“Elizabeth, I called Dr. Narwali. He would like to see you tomorrow to make sure everything’s okay,” Daniel tells me. I know when to pick my battles and now is not the time.
I allow everyone to coddle and fuss over me for another thirty minutes until I can’t take it anymore.
“Do you guys mind if I speak with Jayson alone?”
Ryder hesitates before kissing the crown of my head. “Take your time. We’ll be outside.”
Daniel wiggles his phone. “I need to call Drew and let him know how you are. I’ll be right back.”
Julien smacks a huge kiss on my mouth with his lips. “That’s for scaring the ever-living fuck out of me. Again. I guess I should call Elijah, too. He’s going to want to see you himself. Let me know when.”
Ryder holds the door open for Julien and they step outside. Jayson is standing in front me, hands in his pockets. I get a momentary flash of a silver-eyed boy with two missing front teeth hanging upside down from a tree branch.
I roll to the side to grab the bed control so I can raise myself up into a more comfortable sitting position. Jayson reaches it first.
“Here. Let me get that for you.” He presses the “up” button until I’m more upright.
“That’s better, thanks,” I tell him.
“Why does this feel weird? We shouldn’t feel weird around each other.”
“You did break down my front door,” I tease, giving him a small smile.
“Okay, I’ll give you that. I guess things haven’t been all that great between us.”
I reach out and he places his rougher hand in mine. Old scars crisscross his knuckles.
“Are these from fighting?”
“Yeah.” He sits down in the chair that Ryder vacated beside my bed.
“I’d like to come and watch you one night. If that’s allowed.”
Jayson’s eyebrows raise almost to his hairline. “You would?”
“Yes, I would. I may not approve, but I understand it’s something you need. I imagine you’re a really good fighter.”
“Why would you think that?”
“I mean, look at you.” His eyebrow rises even farther up.
“Are you blushing, Liz?”
“Shut up.”
He grins, then his grin dissolves and turns serious and sad. “Do you really love him?”
“Jayson, I never meant to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you. But I’m not going to lie either. I do love him. I can’t explain it. It just is.”
“And I’m never going to stop fighting for you, for us,” he tells me with such conviction. “Your memories are coming back, and one day you’re going to remember everything. When you do, I’ll be there. Waiting.”
“Jayson, we don’t know that. The doctors can’t even predict that.”
“I know that. We found each other when we were six years old. That’s fate, Liz. That’s destiny.”
I don’t answer. The part of me that loves Ryder is terrified Jayson’s right. But I can’t live in the what if or what will be. I need to live in the now, and my now is with Ryder.
Why me? I want to ask him. Why is he so stuck on me? Why does he want me so much that he’s unwilling to let me go? I’m not special. I’m not the most beautiful. I’m scarred and messed up in the head. Why does he want that? Why does Ryder? Why does Julien?
“Promise me that you and Ryder and Julien will talk.” I tug his hand and he slides closer to my bed. “Promise me you will not shut Ryder out of our family because of my choice.”
“Our family?”
“Yes. We are a family. It’s like I told Julien. There’s a reason that I fought so hard to live, to come out of the coma. That reason is you, Jayson. And Ryder, Julien, and Elijah. I came back for all of you. You’re my family. You promise me right now that we will still be a family.”
“Liz, I have never once denied you anything you asked of me. Perhaps this is karma coming back to bite me in the ass.” I don’t ask him what he means. “But I do have faith that when the pieces of the puzzle fall into place, it’s going to be me and you and all our next times.”
“That was written on one of the paper stars. Those were really from you?”
“You had a jar full of them. The stars contain all my wishes for our future together.”
“I hung them from my ceiling. I look at up at them every night. Their words are beautiful. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Jayson stands up, all six feet three inches, and bends over my hospital bed. His metallic gray eyes snare my sage green ones. The muscles in his arms stretch and contract as he holds himself above me using the two railings on either side of the bed. I notice the small white scar at the corner of his right eye. A day’s worth of dark stubble on his face. His dark brown hair that curls slightly at the tips. He really is a breathtakingly handsome man.
“I can’t promise that it will be easy between Ryder and me. My first reaction to anything is to fight back. But I can promise you that I will try. For you.”
“You will?” I feel a bit breathless and I don’t know why.
“Only for you. Because I know” — Jayson leans in closer — “that one day, your memory will come back. Until then…” He trails off and lowers until his mouth is a breath-width away from mine. My heart rate monitor starts beeping like crazy and Jayson’s smile blooms like a desert rose. He shifts ever so slightly and kisses my cheek before lifting himself up and stepping over to the door to open it.
“You guys can come back in.”
Julien practically jumps through the doorway, but Ryder holds back.
“You and I will talk later,” Jayson says to Ryder, his voice is tinged with bitterness and a deep kind of despondent anger. “But not now. Liz comes first and she doesn’t need our shit making things worse.”
“Agreed.”
Julien is telling me something about Elijah when the nurse walks in. She’s very young and looks like she’s fresh from nursing school. Her personality is bubbly and kind. Her nametag reads Nurse Jackie.
“Good news, Miss Fairchild. The rest of your bloodwork came back fine. Someone will be in with your discharge papers.” Jackie comes over to take the blood pressure cuff off my arm and disconnect the IV line. “So, how old is your wee one?” she asks me.
“I’m sorry. What?”
“Your wee one. Your baby.”
Have I entered some alternate reality? I’m sure I didn’t hit my head in the library.
“My baby?”
Julien starts to laugh but chokes on it when Jackie says, “Most young girls today are having C-sections, but they usually get the bikini cut. You don’t often see the classic cut anymore.” She points to the scar on my abdomen. The red scar that starts at my navel and descends below my underwear. The scar that’s exposed and clearly showing where my shirt pulled up after I shifted to sit up in the bed. The scar I thought was another wound from my attack.
Daniel is walking back in when I say, “My C-section?”
His face pales, eyes going wide when he looks at me. Daniel’s phone slips from his hand and crashes against the hard linoleum floor. The screen cracks. Just like my heart.
“Elizabeth, I can explain.” But it’s too late. I see the guilt. The remorse.
“You motherfucker!” Jayson roars as he lunges at Daniel.
Chapter 25
Ryder
“Jayson!” Elizabeth screams and I rush over to her as she finishes ripping the IV line from her hand and tries to scramble out of the bed.
With one hand wrapped around his neck, Jayson bodily lifts Daniel up against the open door. Jayson’s silver eyes are blown black and he releases a snarl like a rabid dog.
“What baby? When did Liz have a baby!?” Julien is yelling.
“Call security!” Nurse Jackie shouts and runs out of the room.
Daniel is trying hard to wheeze out words, but Jayson keeps increasing the pressure. “You sick fuck! What did you do?”
“Jayson, stop!” El
izabeth screams again.
I’m trying hard to keep Elizabeth back because there’s no telling what Jayson is capable of right now, but she’s clawing at me and trying to shove my hands away.
“What baby?” Julien yells again, getting up into Daniel’s face, not caring that Jay is about to strangle the man. What the hell is going on?
“Daniel! Answer him!” I have never heard Elizabeth sound so angry before. “Ryder, let me go. Right now!”
I release my grip on her arm and she rushes over to Jayson’s side. She reaches up and places her hand on top of Jayson’s chokehold on Daniel.
“Jayson. Stop. Let him go,” she quietly tells him, her hand moving over his and gently pulling at his curled fingers.
With a menacing grunt, Jayson suddenly releases Daniel and stumbles back. Elizabeth grabs Jayson’s face and forces him to focus on her as Daniel bends over, coughing and gasping for air. The hallway is filled with hospital staff. They stand around in various states of shock and confusion, watching, some craning their necks to get a better look, a few videoing everything with their phones. Two police officers rush down the hallway and stop at the entrance to Elizabeth’s room.
“Everything’s fine,” Daniel rasps to the policemen, holding his hand up to stop them from entering the room.
“But sir—”
“You know who I am, and I said we’re good. Stand out in the hall if you need to,” Daniel tells them, then picks up his broken phone off the floor, and moves inside, shutting the door.
The room is deathly silent. Daniel coughs a few more times and limps over to sit down in the chair next to the window. We watch as he drags his hands through his hair and pulls at it before smoothing it down.
I join Elizabeth and she reaches for my hand. I take it and hold tight. She then reaches back for Jayson and takes his hand. Julien wraps his arm around his brother’s waist. We stand united in front of Daniel.
“I’m so sorry, Elizabeth. We were going to tell you eventually.”
“Daniel, did I have a baby?”
He nods yes and tears leak from his eyes. I can feel Jayson stiffen even from where I’m standing.
“Where is it?” Jayson asks, his voice raw and pained.
Daniel shakes his head and covers his face with his shaking hands.
“Daniel, where’s my baby?”
“Elizabeth, I’m so sorry.”
Elizabeth’s breath hitches and then she screams at him, “Where’s my baby, Daniel?”
“Elizabeth, she didn’t make it, honey,” he chokes out.
Elizabeth’s legs give out, but Jayson and I have her and pull her to the seat next to her hospital bed.
“She?” Jayson cries out. He falls down to his knees in front of Elizabeth and grabs her fisted hands. They look at each other.
“Oh God,” Daniel sobs. “Oh God.”
Of course, Jayson was the father if Elizabeth was pregnant before her attack. I’m sure Elizabeth and Jay have put two and two together by now.
“We had a daughter,” Jayson whispers brokenly.
Wait. Something doesn’t add up.
“How could Elizabeth have a baby she knew nothing about? She was only in a coma for two months? None of this makes sense,” I tell Daniel. Julien is quiet but I see he agrees with me.
Daniel looks up at Elizabeth, wiping his face with the backs of his hand. “We found out you were three months pregnant when we brought you home. The baby… the doctors weren’t sure if the baby would make it. The trauma you endured. The baby died six weeks after you arrived in Seattle.”
Elizabeth makes a strangled, mewling noise. She tightens her grip convulsively around Jay’s hands. I feel so fucking helpless. I don’t know what to do to comfort her, so I lay my hand on top of hers and Jayson’s.
Daniel continues, “You developed an infection. They had to take the baby out.”
“Where is she, Daniel?”
“We named her Elizabeth Ann after you and your mom. So she would have your name. We didn’t know what else to do. She’s buried in Seattle. We made sure she had a proper burial. We make sure fresh flowers are placed on her grave every week.” Daniel’s pleading eyes meet Elizabeth’s anguished ones. “I promise you, Elizabeth, I swear on my life, that we were going to tell you.”
“You had over a year to tell me, Daniel,” she replies, her voice cold and dead. “I need you to leave. Please just go. I can’t look at you right now.”
Daniel rises, as does Julien, who has been kneeling next to Elizabeth on the other side of his brother.
“Drew and I love you, Elizabeth. You’re like a daughter to us. We would never intentionally hurt you. You have been through so much, sweetheart. We didn’t want to add to your burden until you were strong enough. I hope that one day you’ll understand and be able to forgive us.”
Jay reaches around Elizabeth and buries his head in her lap as they both cry. I’m helpless to stop the tears from falling as well. Julien practically shoves Daniel to the door. The two officers are still standing outside and Daniel motions for them to follow. We don’t hear what’s said because Julien closes the door, presses his back up to it, and slides down to the floor, his blanched face etched with grief.
“We had a daughter, Liz,” Jayson whispers. “Just like I dreamed we would.”
Elizabeth just nods, a single tear trailing down her cheek. She swallows thickly, sliding her hand through his hair. “Did you know,” she tries again. “Did you know I was pregnant?”
Jayson’s face raises slowly from her lap, and he looks at her with desolate eyes. “No. I had no clue. If I did…”
Elizabeth turns her head toward me. “I want to go home.”
“Okay,” I promise her. “Julien.” I motion for him to come with me. “We can get her discharge papers and see what else needs to be done so she can leave.”
“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He rises up from his position on the floor against the door.
My heart breaks for my girl. For my friend. I wait for Julien, then walk out the door.
Chapter 26
Elizabeth
It’s been three full days since I left the hospital. Seventy-two long hours. Four thousand, three hundred and twenty never-ending minutes.
It’s been three full days since the boys brought me to their place. I haven’t left their condo. I haven’t been to class.
It’s been three full days since I refused to speak with Daniel. He flew back home yesterday. I turned my phone off, so I don’t know if he or Drew has tried to contact me. I wouldn’t speak to either of them if they did.
It’s been three full days since I learned my little girl was dead. A pregnancy I don’t even remember and perhaps never knew about. How fucked up is that? A precious, innocent life that was stolen from me by that monster. The monster that took everything from me. My family, my daughter, my previous life. The life I should be living right now. The one where I wake up at two in the morning to feed my little girl. The one where I hold her tiny, sweet-smelling body and rock her to sleep. The one where I sing her lullabies. The one where I knit her a pair of little booties that she would keep and one day give to her daughter. Elizabeth Ann would have been almost nine months old now, I think.
“Can’t sleep?” Jayson asks me from the right side of the bed. I roll my head to look at him. In the darkness, I can make out his face on the pillow next to mine.
“No.”
I pull Ryder’s arm tighter around me as I roll to face Jayson. Ryder repositions himself so my backside is spooned with his front. I feel his breath on my exposed shoulder as he places a tender kiss on the side of my neck at the hairline.
Julien is lightly snoring at the foot of the bed. He conked out last night after soccer practice. Since he’s on scholarship and on the CU soccer team, he doesn’t have the luxury of skipping practice for three days.
After I was discharged from the hospital, the guys brought me back to their place. They didn’t want me to be alone and I didn’t want to leave them. Ryder
and Jayson have stayed home with me every day while Julien and Elijah go to class. For the past three nights, Ryder, Jayson, and Julien have slept with me on Ryder’s king bed. Ryder to my left, Jayson on my right, Julien at the foot, with me in the middle. Elijah’s been sleeping in Julien’s room.
After the fucked-up mess that was Tuesday night, things between Ryder and Jayson have been eerily calm. I know they’re tabling things for now, but I also know a future confrontation about what was said at the library is inevitable despite their current tentative truce. Jayson has already declared to me in no uncertain terms that he’s never going to give up on me. He’s never going to stop waiting for me. And I’m terrified of the fight I know is coming between Ryder and Jayson. For now, though, my mind is dealing with too many other things, and I can’t take on yet another burden.
For the past three days, however, Ryder has been allowing me the time I need to be with Jayson so he and I can work through our emotions about the daughter we lost but never knew existed. Jayson is allowing me the time I need with Ryder as well, but we have made sure to keep our public displays of affection to a minimum whenever Jayson’s in the same room. And then there’s Julien. Julien is Jayson’s twin, and Julien loves me just like the others do. He feels the loss of Elizabeth Ann as if she were his own daughter. Like I said. It’s a big fucked-up mess.
Ryder, Jayson, and I all received emails from the dean. Our classes have been moved to online so we can work on coursework from home until we’re ready to return. Daniel must have arranged something for us. I guess it does pay to be best friends with the dean of CU. Julien has that option as well, but he can’t miss practice or training, so he goes to campus as usual.
All of us under the same roof and sharing the same bed should be weird, especially between Ryder and Jayson, but in all honesty, it hasn’t been. We need each other right now. I need them.
I tap Ryder’s arm to let him know I want to get up. Since sleep continues to elude me, I might as well get some classwork done online. Trying not to disturb Julien, Ryder carefully rolls over and slips out of bed. Jayson and I follow.
Paper Stars Rewritten: Fallen Brook Series: Book 2 Page 21