by Nora Cobb
***
After school, I walk alone to the parking deck, and by chance, Lucas and I end up waiting for the elevator together. He still won’t acknowledge me, and that pisses me off. He’s as much to blame as I am for everything that’s happened. Lucas waits for me to step onto the elevator first. No matter how he feels, the guy still has manners. For a moment, I wonder if he’ll get on with me, or wait for the next.
“You can’t catch an STD on the elevator.” My voice is colder than my joke.
He frowns.
“It’s a joke,” I add. I step toward the back and lean against the carpeted wall. “Besides, I’m the one who should be mad at you.”
He flinches and takes the bait, stepping in. “Why you?”
Shrugging my shoulders, I scoff. “I think you compared me to Arielle.”
His lips twitch, but the smile doesn’t stick. “Two blondes breaking hearts. You’ve got a lot in common.”
Sighing, I glare at the back of his perfect head, but he refuses to look my way as he watches the doors close. The elevator stops on the second floor, but Lucas stays on. The whole school knows his car is parked on two. He shifts his weight, stepping from right to left, and we wait for the doors to shut again.
Lucas rides up to the fourth level, where I’m parked. I step off the elevator, and with his hands buried in the pockets of his camel coat, he follows me. As we walk, Lucas talks in a sophisticated but casual tone, as if he’s commenting on a dull nature documentary.
“When you first came to Montlake, you were a breath of fresh air compared to the pettiness and the cattiness of the other girls.” He pauses and draws in a long breath. “But in the end, you turned out to be almost exactly like them. And it happened overnight.”
“You are delusional, you jerk.” I spin around and face him. “I’ve been dragged off to hell and had to find my own way back again.”
“Did you take the high road or the low road?”
“You’re such an asshole!” I shout.
I’m tired of talking, and I swing my backpack at him. I don’t expect to hurt Lucas. He’s solid from ice hockey. I just want to express my disappointment and fury.
Lucas grabs my hands, and I stop, yanking my hands away. I stamp my foot like a toddler without a toy, but instead of yelling, I find myself laughing hysterically.
It’s so crazy. He’s telling me that I’m an uptight snob while the world thinks I’m loose and easy.
Unexpectedly, Lucas starts to laugh too. My car is only a few steps away, and he backs me up against it. His hard hips push into me, and I feel guilty as a tingle sparks inside my body. My hair is blowing into my eyes, and involuntarily, I look away. But he pulls my chin forward and brushes the hair softly out of my face.
“I just want the old Natalie back.” He stares into my eyes, and I sense the truth in his words.
“I want her back too,” I’m caught in his tender hazel gaze. “But I’m afraid she’s gone.”
“That’s a shame,” he whispers against my hair. “Because that’s the girl I fell in love with. The only girl that’s truly special.”
I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that. But hearing those words come out of his mouth makes my heart skip a beat. The girl he fell in love with. The only girl that’s truly special.
I know nothing about that. Writing my college essay was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do because I’ve never spent the time thinking about what makes me unique. Sure, I’m good at math. But except for Jacob, what boy would be interested in that? I don’t know what makes me appealing to Lucas, so my response sounds flippant.
“You’re just trading one blonde for another.”
He takes my arm and tugs me toward his mouth. Lucas kisses me softly on the lips. A loving kiss that is more tenderness than passion. I sigh as the tension leaves my shoulders and physically, my stance becomes smaller as he hugs me, just hugs me, and I know I’m forgiven.
“Maybe you’re not as thoughtless as you look,” I tilt my chin up and tell him in a casual tone, trying to keep my cool. I haven’t chosen yet, and he’s not making this any easier.
Lucas pulls away and stares at me with an incredulous look. “Thank you,” he says as the harshness melts into a cocky smile.
CHAPTER 22
Natalie
Over the next few days, things take a noticeable turn.
Anthony helped take down all of the stolen photos that he could find on social media. He notified the offending websites that I’m in high school, not mentioning my legal age, and suggested that charges would be pressed. The threat worked, and my photos came down almost immediately.
At school, Jacob has made it clear that his fists are still in charge, even if Troy is on top. More importantly, he’s made it clear that he won’t hesitate to use those fists to make his point known. After all, he doesn’t mind running laps in freezing temperatures.
Lucas sits with me in the cafeteria again so I won’t have to hide out in my car. If I don’t show up on time, he goes to the courtyard and escorts me to the second table where I sit with him, Jacob, and even Nicholas Mancuso. Troy and Arielle now sit at the first table with Lexi and Cora. Every time I look at Mancuso, his eyes are on Cora and her thick red hair.
Home again, I finally have the chance to enjoy an evening of my own. The warm water in the shower feels good on the back of my neck as it washes away the burden and the strain of the past week. I told the boys that the house is off-limits this weekend because I really need to recharge. That and I need to study. My focus is solely on leaving Montlake with a diploma. And after that, I will decide.
But I know that Jacob wants me to decide now.
I slip into a cozy, warm bed, but my busy mind keeps me awake. I have to calm it down. Thinking about the last tutoring session with Jacob, I wonder if there will be a repeat.
He didn’t have to remove a stitch of clothing to be sexy. I could feel his solid muscles under his sweats. And the hard length of him under his jeans. He didn’t take advantage of me when he so easily could have. I would say he was playing for keeps, but he’s not playing any games with me now. Not anymore.
The electricity I felt when he touched me was real, and I’ve never come like that in my life. Thinking about his muscles makes me squirm under the sheets.
Unfastening my flannel shorts, I slip my fingers into my panties and explore myself. I’m definitely damp. A small shock of pleasure shoots through me as my eyes squeeze shut. Under the covers, I pull my shorts down and steadily finger my wet folds. Teasing my body until my finger circles my clit.
Unexpectedly, I see Lucas’ face as he kissed me on the parking deck. The hint of cologne light on his skin, and the gentle pressure of his touch make my hips twist. My face heats up, and I feel another surge of pleasure.
My hand moves slightly, adjusting the position over my clit. I erupt in involuntary shudders, losing control of my thoughts as an image of Anthony’s lean torso flashes into my head. His tattoos cover his lean, mean frame. My bad boy whose kind heart I’m breaking. Bending my knees, I open my legs.
Desire grips my trembling body in a tight hold, and I cannot stop the image of Troy invading my brain. My head spins into alarm, but my body keeps responding. It can’t forget the desire I felt that night in a darkened room. And a strange cocktail of emotions threatens to bring me down—arousal, shame, and jealousy form into a tight constricting ball. Determined, I don’t stop myself. I will do what I have to do in order to reclaim my sexual pleasure and take it back as my own.
My fingers stroke my moist pussy as I conjure up Jacob’s sexy wink and hard chest. I see a tasty image of his built pecs and broad shoulders from that day in the hot tub, and a spray of dark hair over his muscular chest. My body presses against my bed as I come, shaking with release and dripping with satisfaction.
My fingers coax the last tremors of pleasure out of my aching core, and I relax into a satiated sleep as the faces of Jacob, Lucas, Anthony, and even Troy flash in and ou
t of my dreams.
CHAPTER 23
Natalie
Knowing that the coolest guys in school have my back, I walk back into the cafeteria, head high and defiant. But my sure steps falter when I don’t see Lucas or Jacob at the second table. I don’t dare look at the back table where Beth sits alone without Anthony.
Hurriedly, I get a tuna sandwich at the deli counter while Cora and Lexi stand just a few feet away, critiquing my plaid outfit. Cora has gotten a lot bolder since Lucas and Jacob dropped in rank. She and Lexi gladly stepped in to fill the gap left behind.
Cora dresses in all red, all the time, to match her hair. She looks like a demon that hides her pointed tail in her skirts. And Lexi. She’s decided to dye her black hair magenta and wear only clothes from her mom’s New York boutique. She claims to be her mother’s muse. If you ask me, her mom must be running out of ideas.
“I like the black leather boots,” whispers Cora, loud enough for the deaf to hear. I have on simple black leather boots that match my red plaid jacket.
“Yes,” giggles Lexi. “They’re tasty. Do you think she’s a dominatrix now?”
“I hope so.” Cora laughs. “My dog needs training.”
Cruel giggles follow me as I head out of the cafeteria and toward the courtyard.
My steps slow down as I enter the courtyard. Jacob, Lucas, and Anthony are sitting on the low wall, eating lunch together. Sure, Jacob and Lucas eat lunch together, but in the cafeteria and never with Anthony. I can’t wrap my brain around what I’m seeing, and my expression must tattle on me because the boys smirk when they notice me.
“Is it Armageddon?” I ask. “No, because you’re missing a horseman.”
“No, we aren’t,” Lucas laughs. “You’re our fourth.”
Jacob pats the empty spot on the wall beside him, and I sit down, placing my sandwich daintily on my lap. Whatever conversation they were having before I showed up has died on their tongues. We sit in awkward silence, and the only sound is the constant chewing of food as we each lose ourselves in our own thoughts.
I barely touch my tuna sandwich, wondering if I’m being set up. There was a time when they would have done that to me. And I wonder if they’ve been kind to me to bring me down.
Jacob’s hand rests on my shaking knee, keeping it from bouncing up and down and knocking my lunch to the ground.
“Relax,” his deep voice commands, “No one here is going to hurt you. Not with me around.”
I swallow. “Then why are you all here?”
“Just to hang,” answers Lucas. “Natalie, you shouldn’t have to hide anymore.”
“Is it that noticeable?”
“You put on a brave face, but you’re looking stressed.”
I am stressed. The solicitations are still showing up in my box despite Anthony’s attempts to take them all down. I finally had to tell Uncle Phil and watch him go bonkers. My pictures went viral, and like a biological virus, it may go dormant but later reappear just to remind me that it’s not through with me yet. Undesirable, it will never go away.
My knees stop shaking, but Jacob doesn’t take away his hand. The tension from the boys is so thick I could float up in the air on it. Gently, I push his hand off my knee. His jaw twitches, but Lucas’ shoulders relax, and he takes a bite of his protein bar to cover his grin. I may not be able to undo everything, but I can be open and honest starting now. The girl that Lucas thought I was really does exist.
Tossing my sandwich aside, I stand up and face them. “I need to talk to all of you.”
Anthony looks at Lucas, and Lucas looks at Jacob, but Jacob looks directly at me. Their expressions are almost comical, but I don’t dare laugh because it would be wrong. Instead, I clear my throat and begin to speak.
“This is hard to admit, but I can’t choose because I have strong feelings for each one of you.”
Jacob narrows his eyes, causing his brows to knit together. “What do you mean by strong feelings?” He looks at Anthony, but Anthony’s startled gaze goes to me.
“It means that I feel the same way toward each one of you.” Slowly, I take a step forward as if my feet are considering bailing, but instead, I step in front of Jacob first. Ms. Petrenko’s words echo in my head. It’s okay to ask a guy why he likes you. And you better get a legit answer.
I place my hands on his strong shoulders, feeling the muscle under his heavy letterman jacket. He puts a hand on my waist, staking his claim in front of the others, and I feel a shiver go through my body, recalling what he’s done to me.
“Jacob, I love your strength and your loyalty. You don’t back down. Not on the field or in love. I’ll never find another guy willing to protect me so vigilantly. You don’t give a fuck because you don’t have to. You make it clear that I’m yours. The code doesn’t run your life.”
I lean in toward him, pressing a soft kiss on his forehead. His dark eyes flicker shut for a moment, and his fingers play on my waist. I step away, and for a moment, he won’t let me go, then his hand reluctantly slides off my body.
Smiling softly, I step over to Lucas. Undaunted, I wait until his gaze lifts, and I look into his hazel eyes. There is a tenderness mixed with love. Though he tries to disguise it, what he feels is plainly there.
“And Lucas, I love you because you are the sweetest boy. I feel safe to be me and open up. To be goofy or cry. You never shame me for being real. I’m not embarrassed to cry snotty tears or laugh like a madwoman. You cherish all of me because we’re the same. I know you hide your emotions from others, but when we’re together, you share who you really are. I feel emotionally safe with you.”
Lucas’ posture relaxes as his face beams an open smile. It’s cold outside, but the warmth I feel from him makes me feel cozy. I kiss his forehead softly before I step away.
Anthony’s wide eyes watch me, and his bottom lip trembles. Relief washes over him as my hands rest on his shoulders. He’s my Tin Man. Though things have gotten fucked up between us, Anthony still has my heart.
He smiles sweetly as he sighs, and like the others, Anthony places his hand on my waist. “I love you too, Anthony,” my voice trembles, “We’ve had the roughest time together, but we’ve seen the best and the worst in each other, and it didn’t scare us off. We’re on the same page and always have been from the start. It’s more than coming from the same hometown. We connected. You’re not afraid to stand alone and go against the rest, whether it’s right or wrong. I admire that in you, and I hope to be like that one day.”
I lean in to kiss his forehead, and Anthony sighs loudly, digging his fingertips into my waist. He doesn’t let go when I pull back. In his eyes, I want to see absolution, but I don’t. I see hopeful love. Anthony’s despair has left now that he knows he’s loved.
With gentleness, I push his hands off my sides and step away. Lifting my head, I face them, and I’ve made my feelings clear. But I can see from the confusion on their faces that I’ve not convinced Lucas or Jacob yet.
“You want us to share you?” Jacob’s tone is incredulous, and he cuts a hard look at Anthony.
“I can’t choose one,” I state, “because I’ve chosen all of you.”
“He might be happy with scraps,” Jacob scowls at Anthony, “but I don’t play that way.”
“My feelings are equal,” I reply. “And I’m honest. I need you all right now, and if you love me, you will understand why I do.”
Jacob is silent, and he looks at a sullen Lucas, who shrugs his shoulders.
“I get it,” Jacob replies, but he cast a dark look at Anthony. “I’m just not sure about the cast of characters.”
Jacob gives Anthony a look, but Anthony’s not backing down now that he has me.
“You started a lot of shit, welfare boy. You know that, right?” Jacob’s voice is dark and low. And I realize then that his objections are deeper than money and status.
“No,” replies Anthony, his tone firm as he sits up straight. “Troy caused a lot of shit. You’re no better at keeping him in
line than I can.”
Jacob scowls while Lucas averts his eyes, but they refuse to acknowledge Anthony’s comment, probably because it’s true.
“So, how does this work?” says Jacob. “Do we get days?”
Abruptly, Lucas stands up, and the look on his face expresses disgust. He points to Jacob. “You and me? Maybe.” He turns his finger to Anthony. “But not him.”