I, the Tribunal

by P C Hatter

  “When do you plan on arriving at the Patterson’s?”

  “Early evening, unless I get a cancelation.”

  “See you there.”

  I rang off and took a breath. Velvet wouldn’t be in the office yet, so I rang her apartment.

  “Hello.”

  “Hi, Velvet. It’s Kaiser.” I couldn’t help shuffling my feet as I talked to her. “If Duke calls, tell him he can reach me at the Patterson’s place.”

  I gave her the phone number, and she asked, “This have to do with the case?”

  “Yes.”

  “How long you going to be there?”

  “Maybe the weekend.”

  “Anything I can do?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  There was a long pause on the other end of the line that had me fidgeting before she said. “Watch your tail.”

  We said our goodbyes and hung up. I couldn’t help thinking that if I hadn’t met Sylvia, I probably would have hitched my wagon to Velvet.

  I shook off the thought and went to pick up Deloris. Neither of us wanted to talk about Jeromy, so we kept the conversation to the weather on the ride to the Patterson estate.

  At least two dozen cars were parked in the drive when we got to the estate. One of the twins met us, but I wasn’t sure which until she said, “Hello, puss.”

  “Hello, Annabel. Are we late?” I pointed at the cars. “I thought you said this was just supposed to be for a few friends?”

  “The more the merrier.” She smiled and leered at me.

  Careful to keep Deloris in between me and Annabel, we got our bags from the car. Annabel showed Deloris to her room first. When she led me to where I was to lay my head, she nearly knocked me onto the bed.

  After a nice long kiss, I managed to break away for some air.

  “Get out of here, I need to change my clothes.”

  “Why? Can’t I watch?”

  “No.”

  I managed to shoo her out of the room so I could get dressed. Not wanting to have Annabel tackle me again, I waited for Deloris, and we walked downstairs together.

  While Annabel pouted, Francine introduced herself. The two might have been twins, but their demeanor was miles apart. Francine was cordial yet conservative.

  At the first chance she got, Annabel hauled me off to the tennis courts where I spent more time chasing the ball than hitting it.

  “Why don’t we go back to your room and finish this game,” asked Annabel.

  “You in a hurry?”

  “Always.”

  “I need a drink. Where’s the bar?”

  Annabel finally gave up and led me to the bar where I parked my behind on a stool and refused to budge. Guests came and went. A few tried chatting me up but left when I made it obvious that I wasn’t interested. No one seemed to talk my language, and I was wondering what type of party this really was. Eventually, I slipped back to my room and changed into my street clothes.

  Not wanting to deal with inane conversations, I decided to stay in my room and take a nap. Next thing I knew, Sylvia was shaking me awake.

  “Hello, sleepy head.”

  I grabbed and pulled her down to the bed. “Hello yourself.”

  “Have you been up here all day? It’s seven-thirty.”

  “Really? I didn’t think I was that tired.”

  “Well, get dressed for dinner. I want to see Deloris.”

  She pulled away and left the room so I could get dressed. We met again down at the dinner table. If I could have, I would have rearranged the seating cards because Annabel had me sitting right next to her. At least Sylvia sat across from me, next to Deloris.

  Most everyone at the table was unfamiliar to me. I kept glancing at the ostrich down at the end of the table, thinking I’d seen him before. Only when he finally turned his beak toward me did I remember where. He’d gone into the whore house on entertainment night.

  I got Annabel’s attention and asked, “Who’s the big bird at the end of the table?”

  “That’s our lawyer, Henderson James. He used to be a criminal lawyer before he changed to private practice. Henderson is a wiz at investments. Why?”

  “No reason.”

  Dinner was a little awkward with Annabel trying to draw me into suggestive conversations and Sylvia looking as if she was going to put swan on the menu. After dessert, everyone got up and filed outside to the tennis courts. Not only were they lighted, but someone had set up temporary bleachers along one side and folding chairs on the other.

  I stuck close to Deloris and Sylvia. There were so many people, we missed out on the seats and ended up sitting on the grass. The crowd had to be at least six people deep.

  “I didn’t think this many people liked tennis,” I said and scratched my head. “And the set up…”

  “You’d be surprised. Annabel and Francine never do anything halfway.”

  The game was in full swing when Deloris said she was going inside to get an aspirin. She wasn’t gone thirty seconds before Annabel plunked her feathery butt down in Deloris’ spot and said, “There’s some people I want you to meet.”

  I gave Sylvia a pleading glance, but she just smiled as if to say that I could dig my way out of this one. Annabel pulled me out of the crowded area. We were in the bushes and part way to the woods when I stopped and said, “What happened to the people you wanted me to meet?”

  “That was just an excuse. Come on, let’s have some fun.”

  “Look, Annabel, you’re nice and all, but Sylvia and I are engaged. I can’t be running around with you.”

  “Engaged. Goodie, that makes it all the more fun.”

  “No, it’s not more fun.”

  The moon had disappeared behind a cloud, and I could hardly see Annabel. “Can I at least get a kiss?”

  “Sure.”

  The next thing I knew, Annabel had her bill locked on my lips. Not only that, but she didn’t have a stitch on. Hot lava had a cooler temperature.

  By the time we got back, the game was almost over.

  I wiped lipstick off my mug and brushed off my clothes. When she spotted her sister, Annabel, now back in her dress, gave me a wink along with a reprieve.

  Finding Sylvia was a bit of a chore, but I finally did. She was talking to a flamingo and drinking cola.

  “That took a while. Any luck?” she asked.

  “Yes. Sort of. Maybe. You been here all this time?”

  “Isn’t that what a good wife is supposed to do?” She emphasized her words with a laugh.

  A high-pitched scream came from the house. Whoever it was had a set of lungs on them because they didn’t stop as I bolted across the lawn. The maid was still howling when I got to the cloak room and found Deloris on the floor dead. The hole in her chest said it all.

  I had to shake some sense into the maid. Not only to stop her screaming but to show me where the phone was. The baboon finally complied, and I called the gate house and told them not to let anyone out. I then called Duke’s office and told him what happened.

  When I got off the phone, the butler was staring at me. His big owl eyes looked as if they were going to pop out of his head. “What do we do?”

  “Are there any guns in this place?”

  “Yes.”

  “Get the gardeners to set up a perimeter, and don’t let anyone leave the premises.”

  He complied, I just hoped the guests would as well. They weren’t too happy when I told them someone was shot, and they had to stay put.

  Sylvia looked pretty rattled. “Kaiser, who was shot?”

  “Deloris.”

  “Is she?”

  “Dead? Yes. Stay here while I try to get some answers. And if you see the Patterson sisters, send them my way.”

  She nodded and sat down on the stone steps.

  The maid said she hadn’t seen or heard a thing. She’d been at the far end of the house cleaning. So I spoke to the bartender. “Who came in here?”

  “Just a lioness.”

  “Did yo
u leave your post at any time?”

  “Only to get more beer. I wasn’t gone more than a minute.” The mole blinked at me through coke-bottle glasses and said, “But then, I’m a bit near sighted.”

  “Did you hear anything?”

  “Like what?”

  “Like a gun shot.”

  “No.”

  “What about the other entries into the house? Are they all locked?”

  “Yes, sir. Only the one off the porch is open.”

  I quick and checked the downstairs accesses, including the windows. But it was as the bartender said, the place was locked up.

  Back at the cloak room, I gave the scene a closer look. Deloris had her blue coat on and was in front of a full-length mirror. Considering how warm it was outside, it didn’t make sense. Then I smelled the nip. There wasn’t much, just a few flakes on the rug as if someone had dropped a bag and tried to clean up.

  The wound looked like a .45, and Deloris’ body was still warm. Why the killer had gone after her was beyond me.

  Duke, along with the county police, arrived at the house not long after. That dog could get around. By that time, Annabel was blitzed on alcohol, so her sister had to find and turn over the guest list.

  “Is everyone still here?” he asked.

  “Let’s find out.”

  Duke had all the guest packed into the ballroom. As he called off names, he either had them go with other officers to be questioned or sit in the hall. Neither Henderson James nor his assistant were anywhere to be seen, and we had fifteen party crashers to add to the two-hundred plus guest list. I helped out with the interviews. Annabel was with me, so she was alibied. So was her sister. She’d been consulting with the announcer and was in full view of the crowd the entire time. The last one I interviewed was Sylvia.

  “Are you serious?” she asked.

  “It’s procedure.”

  “Fine. After you left with Annabel, I went to get a drink and ended up talking to an armadillo. Wilson, I think is name was. Then there was the flamingo. I’m not sure of his name.”

  I wrote up my notes and handed them in to Duke. Once he verified everyone’s name and address, including the gate crashers, he let them go, informing them they might be contacted again.

  Frustrated and tired, I loaded Sylvia and our stuff into the car, helped her into her silk-lined blue coat with embroidery trim, and we left for the city. The drive was quiet if you don’t want to count me grinding my teeth. The entire situation was insane. Who was this guy and why was he on a killing spree?

  I didn’t know how Henderson James or his assistant played into this mess, but I left finding them up to the hounds in blue. I dropped off Sylvia at her apartment.

  She bent to look in the car window. “Will I see you tomorrow?”

  “Doubt it.”

  “Then try calling me. The Patterson’s are returning to the city Monday, and we’re supposed to have dinner. I won’t be able to see you until Tuesday.”

  “Sure thing.”

  As I watched her walk into the doors of the building, I wondered if I should have walked her up to her apartment door.

  CHAPTER 13

  Sunday was torture. I tried every which way to put the puzzle pieces of the case together, but nothing made sense. Aside from a nagging feeling I’d missed something, I had zero.

  That night consisted of nightmares where the killer was laughing at me. A maniacal shadow that I cursed and tried to get at with no luck. It danced out of claws reach every time.

  Tired of climbing the walls, I refused to stay inside and decided to have dinner at a local greasy spoon. Before I got through the door, I spotted two storks outside the restaurant. One apparently had let the other try on her coat because the one was gazing at her reflection in the glass windows.

  That’s when the answer hit me. The mirror. The mirror Deloris was standing in front of and the realization that the killer had been leading me around like a bull with a ring in his nose. I was beyond angry, and strangely enough, ecstatic. Why in heavens name was I ecstatic? I’d beaten Duke to the answer. It had to be the answer. It was the only thing that made sense.

  I made my way to the killer’s apartment and ghosted one of the residents as they walked into the building. There was no use using the elevator. I didn’t want the operator to nark on me. Besides, I had time. The stairs suited me just fine.

  Using one of my skeleton keys I entered. The darkness didn’t bother me. I already knew the layout of the place and picked a chair next to one of the potted plants to sit and wait.

  I was going to avenge Jeromy. Treat the killer like they treated him. They might take a stab at me, I’m not easy to kill. Besides, I had my gun.

  In the darkness, I let the primal beast within take hold. Cold, dark, and unforgiving.

  The apartment door opened, and the lights came on. She didn’t see me at first, but when she did her tail went rigid. Amazingly, her smile didn’t look forced, but I knew it was. I had the .45 leveled at her stomach.

  “Kaiser, darling, how nice to see you. What’s with the gun?”

  “What do you think? I know Sylvia. You slipped up, and I figured it out.”

  Her brows creased in puzzlement. Every movement correct. Had I not known it was all an act, I would have believed every word that came out of that beautiful mouth. Sylvia was the true huntress. A deadly chameleon people mistook for normal.

  “Drop the act, Sylvia. I know everything.”

  When she walked over to an end table and lit a cigarette, I realized she’d planned an exit. A bolt hole just in case things went south.

  I wasn’t about to let her talk her way out of this.

  “It took me some time, but I figured everything out. Each killing was so cold blooded I figured the killer had to be crazy, or some outsider. But no, it was just someone who didn’t like cops getting too close to their action. While Jeromy might not have been on the force, he was still a cop.

  Sylvia did her best to sell me on tears. I wasn’t buying.

  “Your profession gave you an in with the wealthy, but that wasn’t enough. You got greedy.”

  The tears stopped, but I couldn’t let her talk. If she did, I wasn’t sure if I could keep my promise to Jeromy.

  “You preyed on your client’s weakness with drugs. Prescription drugs are easy enough for a doctor to get ahold of. The more you offered the more money they handed over. Everything was working out fine until you met Damien Styles and tried your hypnosis act on him. Your book is well thumbed.”

  Her hands slid slowly up to her blouse, and she unbuttoned it.

  “Neither of you were who you presented to the world. Two vipers in a cage. Then Jeromy stumbled into the picture and got suspicious. Meeting Phillis confirmed his suspicions of Styles, but he didn’t suspect you. When you spotted those yearbooks, you knew Styles was going down and were afraid he’d take you down as well, trying to get a lighter sentence. You waited for Chatty to go back to sleep and disconnected the bell. Did he let you in, or did you swipe his keys? No matter. You couldn’t resist making a study of him as he died.”

  The blouse fell to the floor.

  “You grabbed the yearbooks along with the notations and told Styles to make sure Phillis kept quiet. Only you followed him and made certain neither could say a word. Luck was with you when you spotted the madam’s escape and followed her. And let’s not forget Axel Dabrowski. Styles probably told him everything. Dabrowski had to be silenced. Too bad you missed. I didn’t. Again, lucky you.

  Her fingers went to her skirt, and it slipped to the floor.

  “Clancy was just an accident. A poor dumb pigeon that didn’t want to lose a plum job. A client probably called you to say he hadn’t arrived. You had to retrace his steps to find him. Too bad you forgot to plug back in the bell when you returned from shooting him. Chatty never knew you weren’t in the dark room. You’re too good at figuring out a person’s mind. Deloris was easy. What female can resist trying on another’s coat, especially one with
embellishments. How did you get her to switch coats? Maybe Deloris intended to run when she realized what you were. I’m guessing you were delivering a shipment to Henderson James for one or more of his clients. That’s why he and his assistant ran. They didn’t like the idea of getting caught with the stuff. How’d you slip by the bartender? Was his back turned or did you know ahead of time the poor guy could barely see past his nose. No one noticed you leave or return. No tribunal would convict you because it’s all circumstantial evidence.

  Sylvia had removed her bra and panties. An ethereal seductress that stepped toward me with arms outstretched to encircle my neck and take my breath away.

  The gun roared and Sylvia staggered back. Her eyes glared at me in disbelief. I stood up and glanced behind me at the .45 partially hidden under the leaves of the plant. The silencer was still screwed onto the barrel. She could have reached it easily and blown my head off had I not shot her when I did.

  When I heard Sylvia fall, I turned back to her. Pain joined her look of unbelief as she bled out.

  “You shot me.”

  “Yes, I did.”

  COllect all thirteen POACHED PARODIES of kAISER WRENCH

  I, the Tribunal

  My Claws are Quick

  Retribution is Mine!

  A Solitary Evening

  The Great Slay

  Pet Me Fatal

  The Female Trackers

  The Worm

  The Contorted Figure

  The Figure Fans

  Existence…Eliminated

  The Carnage Male

  Dark Lane

  OTHER BOOKS BY

  STACY BENDER

  Ursa Kane

  I Like Alice

  Man on the Stair

  Malum

  Boxers & Briefs: Book of Shorts

  The Sav’ine Series:

  Emerald Tears

  Hands of Onyx

  Diamond Mind

  Sons of Amethyst

  Moonstone Child

  Bloodstone Reborn

  Pearl of Sorrow

  (Written under Catherine Bender)

  Dead Letter

  Body in the Boot