Insistent

by Kaylee Ryan

  “H-how could you possibly know that?”

  He frowns. “I know that, Cass, because I can’t sleep a fucking wink without you. I reach for you and you’re not there.”

  I nod. “Yeah, who would have thought?” I laugh humorlessly.

  “Me, baby. I didn’t have to think about it. I knew it was going to happen. For both of us,” he adds.

  Falling into my chair, I rest my elbows on my desk and bury my face in my hands. “How are we going to do this, Gavin? I have to sleep. I have to function without you.”

  He stands and kneels next to me. When he pulls my chair out, my hands drop into my lap. “It’s selfish of me to say this, but you don’t have to, Cass. I promise you, if you give in to this—” He runs his large calloused hands on my thighs. Thankfully, I’m wearing dress pants today. I don’t know that I would be able to resist his hands on my bare skin. “You’ll never have to be without me ever again.”

  I’m already shaking my head before he’s finished talking. “You can’t promise that, Gavin. Besides, we’ve been over this.”

  “We have and I told you, I’m fighting. I’m not giving up, not until you’re tucked in close every damn night.” He stands. Leaning down, he presses his lips to my temple. “Have a good day, baby.”

  “So damn insistent,” I murmur as I watch him walk out the door. Grabbing the bag, I pull out my two glazed doughnuts, and a smile tilts the corner of my lips. He really does know me. Sometimes I wonder if he knows me better than I know myself.

  After devouring my glazed doughnuts and half of my black coffee, I almost feel human. I get to work putting together a presentation from the bands I recorded at the festival. That’s when I realize I only recorded two. “Shit,” I mumble.

  “What’s up?” Logan’s voice greets me from the doorway.

  “Oh, you know, just having one of those days.” Logan and I are close, but I don’t think I can tell her, one of my boss’s wives, that I hooked up with one of my other bosses and didn’t do what they paid me to do. Yeah, not a good plan. I swear my life is starting to sound like bad reality television.

  “Anything I can do to help?” she asks, stepping in further and taking the same seat where Gavin sat in earlier.

  “No.”

  “Cassidy.” She says my name just like my mother used to.

  “You really have this Mom gig down tight.” I laugh and so does she.

  “I’m not trying to be your mom. I’m your friend. Tell me what’s going on.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Sure, you can. Besides, I’m sure I already know.”

  “Oh, you think so.” I sit back in my chair and cross my arms over my chest. “Let’s hear it.”

  “You sure?” she asks, smirking.

  “Try me.” I chuckle.

  Standing from her chair, she surprises me when she shuts the door and turns the lock. “Better,” she says, smiling.

  “Now you’re just starting to freak me out.”

  She throws her head back and laughs. “Nothing to worry about, I assure you. You ready?” She rubs her hands together as if telling me what she thinks is wrong with me is exciting to her. If she only knew.

  “Yep.”

  “Here goes. You’re in love with Gavin, he’s in love with you. I can only guess that something happened while the two of you were away, which I was rooting for by the way. Now, you’re living in a state of regret and if I’m to guess, fantasy.”

  “F-fantasy?” I ask, because really there is no use in denying it. I’m a shit liar.

  “Yeah, you know, dreaming about your time with him, wanting to go back. Wanting one more touch, one more kiss, one more day.” She shrugs.

  I try to respond but end up looking like a fish out of water with my mouth opening and closing. Finally, I give up and just move my head from side to side. I’m at a loss as to how she knows all this.

  “Relax, Cassidy. I’m observant, and well, the girls and I have been rooting for the two of you for a while now.”

  “W-what?” Did I hear her right?

  “You heard me.” She answers what I thought was a silent question. “Before you go freaking out, let me remind you that I was in your shoes not long ago.”

  “This is different. You didn’t know that Kacen was your new boss,” I point out.

  “Semantics.” She waves her hands through the air as if brushing me off. “What I want to know is why you’re fighting it? Oh, and I assume from your shocked expression, I nailed it?” She grins.

  “Pretty much.” I fall back against my chair. “I tried to fight it while we were gone, I did, Logan, but he’s Gavin and… yeah, I lost that battle.”

  “Go on,” she says, still grinning.

  “Where are the kids?”

  “With Kace at the house. I told him I had some errands to run, which I do, but I really wanted to get you alone.”

  “Gavin’s here,” I remind her.

  “Yeah, but we locked him out. Besides, if he happens to hear us, it’s not a big deal. He knows what’s going on. Although, I have a feeling the others suspect. The guys I mean. Lauren and Stacy are on my team. We’ve been planning and plotting. Who do you think put the idea in Kacen’s head to send you all by yourselves?”

  “You?”

  She chuckles again. “You’re welcome. So yeah, my husband might suspect, but he never tells me no.” Her smile is blinding. “Now stop stalling, I need details.”

  “I fought it. The first night, I fought it, but damn it was hard. We had such a great day, just seeing the sites, and there’s this graffiti wall and the arch. The second day we were there, we went to the festival early, and we were having another amazing day together. We were trying different beers, and he walked with me through all of the booths. Then we watched the bands, and the crowds were crazy, and he held me in front of him. One thing led to another, and we agreed to one night. Then one night turned into the rest of the time we were away. We didn’t leave the hotel, and now I’m trying to compile the bands we saw and discovered I was so wrapped up in Gavin, so wrapped up in pretending, that I only recorded two of them.”

  “Was one of them Shattered Heart?” she asks.

  “Yeah, I have a ton of footage of them, but just one other. The guys are going to be pissed.”

  “Cassidy, you were there to see Shattered Heart. That’s why we sent you. You make a kickass presentation about the band, refer to their website, YouTube whatever you have to do, and they won’t notice. You can speak about the other band, but really, they only want one.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  “I am, and if you were not beating yourself up so much, you would be, too.”

  “What am I going to do, Logan?”

  “What do you want to do, Cassidy?” She answers my question with one of her own.

  “Real talk?” I ask, and she nods. “I want to be with him. I want to be able to sleep at night because he’s there beside me. However, I need this job, Logan. My mom needs me to keep this job.”

  “I think I’m proof that your job is safe.”

  “For now,” I say. “What happens when this ends, whatever it is? Then what? I know that I can’t be here and be around him and not be with him.”

  “What makes you think it’s going to end?”

  “I don’t,” I confess. It’s the first time I’ve truly admitted to myself that there is another side of the what-if game. What if Gavin and I work out? What if we build a happy life together? I’m afraid to think about that side of the fence, knowing my heart can’t take it. “But it’s the risk… the chance that it could that stops me. She gave up so much for me, Logan,” I say, fighting back the tears. I’ve played different scenarios a million different ways in my mind, and they all come back to Mom and the sacrifices she made for me.

  “I understand, I do. You know what Kacen and I went through. But let me ask you this. What about this scenario? The one where you and Gavin build a life together? Think about that, about the outcome of that.”


  “That’s a dream come true,” I respond immediately, not even having to think about it. “I’ve thought about it, but it’s still a risk. I can’t sacrifice her care. I just can’t.”

  “Yeah, and dreams do come true, Cassidy. You have to stop fighting the unknown. You have to open yourself up to the possibilities, all possibilities. Not just the ‘what happens when this ends’ but the ‘what happens when we live happily ever after?’”

  “You know what I wish? I wish my mom knew who I was. I wish I could talk to her about Gavin. I wish she could tell me what she would do.”

  “I’m sorry, sweetie. I know you miss her, and I can’t imagine her being here in body but not in mind. My heart breaks for both of you. As a mother myself, I’m pretty sure I can tell you what she would say.”

  “Yeah? What’s that?” I ask, even though deep down I already know as well.

  “She would tell you to follow your heart. Love is a gift, one that is rare and precious. She would tell you to take the chance, to fall head first and hope that he catches you and if he doesn’t, even though we both know he will, you are a strong, beautiful woman and you will be okay.”

  My eyes fill with tears. “Like I said, you got this mom thing nailed down tight.” I choke out a watery laugh.

  “Think about it. I’m here if you need to talk. We need a girls’ night soon. I’ll call Stacy and Lauren and set something up.” I stand and hug her goodbye before she unlocks the door and lets herself out. “Hey, Gav,” she says, and I know we’re busted.

  Having given Cass time to eat and consume some coffee, I head back to her office to see if she needs any help with the presentation on Shattered Heart. Her office door’s shut. Hearing voices, I listen closer and immediately recognize Logan. Instead of walking away like I should, I lean against the wall and listen to their conversation. I’m not ashamed to admit that I do a little jig here in the hallway when I hear Logan, the other girls, and even the guys are rooting for us. Not that I thought they wouldn’t be. We’re family.

  I hear the emotion in Cass’s voice and want to break down the door to get to her, to hold her and tell her that it will all be okay. That if she just lets me, I’ll love her until the end of time, and that the what-ifs are nonexistent. All she needs to worry about is where she wants to live and how many babies we’re going to have. My vote is lots, or as many as she’s willing to give me.

  Their conversation comes to an end, and I rush to the opposite side of the wall.

  Leaning my back against it, I cross my arms and legs. I’m going for casual, but I know they’ll both be able to see right through me.

  “Hey, Gav.” Logan winks and smiles as she heads down the hall.

  “Give that baby a hug from Uncle Gav,” I yell after her.

  “Come by and see him he misses you,” she replies over her shoulder, before disappearing on the elevator.

  Looking up, I see Cass watching me, biting her bottom lip. “Easy, baby,” I say, walking toward her. Gently, I press on her bottom lip with my thumb, and she releases it. “What’s wrong?”

  “I only recorded two bands.”

  I nod. “That’s fine. We really only wanted to see Shattered Heart anyway. Can I help?”

  “No. Yes. Hell, I don’t know.” She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

  “Hey.” I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her into my chest. I expect her to remind me that we shouldn’t or pull away. Instead, she surprises me when she buries her face in my chest.

  “This is harder than I thought it would be, Gavin. I can still feel your lips on mine. I can feel your hands on every inch of my skin. I miss your warmth and this, you holding me… I didn’t know it would be this hard.”

  “We can fix that, Cass. You and me. Say the word, and I’ll fix it for you. I just need you to tell me.”

  Her cell phone rings, causing her to pull away and retreat to her office. I follow her; we’re not done here.

  “This is Cassidy,” she greets.

  I watch her closely, taking the opportunity to allow my eyes to roam over her body. When her face pales and her legs wobble so much that she has to hold on to her desk to keep from falling, I rush to her side and wrap her in my arms. Tears, big crocodile tears roll down her cheeks, so I take the phone from her.

  “Hi, this is Gavin McIntosh. Can you tell me what’s going on?” I ask the person on the other end of the line.

  “Mr. McIntosh. This is Marcy from the Better Living Assisted Living. I was calling to talk to Cassidy about her mother.”

  “She’s upset. You can tell me whatever you need to. I’ll be sure to relay the message or do whatever it is we need to do.”

  “I’m sorry, sir, family only,” she says, and I can hear the regret in her voice.

  “Cass is my fiancée,” I say without thinking. It’s not a farfetch from how I see her in my mind anyway.

  “Oh,” she says, surprise in her voice. “Well, Mrs. Hillman has been taken to the hospital. She had an accident. We found her in her room. She’s taken a fall. It appears that she may have had a stroke.”

  A sob escapes from Cassidy’s lips, and I hold her a little tighter. “Which hospital?” I ask. I listen as she tells me which hospital and that the ambulance left no more than five minutes ago. “We’re on our way.” I end the call, sliding her phone in my pocket before wrapping both arms around her. “I got you, Cass. I know you’re worried and upset, but we need to go to her, okay?” My voice is soft and calm.

  “Is she—” She swallows back another sob. “—is she gone?”

  “No, baby. Come on, we need to go. I’ll explain on the way.” I grab her purse from her desk and guide her to the elevator. In the parking garage, I help her into my truck before rushing to the driver’s side. “They found her on the floor of her room. They think she had a stroke,” I explain. She nods, letting me know she heard me. Reaching over, I lace her fingers through mine, cursing the fact that I don’t have a bench seat in the front of my truck.

  Touching the phone icon on my steering wheel, I instruct my hands-free system to call Kacen. It only rings once before he’s picking up. “What’s up, G?” he asks.

  “Hey, I’m on my way to the hospital with Cassidy. She just got a call that her mom took a fall. I left the label, we hadn’t unlocked any doors, but I don’t know what’s on the schedule for today. Can you—”

  “I’m all over it, my man. What else do you need?”

  “Can I get back to you on that?”

  “Yeah. Keep me posted.”

  “Will do.” I hit the phone icon again to end the call. The drive to the hospital takes about twenty minutes due to morning traffic. The entire drive, Cass grips my hand as her silent tears coat her cheeks. I hate this for her and wish I could take the pain. I pray her mom is okay and can bounce back from this.

  Pulling into the lot, Cassidy jumps out of the truck, and I scramble to grab her purse, my phone, and keys to follow after her. To my surprise, she’s standing outside the Emergency Room doors just staring at them. “Come on,” I urge her with my hand on the small of her back. Her feet don’t move. I stand in front of her and cup her face in my hands. “I’m not leaving you, baby. We need to go in and see what’s going on. You with me?”

  “I’m scared,” she whispers.

  “I’m right here and am not leaving you.”

  A subtle nod is all I get as she takes one step and then another until we’re through the doors and standing in front of the receptionist. “Hi, Margaret Hillman, this is her daughter. We got a call that they brought her here.”

  “Name?” the lady behind the desk asks.

  “Cassidy Hillman,” I tell her.

  “Down the hall and to the left is a private waiting room. You can wait there. I’ll let the doctor know you’re here.”

  “Oh, God,” Cass sobs, her hands covering her mouth.

  My hand, which is resting on the small of her back, wraps around her waist and pulls her close. “Breathe, baby. We don’t
know anything yet. I’m sure they never talk to families in the waiting room. There are laws against that.”

  “She was fine yesterday. I mean, she didn’t know me, but that’s nothing new. She was in good spirits.”

  “Come here.” I take a seat in the waiting room and pull her down onto my lap. I don’t say anything, and neither does she. I hold her close, running my hands up and down her back to soothe her. And we wait.

  “Family of Margaret Hillman,” a doctor in a long white coat asks as he enters the room. He’s older, graying hair at his temples. I watch him, trying to read his facial expression. He doesn’t look as though he’s about to deliver us a blow of bad news.

  “Me,” Cass says, standing on shaking legs. I stand with her, placing my arm around her waist, silently letting her know I’m here. “I’m her daughter.”

  “And you?” he says to me.

  “I’m her fiancé.” I stick to my story. Cass doesn’t even blink an eye as she stares at the doctor, waiting for any scraps of information he can give us.

  “Right, it appears Mrs. Hillman has suffered a stroke. We’re still running some tests to see what damage, if any, has occurred.”

  “She’s okay?” Cassidy’s small voice asks.

  “Yes. She’s going to be fine. Although, there might be damage from the stroke. In some cases paralysis and memory loss.”

  “She has Alzheimer’s,” she tells him.

  “Yes. And although that is the case, on her good days, she might not remember as much as she did before.”

  “The good days are few and far between,” she says, wiping her tears. “When can I see her?”

  “We have a few more tests to run, then we will put her in a room. I want to keep her overnight for observation, just to be safe.”

  “Do we know what caused this? Is there anything that we can do to prevent it from happening again?” I ask him. Whatever it is, I plan to make it happen.

  His eyes soften. “Unfortunately, there’s nothing for prevention. We will start her on medication, but that’s not 100 percent effective.”