When Two Rivers Meet (Regency Romance)

by Deborah M. Hathaway

The man's concerned words brought new tears to Lilyanna's eyes, and she turned around to face him.

  Mr. Lowick's brows raised when he, no doubt, took in the sight of her tear-stained cheeks.

  "What has happened, flower?" he asked with all the love of a grandfather.

  Lilyanna let out a sob as she ran to him, weeping into his chest as she felt his warm arms wrap around her shoulders.

  "Oh, Mr. Lowick," she said amidst her sobs, "I have done something most terrible, and I do not know if I will ever be able to make it right."

  "There, there, Miss," Mr. Lowick said, patting her back. "I am sure it will be fine."

  After a few more moments, her cries quieted, and she pulled back, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "Forgive me, Mr. Lowick," she said. "I did not mean to…to…"

  "Not at all, Miss," Mr. Lowick said, his voice gentle.

  "Only I…" she said, trying to continue. "I am at a loss. I do not know what to do."

  Mr. Lowick cleared his throat. "When I am in distress, Miss, I find talking always helps."

  Lilyanna nodded as she continued to wipe her tears away. She let him lead her to a nearby bench where she sat down before he retrieved a stool for himself, placing it in front of her before settling down and taking her hand in his.

  He smoothed his white mustache with his free hand, saying, "Now, Miss, tell us what's happened."

  Lilyanna looked into his graying eyes, and before she knew it, the whole story came out, everything from Mr. Quigley's ungentlemanly behavior to Elijah's good character, from Mrs. Crosgrove's terrible request to their treatment of Mrs. Bainbridge.

  "And as I stood there listening to my mother's unkind words," Lilyanna said, "I was too afraid to say anything for fear of disobeying her. So I simply stood there in a cowardly silence. I may not have said anything hurtful, but my lack of action was a far greater offense."

  Her heart ached as she thought of the look of betrayal on Elijah's face, knowing he must have thought her to be exactly like Miss Billings, and she despised having made herself comparable to such a woman.

  "I fear I will never be able to make this right, Mr. Lowick. What if Mrs. Bainbridge does not forgive me? What if I may never see Mr. Bainbridge again?"

  Mr. Lowick remained silent for a moment, and Lilyanna prayed for the wisdom he used to share with her when she was a child.

  Her ears perked up when he opened his mouth. "Is that not what your mother desires," Mr. Lowick said, "for you to never see the Bainbridge family again?"

  "Yes, that is exactly what she wants," Lilyanna responded bitterly.

  "And what is it you want, Miss?"

  His simple question caught her off-guard, for she was not often asked her opinion. She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts.

  "I want to be with Mr. Bainbridge," she said after a moment. "I want to apologize to his mother. I want to be treated as an adult." She paused again before saying, "And I want to choose how to behave, no matter what others tell me to do or what they may say about me."

  The old groom smiled across from Lilyanna. "Then, Miss, that is exactly what you should do."

  His simple answer made his solution sound easy, but doubt flooded her mind. "But how can I, Mr. Lowick? How can I if it goes against my mother's wishes?"

  She could see him hesitate, so she pleaded, saying, "Please, Mr. Lowick. Say what is on your mind. As my friend, my mentor, you may say whatever you wish."

  Moments passed until he spoke again. "If you would not mind, Miss, I shall tell you what I told my son many years ago."

  Lilyanna nodded eagerly, ready to glean whatever advice she could from the man made wise by years of experience.

  "Geoffrey, my son, was eighteen at the time, living with me and Mrs. Lowick. He had responsibilities he proved to neglect over and over, so we, as his parents, advised him to do otherwise. As we spoke words of counsel with him, he would protest, saying he did not want to be treated as a child. One day, as Geoffrey mentioned the same complaint against us, I convinced him to join me on a walk. It is there I told him if he wanted to be treated like an adult, he had best start behaving like one."

  Lilyanna listened intently, his words humbling her.

  "So you see, Miss," the groom continued, "in order for you to receive the things you desire, you must act. If you wish others to see you as an adult, you must behave as one."

  The weight holding Lilyanna down for what seemed like years slowly lifted as her mind cleared with the wise man's words.

  "Do you understand, Miss?"

  Lilyanna nodded. "I do. I believe that if I am to become an adult, I must take the first step in that direction by taking responsibility for my actions. I must apologize to the Bainbridges for my behavior, even if it means doing so without my mother's approval, for that is the right thing to do."

  Mr. Lowick smiled. "I do not wish to encourage disobedience to your mother, Miss, for that can be just as important. However, there is a time where we all must choose how to behave for ourselves, even if it is in spite of another's wishes."

  "I do not wish to disobey her," she said, "but I cannot, in good conscience, let my actions go without apology. I will not. Even if the Bainbridges will not forgive my folly."

  "And that is where it will be hard, Miss," Mr. Lowick said, his white brows raising, "for no matter how repentant you are, the wronged person may choose to forgive or condemn. However, if this man and his family are as good as you say they are, you shall have nothing to fear."

  He paused for a moment before Lilyanna noticed a small twinkle in his gray eyes. "Besides, Miss, he rides a very fine stallion. And as I always say, you can tell a great deal about a man by how he rides his chosen steed."

  Lilyanna smiled, and though her fear of Elijah holding her mistake against her threatened to cripple her, she determined to do right by his family.

  The two of them stood, and Lilyanna said, "Thank you, Mr. Lowick. I do not know how I can ever repay the kindness you have shown me."

  Mr. Lowick looked to the straw speckling the stable floor. "No need at all, Miss. And I do hope I have caused no offense in overstepping my bounds, Miss, what with speaking to you so openly."

  Lilyanna noticed his reserved behavior returning, so she walked over and kissed him on the cheek. "You have always been there for me, Mr. Lowick, even more than my own parents. Should you ever feel the need to advise me in any regard, please, do not hesitate to do so."

  "Thank you, Miss," Mr. Lowick said, bowing his head.

  And with that, Lilyanna made her way from the stables to Heatherhill, feeling much lighter. Mr. Lowick was right. If Lilyanna wanted to be seen as an adult, then she would have to prove to her mother she was capable of making her own decisions, even if that meant going against Mrs. Crosgrove's wishes. And though she did not wish to disobey, her desire to do what was right could not be extinguished.

  She closed Heatherhill's large doors softly behind her and walked up the stairs and through the hallways, seeing only a few of the scullery maids lighting fires in the rooms as she passed by.

  When she made it to her room, Lilyanna gathered her courage, preparing to call upon Mr. and Mrs. Bainbridge as soon as possible. She prayed for the ability to escape without the notice of her mother, as well as for forgiveness from the Bainbridges, mother and son.

  Chapter Twelve

  Standing in the open hallway of the Godfrey's home, Lilyanna laced her fingers together, squeezing tightly. She rehearsed in her mind what she would say when, if, the butler showed her in, praying Mrs. Bainbridge would only listen long enough for her to apologize.

  As she heard footsteps coming down the hallway, her heart beat fiercely as she feared it would be Elijah, but the butler's solemn face appeared instead, and she sighed as a small ounce of relief entered her spirit. She did not think she could handle seeing Elijah before apologizing first to his mother.

  The butler motioned her forward, and her legs felt heavy as she followed him down the short hall and around the corner t
o the parlor's wide open door. She clutched her shawl tightly until her knuckles turned white, only then noting her lack of decorum in wearing the light covering instead of her Spencer jacket, which she had been in too much of a hurry to retrieve that morning.

  She brushed the thought aside in an instant, however, as she knew the Bainbridges would be the last people to complain of her lack of proper clothing.

  I hope so, at least, she thought with anxiety.

  She entered the room after she was announced, her eyes carefully scanning the surprised faces of Mr. and Mrs. Bainbridge and their daughter, and relief flooded through her once again as there was no sign of Elijah.

  However, her comfort was short-lived, and her fears returned as she saw each pair of eyes staring in her direction.

  After curtsies and bows were exchanged, Lilyanna looked up with red cheeks, unsure of where to begin.

  "Good morning, Miss Crosgrove," Mr. Bainbridge said first, his tone polite.

  All she could do was nod as she stared helplessly at the family.

  "Please, do sit down," Mrs. Bainbridge said after a moment's silence. "We were only enjoying some tea. I am afraid Elijah is out early this morning, but you may still join us if you wish. Let us call for another cup."

  Lilyanna remained standing near the doorway. "Thank you," she said in a small voice, "but I cannot stay for long."

  Silence ensued until she took another deep breath. "I apologize for calling at so early a time and without leaving my card first, but I feel…I only came so early to…to speak with you about what occurred last night…at the ball."

  She saw the looks of surprise on both Mr. and Mrs. Bainbridge's faces before Hazel stood.

  "If you would excuse me," she said, making her way to the door, "I have sent Mr. Godfrey out to post a letter, but I am not sure if he has returned yet. I think I shall seek him out."

  Hazel sent a small smile in Lilyanna's direction, and a glimmer of hope settled in her heart until the door closed soundly behind her.

  "Please, come sit down, Miss Crosgrove," Mrs. Bainbridge said.

  Regret tugged at Lilyanna's soul again as she watched the couple holding hands and sitting near each other on the couch, all bubbling laughter and chatter absent.

  Slowly, she moved to a seat across from them, sitting down and staring at the floor.

  "Now," Mr. Bainbridge said, softly, "you may continue whenever you are ready."

  Lilyanna searched her mind for where to begin, wondering if she would ever find the courage to ask for forgiveness. Mr. Lowick's words that morning spurred her on as she thought of her desire to be seen as an adult. So, forgetting her fears, she took a deep breath and finally looked up to meet their gaze.

  "As I said before, I have come to speak of last night." Her eyes moved to Mrs. Bainbridge. "And I would like to apologize for my behavior, as well as my mother's. It was uncalled for, and I take full responsibility, but I would like you to know how fully I have come to regret our actions. I should greatly appreciate your forgiveness. However, if you would like me to leave here and never return, I will not blame you. I would only have you know how utterly sorry I am."

  Warmth enveloped her as smiles instantly broke out upon both Mr. and Mrs. Bainbridge's faces.

  "Why, Miss Crosgrove," Mrs. Bainbridge said, standing up and walking straight over to her, bending over and hugging her, "of course we do not wish for you to leave. You are most welcome here!"

  Lilyanna did her best to return the unexpected hug from her seated position, tears threatening to spring from her eyes at the woman's kindness.

  Mrs. Bainbridge ended their embrace and pulled a chair up close to her. She sat down as she grasped Lilyanna's hand between her own. "Is this why your cheeks are so tear-stained, dear," she asked to Lilyanna's embarrassment, "because you thought you needed to apologize?"

  Lilyanna nodded. "I know I needed to apologize, Mrs. Bainbridge. Words cannot express how badly I regret my behavior."

  Mr. Bainbridge stood and walked to where his wife sat, putting a strong hand on her small shoulder. "Miss Crosgrove," he said, his deep voice so similar to Elijah's, "forgive me if I speak out of turn, but, from what I have heard from my dear wife, it was not you who spoke unkindly."

  Lilyanna knew he spoke of her mother, but she shook her head. "I do not deny that my mother was the one to speak in such a way, but it was I who stood by in silence and let her treat you so cruelly."

  "Now, now, Miss Crosgrove," Mrs. Bainbridge said, patting her hand. "You made a mistake. Who of us has not?"

  Lilyanna looked up to see Mr. Bainbridge pointing to himself, and she could not help but laugh as Mrs. Bainbridge affectionately swatted his hand down.

  "I suppose you are right," Lilyanna said, feeling lighter as her guilt decreased.

  "Yes, I am," Mrs. Bainbridge said with a wink. "Now, is there something else troubling your mind?"

  Lilyanna's frown returned as she nodded slowly. Her mother's relationship with Captain Crosgrove had deteriorated over years of no communication, but Lilyanna was determined to never let that happen between herself and the people she cared about.

  "What is it, dear?" Mrs. Bainbridge urged.

  "You see, my mother has heard of the rumors surrounding your son."

  Lilyanna, upon seeing their faces cloud over with concern, hurried on. "I have begged her to not give any credence to these falsehoods, expressing my knowledge of their untruth, but she has refused to believe her daughter over the words of strangers."

  Mr. and Mrs. Bainbridge exchanged wary glances before Mrs. Bainbridge said, "Elijah has received much criticism these past few years because of the actions of another, and he has been hurt deeply by the accusations surrounding him. We wish nothing more than for his name to be cleared."

  "Unfortunately," Mr. Bainbridge added, "as parents, no matter how hard we try, we cannot always protect our children."

  Mrs. Bainbridge nodded. "No, indeed. So we cannot blame Mrs. Crosgrove for showing precaution where her daughter's reputation is concerned. However, we do wish more people would do as you have, that is, observe Elijah's actions and behavior and decide for themselves what kind of man he is, rather than believing the words of others."

  Lilyanna nodded. "I only wish my mother would do so, for she has requested that I not…"

  The words would not escape her mouth, even as she attempted to swallow her sorrow.

  "That you not see Elijah, or us by extension, any longer?" Mr. Bainbridge asked when she could not find her words.

  Lilyanna again hung her head in solemnity, her silence answering the question.

  "Should you not be here then, Miss Crosgrove?" he asked.

  She shook her head. "I told her I was calling upon friends today and insisted I go on my own. I do not know what she would do, should she find me out, but I could not let a day go by without coming to apologize to Mrs. Bainbridge directly."

  They nodded before she continued. "I have grown fond of you both, as well as your family. My mother's request pains me greatly."

  "As it does us, Miss Crosgrove," Mrs. Bainbridge said. "And…and what then of Elijah?"

  Lilyanna looked into Mrs. Bainbridge's brown eyes, but she did not have an answer for her.

  "I do not mean to pry, my dear," she continued, "but it is my understanding that you and Elijah have formed a rather strong attachment, have you not?"

  Lilyanna blushed, nodding, and she saw the couple exchange looks.

  "Have you thought of how you shall manage the separation?" Mrs. Bainbridge asked.

  Lilyanna had certainly thought of it. "I have decided it will be best to follow my mother's counsel, at least for the moment. I hope that in time, she will see reason and eventually allow me to make my own decisions."

  "And if she does not?"

  Lilyanna sighed. "I have not thought of what I would do then."

  She looked up to Elijah's parents, hoping she did not disappoint them with her answer. However, their warm, understanding smiles helped calm
her fears.

  "You are wise to make such a decision, Miss Crosgrove," Mr. Bainbridge said, and Lilyanna thought of how she longed to hear those words coming from her own father or mother.

  "Thank you," she said. "If you would be so kind as to let your son know of my predicament and that I should like to speak with him as soon as I can, I would be indebted to you."

  "You are more than welcome to stay here until he arrives, Miss Crosgrove," Mrs. Bainbridge said.

  "I really must be on my way," Lilyanna said with regret.

  "Of course," Mr. Bainbridge said.

  "We appreciate your visit," his wife added. "We know it cannot have been easy to come here."

  The three of them stood and made their way to the door. However, before they got far, Lilyanna bumped into a nearby table, causing a full cup of tea to tip over, splashing across her gown and the carpet below.

  "Oh, I am so sorry," she said, wincing as she expected a rebuke. "I shall clean it up directly."

  "Do not trouble yourself, Miss Crosgrove," Mr. Bainbridge said, bending down to pick up the cup himself.

  "The tea did not scald you, did it, my dear?" Mrs. Bainbridge said, eying Lilyanna's dress.

  "No," Lilyanna answered, blushing, "but I am afraid I have ruined yet another gown."

  She was busy thinking of how she could manage hiding it from her mother when Mrs. Bainbridge said, "Better to hurt a gown than yourself."

  Lilyanna's brows raised at the woman's comment and the sense it made, and she nodded humbly, grateful once again for their kindness.

  The couple waved to her from the parlor door as she traveled the short distance down the hallway. When she reached the front doors of the home, however, she heard her name being spoken from upstairs.

  "Do wait, Miss Crosgrove!"

  Lilyanna turned around to see Hazel darting down the large, marble steps. "Mrs. Godfrey," Lilyanna said, "is something the matter?"

  "No, no, to be sure," Hazel said as she placed a hand to her chest to catch her breath, finally reaching Lilyanna. "I only needed to speak with you before you left."

  "Of course," Lilyanna said.

  "You see," Hazel began, still breathing heavily, "I only wanted to tell you…how impressed I am with…with your coming here."