a fresh word document and began typing out a set list, making a note of the length of each song and fiddling with the order. There were quite a lot of covers ranging from the sixties up to present day. She dotted a few of her originals in between every third cover and was pretty happy with the list. It wasn't anywhere near as heavy as she usually sang because she knew her old boss much preferred to book acts that stuck to classics. Danni picked up her acoustic guitar and began practicing the covers she hadn't played for years.
Her phone buzzed a few hours later and she distractedly looked at the message.
Looking forward to it! Well, first scenes are done. I'm finally getting out of this hot mess! :-D
Danni's heart pounded in her chest. Julia Jones still wanted to talk to her! Jimmy walked through the door looking exhausted. "Rose! Don't tell me you've been pissing around with the guitar all day! I thought you said you were going to get a real job."
Danni was annoyed. "Well I technically have! I'm playing a set at the La Fleurs next week and it's paying three hundred bucks."
Jimmy sighed. "So that's what? Seventy-five dollars each? Hardly something to get excited about. We need the money luv. It's time we stopped messing about with this music malarkey and got on with being proper adults."
Danni shook her head. She couldn't believe how much Jimmy had changed since they first got together. He used to be all about the music and the adventures and now, well, now he was just boring and sucked the joy out of everything. "You know what? Firstly, I didn’t say we'd got a gig, I have a gig. Solo. Second, since when did you give up on your dreams? You always used to say that the music came first."
"Since I started getting paid for working and not just a couple of beers and twenty quid shoved in my pocket! I've had enough! Will's about to become a father and he's leaving. Jeff is off his face all the time and can barely remember how to tune up. I can't live like this anymore. I want a family and a nice house. I want to stop playing late nights and having to get up early the next day, and it isn't going to happen if we keep wasting our time and investing money we don't have in this shit. We are shit! We aren´t going anywhere. Give up the ghost Rose."
Danni was stunned. "Fine! You want out then we're done! But I'm not! I don't care about those things, you knew that when we got together and I didn't think you did either!"
"Well I've changed. Maybe you should too."
"You know what, you're right. It is about time things changed. I'm not quitting this Jim. It's who I am and it's the only thing that makes sense in my life."
Danni grabbed her keys and jacket and stormed out the apartment.
"Danni, wait! Where are you going?"
She didn't answer. She didn't even turn around or think about where she was headed. All she knew was she needed to get the hell away from him. She was so angry. She'd spent years under the illusion that this was what they both wanted and she'd imagined them chasing their dreams and never giving up and over the last few years, he'd slowly talked her out of doing things that she wouldn't have hesitated to do in the past. It had started with her old pals. He didn´t like that she hung out with certain people she had a past with, so she cut them off to make him feel better. Then it was the parties. If they were out together then it wasn´t an issue but any time she wanted to go out alone, he´d ignore her for days afterwards. There had been so many lineup changes in the band because he didn´t feel comfortable with certain people and he´d stopped looking for venues for them to play ever since he started working. They used to sit for hours talking into the night about where they would be in however many year’s time and he would look at her in awe whenever she showed him a new song. Now, he just nodded weakly and seemed disinterested. It was the main thing that drew them together, the music. Without that, what was left? She'd compromised on so much and now she could see clearly that she should have stuck to her values and been less of a doormat.
When she came out of her haze of anger, she realized she was standing outside Reese's bar. It was a thirty minute walk from her apartment and she couldn't remember the journey. She pushed the door open and pulled up a stool at the bar. Reese spotted her friend and immediately set a bourbon on the rocks down in front of her.
"Jimmy?" She asked with a pained expression.
Danni downed the contents and pushed the empty glass towards Reese for her to refill it. "Jimmy." She confirmed.
After a few more drinks and lots of interruptions from other paying customers wanting to be served, Danni finally managed to tell Reese the whole story. "Am I being a douche? I mean, do you think I need to settle down and get a real job and give up on this?"
Reese shook her head. "Dan, I've been telling you for ages he holds you back. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do and no! You shouldn't give up on the music. Ever! I mean, not that you even could give it up. It's who you are whether you get successful or not. Besides, without the band, you'll get a bigger payout and do gigs whenever you feel like it."
Danni smiled. Reese always told her what she wanted to hear. "I knew you'd say that. It's your job as BFF."
"I'm saying it because it's true! In case you're forgetting, I'm not the only one who thinks you've got some serious talent." She winked and Danni suddenly remembered the messages from earlier.
"Oh, man! How did I forget to message her back?" She pulled out her phone and messaged the celebrity.
Good for you! I bet that make up is tough to get off! I have a hard enough job with waterproof mascara! Sorry I didn't respond. Had a fight and came to drown my sorrows. :-(
The bourbon had worked well in loosening her up and she suddenly felt a lot more comfortable talking to the woman as if she were an old friend.
Reese eyed her. "Spill it!"
Danni acted cool. "We've been DMing is all. She loves Destined to Roam."
Reese smirked as Danni received another message.
I hope it was nothing serious. May make for a good song! It really is! I'm just sat in yet another hotel room picking bits of latex off that didn't wash off in the shower :-D
Danni laughed and her eyes glistened with joy. Reese remembered that look and she was pleased to see it on her friend again. She just hoped Danni wasn't getting in over her head.
6
The rest of the week was spent pretty much the same. Jimmy ignored Danni for two days after she went off and got drunk and didn't come home until past four on a Monday morning. Danni did feel guilty at pulling an all-nighter and reacting so badly. It's just a part of her was glad they were fighting. It had given her a reason to consider those doubts that had been plaguing her for a while now and entertain the thoughts that she hadn't permitted herself to dwell on. She felt bad that Jimmy had basically been paying her way for the past year or so and she hadn't contributed to the bills. Not that she hadn´t tried. She´d been doing her best to motivate the guys and book gigs but any time she found one that was more than a twenty minute drive away, they didn´t want to know. She wondered if she had only stayed with him for so long because it was comfortable. She'd never thought of herself as the type of woman who wanted to be taken care of as she was fiercely independent, but she had let it happen over time and boxed herself in. If she was completely honest with herself, she was terrified of being alone and starting from scratch.
After two days of pointedly ignoring her, Jimmy tried to clear the air. "Listen luv, I might not have been very articulate the other day and I'm sorry if I offended you, but I meant what I said. I really do want us to have a family at some point. Neither of us is getting any younger. We have to start thinking about these things."
Danni sat down on the couch and sighed. "Jim, I don't know if I want kids. I feel like there's so much else that I want to do and haven't experienced yet, you know. I love you but I'm starting to think I can't give you what you want. Maybe our paths are headed in different directions."
Jimmy got angry. "So we just throw four years down the drain?"
"That's not what I said. I don't k
now. I just, need to get my head straight."
"Is there someone else Danni?"
"No! Jeez, that is not what's happening."
"If I find out you're fucking Reese I swear I'll...”
"For Christ's sake Jimmy! She's my best friend! Just because I have a lesbian friend does not mean I'm banging them. We've talked about this already."
"Well you kissed her when we were together."
"Because you dared me to!"
Jimmy went quiet and pulled out his phone. He started reading out loud. "Sometimes I miss the feel of soft lips against my own, grabbing long hair and feeling a wet pussy clench around my fingers. Shall I continue?"
Danni blushed. "Where did you get that?"
I was cleaning out the book shelf and a piece of paper dropped out. I thought it was trash and was going to throw it out until I read the first line."
"You read my journal?"
"It wasn't in your journal. Like I said, it fell out."
"I wrote that years ago."
"And that's supposed to make me feel better? I thought you were out of that phase? I didn't think you'd even slept with a woman and then I find this!"
Danni got angry now. "Being bi isn't a phase! It's my sexuality and it doesn't change based on who I'm sleeping with. I told you I´d been with women before we got together. It was never a secret! God, I never realized you were so prejudiced."
"So you admit it. You want to sleep with women."
"Not all women no, but yeah, I am attracted to them. I've never hidden that from you. I thought you were over this."
"You shouldn't be attracted to anyone except me Rose! Have you just been lying all this time? Faking it and pretending to love me while secretly pining after women?"
"No, Jimmy. I love you and I wouldn't cheat. Don't tell me you haven't been attracted to anyone else since we've been together because that right there is bullshit!"
"I haven't. Not that I couldn't have had my fair share of ladies. But I've never even looked at another woman since being with you."
"I find that hard to believe. Not even a celebrity crush?"
"No."
Danni laughed. It didn't matter how in love you were with someone, it was only natural to be attracted to other people, even if it was only a fleeting glance. What he was saying was ridiculous and the background image on his cel phone was proof enough of that.
Jimmy continued. "I know for a fact you at least kissed one other woman last year on a night out. I saw your messages to Reese."
Danni stood up fuming. "You did what? You read my e-mails?" She had drunkenly kissed a woman at a club a year ago but it was a spur of the moment thing. She could just about remember it herself and the only reason she could remember was because Reese had teased her about it for weeks afterwards. It wasn't a big deal. She would have liked to laugh about it with him at some point, maybe even talk about their past sexual encounters without judgement or insecurity, but Jimmy just wasn´t that kind of guy. She was so angry about the invasion of privacy she couldn't even think about that now. "Yes, okay, I got drunk and kissed someone. I don't even remember who it was and I had no intention of sleeping with them. It was a mistake and I admit that but you deliberately went through my e-mails? That just tells me you don't trust me."
"Well I have no reason to, do I? I didn't deliberately go through your e-mail either. I went to use your laptop the other day and it was open. I was curious after reading that bloody piece of paper."
"Jim, those e-mails were well over a year ago. You had to have sat there for hours reading every last item. That's fucking low and a bit disturbing to be honest."
Jimmy knew Danni had a point but he'd taken pictures of the e-mails and stored them on his phone. "Oh and then there's the most recent ones Rose. Find Julia Jones and turn her gay for me and then I'll consider being a full time dyke!"
Danni laughed. "You know what, you're pathetic. If you can be jealous over a joke between friends about a completely unattainable celebrity then you really aren't the person I thought you were."
"Pot. Kettle." Jimmy snarled.
7
The cast wrapped location filming early Friday afternoon just after lunch. They were supposed to wrap on Thursday night but due to rain, they ended up having to postpone until the following morning. Julia was relieved to be out of make-up and was looking forward to a whole seven days back at home without a single interview or party. She got on the plane and settled down to watch a movie. She was soon dozing lightly and before she knew it, they were landing in Boston. There hadn't been a direct flight available and she didn't want to wait until tomorrow to sleep in her own bed. She got off the plane and waited for her connection.
It was getting pretty close to her flight time and she still hadn't heard an announcement. She checked the boards and saw the flight was cancelled. She sighed and went to the desk.
"Hi, I was supposed to be getting the connection to JFK, do you any other flights available?"
"Sorry Mrs. Jones. All flights into New York are cancelled until further notice." The assistant realized who the woman was and blushed profusely. "I can arrange alternative transport for you though if you prefer, or a complimentary hotel for the night. There's been a security alert so all flights are grounded most likely until tomorrow."
Julia smiled. "Thank you. A hotel will be fine." She was annoyed because she just wanted to get home but too tired to face a long car journey. She went to collect her case as it wasn't being transferred any longer and wheeled it out to the front of the airport. She put on her sunglasses and tried to blend in with the rest of the crowd. She got into a cab and instructed the driver to take her to Le Fleurs Hotel.
Julia made a quick phone call but got the voice mail. "Hey Brent. It's me. Listen, my flight was cancelled so I'll be staying at Le Fleurs in Boston. Should be back tomorrow morning. Call me when you get this. Love you, bye."
It was a quick journey and the cabby pulled up right outside the hotel and removed Julia's case from the trunk. She paid him and went to check in. “Julia Jones for the suite."
The receptionist smiled and looked for the booking. Her face dropped when she couldn't find a record and she called the manager over to assist her. The manager immediately recognized the star and had just gotten off the phone with the airline. "Apologies Mrs. Jones. We weren't expecting you to arrive so soon. The room is actually booked under your pseudonym."
"Oh of course, sorry, I forget sometimes." She smiled politely.
"I'll have someone bring your bags up to you. You're in the penthouse top floor."
"That won't be necessary thank you. I can manage with this."
The manager handed over her key card along with a booklet with the details of the hotel and a map of the facilities. "If you need anything at all, Mrs. Jones, please don't hesitate to contact myself directly."
"You're very kind. Thank you." Julia walked off towards the elevator towing her small case behind her. While she was waiting for the elevator she noticed a sign advertising the evening's entertainment. Her eyes went wide when she read who the star of the evening was. She walked back to the reception and smiled broadly at the manager. "Just one thing, what time will Danni Rose be performing?"
The manager looked a little taken aback. "Ahem, nine o'clock. Will you be attending?"
"Wouldn't miss it!"
✽ ✽ ✽
Danni checked herself over in the mirror again. She couldn't decide what to wear. Everything she owned was really rocker chick and it wasn't exactly the venue for that. The closest thing she had to smart were her black leather pants. She changed her shirt again and settled on a black, low cut halter neck. It wasn't perfect but it was the best she could do without having a total wardrobe overhaul. She twisted and curled her hair and applied smoky eyeshadow and a pale lipstick. She knew it was probably a bit too heavy for the venue but she didn't know what else to do and didn't have time to experiment with a new look. Zipping up her knee high boots, she grabbed her guitar case, set list
and keys and caught a cab to the hotel.
"Danni! Thanks for doing this! I know it must seem strange coming back here and playing for us!" The manager addressed her like an old friend. It shocked her because when she'd worked there, he'd always ridden her for being late and coming in stinking of booze.
"It's cool Bud. Thanks for having me!"
"Do you still like bourbon? Anything you want is on the house tonight. Just give me a shout."
Bud was definitely acting weird. He was treating her like he used to treat his VIP guests and Danni couldn't say she wasn't enjoying it, especially after he fired her.
"Yup, I love my bourbon! You know me Bud! So where am I setting up?"
"In the main bar. Take your time! No rush."
Danni winked at him and walked off in the direction of the bar she used to work on. She felt an odd sense of nostalgia walking through the room and glanced over at the bar to see if she knew anyone on shift. She didn't, which was a shame. It would have been nice to show off a bit in front of her ex colleagues. She set up quietly, plugging her leads into the amps and mixing table. She turned the effects down and put a little reverb on her voice. Nothing too heavy as it was only her and her guitar tonight. She looked around the room seeing it was already quite busy. There were at least eighty people there and the dinner and pre party crowd would be coming in soon enough. The hotel was close to the main strip of clubs and was popular with younger party goers. She called Bud over and asked him to put her flyers out on the table. She wanted to do a bit of self-promotion while she had the chance. He did so and brought her back a bourbon and a bottle of water.
She fiddled with the mic stand, adjusting it to her height and decided to sit for the first half of her performance. She spoke into the mic.