Miss Cayley's Adventures

by Grant Allen

  IV

  THE ADVENTURE OF THE AMATEUR COMMISSION AGENT

  My eccentric American had assured me that if I won the great race forhim I need not be 'skeert' lest he should fail to treat me well; and todo him justice, I must admit that he kept his word magnanimously. Whilewe sat at lunch in the cosy hotel at Limburg he counted out and paid mein hand the fifty good gold pieces he had promised me. 'Whether theseDeutschers fork out my twenty thousand marks or not,' he said, in hisbrisk way, 'it don't much matter. I shall get the contract, and I shallhev gotten the adver_tize_ment!'

  'Why do you start your bicycles in Germany, though?' I asked,innocently. 'I should have thought myself there was so much a betterchance of selling them in England.'

  LET THEM BOOM OR BUST ON IT.]

  He closed one eye, and looked abstractedly at the light through hisglass of pale yellow Brauneberger with the other. 'England? Yes,England! Well, see, miss, you hev not been raised in business. Businessis business. The way to do it in Germany is--to manufacture foryourself: and I've got my works started right here in Frankfort. The wayto do it in England--where capital's dirt cheap--is, to sell your patentfor every cent it's worth to an English company, and let them boom orbust on it.'

  'I see,' I said, catching at it. 'The principle's as clear as mud, themoment you point it out to one. An English company will pay you well forthe concession, and work for a smaller return on its investment than youAmericans are content to receive on your capital!'

  'That's so! You hit it in one, miss! Which will you take, a cigar or acocoa-nut?'

  I smiled. 'And what do you think you will call the machine in Europe?'

  He gazed hard at me, and stroked his straw-coloured moustache. 'Well,what do _you_ think of the _Lois Cayley_?'

  'For Heaven's sake, no!' I cried, fervently. 'Mr. Hitchcock, I imploreyou!'

  He smiled pity for my weakness. 'Ah, high-toned again?' he repeated, asif it were some natural malformation under which I laboured. 'Oh, ef youdon't like it, miss, we'll say no more about it. I am a gentleman, I am.What's the matter with the _Excelsior_?'

  'Nothing, except that it's very bad Latin,' I objected.

  'That may be so; but it's very good business.'

  He paused and mused, then he murmured low to himself, '"When through anAlpine village passed." That's where the idea of the _Excelsior_ comesin; see? "It goes up Mont Blanc," you said yourself. "Through snow andice, A cycle with the strange device, Excelsior!"'

  'If I were you,' I said, 'I would stick to the name _Manitou_. It'soriginal, and it's distinctive.'

  'Think so? Then chalk it up; the thing's done. You may not be aware ofit, miss, but you are a lady for whose opinion in such matters I hev ahigh regard. _And_ you understand Europe. I do not. I admit it.Everything seems to me to be _verboten_ in Germany; and everything elseto be _bad form_ in England.'

  We walked down the steps together. 'What a picturesque old town!' Isaid, looking round me, well pleased. Its beauty appealed to me, for Ihad fifty pounds in pocket, and I had lunched sumptuously.

  '_Old_ town?' he repeated, gazing with a blank stare. 'You call thistown _old_, do you?'

  'Why, of course! Just look at the cathedral! Eight hundred years old, atleast!'

  He ran his eye down the streets, dissatisfied.

  'Well, ef this town is old,' he said at last, with a snap of hisfingers, 'it's precious little for its age.' And he strode away towardsthe railway station.

  'What about the bicycle?' I asked; for it lay, a silent victor, againstthe railing of the steps, surrounded by a crowd of inquiring Teutons.

  He glanced at it carelessly. 'Oh, the wheel?' he said. 'You may keepit.'

  He said it so exactly in the tone in which one tells a waiter he maykeep the change, that I resented the impertinence. 'No, thank you,' Ianswered. 'I do not require it.'

  He gazed at me, open-mouthed. 'What? Put my foot in it again?' heinterposed. 'Not high-toned enough? Eh? Now, I do regret it. No offencemeant, miss, nor none need be taken. What I meant to in-sinuate wasthis: you hev won the big race for me. Folks will notice you and talkabout you at Frankfort. Ef you ride a Manitou, that'll make 'em talk themore. A mutual advantage. Benefits you; benefits me. You get the wheel;I get the adver_tize_ment.'

  I saw that reciprocity was the lodestar of his life. 'Very well, Mr.Hitchcock,' I said, pocketing my pride, 'I'll accept the machine, andI'll ride it.'

  Then a light dawned upon me. I saw eventualities. 'Look here,' I wenton, innocently--recollect, I was a girl just fresh from Girton--'I amthinking of going on very soon to Switzerland. Now, why shouldn't I dothis--try to sell your machines, or, rather, take orders for them, fromanybody that admires them? A mutual advantage. Benefits you; benefitsme. You sell your wheels; I get----'

  He stared at me. 'The commission?'

  'I don't know what commission means,' I answered, somewhat at sea as tothe name; 'but I thought it might be worth your while, till the Manitoubecomes better known, to pay me, say, ten per cent on all orders Ibrought you.'

  His face was one broad smile. 'I do admire at you, miss,' he cried,standing still to inspect me. 'You may not know the meaning of the_word_ commission; but durned ef you haven't got a hang of the _thing_itself that would do honour to a Wall Street operator, anyway.'

  'Then that's business?' I asked, eagerly; for I beheld vistas.

  'Business?' he repeated. 'Yes, that's jest about the size ofit--business. Adver_tize_ment, miss, may be the soul of commerce, butCommission's its body. You go in and win. Ten per cent on every orderyou send me!'

  He insisted on taking my ticket back to Frankfort. 'My affair, miss; myaffair!' There was no gainsaying him. He was immensely elated. 'Thebiggest thing in cycles since Dunlop tyres,' he repeated. 'Andto-morrow, they'll give me advertizements gratis in every newspaper!'

  Next morning, he came round to call on me at the Abode of UnclaimedDomestic Angels. He was explicit and generous. 'Look here, miss,' hebegan; 'I didn't do fair by you when you interviewed me about youragency last evening. I took advantage, _at_ the time, _of_ your youthand inexperience. You suggested 10 per cent _as_ the amount of yourcommission on sales you might effect; and I jumped at it. That wasconduct unworthy _of_ a gentleman. Now, I will not deceive you. Theordinary commission on transactions in wheels is 25 per cent. I am goingto sell the Manitou retail at twenty English pounds apiece. You shallhev your 25 per cent on all orders.'

  'Five pounds for every machine I sell?' I exclaimed, overjoyed.

  He nodded. 'That's so.'

  I was simply amazed at this magnificent prospect. 'The cycle trade mustbe honeycombed with middlemen's profits!' I cried; for I had mymisgivings.

  'That's so,' he replied again. 'Then jest you take and be amiddlewoman.'

  'But, as a consistent socialist----'

  'It is your duty to fleece the capitalist and the consumer. A mutualbenefit--triangular this time. I get the order, the public gets themachine, and you get the commission. I am richer, you are richer, andthe public is mounted on much the best wheel ever yet invented.'

  'That sounds plausible,' I admitted. 'I shall try it on in Switzerland.I shall run up steep hills whenever I see any likely customers lookingon; then I shall stop and ask them the time, as if quite accidentally.'

  He rubbed his hands. 'You take to business like a young duck to thewater,' he exclaimed, admiringly. 'That's the way to rake 'em in! You goup and say to them, "Why not investigate? We defy competition. Leave thedrudgery of walking uphill beside your cycle! Progress is the order ofthe day. Use modern methods! This is the age of the telegraph, thetelephone, _and_ the typewriter. You kin no longer afford to go on withan antiquated, ante-diluvian, armour-plated wheel. Invest in aHill-Climber, the last and lightest product of evvolootion. _Is_ itcommon-sense to buy an old-style, unautomatic, single-geared,inconvertible ten-ton machine, when for the same money or less you canpurchase the self-acting Manitou, a priceless gem, as light as afeather, with all the most recent additions and improvements? Bereasonable
! Get the best!" That's the style to fetch 'em!'

  I laughed, in spite of myself. 'Oh, Mr. Hitchcock,' I burst out, 'that'snot _my_ style at all. I shall say, simply "This is a lovely newbicycle. You can see for yourself how it climbs hills. Try it, if youwish. It skims like a swallow. And I get what they call five poundscommission on every one I can sell of them!" I think that way of dealingis much more likely to bring you in orders.'

  His admiration was undisguised. 'Well, I _do_ call you a woman ofbusiness, miss,' he cried. 'You see it at a glance. That's so. That'sthe right kind of thing to rope in the Europeans. Some originality aboutyou. You take 'em on their own ground. You've got the draw on them, youhev. I like your system. You'll jest haul in the dollars!'

  'I hope so,' I said, fervently; for I had evolved in my own mind, oh,such a _lovely_ scheme for Elsie Petheridge's holidays!

  He gazed at me once more. 'Ef only I could get hold of a woman ofbusiness like you to soar through life with me,' he murmured.

  HIS OPEN ADMIRATION WAS GETTING QUITE EMBARRASSING.]

  I grew interested in my shoes. His open admiration was getting quiteembarrassing.

  He paused a minute. Then he went on: 'Well, what do you say to it?'

  'To what?' I asked, amazed.

  'To my proposition--my offer.'

  'I-- I don't understand,' I stammered out bewildered. 'The 25 per cent,you mean?'

  'No, the de-votion of a lifetime,' he answered, looking sideways at me.'Miss Cayley, when a business man advances a proposition, commercial orotherwise, he advances it because he means it. He asks a prompt reply.Your time is valuable. So is mine. _Are_ you prepared to consider it?'

  'Mr. Hitchcock,' I said, drawing back, 'I think you misunderstand. Ithink you do not realise----'

  'All right, miss,' he answered, promptly, though with a disappointedair. 'Ef it kin not be managed, it kin not be managed. I understand yourEuropean ex-clusiveness. I know your prejudices. But this little episodeneed not antagonise with the normal course of ordinary business. Irespect you, Miss Cayley. You are a lady _of_ intelligence, _of_initiative, and _of_ high-toned culture. I will wish you good day forthe present, without further words; and I shall be happy at any time toreceive your orders on the usual commission.'

  He backed out and was gone. He was so honestly blunt that I really quiteliked him.

  Next day, I bade a tearless farewell to the Blighted Fraus. When I toldthose eight phlegmatic souls I was going, they all said 'So!' much asthey had said 'So!' to every previous remark I had been moved to maketo them. 'So' is capital garnishing: but viewed as a staple ofconversation, I find it a trifle vapid, not to say monotonous.

  I set out on my wanderings, therefore, to go round the world on my ownaccount and my own Manitou, which last I grew to love in time with alove passing the love of Mr. Cyrus Hitchcock. I carried the strictnecessary before me in a small waterproof bicycling valise; but I senton the portmanteau containing my whole estate, real or personal, to somepoint in advance which I hoped to reach from time to time in a day ortwo. My first day's journey was along a pleasant road from Frankfort toHeidelberg, some fifty-four miles in all, skirting the mountains thegreater part of the way; the Manitou took the ups and downs so easilythat I diverged at intervals, to choose side-paths over the woodedhills. I arrived at Heidelberg as fresh as a daisy, my mount not havingturned a hair meanwhile--a favourite expression of cyclists whichcarries all the more conviction to an impartial mind because of themachine being obviously hairless. Thence I journeyed on by easy stagesto Karlsruhe, Baden, Appenweier, and Offenburg; where I set my frontwheel resolutely for the Black Forest. It is the prettiest and mostpicturesque route to Switzerland; and, being also the hilliest, it wouldafford me, I thought, the best opportunity for showing off the Manitou'spaces, and trying my prentice hand as an amateur cycle-agent.

  From the quaint little Black Eagle at Offenburg, however, before Idashed into the Forest, I sent off a letter to Elsie Petheridge, settingforth my lovely scheme for her summer holidays. She was delicate, poorchild, and the London winters sorely tried her; I was now a millionaire,with the better part of fifty pounds in pocket, so I felt I could affordto be royal in my hospitality. As I was leaving Frankfort, I had calledat a tourist agency and bought a second-class circular ticket fromLondon to Lucerne and back-- I made it second-class because I am opposedon principle to excessive luxury, and also because it was three guineascheaper. Even fifty pounds will not last for ever, though I could scarcebelieve it. (You see, I am not wholly free, after all, from thebesetting British vice of prudence.) It was a mighty joy to me to beable to send this ticket to Elsie, at her lodgings in Bayswater,pointing out to her that now the whole mischief was done, and that ifshe would not come out as soon as her summer vacation began--'twas apoint of honour with Elsie to say _vacation_, instead of _holidays_--tojoin me at Lucerne, and stop with me as my guest at a mountain_pension_, the ticket would be wasted. I love burning my boats; 'tis theonly safe way for securing prompt action.

  Then I turned my flying wheels up into the Black Forest, growing wearyof my loneliness--for it is not all jam to ride by oneself inGermany--and longing for Elsie to come out and join me. I loved to thinkhow her dear pale cheeks would gain colour and tone on the hills aboutthe Bruenig, where, for business reasons (so I said to myself with theconscious pride of the commission agent), I proposed to pass the greaterpart of the summer.

  From Offenburg to Hornberg the road makes a good stiff climb oftwenty-seven miles, and some 1200 English feet in altitude, with a fairnumber of minor undulations on the way to diversify it. I will notdescribe the route, though it is one of the most beautiful I have evertravelled--rocky hills, ruined castles, huge, straight-stemmed pinesthat clamber up green slopes, or halt in sombre line against steeps ofbroken crag; the reality surpasses my poor powers of description. Andthe people I passed on the road were almost as quaint and picturesquein their way as the hills and the villages--the men in red-linedjackets; the women in black petticoats, short-waisted green bodices, andbroad-brimmed straw hats with black-and-crimson pompons. But on thesteepest gradient, just before reaching Hornberg, I got my firstnibble--strange to say, from two German students; they wore Heidelbergcaps, and were toiling up the incline with short, broken wind; I put ona spurt with the Manitou, and passed them easily. I did it just at firstin pure wantonness of health and strength; but the moment I was clear ofthem, it occurred to the business half of me that here was a good chanceof taking an order. Filled with this bright idea, I dismounted near thesummit, and pretended to be engaged in lubricating my bearings; thoughas a matter of fact the Manitou runs in a bath of oil, self-feeding, andneeds no looking after. Presently, my two Heidelbergers straggledup--hot, dusty, panting. Woman-like, I pretended to take no notice. Oneof them drew near and cast an eye on the Manitou.

  'That's a new machine, Fraeulein,' he said, at last, with more politenessthan I expected.

  'It is,' I answered, casually; 'the latest model. Climbs hills like noother.' And I feigned to mount and glide off towards Hornberg.

  'Stop a moment, pray, Fraeulein,' my prospective buyer called out. 'Here,Heinrich, I wish you this new so excellent mountain-climbing machine,without chain propelled, more fully to investigate.'

  'I am going on to Hornberg,' I said, with mixed feminine guile andcommercial strategy; 'still, if your friend wishes to look----'

  MINUTE INSPECTION.]

  They both jostled round it, with _achs_ innumerable, and, after minuteinspection, pronounced its principle _wunderschoen_. 'Might I essay it?'Heinrich asked.

  'Oh, by all means,' I answered. He paced it down hill a few yards; thenskimmed up again.

  'It is a bird!' he cried to his friend, with many gutturalinterjections. 'Like the eagle's flight, so soars it. Come, try thething, Ludwig!'

  'You permit, Fraeulein?'

  I nodded. They both mounted it several times. It behaved like a beauty.Then one of them asked, 'And where can man of this new so remarkablemachine nearest by purchase himself make
possessor?'

  'I am the Sole Agent,' I burst out, with swelling dignity. 'If you willgive me your orders, with cash in hand for the amount, I will send thecycle, carriage paid, to any address you desire in Germany.'

  'You!' they exclaimed, incredulously. 'The Fraeulein is pleased to behumorous!'

  'Oh, very well,' I answered, vaulting into the saddle; 'If you choose todoubt my word----' I waved one careless hand and coasted off.'Good-morning, meine Herren.'

  They lumbered after me on their ramshackled traction-engines. 'Pardon,Fraeulein! Do not thus go away! Oblige us at least with the name andaddress of the maker.'

  I perpended--like the Herr Over-Superintendent at Frankfort. 'Lookhere,' I said at last, telling the truth with frankness, 'I get 25 percent on all bicycles I sell. I am, as I say, the maker's Sole Agent. Ifyou order through me, I touch my profit; if otherwise, I do not. Still,since you seem to be gentlemen,' they bowed and swelled visibly, 'I willgive you the address of the firm, trusting to your honour to mention myname'--I handed them a card--'if you decide on ordering. The price ofthe palfrey is 400 marks. It is worth every pfennig of it.' And beforethey could say more, I had spurred my steed and swept off at full speedround a curve of the highway.

  I pencilled a note to my American that night from Hornberg, detailingthe circumstance; but I am sorry to say, for the discredit of humanity,that when those two students wrote the same evening from their inn inthe village to order Manitous, they did _not_ mention my name, doubtlessunder the misconception that by suppressing it they would save mycommission. However, it gives me pleasure to add _per contra_ (as we sayin business) that when I arrived at Lucerne a week or so later I found aletter, _poste restante_, from Mr. Cyrus Hitchcock, inclosing an Englishten-pound note. He wrote that he had received two orders for Manitousfrom Hornberg; and 'feeling considerable confidence that these mustnecessarily originate' from my German students, he had the pleasure offorwarding me what he hoped would be the first of many similarcommissions.

  FELT A PERFECT LITTLE HYPOCRITE.]

  I will not describe my further adventures on the still steeper mountainroad from Hornberg to Triberg and St. Georgen--how I got bites on theway from an English curate, an Austrian hussar, and two unprotectedAmerican ladies; nor how I angled for them all by riding my machine upimpossible hills, and then reclining gracefully to eat my lunch (threetimes in one day) on mossy banks at the summit. I felt a perfect littlehypocrite. But Mr. Hitchcock had remarked that business is business; andI will only add (in confirmation of his view) that by the time I reachedLucerne, I had sown the good seed in fifteen separate human souls, noless than four of which brought forth fruit in orders for Manitousbefore the end of the season.

  I had now so little fear what the morrow might bring forth that Isettled down in a comfortable hotel at Lucerne till Elsie's holidaysbegan; and amused myself meanwhile by picking out the hilliest roads Icould find in the neighbourhood, in order to display my steel steed'spossibilities to the best advantage.

  By the end of July, Elsie joined me. She was half-angry at first that Ishould have forced the ticket and my hospitality upon her.

  'Nonsense, dear,' I said, smoothing her hair, for her pale face quitefrightened me. 'What is the good of a friend if she will not allow youto do her little favours?'

  'But, Brownie, you said you wouldn't stop and be dependent upon _me_ oneday longer than was necessary in London.'

  'That was different,' I cried. 'That was Me! This is You! I am a great,strong, healthy thing, fit to fight the battle of life and take care ofmyself; you, Elsie, are one of those fragile little flowers which 'tiseverybody's duty to protect and to care for.'

  She would have protested more; but I stifled her mouth with kisses.Indeed, for nothing did I rejoice in my prosperity so much as for thechance it gave me of helping poor dear overworked, overwrought Elsie.

  We took up our quarters thenceforth at a high-perched little guest-housenear the top of the Bruenig. It was bracing for Elsie; and it lay closeto a tourist track where I could spread my snares and exhibit theManitou in its true colours to many passing visitors. Elsie tried it,and found she could ride on it with ease. She wished she had one of herown. A bright idea struck me. In fear and trembling, I wrote, suggestingto Mr. Hitchcock that I had a girl friend from England stopping with mein Switzerland, and that two Manitous would surely be better than one asan adver_tize_ment. I confess I stood aghast at my own cheek; but myhand, I fear, was rapidly growing 'subdued to that it worked in.' AnyhowI sent the letter off, and waited developments.

  By return of post came an answer from my American.

  'DEAR MISS--By rail herewith please receive one lady's No. 4 automatic quadruple-geared self-feeding Manitou, as per your esteemed favour of July 27th, for which I desire to thank you. The more I see of your way of doing business, the more I do admire at you. This is an elegant poster! Two high-toned English ladies, mounted on Manitous, careering up the Alps, represent to both of us quite a mint of money. The mutual benefit, to me, to you, and to the other lady, ought to be simply incalculable. I shall be pleased at any time to hear of any further developments of your very remarkable advertising skill, and I am obliged to you for this brilliant suggestion you have been good enough to make to me.--Respectfully,

  'CYRUS W. HITCHCOCK.'

  'What? Am I to have it for nothing, Brownie?' Elsie exclaimed,bewildered, when I read the letter to her.

  I assumed the airs of a woman of the world. 'Why, certainly, my dear,' Ianswered, as if I always expected to find bicycles showered upon me.'It's a mutual arrangement. Benefits him; benefits you. Reciprocity isthe groundwork of business. _He_ gets the advertisement; _you_ get theamusement. It's a form of handbill. Like the ladies who exhibit theirback hair, don't you know, in that window in Regent Street.'

  Thus inexpensively mounted, we scoured the country together, up thesteepest hills between Stanzstadt and Meiringen. We had lots of nibbles.One lady in particular often stopped to look on and admire the Manitou.She was a nice-looking widow of forty-five, very fresh and round-faced;a Mrs. Evelegh, we soon found out, who owned a charming _chalet_ on thehills above Lungern. She spoke to us more than once: 'What a perfectdear of a machine!' she cried. 'I wonder if I dare try it!'

  'Can you cycle?' I asked.

  'I could once,' she answered. 'I was awfully fond of it. But Dr.Fortescue-Langley won't let me any longer.'

  'Try it!' I said dismounting. She got up and rode. 'Oh, isn't it justlovely!' she cried ecstatically.

  'Buy one!' I put in. 'They're as smooth as silk; they cost only twentypounds; and, on every machine I sell, I get five pounds commission.'

  'I should love to,' she answered; 'but Dr. Fortescue-Langley----'

  'Who is he?' I asked. 'I don't believe in drug-drenchers.'

  She looked quite shocked. 'Oh, he's not that kind, you know,' she putin, breathlessly. 'He's the celebrated esoteric faith-healer. He won'tlet me move far away from Lungern, though I'm longing to be off toEngland again for the summer. My boy's at Portsmouth.'

  'Then, why don't you disobey him?'

  Her face was a study. 'I daren't,' she answered in an awe-struck voice.'He comes here every summer; and he does me _so_ much good, you know. Hediagnoses my inner self. He treats me psychically. When my inner selfgoes wrong, my bangle turns dusky.' She held up her right hand with anIndian silver bangle on it; and sure enough, it was tarnished with avery thin black deposit. 'My soul is ailing now,' she said in acomically serious voice. 'But it is seldom so in Switzerland. The momentI land in England the bangle turns black and remains black till I getback to Lucerne again.'

  When she had gone, I said to Elsie, 'That _is_ odd about the bangle.State of health might affect it, I suppose. Though it looks to me like asurface deposit of sulphide.' I knew nothing of chemistry, I admit; butI had sometimes messed about in the laboratory at college with some ofthe other girls; and I remembered now that sulphide of silver was ablackish-looking body, like the f
ilm on the bangle.

  However, at the time I thought no more about it.

  SHE INVITED ELSIE AND MYSELF TO STOP WITH HER.]

  By dint of stopping and talking, we soon got quite intimate with Mrs.Evelegh. As always happens, I found out I had known some of her cousinsin Edinburgh, where I always spent my holidays while I was at Girton.She took an interest in what she was kind enough to call myoriginality; and before a fortnight was out, our hotel beinguncomfortably crowded, she had invited Elsie and myself to stop with herat the _chalet_. We went, and found it a delightful little home. Mrs.Evelegh was charming; but we could see at every turn that Dr.Fortescue-Langley had acquired a firm hold over her. 'He's so clever,you know,' she said; 'and so spiritual! He exercises such strong odylicforce. He binds my being together. If he misses a visit, I feel my innerself goes all to pieces.'

  'Does he come often?' I asked, growing interested.

  'Oh, dear, no,' she answered. 'I wish he did: it would be ever so goodfor me. But he's so much run after; I am but one among many. He lives atChateau d'Oex, and comes across to see patients in this district once afortnight. It is a privilege to be attended by an intuitive seer likeDr. Fortescue-Langley.'

  Mrs. Evelegh was rich--'left comfortably,' as the phrase goes, but witha clause which prevented her marrying again without losing her fortune;and I could gather from various hints that Dr. Fortescue-Langley,whoever he might be, was bleeding her to some tune, using her soul andher inner self as his financial lancet. I also noticed that what shesaid about the bangle was strictly true; generally bright as a new pin,on certain mornings it was completely blackened. I had been at the_chalet_ ten days, however, before I began to suspect the real reason.Then it dawned upon me one morning in a flash of inspiration. Theevening before had been cold, for at the height where we were perched,even in August, we often found the temperature chilly in the night, andI heard Mrs. Evelegh tell Cecile, her maid, to fill the hot-waterbottle. It was a small point, but it somehow went home to me. Next daythe bangle was black, and Mrs. Evelegh lamented that her inner self mustbe suffering from an attack of evil vapours.

  I held my peace at the time, but I asked Cecile a little later to bringme that hot-water-bottle. As I more than half suspected, it was made ofindia-rubber, wrapped carefully up in the usual red flannel bag. 'Lendme your brooch, Elsie,' I said. 'I want to try a little experiment.'

  'Won't a franc do as well?' Elsie asked, tendering one. 'That's equallysilver.'

  'I think not,' I answered. 'A franc is most likely too hard; it has basemetal to alloy it. But I will vary the experiment by trying bothtogether. Your brooch is Indian and therefore soft silver. The nativejewellers never use alloy. Hand it over; it will clean with a littleplate-powder, if necessary. I'm going to see what blackens Mrs.Evelegh's bangle.'

  I laid the franc and the brooch on the bottle, filled with hot water,and placed them for warmth in the fold of a blanket. After _dejeuner_,we inspected them. As I anticipated, the brooch had grown black on thesurface with a thin iridescent layer of silver sulphide, while the franchad hardly suffered at all from the exposure.

  I called in Mrs. Evelegh, and explained what I had done. She wasastonished and half incredulous. 'How could you ever think of it?' shecried, admiringly.

  'Why, I was reading an article yesterday about india-rubber in one ofyour magazines,' I answered; 'and the person who wrote it said the rawgum was hardened for vulcanising by mixing it with sulphur. When I heardyou ask Cecile for the hot-water-bottle, I thought at once: "The sulphurand the heat account for the tarnishing of Mrs. Evelegh's bangle."'

  'And the franc doesn't tarnish! Then that must be why my other silverbracelet, which is English make, and harder, never changes colour! AndDr. Fortescue-Langley assured me it was because the soft one was ofIndian metal, and had mystic symbols on it--symbols that answered to thecardinal moods of my sub-conscious self, and that darkened in sympathy.'

  I jumped at a clue. 'He talked about your sub-conscious self?' I brokein.

  'Yes,' she answered. 'He always does. It's the key-note of his system.He heals by that alone. But, my dear, after this, how can I ever believein him?'

  'Does he know about the hot-water-bottle?' I asked.

  'Oh, yes; he ordered me to use it on certain nights; and when I go toEngland he says I must never be without one. I see now that was why myinner self invariably went wrong in England. It was all just the sulphurblackening the bangles.'

  I reflected. 'A middle-aged man?' I asked. 'Stout, diplomatic-looking,with wrinkles round his eyes, and a distinguished grey moustache,twirled up oddly at the corners?'

  'That's the man, my dear! His very picture. Where on earth have you seenhim?'

  'And he talks of sub-conscious selves?' I went on.

  'He practises on that basis. He says it's no use prescribing for theouter man; to do that is to treat mere symptoms: the sub-conscious selfis the inner seat of diseases.'

  'How long has he been in Switzerland?'

  'Oh, he comes here every year. He arrived this season late in May, Ifancy.'

  'When will he visit you again, Mrs. Evelegh?'

  'To-morrow morning.'

  I made up my mind at once. 'Then I must see him, without being seen,' Isaid. 'I think I know him. He is our Count, I believe.' For I had toldMrs. Evelegh and Elsie the queer story of my journey from London.

  'Impossible, my dear! Im-possible! I have implicit faith in him!'

  'Wait and see, Mrs. Evelegh. You acknowledge he duped you over theaffair of the bangle.'

  THE COUNT.]

  There are two kinds of dupe: one kind, the commonest, goes on believingin its deceiver, no matter what happens; the other, far rarer, has thesense to know it has been deceived if you make the deception as clear asday to it. Mrs. Evelegh was, fortunately, of the rarer class. Nextmorning, Dr. Fortescue-Langley arrived, by appointment. As he walked upthe path, I glanced at him from my window. It was the Count, not a doubtof it. On his way to gull his dupes in Switzerland, he had tried tothrow in an incidental trifle of a diamond robbery.

  I telegraphed the facts at once to Lady Georgina, at Schlangenbad. Sheanswered, 'I am coming. Ask the man to meet his friend on Wednesday.'

  Mrs. Evelegh, now almost convinced, invited him. On Wednesday morning,with a bounce, Lady Georgina burst in upon us. 'My dear, such ajourney!--alone, at my age--but there, I haven't known a happy day sinceyou left me! Oh, yes, I got my Gretchen--unsophisticated?--well--h'm--that's not the word for it: I declare to you, Lois, thereisn't a trick of the trade, in Paris or London--not a perquisite or atip that that girl isn't up to. Comes straight from the remotestrecesses of the Black Forest, and hadn't been with me a week, I assureyou, honour bright, before she was bandolining her yellow hair, androuging her cheeks, and wearing my brooches, and wagering gloves withthe hotel waiters upon the Baden races. _And_ her language: _and_ hermanners! Why weren't you born in that station of life, I wonder, child,so that I might offer you five hundred a year, and all found, to comeand live with me for ever? But this Gretchen--her fringe, her shoes, herribbons--upon my soul, my dear, I don't know what girls are coming tonowadays.'

  'Ask Mrs. Lynn-Linton,' I suggested, as she paused. 'She is a recognisedauthority on the subject.'

  The Cantankerous Old Lady stared at me. 'And this Count?' she went on.'So you have really tracked him? You're a wonderful girl, my dear. Iwish you were a lady's maid. You'd be worth me any money.'

  I explained how I had come to hear of Dr. Fortescue-Langley.

  Lady Georgina waxed warm. 'Dr. Fortescue-Langley!' she exclaimed. 'Thewicked wretch! But he didn't get my diamonds! I've carried them here inmy hands, all the way from Wiesbaden: I wasn't going to leave them fora single day to the tender mercies of that unspeakable Gretchen. Thefool would lose them. Well, we'll catch him this time, Lois: and we'llgive him ten years for it!'

  'Ten years!' Mrs. Evelegh cried, clasping her hands in horror. 'Oh, LadyGeorgina!'

  We waited in Mrs. Evelegh's dining-room, the old lady and I
, behind thefolding doors. At three precisely Dr. Fortescue-Langley walked in. I haddifficulty in restraining Lady Georgina from falling upon himprematurely. He talked a lot of high-flown nonsense to Mrs. Evelegh andElsie about the influences of the planets, and the seventy-fiveemanations, and the eternal wisdom of the East, and the medical efficacyof sub-conscious suggestion. Excellent patter, all of it--quite as goodin its way as the diplomatic patter he had poured forth in the train toLady Georgina. It was rich in spheres, in elements, in cosmic forces. Atlast, as he was discussing the reciprocal action of the inner self uponthe exhalations of the lungs, we pushed back the door and walked calmlyin upon him.

  His breath came and went. The exhalations of the lungs showed visibleperturbation. He rose and stared at us. For a second he lost hiscomposure. Then, as bold as brass, he turned, with a cunning smile, toMrs. Evelegh. 'Where on earth did you pick up such acquaintances?' heinquired, in a well-simulated tone of surprise. 'Yes, Lady Georgina, Ihave met you before, I admit; but--it can hardly be agreeable to you toreflect under what circumstances.'

  Lady Georgina was beside herself. 'You dare?' she cried, confrontinghim. 'You dare to brazen it out? You miserable sneak! But you can'tbluff me now. I have the police outside.' Which I regret to confess wasa light-hearted fiction.

  'The police?' he echoed, drawing back. I could see he was frightened.

  I had an inspiration again. 'Take off that moustache!' I said, calmly,in my most commanding voice.

  I THOUGHT IT KINDER TO HIM TO REMOVE IT ALTOGETHER.]

  He clapped his hand to it in horror. In his agitation, he managed topull it a little bit awry. It looked so absurd, hanging there, allcrooked, that I thought it kinder to him to remove it altogether. Thething peeled off with difficulty; for it was a work of art, very firmlyand gracefully fastened with sticking-plaster. But it peeled off atlast--and with it the whole of the Count's and Dr. Fortescue-Langley'sdistinction. The man stood revealed, a very palpable man-servant.

  Lady Georgina stared hard at him. 'Where have I seen you before?' shemurmured, slowly. 'That face is familiar to me. Why, yes; you went onceto Italy as Mr. Marmaduke Ashurst's courier! I know you now. Your nameis Higginson.'

  It was a come-down for the Comte de Laroche-sur-Loiret, but he swallowedit like a man at a single gulp.

  'Yes, my lady,' he said, fingering his hat nervously, now all was up.'You are quite right, my lady. But what would you have me do? Times arehard on us couriers. Nobody wants us now. I must take to what I can.' Heassumed once more the tone of the Vienna diplomat. '_Que voulez-vous_,madame? These are revolutionary days. A man of intelligence must movewith the Zeitgeist!'

  Lady Georgina burst into a loud laugh. 'And to think,' she cried, 'thatI talked to this lackey from London to Malines without ever suspectinghim! Higginson, you're a fraud--but you're a precious clever one.'

  He bowed. 'I am happy to have merited Lady Georgina Fawley'scommendation,' he answered, with his palm on his heart, in his grandiosemanner.

  'But I shall hand you over to the police all the same! You are a thiefand a swindler!'

  He assumed a comic expression. 'Unhappily, not a thief,' he objected.'This young lady prevented me from appropriating your diamonds._Convey_, the wise call it. I wanted to take your jewel-case--and sheput me off with a sandwich-tin. I wanted to make an honest penny out ofMrs. Evelegh; and--she confronts me with your ladyship, and tears mymoustache off.'

  Lady Georgina regarded him with a hesitating expression. 'But I shallcall the police,' she said, wavering visibly.

  '_De grace_, my lady, _de grace_! Is it worth while, _pour si peu dechose_? Consider, I have really effected nothing. Will you charge mewith having taken--in error--a small tin sandwich-case--value,elevenpence? An affair of a week's imprisonment. That is positively allyou can bring up against me. And,' brightening up visibly, 'I have thecase still; I will return it to-morrow with pleasure to your ladyship!'

  'But the india-rubber water-bottle?' I put in. 'You have been deceivingMrs. Evelegh. It blackens silver. And you told her lies in order toextort money under false pretences.'

  He shrugged his shoulders. 'You are too clever for me, young lady,' hebroke out. 'I have nothing to say to you. But Lady Georgina, Mrs.Evelegh--you are human--let me go! Reflect; I have things I could tellthat would make both of you look ridiculous. That journey to Malines,Lady Georgina! Those Indian charms, Mrs. Evelegh! Besides, you havespoiled my game. Let that suffice you! I can practise in Switzerland nolonger. Allow me to go in peace, and I will try once more to beindifferent honest!'

  INCH BY INCH HE RETREATED.]

  He backed slowly towards the door, with his eyes fixed on them. I stoodby and waited. Inch by inch he retreated. Lady Georgina looked downabstractedly at the carpet. Mrs. Evelegh looked up abstractedly at theceiling. Neither spoke another word. The rogue backed out by degrees.Then he sprang downstairs, and before they could decide was well outinto the open.

  Lady Georgina was the first to break the silence. 'After all, my dear,'she murmured, turning to me, 'there was a deal of sound Englishcommon-sense about Dogberry!'

  I remembered then his charge to the watch to apprehend a rogue. 'How if'a will not stand?'

  'Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go; and presently call therest of the watch together, and thank God you are rid of a knave.' WhenI remembered how Lady Georgina had hob-nobbed with the Count from Ostendto Malines, I agreed to a great extent both with her and with Dogberry.