“No.” Dani shook her head. “I think there's another way. One that has nothing to do with science or gene therapy or any of that. But I need your help.”
“My help? Why? What do you want me to do?” I spread my hands.
“I can't tell you here.” Dani looked around the office as though there might be someone listening in. “And we can't do it here, either,” she said. “I've got McKinsey back at my place—that's where it has to be done.”
“Where what has to be done?” I asked warily. “And do you mean to tell me you have that huge white wolf locked up in your condo?”
“She's out in my back yard, and when I left she was being very good.”
“But, Dani, she's a very large animal and your yard is tiny,” I objected. “Do you think that's safe?”
Dani gestured impatiently. “She's fine—perfectly safe. But that's not the point.”
“What's the point?” I asked her.
“The point is will you help me or not?” She leaned forward and I breathed in the warm, secret scent of her skin. “Please, Ben, I can't do this without you. I really need your help here.”
“Dani…” I didn't know what to say. I wanted to help her in any way I could, but the idea of going to her home and being alone with her felt dangerous. It made me sad to think about that because once I had spent as much time, if not more, at her place as I did at my own.
Seeing the uncertainty in my face, Dani slid off the desk and sank to her knees in front of me. She put her hands on my thighs, and I felt the fire of our contact even through the material of my pants.
“I'll beg if I have to,” she said in a low voice. She pressed forward, and I could feel the soft brush of her breasts against my legs.
“You don't have to beg,” I said in a strangled voice. “Please, Dani, get up.” Just having her that close and in that submissive position, on her knees before me with her mouth almost at the level of my cock, made me rock hard all over again. I kept thinking of what it would feel like to have her soft, pink lips enclosing my aching hardness, the sweet, hot, wet sensation of sliding into her body. God! I fisted my hand on my thighs. I wanted to be inside her, claiming her all over again, leaving no doubt in her mind or mine that she belonged to me.
“I won't get up until you promise to come to my house after work and help me with this.” Dani leaned forward, her hands sliding up my thighs and working their way dangerously close to my groin.
“Dani,” I said, feeling like my self control was going to snap like a weak and rotten thread at any moment. “Dani, please get up. I don't…I can't…” I shook my head, unable to voice what I was feeling.
“You don't want me? Or at least, not like this?” Dani's green eyes clouded with pain and she started to slide away from me.
“No, God, no!” I grabbed her wrists, holding her in place. “No, Dani, I want you too much—that's the problem. I just…I don't trust myself right now. Not the way I'm feeling.” I lowered my eyes, unable to meet her searching gaze any more. “I hurt you once,” I told her. “I don't want to risk hurting you again.”
“You won't hurt me,” she said softly. I dared to look at her, and her eyes were full. She blinked and a silvery tear slid down one flushed cheek. “Ben,” she whispered, “I trust you. Why can't you trust yourself?”
“How can you ask me that after what happened?” I said. There was a hard, unyielding lump in my throat that I couldn't seem to swallow around. I let her go abruptly. “I don't even know what you want from me,” I said.
“I want you to come to my place after work with an open mind,” she said, getting slowly to her feet. “Promise me, Ben. I know you won't break your word.”
Dani could be relentless when she wanted something, and this was plainly something she wanted. And I had never been any good at saying no to her. I sighed deeply.
“I'll be there,” I said. “What time?”
Chapter Nineteen
Dani
I rushed around the house, making sure I had everything ready. The television had been pushed into another room, and the couch was up against the walls, leaving a large, empty space in the middle of my living room to work with. There were aromatherapy candles burning in the corners of the room, perfuming the air with a warm musk fragrance and massage oil warming in a bowl of hot water by the couch. I had even lit a small fire in the tiny fireplace that stood in the corner of the room. It had been a major selling point when I bought the condo, and I had used it exactly once. But there was a bite in the air and a frost of unease around my heart that seemed to warrant the effort.
In front of the small fire were several thick quilts my grandmother had made for me before she passed away. I wasn't terribly close to my parents, but my grandma had been a pillar of strength and love for Tara and me in the dark days after they divorced. I needed things that made me feel loved around me now. The top quilt was a warm patchwork of soft red and gold squares that seemed to absorb the firelight and send it back to me, illuminating the entire room.
A soft whine from behind the large sliding glass door that led from my living room out to the tiny, cramped space that was my lawn reminded me of the reason I was doing all this—or one of the reasons anyway. Parting the thick vertical shades that hung down over the glass, I peered out and saw the white wolf that was McKinsey Cullen pacing restlessly. She was showing anxiety, but no aggression. At least, I hoped pacing wasn't a sign of aggression in wolves. I've never been much of a dog person.
When I had called Molly and asked her if my idea for changing McKinsey back had any merit, she had approved wholeheartedly and insisted on bringing the white wolf over to my condo at once. That had been Thursday night after Tara left—a long time for such a large animal to be confined in such a tiny space. But she hadn't tried to escape. And she had eaten the food I had put out for her. After much deliberation, I had given the wolf some chopped, cooked chicken because it didn't seem right to feed her dog food, and even though I knew wolves lived on raw meat, I couldn't bring myself to give her that either. So chicken it was and apparently she'd finished it off.
I opened the sliding door a crack and put my face out, feeling the sharp bite of the wind that was ruffling the wolf's blond-white coat. “Hang in there, McKinsey,” I told her, feeling a little silly for talking to an animal. “I promise you I'm going to get you changed back into a girl pronto.”
The wolf stopped whining and sat on its haunches to look at me with strangely human blue eyes. Suddenly I didn't feel so stupid for talking to an animal. I just hoped I could keep my promise to her. I thought of her father, tearing his heart out with grief, believing her to be dead or gone beyond his reach. I wanted to fix that too—he was a good man who deserved to have his daughter back. There were so many things I wanted to fix tonight—in my own life too.
A swirl of chilly air skated through the narrow crack in the door and made me shiver, but McKinsey seemed unaffected. She lay down on the narrow strip of brownish grass and put her head on her paws, her pale, knowing eyes pointed up at me in mute hope. Apparently the cold wasn't affecting her much, but then, she had on a lot more than I did at the moment.
I shut the door with a muted click and looked down at myself, wondering again if I was going overboard. Molly had recommended that I perform this ceremony skyclad, which is a nice Pagan word for naked, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. True, I had been nude on Mabon night, but I had also been possessed or “ridden” by the Goddess, according to Molly, which had lowered my inhibitions considerably. It also accounted for the tsunami orgasm and the feeling I had experienced of something or someone bigger than me taking pleasure in the act Ben and I had performed. But tonight I was the only one inside my skin, and I was shy.
So instead of walking around in my birthday suit, I was wearing a long, slinky, black silk gown that had spaghetti straps and a row of mother of pearl buttons that started between my breasts and went all the way down to my ankles. I had unbuttoned the top three buttons so that the inner curves of
my breasts were clearly visible, but I hadn't stopped there. The bottom buttons were also unfastened all the way up to the vee of my thighs so that when I walked, my long legs flashed in and out of the slit in the material. I wasn't wearing anything beneath the gown and the soft caress of silk against my bare flesh was undeniably erotic—at least to me. I just hoped Ben would think so too.
Ben. Just the thought of my partner sent a thrill of longing and doubt and desire along my spine. Would I be able to do what I needed to do once he showed up, and would he show up at all? I was fairly sure he still wanted me—his eyes on my body and the way he had reacted to my touch that day at the office told me that. But would I be able to make him understand that I wanted him too?
After talking to him earlier, I thought I finally understood the problem. Ben thought he had hurt me, thought he had been too rough when we had made love at the Mabon ceremony. In a way, it had been like a nightmare for him—he'd been repressing the were side of his nature for ages because he was afraid if he let it out, he'd hurt someone. And in his mind he had. It was my job tonight to convince him otherwise. To let him know that he hadn't hurt me and to show him, if I could, that he could be gentle while still embracing his heritage—claiming his birthright as Molly called it. And in order to do that, I had to seduce him.
I took a deep breath and walked to the middle of my living room. There was only one thing left to do. I had to center myself and create a sacred circle. This was the part I found hardest to take, having never been a very religious person. But Molly had convinced me that it was absolutely necessary to start off right, especially in light of the intense sexual energy I needed to raise that night and the multiple goals I had in mind. I'm not the type of girl to do anything half-assed, so I raised my arms above my head and spoke in a slow, steady voice.
“Between the night
Hidden from sight
I conjure a circle of mystic light
By the earth that is her body
And by the air that is her breath
And by the fire of her bright star
And the waters of her womb,
The circle is cast
And we are between worlds
Beyond the bounds of time
Where night and day
Birth and death
Joy and sorrow
Meet as one.
So mote it be.”
As the words left my lips I felt something—a warm glow that started at the tips of my fingers and trickled all the way down to my toes. It was a feeling of being, well, protected, I guessed was the best word. Hmm, maybe there was something to this Pagan stuff after all.
A knock at my front door interrupted my thoughts. Ben. I took a deep breath and smoothed my hair with both hands before going to let him in. I opened the door just a crack at first, making sure it was him, and stuck my head out.
There was so much I wanted to say to him, so much I wanted to tell, but the sight of him took my breath away and all my words evaporated. He was standing in my doorway as he had so many times before but also completely different. Instead of the neat suit he'd been wearing at the office, he was wearing a pair of faded jeans and the same black leather jacket he'd had on that night at The Cloven Hoof. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and the sight of his tan, muscular chest made my mouth go dry. Hubba-hubba—I could really get used to this Rebel Without a Cause look. Was I more attracted to him now because I'd finally admitted to myself that I loved him, or was it just those devastatingly tight jeans?
“Well?” His voice was half angry, half amused. “Are you going to invite me in?”
“Uh, sure.” I pulled the door wider, revealing myself in more ways than one as another button at the top of my gown chose that moment to pop open.
It was Ben's turn to fall silent. I felt his eyes on my body as I had so many times before, and I had the sudden urge to cover myself. My right nipple had popped out in the open as a result of my wardrobe malfunction, and I had never felt so bare—not even on Mabon night. I lifted my hand to pull the neck of my gown closed and then remembered why I had invited Ben there in the first place and dropped it back to my side.
He was quiet for a long moment, and I felt myself blushing despite my determination not to. What if he didn't like what he saw? What if I was deluding myself thinking that he wanted a romantic relationship with me but was afraid to ask for one because he thought I'd turn him down? What if he was going to turn me down? All these thoughts and more zipped through my head at the speed of self-doubt, and I felt my cheeks growing red.
Ben let out a shaky sigh and shook his head. “I better go,” he said, making no move to leave, despite his words.
“Why?” I asked, almost afraid to hear his answer.
“You're too…” He shook his head, clearly at a loss for words. “I can't trust myself around you when you're dressed like this.”
“You like it?” I asked, almost shyly.
“Like it?” He took a step toward me, as though drawn against his will. “Dani, I always like looking at you. But this…” He gestured to my open gown. “Are you trying to drive me crazy?” he asked, his deep voice going hoarse. “Because if you are, it's working.”
I felt a surge of relief sweep through me along with renewed self-confidence. There's nothing like feeling sexy to boost your self esteem. I also felt a gust of wind and realized that Ben was still standing in the open doorway, letting all the warm air out.
“Come in,” I said, grabbing him by the leather cuff of his jacket and dragging him into the house. I shut the door firmly behind me and turned to face him, my hands on my hips.
“Dani.” He stepped forward again and reached out to cup my cheek in one of his palms. “No games,” he said, searching my eyes with his own. “Why did you ask me here tonight?”
“I told you that.” I nuzzled my cheek against his palm. No matter how cold it was outside, Ben's skin was always warm. “I brought you here to help me change McKinsey Cullen back.” I fixed my robe because I was getting cold as I walked to the sliding glass doors and twitched the vertical blinds aside to prove I was telling the truth. “See?”
Ben strode across the room and took a quick look at the white wolf lying in my tiny back yard. I let the blinds fall back into place with a muted clatter and turned to face him again.
“All right.” He nodded. “So how are we supposed to do this?” He looked around my warmly lit living room. “I don't see any lab equipment or genetic journals.”
“That's because we're not going to use science to change her back.” I tugged at his sleeve again. “Can I take your coat?”
Ben allowed me to take off his jacket and even sat cross-legged with me in the middle of the scarlet and gold quilt I had spread before the fire. But the skeptical light never quite left his brown eyes.
“Ben,” I said, once I had settled across from him. “Do you remember me telling you that I think there's a mystical side to lycanthropy? That I don't just view it as a defective gene or a disease to be studied and cured?”
He frowned. “Nice to see you're getting so comfortable with my disability, Dani.”
I tried to control my exasperation. “Ben,” I said. “It's not a disability.”
“Oh?” He cocked an eyebrow at me. “Then why do I have the same feeling I'm sure deaf people have when they see people who can hear learning sign language?”
“Maybe because you're paranoid,” I snapped. Then I took a deep breath. “I'm sorry. I didn't ask you here to fight with you.” I reached up and ran a hand through his thick black hair. I felt him tremble under my touch, I hoped with desire. “I asked you here to help me raise power,” I told him. “Enough power to turn McKinsey Cullen back from a wolf to a teenaged girl.”
“How do you expect to do that?” Ben demanded, but in a softer tone.
“Like this.” I kneeled up so I could bring my face close to his and brushed his full mouth with mine. I felt something at once, a tingle that zipped between us as our lips met.
B
en pulled away from me abruptly. “Stop it.” His voice was harsh. “How do you expect to turn her back into a girl by tempting me to hurt you again?”
“Ben,” I said softly. “When are you going to believe that you didn't hurt me that night? What can I do to prove it to you?”
“Nothing.” His deep voice was bitter. “There's nothing you can do or say because I saw it, Dani. I saw your blood with my own eyes. Saw the way you fainted when I tried to heal you. I thought…” He turned away, his voice muffled. “Thought I'd killed you. Thought I'd lost you forever.”
“You didn't lose me,” I said. I reached out and cupped his cheek in my palm, pulling his face around gently so I could look in his eyes. There was a sparkle in the deep brown depths that looked suspiciously like tears. “I'm right here,” I told him softly. “And I need your help.”
Ben let out a long, trembling sigh. “How? How is…whatever you have planned going to help turn McKinsey Cullen back into a girl?”
“I got the idea because of something I overheard in La Bella Luna right before Thrash Savage and his crew caught me eavesdropping,” I said, settling back into my place in front of him. “Savage was demanding to know why Doctor Locke couldn't turn McKinsey back into a woman and Locke said that he thought it was possible that the energy generated during Mabon night might turn her back.”
“But it didn't,” Ben pointed out. “And, Dani, we generated a hell of a lot of energy. Not just…” He coughed self-consciously. “Not just you and me but the whole pack. Everybody was…uh…”
“Fucking,” I supplied for him and was amused to see that he got a little red around the ears at the blunt word. “Well, that is what we were doing,” I pointed out. “It was a wild night—everyone was a little out of control. Molly says that's not uncommon when the Goddess manifests herself.”
“Okay, fine, whatever,” Ben said frowning. “But the point is that we raised massive amounts of power or energy or whatever you want to call it—I mean, I felt it and I know you did too—I can't deny that. But McKinsey is still a wolf.”
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