A Life Worth Living

by Louise Guy

‘It’s perfect. In fact, anything would be better than this hospital gown. I’ll get changed and then we can go.’ She tentatively moved off the bed and stood. Her body ached.

  She wouldn’t be able to get dressed on her own. With her arm in plaster, she couldn’t undo the hospital gown or easily put on any of her clothes. Leah didn’t really want Sean to do it either.

  He was her husband, or at least he thought he was, but he’d never actually seen her naked.

  ‘Thanks for bringing the clothes,’ she sounded awkward. She cleared her throat. ‘I’m going to need some help.’

  ‘Okay,’ he said. ‘What do you need me to do?’

  It took an excruciating five minutes to get her changed.

  Sean had sucked in his breath when he saw the bruising on her body. ‘You’re black and blue.’ He helped her pull her good arm through a sleeve of a hoodie. ‘Tell me if it hurts.’

  Leah grimaced. Everything hurt.

  A nurse came in with her discharge papers as he finished lacing her shoe. He looked up apologetically. ‘Sorry about the clothes, I wasn’t really thinking. I grabbed the first things I saw. I know you’d probably want to be more stylish than this.’

  ‘They’re my clothes. I make them stylish, not the other way around.’ She almost laughed when the words came out. Sometimes it was easier to sound like Eve than she’d imagined. ‘Honestly, Sean, it’s not important right now. What’s important is getting home before the girls, and trying to establish a new normal.’

  Their gazes locked.

  From the look in his eyes, she’d said something wrong, but Leah couldn’t put her finger on what.

  Sean didn’t respond. He collected her belongings from around the room and helped her out past the nurses’ station and through the doors to the car park.

  Leah smiled as Sean helped her into the house. A huge colourful Welcome Home, Mummy! banner was draped across the front of the stairs. The letters were coloured in all different shades and a large rainbow was drawn under it.

  ‘They were up early,’ Sean said.

  ‘They did a great job. They can do my cast when they get home too.’

  ‘Really?’ he asked. ‘I thought you were kidding when you said that yesterday.’

  She stared. ‘Why? They’ll love decorating it.’

  ‘I know, but it’s not the sort of thing you’d normally let them do. I thought it would mess with your style.’

  Leah chose to ignore the sarcasm in his statements. Whatever his problem was, it was with Eve, not her. She needed to tread carefully. ‘It will,’ she said. ‘But the last twenty-four hours have put my style and a number of other things in perspective. Life can be short, and I’ve got some making up to do.’

  ‘Making up?’ Sean’s eyes were full of questions. Questions she didn’t understand or have answers to.

  Instead she nodded. ‘I’m exhausted. I might go to bed, if that’s okay?’

  ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘I’ll go and make you a cup of tea and bring it up. Do you want something to eat?’

  Leah shook her head. ‘Maybe later.’ She started to climb the stairs then paused. ‘I understand if you need to go to work today.’ She remembered Eve complaining her husband often had to work weekends, which made it difficult with finding someone to look after the girls.

  Eve also had often been at open homes or auctions on the weekends. It was one of the reasons they’d employed Kate. She seemed happy to work any day.

  Sean shook his head. ‘No, I’ve already rung in. I’ve told them I’m not sure when I’ll be back. There’s a lot to do, and the girls probably need more attention. Ava’s very anxious. She was scared to say goodbye to me this morning. I think she was worried about me driving.’

  The now-familiar lump rose in her throat. The poor little thing. Ava was so sensitive. She gave Sean a small smile. ‘We’ll get through this. It’ll take time but we’re all tough.’ She went up the stairs and turned right, towards the guest room. She’d often stayed there when she babysat the girls.

  ‘Where are you going?’ he called up after her.

  The guest room? What was she thinking? She back-tracked to Sean and Eve’s bedroom, touching her bandaged head for effect. ‘I’m losing it, or lost it. My mind’s really muddled, Sean. You might have to put up with some weird stuff for a while. The doctor suggested I could have some temporary memory loss.’ She gave a little laugh. ‘If I can’t even remember where our bedroom is, he might be right.’

  She tried to ignore his concerned look as she pushed open the door to the correct bedroom and looked around. She took a deep breath. Could she really get into her sister’s bed?

  Leah didn’t even know what side Eve slept on. The bedside tables were bare, other than lamps and an alarm clock. The entire room was Eve, orderly, neat.

  She walked over to the side of the bed closest to the door and opened the bedside drawer. She found a pill packet, lube and a vibrator. She quickly shut it, her face heating up. It felt like she was prying. These were her sister’s very personal items.

  Leah went into the walk-in robe and examined Eve’s clothes. She needed pyjamas, but all she could find were silky teddies and a silk robe. It was winter in Melbourne, had her sister really put sexiness above comfort? She fingered the teddies and sighed.

  She needed to be warm and comfortable. She glanced over to Sean’s side. There were three pairs of flannel pyjamas neatly folded and placed on one of the shelves.

  Somehow she managed to undress, push the cast through the sleeve hole of the pyjamas, and gradually get the rest on. Leah slid in under the doona and sank into the bed, exhausted. It was so comfortable, especially compared to the hospital bed.

  What would happen to her own bed, her apartment? And Lewis. Oh God, she’d totally forgotten about Lewis. He’d be starving. She climbed back up out of the bed, wincing when she knocked her arm.

  ‘You okay?’ Sean entered the room, tea in one hand, magazines in the other.

  ‘I remembered Lewis. Leah’s cat. He’ll be starving. Someone needs to look after him.’

  ‘I’ll give your mum and dad a call if you like. Find out if anyone’s been over.’

  ‘No, I’ll ring them,’ she said. ‘We might have to bring him here and look after him.’

  ‘But you hate cats,’ Sean said. ‘When Harry asked for one for her birthday, you said she’d have to live outside with the cat if she got one, remember?’

  Leah suppressed a smile. She could imagine Eve saying that. ‘She’ll get a nice surprise then, won’t she?’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Leah loved him, Sean. We can’t give him away and Mum and Dad won’t be able to have him. When Oscar, their last cat, died they said they were too old, too scared of falling over another cat and breaking something.’

  ‘Okay. Give them a ring, and if no one has gone to him, I’ll go.’ He put the cup of tea on the bedside table next to her. His eyes widened noticing what she was wearing.

  ‘Hope it’s okay,’ she said. ‘My stuff’s not very comfortable with the cast and bruises.’

  His eyes softened. ‘Of course it’s okay.’ He leant down and kissed her cheek. ‘Now give your mum a ring and let me know what I need to do about Lewis, then try to have a rest before the girls come home.’ Sean glanced at his watch. ‘Kate will be here about twelve, so I’ll get her to do some jobs around the place and organise dinner. She’ll be able to entertain the girls this afternoon so they don’t annoy you.’

  ‘Thank you.’ In fact, it sounded anything but good. She wanted the girls around her. She didn’t want to share them with Kate.

  The twins loved Kate, but Leah found her very hard to warm to. She knew what was best for the girls, and treated them like they were her own. Not that she could really blame her when she considered Eve’s parenting style.

  She picked up the phone by the bed and dialled her parents’ number. It went to the answering machine. Leah started to leave a message but then heard her father’s voice.

  �
��Evie, that you?’

  ‘Yes, Pa, it’s me. How are you?’

  There was a silence at the end of the phone then Leah heard her mother’s voice. ‘Eve, dear, are you home?’

  ‘Yes, just got into bed. I’m a bit sore, so am going to have a bit of a rest. Is Dad okay?’

  Her mother sniffed. ‘He’s sad, darl, we both are. We never imagined anything like this would happen. But, we are so grateful that we have you with us still.’

  She tried to contain her own tears. Watching her parents grieve was going to be hard. She hated she was contributing to their pain. But she reminded herself they’d still be grieving, even if they knew the truth. It wouldn’t change the fact they’d lost a daughter.

  ‘I’m worried about Leah’s cat, Mum. Has anyone gone and checked on him?’

  ‘I didn’t give him a thought,’ her mother said. ‘I’ll send Dad over now. It will give him something to do. I guess we’ll have to bring him here while we try to find a home for him.’

  ‘No. We’re going to have him. The girls will love him.’

  ‘Really? But you hate him,’ Mum said. ‘You sat at my kitchen not all that long ago and referred to him as a disgusting fleabag. You said you couldn’t imagine why Leah would want to be tied down by something so demanding and horrible.’

  Annoyance rose. How could anyone not love Lewis? He was a beautiful seal point Birman. His ice blue eyes stared out from the splash of brown on his face that contrasted to his otherwise white fluffy body. He was gorgeous.

  ‘You even joked about his name,’ her mother said. ‘Said it was a stupid name for a cat. I guess you could always change that.’

  Leah bit down on her rising annoyance. ‘Leah loved him, Mum, and that’s what matters. It’ll mean we have a part of her with us. I’m sure I’ll grow to love him and if I don’t, the girls will have enough love to keep him happy.’

  ‘Okay, dear, well I’m sure Leah would be very grateful.’

  ‘What about the rest of her stuff?’

  ‘We haven’t worked out anything yet. It’s all such a shock.’

  ‘Leave her apartment,’ she said. ‘I’ll go through it when I’m feeling up to it. I’ll get Sean to go over now and get Lewis and throw out anything perishable from the fridge. The rest can wait.’

  She spoke to her mother for a few more minutes, asking them to come over the next afternoon. There were arrangements to make for Leah’s funeral, and other things to discuss.

  Sean popped his head into the room as Leah ended the call. ‘News of the cat?’

  ‘Would you mind going and getting him? I’m pretty sure Leah kept the cat supplies in the laundry. There should be a carry basket for him, litter tray, food, bowls and stuff like that.’

  ‘Does he have a bed or anything?’ he asked.

  She was about to answer but Eve would have no idea. ‘I’m not sure. Do cats sleep in beds? I thought they slept anywhere. I guess have a look around the apartment, see if there is anything cat like and bring it back.’

  Lewis did have a little blanket he liked to sleep on but if Sean didn’t find it he’d find himself a comfortable spot, probably next to her on their bed if she let him.

  She almost smiled at that thought. It certainly would arouse suspicion for Eve the cat-hater to invite Lewis into her bed.

  ‘Anything else?’ Sean asked.

  ‘If you could empty the fridge of any perishables and empty her bin, that would be good. It’ll save going back to a smell when we go and clean it out.’

  ‘We?’

  Heat flooded into Leah’s face. ‘Sorry, when I clean it out. I’m not expecting you to help.’

  ‘I didn’t mean that. I thought it might be something your mum and dad wanted to do.’

  ‘I think they’d find it too painful. Also, I’m sure Leah would like the girls to have some of her things. It’ll give us a chance to look through what we might like to keep for them.’

  ‘We’ll need to wait for her Will to be read first,’ Sean said ‘Do you know if she had one?’

  She nodded. ‘She had a lawyer. There’s a drop file in her home office called Legal.’ She noticed his raised eyebrows. ‘She showed it to me once, in case anything ever happened. It has her Will and his details in it.’

  ‘Okay, I’ll grab that too. I’d better go so I’m back in time to pick up the girls. Try to have some rest. I’ll leave a note for Kate not to disturb you.’

  Leah was woken by a heavy weight landing on her middle. She opened her eyes, the unfamiliar surrounds of Eve and Sean’s bedroom bringing back everything that’d happened since the accident.

  She couldn’t help but smile when Lewis’ face appeared over the duvet and pushed into hers.

  ‘Hello, you,’ she said. ‘I hope you’ve had some food.’

  The cat purred and continued to push against her face. She stroked him with her good hand and laughed when he moved off the bed onto the bedside table, managing to knock her phone to the floor and almost upset the lamp.

  ‘Sorry.’ Sean’s voice came from the doorway. He strode across the room and grabbed the cat. ‘You’re coming with me, buddy. This room is definitely off limits.’

  ‘Hold on,’ she said. ‘Let’s let him explore. I’m going to need to get used to him so we might as well start now.’

  ‘Really?’ Sean was still holding the cat, who squirmed to get loose.

  ‘He’s a good distraction from my own thoughts, to be honest.’

  He put the cat down on the floor and Lewis immediately jumped up onto the bed again and pushed his face into Leah’s.

  She couldn’t help but laugh.

  Sean’s eyes were wide watching them. ‘I never thought I’d see you laugh at a cat doing that. Imagine if you had makeup on and he did that. You probably wouldn’t find it so funny then.’

  ‘Probably not,’ she agreed. ‘He might not either, if he ended up with scarlet lipstick on his white fur. But I’m not made up, and I’m drugged up to the eyeballs so I’m probably not myself, anyway.’

  He smiled.

  Leah imagined him wondering how he could buy those drugs in bulk.

  ‘I’ve set up his litter tray in the laundry, and he’s already used it so I don’t think we’ll have any problems,’ Sean said. ‘And he had a bowl of biscuits so I imagine now he’ll explore and then go to sleep. That’s what they do isn’t it? Sleep?’

  ‘No idea,’ Leah said. She’d better not become a cat expert all of a sudden. ‘Guess we’ll find out.’

  Lewis nudged the duvet cover up and crawled down inside the bedclothes.

  Leah felt him turn a few times before lying against her leg.

  ‘Where’d he go?’ Sean asked.

  ‘I think his exploring is complete. It seems he’s found a spot to sleep.’

  Her sister’s husband waggled his finger in the air. ‘That’s a one-off, buddy,’ he said to the covers. ‘No way is that becoming a regular sleeping place.’ He turned to Leah. ‘Kate’s downstairs. Can she bring you something to eat?’

  She nodded; she was starving. ‘I’d love a sandwich.’

  ‘Tuna?’

  Leah stared. Eve’s favourite of course, but she hated it. She shook her head and motioned towards Lewis’ body. ‘Better not, might have a riot on my hands if he gets a sniff. Toasted ham and cheese would be nice.’

  ‘Really?’ Sean asked.

  Damn! Ever health conscious Eve would never ask for that.

  Heat rose in Leah’s cheeks. ‘I guess I feel like comfort food right now.’

  ‘I’ll get her to bring it up,’ he said. ‘I’m going to go and get the girls. Give them the option to come home early. I’m worried about them, especially Ava. I’m thinking I should’ve kept them with us today.’

  ‘Don’t worry. We’ll make it up to them this afternoon.’

  Leah watched Sean as he left the room, a look of wonder on his face.

  Was she really acting so differently from Eve?

  Leah buzzed with nervous energy when a
quiet knock on the door signalled Kate was outside with her lunch. How well did Kate know Eve? Not very, she hoped.

  The nanny came into the room, her plump face full of concern. ‘I’m so sorry about your sister, Mrs West.’ She placed the tray carefully on the bed beside Leah. ‘So very sorry.’

  ‘Thank you, Kate. And call me Le—I mean Eve.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Kate asked. ‘You were very clear when I started; you preferred Mrs West.’

  ‘I’m sure. Perhaps it’s the bump to my head, but the accident seems to have put a few things into perspective. Some changes need to be made. This is a small one of course.’

  The girl nodded. ‘Okay, Mrs…Eve.’ She said the name as if she was trying it out. Kate smiled and pointed to the lump that was now purring in the bed. ‘That sounds like another change. The girls will be very excited.’

  ‘It might help. Give them a part of Leah they can still love.’ She looked down at her lunch while Kate’s eyes filled with tears. ‘Thanks for the sandwich. I’ll eat it and try to get up before the girls come home.’

  ‘Oh no. You must rest. I’ll send them in to see you and once you’ve had enough, you let me know and I’ll entertain them.’

  She was about to object but Eve would’ve put up with the girls for only a few minutes.

  ‘Also, Sean said you wanted a toasted sandwich? I made one but included a salad and some fruit for you. I thought he might’ve got the sandwich wrong. After all, you don’t usually eat bread.’

  Not eat bread? Shit, how did she not know that? Eve ate bread, didn’t she? She recalled all lunches they’d shared. Usually salads, Thai or sushi.

  ‘The doctor said I should try to eat something more substantial than salad,’ Leah lied. ‘It’s good for my sore head or something crazy.’ She picked up the toastie. ‘I’ll give it a go, but thanks for the salad and fruit too.’

  She took a bite of the sandwich as Kate retreated from the room. The cheese oozed into her mouth and the ham was warm, coated in butter. It was delicious.

  How could Eve give up bread? She’d need to contemplate what Eve did eat. She’d feign memory loss and talk to Kate to work it out.