“Dinner was good.” My hands twitch with the urge to touch him. I bite my lower lip. “Going to tell me what that was all about today with Fallon?”
Ryder swoops in and lifts me up. “Later. First, I need to fuck you.”
I curl my arms around his neck, so giddy with love and lust that I am about to combust, my body burning to ashes from the heat being generated between us.
“I love you, Elizabeth.”
“I love you too. Now shut up and kiss me,” I demand, tugging the hairs on the back of his head.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Chapter 23
Elizabeth
“Are we going to acknowledge the elephant in the room? Or are the two of you going to continue to act like Carthusians and not talk. That was mainly aimed at you, Meredith, since you’ve been uncharacteristically non-talkative most of the day,” Trevor says as he continues to type on his laptop.
It’s almost nine in the evening and Trevor, Meredith, and I are shut in our study room at the library, finishing up our English Lit project which we’ll actually get done tonight once Trevor finishes the final edits.
Meredith looks up from what’s she reading, her eyes like those of a deer caught in headlights, her mouth hanging open but no words coming out. Yep. Trevor was spot on with his observation.
“Yes, I’m curious about the whole Fallon brother thing,” I tell him. “But my mind has been elsewhere today for other reasons that have nothing to do with that. But by all means, let’s cage that elephant.”
Trevor doesn’t look away from what he’s doing, but I see the half-grin that tips his mouth.
My morning started off well. Daniel and I met Julien for our early morning run. Wanting to impress Daniel, I refused to whine and beg Julien for mercy after mile eight, even though my lungs were burning and sweat was pouring off me in sheets. Instead, I listened to Daniel and Julien talk. And boy, did they talk. The entire time. I see a bromance brewing between those two, despite the age difference.
After our run, Daniel and I went back to my place to eat breakfast and get ready for my appointment with Dr. Clairemont. That’s when my morning took a slight turn for the worse. Today’s session was intense. Dr. Clairemont explained that she was going to start pushing me more during our bi-weekly meetings. Daniel was not happy to find out about my “memory episodes,” the ones where I zone out and the ones where I wake up in the middle of the night screaming. I knew I would have to tell him about them eventually, but I also knew that when I did, he and Drew would go into overprotective mode, and that was something I was wanting to put off as long as possible.
So, instead of enjoying a nice walk with Daniel and showing him around campus like I planned, Daniel insisted we stay at my apartment to talk until it was time for me to leave for afternoon classes and evening study group. I was able to carefully deflect his suggestions of meeting with Dr. Clairemont more often every week, moving to a dorm on campus so I was around people, getting a roommate, having a personal bodyguard, getting a dog, moving back to Seattle — that was an immediate no — and asking Ryder to live with me. The last suggestion didn’t bother me as much, but I still declined.
I refocus my attention on Trevor. “Honestly, Trevor. I really don’t know Fallon. Whether you’re his brother or not is neither here nor there for me.”
“He seems to know you,” he replies.
Meredith is staring at me now, her eyes even bigger, and she mouths, “What are you going to say?” at me.
I decide to tell Trevor a partial truth. “He’s friends with Ryder and the other guys I went to school with. I guess he knows me from them.”
Trevor’s gaze flicks up from his laptop screen, his unnaturally blue eyes scrutinizing me. “My little brother gives about two fucks about anything. His life is all about hooking up, partying, and getting high. But you, Elizabeth, are a different story. He went apeshit over you. He threatened me over you.”
“I also remember you antagonizing him.”
“Fallon expects everyone to heel at his boot. I refuse to do so.”
“Fallon doesn’t seem to be such a bad person, Trevor. Yes, he’s a bit odd, and trying to have a conversation with him should be considered an Olympic sport.”
“I hear a ‘but’ coming,” Trevor comments.
“No buts. I think your situation with your brother is sad. Then again, I don’t know the history between the two of you, and I don’t really know either one of you that well, so my opinion isn’t that important.”
“Your opinion matters to me,” he mumbles.
Meredith kicks me under the table to get my attention. She’s holding her phone in her lap, typing furiously. My phone vibrates in the back pocket of my skinny jeans.
“If it were my sibling,” I begin and then out of nowhere I’m slammed with memories of my sister, Hailey. Memories of us running through a forest, memories of us snuggled in bed together as she reads to me, memories of bruises and burn marks.
“Elizabeth! Elizabeth!”
Meredith has her hands on either side of my face, shaking me. My fingers are clenched around the edges of the study room table, knuckles white, arms locked in a rigid position.
I think Trevor might be saying something to me, but I’m not sure. I hear a loud bang like the sound of a door slamming, and then a deep voice demanding, “Move.” Warm, calloused fingers grip the back of my neck and squeeze in a massaging motion.
“Breathe, baby. I’m here.”
Voices in the background. “Is she okay?” “Should we call 911?” “Back up and give her a minute.”
The memories release me and I inhale deeply, like I had been dropped at the bottom of the ocean and have made it to the surface just in time before all my oxygen is used up. My arms relax, my grip lessens from the table, fingers falling away to hang loosely by my sides. I feel myself being lifted and settled back down into a warm embrace. I bury my face deep into a familiar masculine chest that’s rising and falling in a soothing rhythm.
“That’s it. Just breathe with me, Liz.”
Liz?
“Jayson?”
His large hand continues to knead my neck, his other hand applies pressure to the back of my lower spine. Another memory comes. We’re sitting on a branch high up in a tree. He’s holding me, my back to his chest, as tiny twinkling stars flicker all around us like fireflies. I’m falling again into the dark chasm that exists in my mind, being pulled under. I fight it, wrapping my arms around Jayson.
“Don’t let go,” I manage to say.
“I’ve got you. Stay with me.”
“Jay, what the hell?” Ryder’s voice booms out.
“Ryder, what should we do?” Meredith worriedly asks him.
I’m stuck in my own little pocket right now. Everyone else seems so far away. I grip Jayson tighter and listen to his softly murmured words in my ear, absorbing his strength, needing him to keep me in the present so I don’t disappear back into the past.
I hear Ryder say, “Can you guys just clear out and give us space. We’ve got her.”
I hear Trevor. “Elizabeth has my number. She needs anything, you call me.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Ryder replies.
I hear Meredith. “Please call me and let me know how she is.”
I listen to the sounds of shuffling, zippers being pulled, and finally, a door opening and closing. Then silence.
I feel Ryder next to us, his hands joining Jayson’s to rub circles on my back, up and down my arm, down my hair.
“Don’t tell Daniel,” I mumble out.
“Elizabeth.”
“Don’t tell Daniel,” I repeat again, my voice stronger.
Ryder gruffs out a sigh as Jayson says, “We won’t.”
“What happened?” I don’t think Ryder is asking me.
Jayson answers, “I don’t know. I got here and Meredith was yelling. Liz was white as a ghost, frozen in place. Scared the shit out of me. She was breathing weird and staring off into space.”
“One of her memory blackouts?”
“Pretty sure, yeah. I didn’t know they were this bad though. It’s like she checks out.” Jayson moves his hand from my neck and cups the back of my head, fingers tangling in my hair. The slight pinch of pain helps ground me. “What are you doing here?” he asks.
“What are you doing here?” Ryder repeats back.
Neither answer.
I don’t know how long I zone out. I remain in Jayson’s hold as he and Ryder talk. When I finally reconnect to the present, I lift my head to see Jayson’s concerned gaze on me.
“There she is.” He smiles and presses a gentle kiss to my cheek. I lean back and see Ryder watching us silently.
“Ryder.” My breath hitches and Jayson releases me. I reach over and Ryder takes me from Jayson like a parent would a child.
“I’m here,” he tells me like a promise, holding me close, our faces meshed cheek to cheek.
“Liz, is that what happens every time?” Jayson wants to know.
“I think so. I don’t know.”
“Fucking Christ!”
“Jay,” Ryder warns.
“What if she were driving, Ry? What if that shit happens when she’s behind the wheel of a car? Did you ever think about that?”
Ryder releases a “fuck” in reply.
“Or if she’s walking across the street. In the shower. Jesus!” Jayson yells out. “How many times, Liz?”
I refuse to answer and bury deeper into Ryder.
“How many, Liz!”
Jayson’s sharp bark makes me jump.
“Jay, calm down,” Ryder warns him.
“Liz!”
I snap fully back, going from helpless to fighting mad in an instant. Why is it that Jayson seems to bring that out in me?
“I don’t know!” I yell back. “They’ve been happening more and more over the past month, ever since I came here. They’re usually triggered by some word or something someone says. I don’t know how many. They just happen. I don’t keep count.”
“You saw Dr. Clairemont today. What does she say about it?” Jayson continues to press.
“She thinks my memory is coming back. She wants to push me harder.”
I feel Ryder tense up. He pulls away from me and I feel it as if an entire ocean has sprung up between us. What must he be thinking? What did he see when he got here and Jayson was comforting me?
“Ryder, no,” I plead, needing to bridge the distance that just formed between us. “It won’t change anything. It won’t change how I feel about you. My memories will never change the fact that I’m in love with you,” I assure him, completely forgetting in that moment that we have an audience.
“What?” a pained voice breaks behind me.
Shit! Fuck!
“What did you just say?”
“Jayson, I—”
“You love him? What the fuck, Liz?”
I watch as Jayson spears Ryder with a look so malicious, I’m actually afraid of him. His fists curl inward like he’s imaging strangling Ryder with his bare hands. Jayson takes one lethal step forward. I release Ryder and turn around to slam my open palms on Jayson’s chest before he can take another step.
“Jayson. Stop!”
His body is vibrating so hard, I’m surprised the entire library isn’t shaking on its foundation.
“Jayson!” Those liquid silver eyes morph from menace to heartbreak as they snap to me. “I’m so sorry. We didn’t want you to find out like this. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. Please, please just stop.”
“Why Liz?”
“I can’t explain why. I just know I love him.”
“It’s supposed to be me. Me and you. Forever. You’re my soulmate, Liz.”
I’m devastated when I see his eyes fill and spill over. My own tears respond to his pain.
“I’m sorry,” I repeat over and over. “Please don’t hate me.”
“You were supposed to remember us. You were supposed to be mine. Our stars were to lead you back to me,” he says brokenly, collapsing down in a chair, defeat etched over his tear-streaked face.
“Stars?”
Jayson scrubs his hands across his wet cheeks. “Our silver stars. The ones I leave you almost every day. The ones I would hang from our tree. Our stars filled with promises for our future. The ones filled with my love for you.”
“The paper origami stars? Those were from you? But I thought…” I look at Ryder.
“You thought they were from him?” Jayson says incredulously.
I swallow, mouth dry. That’s exactly what I thought.
Ryder’s face starts to blur. Black creeps in around my periphery. In that blackness are hundreds of iridescent silver stars. “I thought… I…”
Once again, I hear the study room door open and someone says, “Is there a problem in here? We’ve received complaints of someone yelling.”
I hear Ryder and Jayson say something, and then I hear nothing at all.
Chapter 24
Elizabeth
Heterochromatic eyes startle me awake. I was dreaming of that night again. I’m surprised my neighbor isn’t pounding the wall down telling me to shut the hell up. I move to wipe my face and feel a stinging tug, then movement from the side of my bed. I jerk when a hand touches my face.
“Hey, baby. You’re awake.”
Ryder.
He kisses me ever so softly on the lips. It’s a barely-there kiss, just a meeting of the lips. My mouth feels parched. So does my throat. I shift to move and feel that sting again. My eyes flutter open and I realize I’m not in my bedroom. Ryder isn’t snuggled beside me. I’m not cuddled next to his warm body in my bed.
My ears recognize the beeping of a heart rate monitor. I see the IV drip line going into my hand.
“Ryder. What?” My throat feels like I just ate nails. “Water,” I croak out. He brings a straw up to my lips and I sip gratefully. He kisses my forehead.
I try again. “Am I in the hospital?”
“Yeah.”
“How long?”
“You’ve been out for about an hour. Hold on. Let me call the nurse and text the guys. They just went with Daniel to the cafeteria for coffee to give Jay a second to cool off. He was getting agitated with the staff and Jules and I didn’t want to be kicked out of the hospital again like last time.”
“Ryder, what happened?”
“What do you last remember?” He gives me an uneasy look.
“The library. I had a memory flash. Jayson.” My eyes look to Ryder in panic. “Oh, God. Jayson. I fucked up. Ryder, please tell me I didn’t say what I think I said.”
Ryder sits down in the chair beside my bed and cups my face. He looks tired, and worried. “Elizabeth, it’s alright.”
“But he was so hurt, Ryder. I did that. I hurt him like that.”
“Jayson will be the first to tell you not to worry. He’s fine. I’m fine. We’ll talk and hash things out. It’ll all be okay. I promise.” His words of reassurance don’t help lessen my apprehension.
I shake my head on the pillow which just makes me dizzy. “I didn’t mean to hurt him. Not like that.”
“Let me text them, okay? Just hold on.”
Ryder hits the call button and tells the nurse that I’m awake. She says she will page the doctor and someone will be in shortly. Instead of texting, he calls Julien.
“Hey, man. She just woke up. Got it.” He hangs up. “They’re heading back up,” he tells me and sits back down, taking my hand between his larger ones. Strong, capable hands that love me. Hands that know exactly how to hold me and touch me.
“I’m not going to leave you, Ryder.” He just blinks and gives me a timid smile. “I mean it. I love you. You, Ryder. I remember everything that happened tonight. So do not, for one second, think that anything will ever erase my love for you. I’m yours. You’re stuck with me,” I say stubbornly, and he exhales with relief.
Ryder drops his head onto our joined hands. “Tonight scared me in more ways than
one. I love you. So very much, Elizabeth.”
“You hold my heart. I think you always have.” He leans over and I sigh into our kiss. Ryder is my home.
As soon as he pulls back, the hospital door opens, and it feels like an entire circus comes parading in. Jayson and Julien come rushing through with Daniel, a nurse and a doctor following close behind. Ryder steps away to give room for everyone to crowd around me. Voices are talking, one on top of the other. Daniel grabs the twins and pulls them away so that the nurse and doctor can get to me. Everyone except the hospital staff has pinched faces, tight with apprehension and exhaustion.
I’m given the all-clear and told I’ll be discharged within the next few hours once the final bloodwork results come in. The doctor says my glucose levels came back low, so that’s what caused me to faint. They’d been giving me intravenous glucose for the past hour and are waiting for to make sure my levels are normalized before I’m released. But I know the real reason, and it’s one I’m not going to discuss with him. I nod yes to everything the doctor says so I can get out of here as quickly as possible. I’ve had enough of sterile hospitals to last me a lifetime.
I know once I’m home, however, I’ll have some explaining to do. To have two memory blackouts, one after the other, has never happened before. Jayson is right to be concerned. What if I am driving a car or doing something else when the next one happens? I could hurt someone. I could hurt myself. It’s something I need to seriously think about.
The doctor and nurse leave and I’m once again surrounded by four men with matching strained faces.
“I’m fine.”
“Fucking hell, princess.”
I look over at Daniel and he gestures to Jayson. “I agree with what he said.”
I don’t know why, but I start laughing.
“I’m glad someone finds this situation funny,” Julien grumbles.
“I’m fine. Like the doctor said, low blood sugar. I didn’t eat much today. I should have carbed up after our morning run.”
Paper Stars Rewritten: Fallen Brook Series: Book 2 Page 20