“You told me that’s the reason you and Kelly divorced,” she adds. “So I know it’s important to you.”
“Very important.”
Her eyes soften, and she reaches out to touch my collarbone. “I’ve come to realize lately that it’s really important to me, too.”
“Why just lately?” I ask out of curiosity.
“Pap,” she says simply.
“Frailty of life making you look harder at things,” I surmise.
“Something like that,” she murmurs and inches a little closer to me. “And you know what I realized?”
“What’s that?”
“That I was never supposed to be in Raleigh in a fancy downtown apartment married to a rich veterinarian. I’m supposed to be in Whynot, running a dinky little vet practice and surrounded by my crazy family. It’s my home, and when I envision having kids and a family of my own, I want to be able to take them to my Mama’s for Sunday dinner, and let Pap take them out fishing because I know he’ll probably live to be a hundred. Even if I don’t have kids, I still want to be at Mama’s for Sunday dinner and fishing with Pap and figuring out why Mrs. Gandry’s cows are constipated.”
I don’t know whether to be worried over her sudden proclamation that she’s a small-town girl down to her bone marrow or be charmed by it.
Both, I guess.
“It sounds like you’ve figured out who you are,” I tell her softly. “That’s a big deal, Laken.”
“And I’m afraid that you and I making trips back and forth are all for naught,” she says glumly. “Because I honestly don’t see how that fits into what I want now.”
“Maybe there’s room for compromise,” I suggest.
“Maybe,” she concedes. “But I just had to let you know what I was thinking at this point. And I don’t ever want to hear you say I’m comparing you to Dr. Jackass. That’s not the case. I’m just wondering if we’re on the wrong track by trying to make something work between us that can’t.”
“What’s the alternative?” I ask, genuinely curious as to how far she’s gotten in her thinking, because frankly… I’d only made it as far as the fact we could make a long-distance dating relationship work. But she’s jumped ahead to kids and putting down roots.
This doesn’t scare me or put me off, but it does make me realize that maybe we do need to think about things a little harder before we go any further. It was a major mistake that Kelly and I made by not doing so.
“I think we have a few options,” she says, and I can tell she’s been thinking about it very hard. “We go our separate ways.”
“Not an option,” I growl.
She smiles at me just before leaning forward to brush her mouth against mine. I know within that movement she’s saying it’s not an option for her either at this point.
“We can move forward and see how things progress, knowing tough decisions might need to be made,” she says with a worried look on her face. It’s obvious she’s dubious about this, but isn’t willing to give up the fight just yet. “Or we just agree this is casual and it’s never going to be anything more than casual.”
Yeah, that last one isn’t an option for me either.
“I vote we just take this day by day and see how things progress,” I suggest as I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her into me. “We may be worrying about answers to problems that we don’t even have right now.”
“I know,” she says softly and presses her face into my neck. “But you’ve went and made me like you so now you’re going to have to deal with some minor irrational fears.”
Chuckling, I give her a squeeze. “Well, I have the perfect solution to taking your mind off things for a little bit.”
Her head pops up and with her lower lip stuck between her teeth, she gives an appreciative hum in the back of her throat. That lets me know she is thinking the same thing I am.
Back to the bedroom where there’s no doubt we are perfectly matched.
CHAPTER 23
Laken
“The house is really starting to come together,” I tell Mely as she takes us through the upstairs bedrooms that are complete with fresh paint, draperies, and bedding. She and my brother Lowe have been working hard to finish the remodel that Mely started after she bought our family’s historical home, Mainer House.
She and Lowe clashed over it at first, necessitating Judge Bowe to step in and set them straight, which means he threatened to throw them both in jail. He must have seen something that no one else saw because they got married in Vegas two months ago and they are beyond perfect for each other.
“What are you going to do when you finish Mainer House?” Trixie asks Mely as we walk back down the stairs.
The question doesn’t get answered because the front door opens and Lowe walks in. Mely stops halfway down the staircase and Lowe freezes just inside the foyer, both looking at each other with such intensity my face gets hot. Larkin—who is standing behind me—gives a soft sigh of romantic appreciation.
One would expect Mely to run down the stairs and throw herself in Lowe’s arms, wishing him a warm welcome home from a hard day’s work. To our surprise, she points at the door and says, “March right back out, babe. I told you we were doing a girl’s wine night and you’re not welcome.”
“This is my house,” he points out.
“Not for the next two hours,” Mely retorts. “Go to Chesty’s and hang out with Pap.”
“I need a shower,” Lowe grumbles.
“In two hours,” Mely says, standing firm with her hands on her hips.
“Fine,” he grumbles and turns to walk back out his front door.
“Love you,” Mely calls out after him, and Larkin sighs again when Lowe looks over his shoulder and gives her a wink.
“Love you back and you’re going to make this up to me later,” Lowe promises.
“With relish,” Mely says with a laugh.
After the door closes behind Lowe, the four of us girls head into the kitchen where Mely has laid out some cheese, crackers, and fruit. She also has a bottle of red and a bottle of white opened with four glasses. Because this is not our first girl’s wine night, Mely knows that Laken and I prefer red like her, but Trixie likes white. She pours and we nibble on food while we stand around the large kitchen island that was just custom built by Lowe a few weeks ago.
“How come Darby didn’t come?” Larkin asks as she plucks a grape from a platter.
I shrug. “I think she’s just still trying to settle in. I get the impression she was pretty isolated from people while she was married, so she’s just a little reserved.”
Darby and her daughter Linnie moved last weekend from Illinois to Whynot. It was almost pathetic how little they brought with them. Just a tiny U-Haul trailer behind Darby’s older-model BMW that held their clothes and Linnie’s toys.
Jake shared with me all that he knew about Darby’s situation, but it wasn’t much. Darby didn’t share a lot with him or Kelly about her marriage, but Kelly figured enough to know it was abusive in some way. Jake had told me that after Darby got married, her husband kept her isolated from her family and friends and was completely controlling of her. Jake knew it wasn’t a good marriage when he forced Darby to quit working and be a stay-at-home mother. It’s easy to see how much Darby loves Linnie and I’m sure it was wonderful to spend time with her, but Darby had a career planned for herself that her husband essentially took away from her. My hope is I can get her to open up more and maybe come hang out with us girls so she knows she has a tribe here to support her.
“So… what’s the next project?” Trixie asks Mely again, changing the subject. Mely buys properties, fixes them up, and flips them.
Mely doesn’t answer right away, taking a sip of her wine first. When she sets her glass down, she says almost hesitantly, “I’m considering another local purchase.”
“Really?” Larkin says with delight, because that means less travel away for Mely. Those two have become super close since Larkin’s always been
close with Lowe.
Mely nods, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “I made an offer on Millie’s.”
“Get out of town,” I say in awe. Millie’s was the town’s only travel accommodations. It was a beautiful bed and breakfast, but after Millie died, her sons let the building fall into severe disrepair. Some real estate company bought it and hired Lowe to do renovations. “So it’s going up for sale?”
“Not exactly,” Mely says proudly. “But I reached out to the new owners to see if they’d consider it.”
“But the renovations are almost done,” Larkin points out. “I mean… that’s sort of what you do.”
“I’m not looking to flip it,” Mely says hesitantly, like she’s almost not sure if she’s doing the right thing. “I’m looking to run it.”
“Oh my God,” Trixie says with a brilliant smile. “That would keep you here rather than traveling.”
Mely grins back. “Exactly, although I’d probably still do at least one project a year.”
“That’s so exciting,” Larkin says wistfully. She’s always been the big dreamer and the person who looks to everyone’s happiness before her own.
My phone vibrates on the counter where I’d set it, and I look down to see a text notification from Jake. It never fails to bring a smile to my face when he reaches out to me, because it simply means he’s thinking about me in that moment and that’s nice to know.
Especially in a long-distance relationship where doubts and insecurities can run rampant.
After that first weekend I went to Chicago to see Jake, he came to Whynot the next two weekends, and while our time was short and limited, it was fabulous being with him.
But there are far many more things that suck about this whole deal. Like for instance, I’m having more of a relationship with my phone than a real person. We have conversations via text, but they’re sporadic since we’re both busy people. The night is the most frustrating because in my job, I’m done at the end of a regular workday. Not Jake. He often has meetings and business dinners, and by the time he can spare some time to talk on the phone, he’s exhausted and ready for bed.
We tried at first to make it fun to compensate for the distance between us. He’d send me flowers for the hell of it. I bought MG a cute little pajama set, dressed her up in it, and sent him photos. He flirted constantly via text and email, but then that gradually started to dry up as Jake seemed to settle back into his hectic business life.
Hell… one night, Kelly even texted me because Jake got stuck in a long meeting and couldn’t even take ten seconds to let me know he was tied up. Admittedly, it was sweet she did, but also very weird given she’s his ex-wife. I figured out later that she’d gotten my phone number from Darby, and since then, she would text me periodically to check in. Again, very weird but, oddly, we’re sort of becoming friends via text.
I open Jake’s message, and it brings a smile to my face.
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
blah, blah, blah,
I want you.
Snickering, I send a quick text back. The feeling is mutual.
I wait for him to reply as the girls continue to chatter about Millie’s, but after five minutes, I know nothing is forthcoming. Jake is probably off to another meeting or on an important phone call.
So frustrating.
“What’s the dour look for?” Trixie asks as she nudges me with her shoulder. While Larkin and I are identical twins and share this unique bond where we sort of know what the other sister is feeling, Trixie isn’t one I can ever hide stuff from. She’s got a keen eye and probably thinks it’s her duty to watch over all her younger siblings.
“Nothing,” I say, setting my phone down, wishing hard I’d hear that whoop tone that indicates an incoming text from Jake.
“Spill it,” Trixie orders and she does it with such command, Mely and Larkin stop talking and turn to look at me.
“Nothing,” I insist, but Trixie glares at me, so I sigh. “It’s just frustrating trying to date someone long distance.”
Trixie nods sagely as she had to do this for a while with Ry before he was able to move here permanently from Boston. But that was a little different because they were in love and had set plans to be together. She had security, and I don’t.
“I thought things were going well,” Mely says.
“They are,” I agree quickly. Too quickly, so I amend. “They were. We saw each other three weekends in a row, but the in-between is really hard trying to maintain that connection via just text and calls. Plus… Jake’s so busy, and it’s just not consistent. If I don’t hear from him, I start to doubt things.”
“Wow,” Larkin says in astonishment. “You never share stuff like that, so it must be bothering you.”
I glare at my twin, but she’s right. I keep things close to the vest, but dammit… I’m feeling vulnerable here.
I pick my glass up, take a long swallow of wine, and then set it down. “I think we’re doing all the right things. Last weekend, his mom came over to Whynot from Pinehurst to meet me. He’s been to dinner at Mama and Daddy’s. It seems like it’s getting serious, but… I’m still so doubtful and unsure.”
“Have you talked to him about this?” Trixie asks… the ever-practical Mancinkus.
“Well, no,” I say sarcastically. “Because that would be too easy.”
Larkin and Mely laugh, and I can’t help but smile, too. “In all seriousness, there just doesn’t seem to ever be a good time. Plus, I think maybe I’m just being weird, and I don’t want him to think I’m weird and insecure.”
“You need to talk to him,” Trixie says sagely, and I know she’s right. “Why not just commit right now to all of us that you’ll do it this weekend?”
“We’re not seeing each other this weekend,” I mutter glumly. “He’s got a business trip to California next week and needs to work all weekend. He didn’t even invite me to Chicago, not that I could really afford to go.”
“Next weekend, then,” Larkin says brightly. It bounces right off me.
“He’s not said anything about getting together that weekend. He’ll be coming back from California, and he might be too tired,” I say, offering an excuse that I’m actually anticipating hearing from him.
That’s how insecure I am about things.
It reminds me of the way I felt when I first returned to Whynot after Cam tried to tear me down and make me doubt myself. Not that it’s a comparison between the two men, because it’s not. I’m just noting that I’ve felt this way before, and it just sucks.
I take another large gulp of wine, and since the girls have got me sharing—or whining—as the case may be, I continue and lay out what’s really eating at me. “I’m worried that what we have has just run its course. We had good intentions of making it work, but I’m feeling so disconnected from him and I’m not getting much from him to indicate that he’s bothered we’re not seeing each other. He seems to actually be okay with the way things are.”
“That will never be enough for you,” Larkin murmurs, and my eyes snap to her. The only being in the world who will ever know me better than myself.
“No,” I agree. “What we have now is just not going to be enough.”
“Then you have to talk about it,” Larkin tells me firmly. The expression on her face says clearly that she wants me to be happy and the only way to do it is to confront this head-on with Jake.
I don’t like the idea of doing that but I think she might be right. I have to know, one way or the other, if this relationship is worth the effort and future heartbreak I could potentially be facing that I know, without a doubt, will be a million times worse than what I ever felt after Cam.
CHAPTER 24
Jake
The soft but quick knocking on my office door penetrates my brain all too easily, which is just further testament to the fact I can’t concentrate for crap on anything.
I look up to see Kelly walking in. She looks at her watch pointedly and then to me.
“What are you still doing here? I figured you’d be heading to Whynot.”
“I’m not going,” I mutter. I look down at some financial reports I’ve been trying to study for the past hour, but I can’t seem to make heads nor tails of them, despite the fact I have an MBA from Kellogg.
“Why not?” Kelly asks almost aggressively as I hear her take a seat opposite my desk.
My guilt causes me to keep my gaze averted, but I answer her. “I’m exhausted and Laken’s got some work to do this weekend. It’s just a good time for me to chill here at home.”
“But you didn’t go see her last weekend,” Kelly points out.
“Because I was preparing for the California trip,” I counter, still looking down at the report where the numbers are blurring before me.
“What the hell is going on, Jake?” Kelly snaps and her tone is so icy, my head pops up.
A million denials run through my head, but Kelly has that stubborn tilt to her head and a keen nose for bullshit, so I lean back in my chair with a sigh and rub at my eyes.
When my hands drop and I focus on my ex-wife again, I say, “I feel Laken slipping away.”
“Which is why you should get on a damn plane and go see her,” Kelly says drolly. “You’re a smart man. This isn’t rocket science.”
She’s right, but my biggest fear is I’ll go to see Laken face to face and it will give her the perfect opportunity to call things off. Things have cooled significantly this past week, and I feel powerless to change anything.
“I’m thinking of calling it quits with her,” I toss out to Kelly to see if that’s as unpalatable an idea to her as it feels to me.
Kelly rolls her eyes. “No, you’re not. You never take the easy way out.”
I sigh and decide to just lay it out. Kelly’s always been a good sounding board, and she and I have never held back from each other. “When Laken came to Chicago that first time about four weeks ago, she had no confidence this would work out between us. I convinced her to just take it one day at a time because I was so sure that things would just get stronger and stronger between us.”
Barking Up the Wrong Tree Page 16