Bound by Shadows (Kissed by Shadows Series, Book 2)

by Lola StVil

  As we make our way along the corridor in the hospital, I explain to Remy and Regal what Pest told me about Langston wanting this, and I explain that we have to find something to make her un-want it.

  “Like walking in there and finding him screwing a nurse?” Remy says.

  I raise an eyebrow.

  “Well, that would work,” I say.

  “But it’s not going to happen,” Regal says. “Drew’s a nice guy. And he loves Langston more than anything.”

  It’s not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that Drew was a bit of an asshole, a player, someone who wasn’t like Langston. But I can’t let go of the tiny bit of hope I have left.

  We reach Drew’s room. I tap on the door, and we go in. Drew is sitting up in bed. He looks much better than the last time we were here. There’s color in his cheeks, and he’s smiling. His eyes are a warm brown color, and there’s a twinkle in them. I can see why Langton is attracted to him.

  Beside his bed sit a man and a woman I assume are his parents and a child around ten who must be his sister.

  “Hey, guys.” Drew smiles when he sees the twins.

  He frowns at me for a moment, and then he smiles again.

  “You must be Atlas,” he says.

  “How do you know?” I ask.

  He smiles again, this time with a faraway look in his eyes.

  “Langston used to talk to me. When I was unconscious. She told me all about you. She really thinks a lot of you. Of all of you.”

  “Oh,” is all I can manage. I hate myself for coming here looking for a way to turn Langston against Drew, but I tell myself it’s necessary.

  “This is my mom, Clara, my dad, Jake, and my niece, Sophie,” Drew says.

  We exchange hellos with them. How can I quiz Drew and find out the thing that could turn Langston against him when his family is here?

  The twins chat with Drew for a while, asking him questions about when he was in the coma. I sit thinking, trying to come up with a plan. The more I watch Drew, the more convinced I am he’s perfect and we won’t find anything to use.

  I watch him as Sophie pulls on his sleeve. He turns to her, a warm smile on his face. He doesn’t scold her for interrupting, and when she gestures that she wants to whisper something to him, he bends down and lets her.

  Sophie isn’t good with whispering it seems. We all hear her as she asks if I’m his girlfriend. He grins at Sophie.

  “No, but she’ll be here soon.”

  He looks at us. “Right?”

  He has no idea what she’s done. He doesn’t know why he’s awake. That convinces me I won’t find any way to turn Langston against him. I was starting to think his total disregard for her could be the thing I could use. She sacrificed her life for his, and he didn’t seem to care. But he would care. I know he would. He just doesn’t know.

  “Actually… ” Regal starts.

  I cut him off. There’s no point in upsetting Drew. We could take him back to the house right now and have him beg Langston to undo this, and I know she wouldn’t.

  “She’s not feeling very well, but she’ll be here as soon as she feels better,” I tell him.

  Neither of the twins correct me, and I know they’ve come to the same conclusion I have. Our last hope just died.

  “Oh,” Drew says.

  His face drops, and he can’t hide his disappointment.

  “She’s okay though, right? Like, it’s nothing serious?”

  “She’s just sleeping a lot at the moment,” Remy says.

  Well isn’t that the truth.

  We stay for a little while longer, but now that I know this isn’t going to work, I’m itching to leave. Time is running out, and I’ve heard nothing from the rest of the team or Sadie.

  As if she read my mind, Remy gets to her feet and looks at her watch.

  “I’ve got to run,” she says. “Nice seeing you, Drew.”

  Regal and I stand up.

  “Oh, you two stay a little longer. I’ve got something I have to do,” Remy says.

  She practically runs from the room, leaving Regal and I exchanging a worried glance. It’s obvious where she’s going and why she wants to leave us behind, and it’s nothing to do with our quest.

  “Is she okay?” Drew asks, genuine concern lacing his voice.

  “She’s just going through some stuff,” Regal says. “Look, I hate to be rude and just run out on you, but—”

  Drew doesn’t let him finish.

  “Go,” he insists. “Make sure she’s okay. And tell Langston I can’t wait to see her.”

  “I’m sorry, Atlas, I know the quest should come first, but I have to help Remy,” Regal says as soon as we’re out of Drew’s room.

  “The team comes first,” I say. “We’ve got time.”

  I don’t know if that’s true or not—maybe we don’t have time. But I know it’s true that the team comes first.

  “You mean you’re coming with me?” Regal asks.

  I didn’t. I meant I understood why he should go, but when I see the hope on his face, I can’t leave him to face this alone.

  “Of course,” I say.

  “Thank you,” he says. “I know where she’s heading. We have to get there before her and stop her from going in.”

  “Lead the way,” I say.

  Regal and I have nothing to hide, so we take a direct route to the pain dealer’s lair. Remy, on the other hand, doesn’t want to be seen coming here, so she has to take a more backstreet route. We beat her there by a good ten minutes.

  I was beginning to think we’d gotten it wrong, that she wasn’t planning on coming here, when she comes into sight. She skulks along the alley, scanning the sides for anyone. She isn’t banking on us being here, and as she presses down on the door handle, her face falls as we step out from behind a large dumpster.

  “What the hell are you doing, Remy?” Regal demands angrily.

  She pulls her hand back from the door handle as though it’s burned her.

  “I… umm… ” she stutters. “Nothing.”

  Regal sighs.

  “You swore you weren’t coming here anymore, Remy.”

  Her embarrassment gives way to anger.

  “And you said you’d quit checking up on me. I guess we both went back on our word.”

  “Yeah, because that’s the same thing,” Regal snaps.

  He takes a deep breath and lets it out in a long sigh. His tone is softer when he speaks again.

  “You’re the only family I have left, Remy. I can’t lose you, too.”

  Remy’s face crumples as she fights to hold back the tears. It’s a fight she loses, and a loud sob tears through her.

  “I’m sorry. I just can’t deal with the pain, Regal. It hurts so much. It’s more than I can bear.”

  Regal wraps his arms around Remy and holds her tightly against him as she cries.

  “Take her home,” I say to Regal.

  “Where are you going?” he asks.

  I nod towards the door.

  “I’m going to have a little talk with this pain dealer,” I say.

  Remy lifts her head from Regal’s shoulder.

  “Atlas, don’t. It’s dangerous. He’ll convince you that you need him.”

  It’ll take more than a pain dealer to make me feel whole again.

  “We’ll see about that,” I mutter.

  I don’t wait for an answer. I push the door open and walk in.

  I find myself in what looks like a dive bar. Smoke fills the air and people mill around in small groups. Cheap neon lighting makes the room both dingy and too bright at the same time. Every head turns in my direction as I enter.

  “Can I help you?” a man asks, stepping forward.

  He stands before me, his arms crossed. He looks mean. It occurs to me that I have no idea who I’m looking for.

  “She’s here for me,” another man says as he steps up beside the first man.

  The second man looks less mean, but he doesn’t exactly look friendl
y. He wears a scruffy pair of jeans and a leather waistcoat with nothing beneath it. Every inch of his exposed skin except his face is covered in tattoos, and he has a large ring through his nose.

  He’s skinny but wiry looking. He looks like he could hold his own in a fight.

  The first man shrugs and stands aside, and I find myself following Tattoo. He leads me through a curtain and into a room that’s empty except for two chairs pushed close together.

  He sits down and gestures for me to do the same. I remain standing.

  “I can’t take your pain away unless you come here,” he says.

  So, he is my guy then. But how did he know? He must see the confusion written all over me.

  “That pretty little friend of yours sent you, right? You can see how much I’ve helped her, and I can do the same for you, Atlas.”

  My eyebrows shoot up when he says my name, and he laughs.

  “I know who you are. And I know your pain. Mommy’s dead. Daddy’s dead. Boyfriend ditched you to be evil. Right? Oh, and now you’ve lost one of your teammates. Sit down. I can help you.”

  “You mean you can feed off my misery,” I correct him.

  He shrugs.

  “Call it what you like, but I guarantee you’ll feel better afterward. The pain clouds your judgment. I can give you a reprieve from that. Clarity. Imagine what it will feel like to be able to not feel any pain, any confusion. You’ll be happy. Do you remember what that feels like?”

  I do. It was how I felt the last time I was with my mother. I start to walk towards him.

  “That’s my girl. Just sit down, relax, and I’ll make it all okay again. You’ll be fixed, just like Remy.”

  His mention of her name pulls me back to reality, and I back away from him. I see Remy, emotionless, robotic… empty. And I see her outside, her heart breaking. Her pain didn’t leave her; this man made it worse.

  Her words ring through my head: he’ll make you think you need him. That’s what he does to her, and it makes me sick to my stomach. He feeds off people’s pain, both figuratively and literally.

  “You stay away from Remy,” I say.

  “Now, now. That’s not very friendly, is it? I’m helping her.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re using her to get a cheap thrill, and you’re making her worse.”

  He shrugs again.

  “No one forces her to come here. I just offer a service.”

  “Well from now on, make sure you don’t offer that service to Remy. If she comes here again, turn her away,” I say.

  “Or what?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

  “Or I’ll kill you,” I say.

  My voice is calm, cold, and level, and it tells him I’m not messing around. He holds his hands up.

  “Hey, I don’t want no trouble.”

  “Then do as I say, and you won’t get any from me,” I say.

  “Whatever you say, lady. Jeez,” he breathes.

  I sit cross-legged in front of my mom’s grave. The pain dealer almost convinced me that I needed to forget my pain, but I can’t do that. Forgetting my pain would mean forgetting how much my mom meant to me. It would be like sacrificing her memory.

  “I almost made a huge mistake today, Mom. I almost let a pain dealer take my memories of you. I don’t know why. I guess I thought if I could just be free of the pain for a while, I could think straight. And if I could think straight, I could help Langston to wake up.”

  I check my watch. Time is running out fast. I shouldn’t be here. I should be back at the house with the others trying to work out what to do. But whenever I have a problem I can’t solve, I end up here.

  I feel a tear run down my face, and I reach up and angrily wipe it away.

  “I’m trying to be strong, but I’m not doing a very good job of it. I just seem to keep making bad decisions, if I even manage to make a decision at all. Time is running out for the quest, and I still haven’t made a decision about what we should do.”

  I pause and reach out towards my mom’s headstone. I trace my fingers over the writing there.

  “I fell in love, Mom. With someone who’s amazing and sweet and gentle and who loves me back with such a fierce intensity that he would die for me. But he has a darkness within him that I’m afraid I could never compete with. Our love betrays all of my morals, everything that’s right with the world. Yet, I still can’t let it go. Not really.”

  I pause again as my thoughts begin to clear.

  “I guess I have to do what I always knew I’d have to do when I agreed to this. I have to decide with my head, not my heart.”

  I stand up and rest my hand on the top of the headstone for a second. The stone is cold, but I imagine I can feel my mom’s warmth through it.

  “I hope you don’t hate me for the choices I’ve made, the things I’ve done. And for what I’m about to do.”

  I walk back into the house at 11:59 pm. As I enter the room, the orb in my pocket begins to hum gently. I pull it out.

  The team looks at me when I hold out the now glowing orb. Their eyes dart between the orb and the blood on my hands.

  “Atlas, what did you do?” Regal asks.

  “What I had to.”

  Hope is being able to see that there is light

  despite all of the darkness.

  —Desmond Tutu

  My fucking heart can’t be breaking because I don’t have one. Yet, I can feel the spot inside of my chest where it should be crumble and fall away. And every little bit that falls hurts like hell. It’s her. She’s breaking my nonexistent heart. She’s breaking me.

  I tell this to Pest, who’s sitting beside me.

  Given everything, I guess you can call Pest family. And like family, he has an opinion on every damn thing. And no, he’s not shy about voicing it.

  “She’s hurting, too, Kane,” Pest says. “It took everything she had to walk away from you after she pulled you out of your Wave. But you understand why she had to leave, right?”

  “I’m not an idiot, Pest. I know why she hates me. Hell, I only killed her father to make her hate me. I just didn’t know it would feel so bad.”

  I hate myself for betraying her this way, but I’d rather her live hating me than die loving me. I recall the day I killed her father.

  She has a look of confusion on her face when we land in a grubby casino. She asks me why we’re here. I don’t have the words to explain; I’m afraid I’ll say too much, so I take her hand and lead her towards the tables where her father sits swaying drunkenly and losing his money.

  She spots her father almost immediately. She comments about already knowing he’s a drunk and a gambler and if I think that will make her hate me, I’m wrong.

  If only she knew.

  I keep my expression neutral, and she turns away in frustration and concentrates on her father. I fight to control my temper at the way her father dismisses her concern for him as she begs and pleads with him to get a grip and go home.

  The guy really is a loser—he can’t see that his daughter needs him. He can’t put her before the drinking and the gambling. Maybe I’m doing her a favor.

  I can tell myself that all I want to, but I know it’s not true. She has a complicated relationship with her father, to say the least, but she wants him to be a father, not a corpse.

  As Atlas and her father argue, I see my chance. He stumbles, and I catch him. As I catch him, I pull him towards me slightly and drive my blade into his chest. I twist it. I need to make sure he can’t be saved. I push him off me and watch his body topple to the floor.

  Atlas glares at me as I let her father fall. She knows I could have kept him upright, and she saw me push him.

  The anger turns to confusion as she sees the blood-soaked blade in my hand. She looks at her father where he lies with blood running down his chest. She stands, frozen, glancing between her father and me.

  The anger on her face gives way to horror as what I’ve done sinks in. She falls to her knees beside her father.

  I
watch as she weeps over his body. I know I need to leave, but I can’t just leave her here all alone with him. I wait until I spot her team hurrying towards her, and I take that as my cue to go.

  I open up a portal and disappear from her life for good.

  Now she knows. She knows I’m the Keysu again, and she knows that I’m broken inside. I’m not good for her. I’m not good for anyone.

  I sit down at a secluded table in the bar I went straight to. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to drink the pain away.

  I can’t get her face out of my mind. She looked as broken as I am. I did that to her. I took away her last family member and left her alone in the world.

  I hate myself for what I’ve done, but I had no other choice. I had to force her to see me for who I really am.

  It’s funny because I’ve done a lot of bad stuff in my life. Like a lot. And I’ve never regretted any of it. I’ve never cared enough to regret it. But from the moment I met Atlas, I knew she was different. I knew instinctively that I never wanted to hurt her. I never wanted to cause her any pain.

  Fuck. What have I done?

  I don’t have long to dwell on my thoughts, as Talon slips into the seat next to me.

  “So you did it huh? You’re the Keysu again?”

  I nod.

  Talon and I have a strange relationship. He’s my best friend, and I would die for him, and I know he’d do the same for me, but looking at him objectively, he’s a horrible, horrible creature. Almost as horrible as me.

  He’s all I’ve got left now though, and I can see the relief on his face as he sits there.

  “I was starting to think you’d gone soft, bro,” Talon says with a grin.

  I force myself to return his grin.

  “Never,” I say.

  He knew something changed in me when I met Atlas, and he didn’t like it. He looks pretty content now. Now that Atlas has seen me for who I am, Talon won’t have to worry about my feelings for her getting in the way anymore.

  “You know, Kane, there’s something I’ve been wondering about,” he says.

  “Oh?”

  “I was wondering if the problem wasn’t really Arken choosing you as the Keysu. You realize that’s an honor, right? I think maybe you let yourself become distracted by Atlas.”