Plays 6
Page 20
Mother Bartholomew! . . . I’m coming! . . . We are together again . . . Take me! . . .
The oil lamp flickers and gutters to its last. Music.
Act Two
Scene One
City street/alleyway. On the ground, there is what looks like a heap of rags and litter.
Rencelaw Another year has come and gone. A new day has passed its noontide. Our hero awakens.
The rags and litter have stirred: Edward, slowly sitting up. His condition has deteriorated. He looks terrible.
Rencelaw He sleeps now on the street. What his morning prayer? His thought? Feelings? Everything for him now starts and finishes in a bottle. City life speeds the downhill course.
Now two Loafers, one each side of Edward, are waking up with headaches, coughs and what-have-you.
Loafer 1 Oooooofff – ah-hah-haaa! Does I need a drink?
Loafer 2 Does yous need a drink? Oooooofff – ah-hah-haaa!
Edward Is’t tomorrow?
Loafer 1 Does he need a – Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Leading to a bout of phlegmatic coughing and laughing from the three of them.
Rencelaw Can habitual intoxication stand as epitome of every crime? Is’t too harsh to make such claim? A Roman stoic – regarded as my near equal for imperturbable temper and balanced judgement – seeking to fix stigma on the man who had ruined his sister, called him not knave, destroyer, debauchee or villain, but wreaked every odium with one word, drunkard. And is it not at least debatable that all the vices that stain our nature may find ready germination in that state, and wait but little time to sprout forth in pestilential rankness?
But I leave perusal of the thought with you, for at this point in the narrative I am away in Switzerland, enlisting the opinion of Dr Carl Freung in the matter of Agnes Earley’s malady, which, surprisingly, was proving recalcitrant to my solo efforts at renovation. (To himself.) A pretty girl. Don’tcha know. (And exits.)
A woman – Floozie 1 – oldish, down-and-out, is entering, followed by McGinty. She points at Edward.
Floozie Would that bowsie be your man, Sir?
Edward I feel most shockingly.
Floozie Him, round here, we do call Lord Teddy.
McGinty gives her a coin and she retires.
McGinty There’s the drunken vagrant.
Edward I am quite on fire.
Loafer 1 Cheer up, Neddy, you’ll soon be dead!
Loafer 2 Do we have the price of a drink?
Edward ’Tis a burning question.
They laugh and cough.
McGinty With two bright friends. And by the looks of him, he has nothing left to offer by way of resistance to what I want.
Loafer 1 (has produced a cosh) Time to go to work, we need money.
Loafer 2 There’ll be more where the last came from.
Loafer 1 Yous stay put, Lord Teddy, mind our furnishings and effects. Joe and me’ll take a turn down the docks, a liner from abroad gets in today.
The Loafers exit.
McGinty Now for my design on him.
He crosses, affecting to be unaware of Edward’s presence.
Edward Sir! Sir!
McGinty Someone calls?
Edward Charity or a copper – hither, Sir! – for a broken-down soldier.
McGinty Why, certainly, my poor, brave veteran. Here’s something. Oh! Sir! Can it be you, Sir? Master Kilcullen, Sir, luminary, exceller, decoration of the Kilcullen family and empire?
Edward Beg pardon?
McGinty Never!
Edward McGinty?
McGinty Why, by all that’s happy, it is my young master!
Edward What’s left of me.
McGinty I don’t see you much altered. A stitch, maybe two, about the elbows. But you can always count on my friendship for a little charity. Here we are. (Offers money.)
Edward Well . . . (He hesitates; a bit embarrassed.)
McGinty Yes, take it! After all, we are fellow villagers.
Edward Well . . . Fellow villagers you say? (Takes money.)
McGinty Yes! You once from the big house, I from the little.
Edward Ha, ha, ha!
McGinty Ha, ha, ha!
Edward Dare I ask . . .
McGinty He’s going to ask about his wife and child. Young Sir, Sir?
Edward Have you seen them?
McGinty Sir? Oh! Your wife and child. (Aside.) I shall not tell him they are in this very town in search of him. They are exceeding well and happy, you’ll be glad to hear! Your strange conduct, your – migrating – from them attracted the sympathy of the gentle folk about the area and your wife is given an abundance of washing and sewing. She is quite a favourite, and her pretty face helps.
Edward She is happy then. (His head is bowed.)
McGinty As the day is long. She is doing charmingly!
Edward Well, I ought to be glad of it. And I am. And that she thinks no more of me.
McGinty Oh, she thinks of you!
Edward (eagerly) Does she – does she?
McGinty Oh, yes! She says, what paradox! misfortune turning blessing. She says she never, ever would have realised the curious friendship of those dear hearts and gentle neighbours had you not left her.
Edward Did she say that? (His head is bowed again.)
McGinty And more! (To himself.) Further cripple him and make him more amenable to my scheme. Young Sir! She says she pities you.
Edward Pity?
McGinty What else?!
Edward Well, that is, that is – Cursed taverns not yet open! Well, that is very kind of her, I’m sure.
McGinty The world deals a tinch unfairly with you, Master Edward?
Edward It treats me ill, McGinty.
McGinty It misuses a little?
Edward It abuses me!
McGinty And what remedy for the casualty? There is but one. If the world ill treats, be revenged upon the world.
Edward Revenged? But how?
McGinty Have a drink.
Edward (a beat, and) Ha, ha, ha!
McGinty Ha, ha, ha! But, hold! Charity buys but poor revenge, retaliation requires higher fee than what is in your fist. I have it! Do you by chance still have about your person the deeds to that old cottage in the village?
Edward Here. (In his pocket.)
McGinty Fortunate! And I a purse in mine, containing a full two hundred pounds. All that is required is for the document to be signed.
Edward But you are aware as I that the document requires two signatures.
McGinty Easily resolved! You are an excellent penman. How your dear father boasted of your hand when comparing it to my scrawl.
Edward The plaudits for calligraphy and Vere Foster Prize I won at school so pleased Papa.
McGinty There you are then, show your skill! Sign your noble name with flourish and, in her fashion, the name of the wife who pities you, and you may laugh vengeance in the world’s face.
Edward (has the document in his hand) Ought I?
McGinty Yes.
Edward Should I?
McGinty Yes! Come over here and do the signing.
Off, cheering has been growing in the streets. Loafers, old Floozie, other Floozies – as available – and Bartender are entering, like the outlying members of a welcoming throng, laughing at and cheering someone, which distracts Edward.
Edward Has a war been truced?
McGinty Yes – but let’s –
Edward Parade? St Patrick’s Day?
McGinty Yes-yes – But let’s proceed with the transaction. An assemblage to welcome home that old duffer and affecter, Arden Rencelaw.
He gives his pen to Edward.
Edward What! Do you mean Sir Arden Rencelaw?
McGinty Yes, that old humbug – Come!
Rencelaw, as if in an open carriage, is seen over the heads of those present, acknowledging the adoring populace.
Edward Do you mean the princely merchant, the noble philanthropist, who in disguise played tin-whistle at my wedding? Whose life-si
ze picture hangs upon the bedroom wall at home, an astonishing likeness done in needlework stitches by my own wife’s hand! Do you refer to Sir Arden Rencelaw, the poor man’s friend, the orphan’s benefactor, the great humanitarian reformer, on whose opinion the State awaits with bated breath, upon whose every sacred word the Church hangs, blessed?
McGinty (to himself) Hot air.
Edward Whose very presence – even at far proximity – can inspire greatness in others?
McGinty Blether, blarney, twaddle, malarky. (He’s not impressed by Edward or Rencelaw.)
Edward Pardon?
McGinty Talk!
Edward Exactly! And talk does not put potatoes on the table of the foolish husband, does it, who stays in bed for half the morning cultivating his wife?! So, you see! (Moves away, calls to the parade.) Hooray for Sir Arden! (Returns.) Did you come here by any chance, McGinty, to bribe me with this so-called charity? Did you mean, Sir, that I should commit a forgery with this? (Pen.) For shame! Shocking! Out and out with you for a villain and a coward that you dare propose such baseness to my father’s son!
McGinty (to himself) A final fiddle-faddling puff of self-indulgent righteousness.
Edward I would sooner perish on a dunghill.
McGinty Would you?
Edward Take back your poisoned quill!
He joins the others, cheering, laughing. ‘Hooray, shipmates, hooray!’
McGinty A last lickspittling token to virtue. The game is up. He returned the villain’s ‘poisoned quill’, did he return the ‘so-called charity’ was given him? Yes, the ember may flicker but, anon, when he is moistened and burns for drenching, we shall see his true passion flare. My aspiration will fulfil itself before the night is out – with bonus. The wife – for is not she too a Kilcullen? – will be possessed.
Music. The lighting has changed during the above; it is now night-time and the cheering spectators from the street are raucous in the tavern, calling for drinks.
Scene Two
City tavern. McGinty is here, too, watching, encouraging. The Bartender is a busy man.
Bartender Yes sir, yes sir, yes sir, yes sir!
Loafer 1 Whiskey there! –
Edward Brandy here! –
Loafer 1 And for you, Joe? –
Loafer 2 A rum-rum-rum!
Bartender Whiskey there, brandy here and a rum-rum-rum-rum-rum!
Loafer 1 Whiskey!
Edward Brandy!
Loafer 2 Rum-rum-rum!
Bartender Yes sir, yes sir, coming up!
Loafer 1 And for the ladies?!
Bartender Three teas! With cakes or muffins, girls?
Floozies And we’ll pay you back with crumpet! (Laughter.)
Floozie 1 (old whore) I’ll have what killed Goliath!
Floozies 2 and 3 A gin-sling! (Laughter.)
Bartender Steady on, steady on, don’t raise a row in a decent house!
Laughter, jeers, cheers. Toasts.
Edward Here’s to the maiden of bashful fifteen!
Loafer 1 Here’s to the widow of fifty!
Bartender Here! Give that to her highness, Pock Alley’s Queen! (A drink to be passed to Floozie 1.)
Edward To parchment-and-ink face, Sir Thrifty! (Mocking McGinty.)
McGinty Here’s to this lass with a bosom of snow!
He is moving/easing Floozie 2 towards Edward.
Loafer 1 And to this one, brown as a berry!
Edward (to Floozie 2) Here’s to the wife with a face full of woe!
Floozie 1 Here’s to myself that gets merry!
Edward, above, has drawn Floozie 2 to himself. Now he is backing away from her – he shakes his head as if to wake up. She looks, strangely, like Arabella.
McGinty (whispers to Floozie 2) Follow him, lass, follow him, lass – I’ll warrant you’ll prove an excuse for a glass.
Edward ’Nother round, another round!
Bartender Yes sir, yes sir, yes sir, yes sir!
Loafer 1 Whiskey there! –
Edward Brandy here!
Loafer 1 And for you, Joe?
Loafer 2 A rum-rum-rum!
Bartender Whiskey there, brandy here and a rum-rum-rum-rum-rum!
Loafer 1 And for the ladies?!
Floozie 1 I’ll have what killed Goliath!
Floozies 2 and 3 A gin-sling!
Bartender Steady on, steady on, don’t raise a row!
Laughter, cheers, jeers.
Edward Come, come, everybody! Is someone dead, this somebody’s funeral, someone going to preach sermon?! Come, come!
Floozie 2 Then sing us a song!
Floozie 1 I’ll sing a song!
Loafer 1 No, he’ll sing a song! –
Edward Neither of you shall sing a song! –
Floozie 1 (singing, raucously) ‘Years ago out in the wilds of Australia – ’
Edward I’m master here! – Silence!
Bartender No quarrelling, no quarrelling!
Edward He shall sing a song – Joe!
Loafer 2
‘Here’s a health to the King and a lasting peace,
To faction an end, to wealth increase,
Come let us drink while we have breath’
All
‘For there’s no drinking after death –’
Loafer 2
‘And he that will this health deny – ’
All
‘Down among the dead men
Down among the dead men – ’
Loafer 2
‘Down, down, down, down – ’
All
‘Down among the dead men let him lie.’
Edward, revelling, sings the second verse. He is drawn to Floozie 2; his eyes are glazed, he circles her, he dances with her.
Edward
In smiling Bacchus’ joys I’ll roll,
Deny no pleasure to my soul,
Let Bacchus’ health round briskly move,
For Bacchus is a friend to love,
And he that will this health deny –
All
Down among the dead men let him lie –
They are amused at Edward’s attention to Floozie 2.
Edward Your name, please.
Floozie 2 Can you not guess?
Edward I should not like, Miss, actually, to hazard one, just now.
Floozie 2 Why it’s . . . Prudence, of course. (Laughter.)
Floozie 3 Mine’s Patience!
Floozie 1 And mine’s Chastity!
Laughter, together with Edward’s inordinate pleasure (and relief that Floozie 2 isn’t called Arabella). He keeps repeating the name.
Edward Prudence! Prudence!
Loafer 1 Lord Teddy’s made a conquest!
Edward Everybody, her name is Prudence!
Floozie 2 And yours, Sir?
Edward Temperance!
All Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha . . . !
Floozies
May love and wine their rites maintain,
And their united pleasures reign,
While Bacchus’ treasure crowns the board,
We’ll sing the joys that both afford,
And they that won’t with us comply –
Others Down among
Down among the dead men let them lie!
Edward This calls for another round! Bartender, another round!
Bartender (a beat, and) You’ve perhaps the money in your purse?
Edward Perhaps I have – Ha, ha, ha!
Bartender Then perhaps I can see it so that neither of us is in doubt.
Floozies (with others, as appropriate; quietly) ‘Down among the dead men, down among the dead men . . . ’
Edward has searched his pockets: he has no money. He looks at Loafer 1 who is also broke.
Edward (a plea) Sir, pour me a brandy . . . One more . . . One . . . An ale, then . . .
Floozies (and others) ‘Down, down, down, down – ’
Edward I must have a drink.
Floozies (and others) ‘Down among the dead men let him lie
.’
Bartender is unforthcoming.
Edward (to himself) I must have a drink.
And McGinty comes forward with his pen in one hand and a large roll of money in the other. Edward takes the document from his pocket and the pen from McGinty.
Edward Is this the end then? And that I am an object of pity to my once adoring wife. The friendship of others has made up my loss. I am a wretch with but one resource: liquor.
McGinty Two signatures, yours and your wife’s.
He is poised to sign the document; he pauses for the briefest moment to half-register a call from (the now near-dark) behind him:
Loafer 1 Prudence awaits you!
And he signs, gives the document to McGinty, who, in turn, gives Edward the large roll of money. McGinty leaves. And Edward goes to the counter and puts the roll of money into the Bartender’s hand.
Edward You will, I know, Sir, be good enough to tell me when that is drunk.
Music.
Scene Three
A wretched garret. A single lamp burns dimly, by which Arabella sits, sewing ‘slop-work’, an old shawl about her shoulders. Alanna is on a straw bed, pretending to be asleep.
Arabella Where is he on this very bitter night? In vain have I made every effort to gain tidings of his whereabouts. (She is prey to her imagination.) He is alone and he is ill! Even to enlist the help of Lawyer McGinty, whose offices I chanced upon today when abroad the streets in search of a few shavings. (Prey to her imagination.) He is fallen down and no one comes to his assistance! These shirts must be handed in by eight. My industry will be repaid by a miserable two shillings. (Prey to her imagination again.) He is the inmate of a prison! But at least, with that little money there shall be some kind of food upon the table for my child.
Alanna I am so cold, but I shall not let dear mother know for she is careworn as it is, faint with hunger and fatigued from work. In the morning I shall be able to warm myself at Mrs O’Brien’s fire downstairs. Little Dennis, her son, with whom I sometimes play, told me that I should. The mother of that little boy is blessed.
Arabella My sweet lamb sleeps, and sleep offers some relief. (Her imagination again.) The earth is already closed over him!
She steals to the bed and covers Alanna with her shawl.