Chapter 4
Friday morning came entirely too quickly. This time, I had let Andrew take off work to take me to the hospital. And when I say let, I mean he told me he was and I didn’t argue. At all. In fact, he had a taken a two week leave of absence from work to take care of me after the surgery. I couldn’t wait until our relationship stopped being about him taking care of me.
I was distracted enough with making sure we had gotten everything I needed and ticking off my mental check list that I barely noticed the woman getting off the elevator. She looked briefly up and down the hall, her eyes skipping over us like a person looking for someone in particular and knowing it is not you. I didn’t register more than that because I wasn’t looking at her. I was locking my door.
I turned to walk down the hall towards the elevator and the woman turned towards me to walk down my end of the hallway. I practically skidded to stop and then stumbled half a step forward when Andrew rammed into my back in the narrow hallway. It was my Mother. What in the name of everything holy was my Mother doing here? In my hallway.
A look of confusion crossed her face as she was forced to look closely at me. I was blocking the hallway. It was quickly followed by one of shock and sorrow.
“Shawn, darling? How…wha…”
I didn’t let her finish. I answered with all the frosty politeness I could muster, in good family tradition. “I’m sorry, Mother. You just caught us on our way out. We must be going or I am going to be late for my own surgery. I’m sure I won’t see you later.”
I walked stiffly forward and she seemed to step aside and let us pass on autopilot. I heard her call my name and start walking towards us as the elevator door dinged open. Thank God, it was still on our floor from when she had come up.
Andrew and I walked in silence to his car, which was parked in the lot behind my building. He got in the driver side and sat for a moment before putting the key in the ignition.
“So, that was your Mother?”
I took a deep breath. “Yeah. I don’t know why she came but if she finds us at the hospital somehow, don’t let her take charge. She’s good at that, but I don’t want her making any decisions for me. Please, don’t let her.” I spoke pleadingly. This was hard enough as it was.
He reached over and grabbed my hand. “I won’t. I promise.”
He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. The drive to the hospital was not a long one, and we pulled into the valet parking a mere 15 minutes later.
From there we were rushed off to pre-surgery, where we were subjected to a flurry of nurses, techs and various other hospital employees all wanting something: a signature, a vial of blood, an answer.
It finally calmed down about twenty minutes before I was scheduled to be taken in. Andrew climbed on the skinny hospital bed with me, and I curled into his side resting my head on his shoulder.
When I started talking I wasn’t looking him in the eyes but my voice was strong and steady. “Andrew, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I am so glad I got to love you. No matter what happens today, just remember that.”
He twisted his shoulders around a bit so we could look at each other. His hazel eyes bored into mine as he replied, “I love you, too. Nothing will ever change that.”
Then he kissed me gently on the lips. It wasn’t a kiss of passion or heat. It was a tender assurance of our feelings and a physical declaration of our love.
We broke apart when I heard someone new enter the room. She was dressed differently than everyone else, in regular office type clothes instead of scrubs or a lab coat, and she had a cross necklace hanging outside of her clothes.
I cringed, thinking that the last thing I needed before going into surgery was a conversion attempt, or perhaps a homophobic lecture. But she was still smiling, even after witnessing our kiss so I tried to loosen up a bit.
“Hi, my name is Jenny and I am one of the chaplains here at the hospital. I just came in to see how you were doing before surgery.”
We talked for a few minutes about why I was having surgery, and a few other things before she wished me luck and asked if she could pray for me. I am not particularly religious, but if she was offering without a cringe then whatever God she believed in might not be so bad to have on my side. I wasn’t going to have a pre-surgery come to Jesus moment, but it was nice that someone cared enough to say a prayer.
“Sure, okay.”
She put her hand on my shoulder and one on Andrew’s shoulder. “Dear Heavenly God, One of your precious children, Shawn, needs your help today. Please be a blessing on all his doctors and nurses. Guide their hands and their minds with your skills and wisdom and allow them to be instruments of your healing. God, please be a spirit of healing in his body as he recovers from his surgery. Give Shawn and Andrew strength and courage to make it through this day and let them know that they are not alone. In your loving name, Amen.”
I smiled at her and thanked her for her prayer, knowing I wasn’t alone, not because God was with me, but because Andrew sat next to me, arm around my shoulder and heart in my chest.
Andrew kissed me one more time before I was taken away to surgery. The last thing I remembered was counting back from 100 with a mask over my face.
*****
Life in Chaos Page 4