Reckless Road

by Christine Feehan

  He took a deep breath. “I’m not certain how to start. We, meaning Torpedo Ink members, are so different. Everything about us is different, and people don’t get us. Or understand us. To the outside world looking in, we’re some kind of perverts. Really depraved people. Czar had this idea that we could start over here. Live differently. Find a way to fit in somehow. But we can’t. Not really.”

  She stayed silent, but her hands were gentle on his thighs, and in his mind, he felt the stroke of her mind, as if somehow she was encouraging him to continue.

  “I always felt different from the others. Guilty even. I had something that was valuable to Sorbacov. He had a type, little boys, so yeah, he raped me like he did the other boys. He liked to hurt kids and see them hurt. He especially liked to see girls hurt and then teens hurt. I got too old for him. He would bring his friends, ones who would torture, ones who were really sick and depraved, with extreme sexual practices, deviant practices. They killed so many. I escaped most of it because he wanted bombs built. He didn’t dare take the chance that I would be harmed that badly. The others . . .” He broke off, shaking his head.

  “Player, I saw what he did to you.”

  He nodded. “I know you did, baby, but it was nothing in comparison to what he did and had done to the others. It was difficult to be the odd man out, to know I wasn’t subjected to that extreme the way they were. Sometimes I wondered if they thought I was a traitor.”

  “No way. They had to know you were loyal to them. I see them with you.”

  “I was a kid, Zyah. Kids think all sorts of mixed-up things.”

  He transferred his hands to her hair. All that silk. He loved her hair. He loved everything about her, especially her compassion. She had enough for both of them, which was a good thing, because he wasn’t certain he had much left in him.

  “We kept our eyes on one another at all times. We never had clothes. We had to watch out for one another. Seeing each other naked didn’t exactly arouse interest. Then being trained the way we were in sexual practices. We were taught to have control over our bodies by performing on someone while someone else was beating us or using us brutally. The idea was to get the other person aroused while not being aroused. This was done in front of one another. If we could see one another we could keep each other from being killed.”

  He saw the dawning comprehension. “What you’re saying is that when Torpedo Ink has parties together, just you, you have sex with your partners but with others in the room because you feel safer.”

  He nodded. “Most of the others feel so much less inhibited if they feel the partner they love is safe.”

  “You don’t seem to have any inhibitions.”

  “Like I said, I was luckier than the others in that I wasn’t as sexually tortured as they were. But I did get used to being with them. And looking out for them. Not to say I can’t do without that, but it does separate me even more.”

  He felt her moving through his mind. How did he explain Torpedo Ink to her? He needed to try. He wrapped her hair around his fist.

  “We aren’t whole without one another. We try to be, but in order to survive, we had to become one person to get us out of there. We took pieces of one another and wove ourselves together. That’s the only way I have to describe what we did. I need them. They need me. We all are trying to live our lives separate but together if that makes sense. We’re trying to find a way to do what Czar would like us to do, but we’re predators in a world we don’t understand. We were kids, raising each other. Czar was our moral compass, and he still is.”

  She nodded. “I can see that. So what you’re asking me is would I ever be willing to go to one of these parties and have sex with you where others might see us?”

  “Not at the clubhouse. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that, because there are other chapters now, people I don’t know as well. But here at the house, if the others come over. Or on a run if we go and we’re all together in a campground. How comfortable would you be around the others with me?”

  “I don’t honestly know, Player. Here at the house, when we’re crazy, I doubt I’d even notice if someone was around, but I won’t know until it happens. I would be very uncomfortable at the clubhouse, and I have no idea how I would feel on a run. I’ve never been on one. That’s me being as honest as I can be.”

  Every time he thought he couldn’t love her any more, she gave him something that made him realize she was branding deeper and deeper into his bones. She was in his soul. Wrapped around his heart. He didn’t understand how she could possibly ever think that he didn’t love her for herself. How could anyone not love Zyah once they knew her just for her? She was honest. She hadn’t condemned him or his brothers and sisters. She hadn’t said no. She had given him what she could, as honestly as she could.

  “You do realize that no one can ever measure what someone else’s life or the impact of their past is against anyone else. Each person is different. We’re all born different. You escape into your mind, but your mind is very sensitive—that’s why it can fragment when you build your illusions and hold them too long. You learned, over time, to become strong, but you were a little boy, working day and night to become strong. That took courage and discipline.”

  “I thought I was crazy. I thought I was so much less than everyone else. My psychic talent seemed so useless when everyone else had so much to contribute.”

  “And yet you could actually cover their bodies in the illusions of sores to keep the worst of the pedophiles from taking them,” she pointed out.

  He nodded. “That’s true. I did. But they’d just take another child. I wasn’t strong enough to cover everyone.” He pressed his hand to his face, tried to scrub away the memories that seemed too close. “Sometimes, Zyah, if someone died, I felt as if I killed them myself. Just like every time Sorbacov forced me to go to one of his insane parties and carry in the bombs I made. I had to sit at the table and talk to people I knew were going to die. He would sit there laughing and talking with them, eating dinner and acting as if he were their friend. I built the bombs. I carried them into the party. Czar would cover for my silence, but most of the time, Sorbacov would be furious with me that I didn’t engage with those at the table. I just couldn’t.”

  “Because you were too sensitive.”

  “Twice, after one of the bombs went off, I tried to kill myself. The first time, Sorbacov saved my life. He and one of his friends used me repeatedly as punishment. I was nine. He beat me with a whip after, and I remember the two of them drinking wine and laughing. I crawled over to this pipe that was in the garden. It was jagged. I’d thought about that pipe so many times when Sorbacov would rip me away from building my bombs. I would just look at that pipe. Just stare at it and know someday I was going to use it.”

  Zyah closed her eyes and put her head down on his thigh. Honey. She whispered it, tears dripping in his mind.

  His woman. The moment he felt her inside him, she pushed away the memories that were so close. Too close. He dropped his hands into the thick silk of her hair. “Baby, I don’t know how I even went there. I didn’t mean to. You don’t need to hear that shit. There’s no reason for it. You get enough just by fixing my mind when the migraines are so bad.”

  She stayed still, letting him have her hair, knowing he needed it. Knowing it was one of his favorite things. His fingers tunneled deep into the mass, loving the silk. Loving her.

  “We’re connected, Player. The two of us. It’s always going to be the two of us. So there’s a reason. You need to talk, I need to listen. And it goes both ways. Sometimes I’ll need to talk and you’ll need to listen. That’s what couples do.”

  She lifted her head slowly. “I’m so in love with you, Player.” Her dark eyes met his and then she stood up before he could react to her declaration. She walked toward the bed with her unhurried steps, the sway of her hips an invitation. The transparent shirt slid from her body and
floated to the floor as she moved up to the bed.

  Player got up slowly, loosening the drawstring so his pants fell from his hips. He stepped out of them and followed his woman. She was gorgeous. He would walk through fire for her. She walked around to the other side of the bed so she was facing him. She put her hands and knees on the bed, and then, deliberately slowly, she crawled across the mattress toward him. Hands and knees. Her eyes on him. Sexy. Her body undulating. Fluid. Almost like a cat’s.

  His gaze jumped to her full tits. He loved her breasts and the way they swayed and bounced with every movement. He was going to mark her tits, brand her with his mouth and teeth. He waited, his hand on his cock, as she took her time, stretching out, feet across the mattress toward the wall, legs wide apart. He wanted to see her inner thighs and that sweet little pussy of hers. He was going to brand those thighs as well. Mark them as his.

  She lay back, her head off the bed, neck back so her throat was stretched out. She looked back at him while her hand slid down her body, fingers moving over her left tit and down her belly. His gaze followed. His eyes darkened to lust as her fingers disappeared and she moved her hips, coating her fingers before bringing them out to show him.

  “This is what happens when I think about having your cock in my mouth, Player,” she whispered and brought her fingers up toward her lips. “I get so hot and slick for you.”

  “Is that what you want, baby? My cock in your mouth?” His cock was so fucking hard he thought he was going to shatter.

  She licked her fingers. Her hair hung like a dark waterfall of silk. He stepped closer so he could feel the mass against his thighs. Her head was positioned at the perfect height. He ran the pads of his fingers over her throat as he circled his cock with his fist.

  She brought her hand back to her pussy and curled her fingers deep. The sight was so sensual, sending little forks of lightning shooting right through his groin. He caught her wrist as she brought her hand up toward her face, turning her fingers to his mouth and sucking them clean. His cock jerked hard.

  She reached back with her free hand and stroked his heavy balls. “I want your cock so much my mouth is watering, Player. I can taste you.”

  Dark fantasies shimmered through his mind. Erotic images built with every second that passed as he looked down at her. He felt his heart beat through his cock, right into the palm of his fist, and it matched the beat of the pulse his fingers found in her throat. She was his, and she was offering heaven to him. Offering it her way.

  The tip of her tongue slid around her lips, keeping them wet. For him. She swallowed against his hand, her eyes darkening even more with an erotic, carnal, very wanton invitation.

  “I wonder which of us would get off first if you were in my throat, Player. Just thinking about having you that deep gets me so close I’m not certain I can hold out long enough to do the things I want to you.” She whispered the invitation aloud, circling her clit, her knees falling apart.

  She looked so sensuous, spread out on his bed, her head over the side, throat stretched out and down, hair falling like a dark silken waterfall. His lust rose fast and sharp, consuming him to the point he saw a red haze and thunder crashed and roared like a beast in his ears.

  “I put my cock in your mouth like this, woman, I’m going to be going down your throat. You know that. There’s no way I won’t.” It was a warning. He meant it too. He rubbed the crown of his cock around her lips, leaving a trail behind. Her tongue chased after the shiny liquid. That was sexy as hell. She was sexy as hell.

  “Why do you think I’m lying like this, silly?” Her other hand joined the first one so both were caressing his balls.

  The action lifted her tits. He loved the sight of her breasts, large and lush, her nipples hard and rigid for him. Her fingers were jiggling and stroking his balls until his seed boiled scorching hot, ready to explode whenever he was ready. He painted more of the pearly drops along her lips, watching her lick them off, just because it was so damn sexy.

  “Baby, stop making me wait.” She licked her lips again.

  “I’m not certain I can stay in control,” he warned, telling her the truth. “I could get rough.” He watched her eyes. “You look so fucking hot, Zyah.”

  “Be rough, then. Just stay in my mind so you know I’m getting off on it.”

  “Keep your fingers in your pussy, baby. On your tits. You’ll get off on it because you love to please me. And you’re doing this for me.” She was. He was in her mind and she wanted him in her mouth. Down her throat. She wanted to drive him wild, just like she was doing. She wanted him out of control, out of his mind. Not thinking. “You stop me if you get scared.”

  He was already feeling every one of those things. Out of control. Mindless. Her mouth was lush. Her lips gleamed at him. Wet. Her tongue had lapped at his seed. Chased after his cock. She looked at him with her dark eyes, and his cock went from steel to titanium.

  “Open your mouth.” He sounded harsh, guttural, even to his own ears. He didn’t care. It was too good. “And keep working your pussy, baby. You get off too.”

  Her lips parted. He caught her jaw and pushed into that wet, hot haven, not giving her time to adjust, just going deep. The visual of her lips stretching around the girth of his cock was enough to drive his lust even higher. The feel of the heat of her mouth was incredible. The sight of her fingers pleasuring herself, curled into her pussy while her hips matched the rhythm of his, incited him even more. Every pump of his hips sent her tits swaying, adding to the visual, driving his craving higher.

  “Suck hard. Harder.” He could barely manage to get the command out as he thrust deeper and then withdrew.

  Her tongue was wicked, her suction like a vacuum threatening to take the top of his head right off. He’d never felt like this before. He gave in to the feeling, a mindless pleasure, a euphoria of blazing heat. He could feel a volcano inside him churning. A mass of boiling, raging magma he’d suppressed for years. Not anymore. He thrust forward, held himself in that tight, restrictive tunnel, that paradise, watching her fingers bite deep into her pussy and her other fingers pinch her nipple. Then she suddenly began to shift her head as if she might fight. He looked down into her eyes for another long moment and then retreated, allowing breath before plunging deep again.

  He never wanted this to end. It was sheer paradise. The sight of her lips stretching around his cock was so erotic, but the way, as he pushed deep, he could see the outline of his cock in her throat, that bulge, was even more so. When he did that, her fingers in her pussy were frantic, her hips bucking wildly. He loved watching her get off almost as much as he loved what was happening to him. That visual, as well as the feeling of her pleasure, compounded the erotic appeal of his cock moving in and out of her mouth, or just holding still in her throat, pulsing and throbbing deep.

  “Suck,” he demanded again, hoarsely watching. Fascinated. Fucking her mouth. Her throat. A thing of beauty. She was a thing of beauty. He controlled everything. She’d deliberately given that to him by putting herself in this position. She had to accept his demands, and he was demanding a lot. More lightning streaked up his spine, through his cock, and into his balls as she hollowed her cheeks and sucked hard. She lashed with her tongue, stabbed and trailed fire over his shaft.

  Player roared with the fiery pleasure consuming him, the terrible rage boiling in his balls, so ready to explode. His hips kept plunging. “Suck harder. Fucking harder, Zyah. Take me deeper.”

  She choked, her body drawing up, but he refused to pull out, holding still. Staying deep. He soothed her in his mind. Your cock, baby. Your man. Do this for me. Give this to me. Only you can do this. You’ve held your breath far longer than this.

  At once she settled, her mouth pulling at his cock, sucking at him, and he drew back to give her air, his hand stroking her hair. She couldn’t quit now. She had to keep going. He bent his head to her tits, licked her nipples, sucked
them and then bit gently before taking her mouth. Kissing her.

  “Do you want to stop? I can fuck you, baby. You’re slick. I can see you’re dripping right now.” He had to make the offer, but it was a strain. His cock roared for her throat. To finish what she’d started. “Anything we do is going to be perfect, Zyah. This was so good. Let me fuck you. You’re close. I can see how close you are.” He found he meant it after all. He loved her so much for giving him what she had, such a gift. He didn’t need more. He might want it, but he didn’t need it.

  She shook her head slowly, her body doing a slow undulation there on the bed. “No, honey. I told you what I want. I panicked for one moment, but you steadied me. I want you just the way we were doing. Hurry.”

  His cock raged at him, felt like a monster out of control. He wanted to roar with hunger for her. “You have to be certain, baby. My cock is like a beast. I’m so on edge.” He was. Dark with lust now. He wanted back in that haven she’d offered him.

  “I’m absolutely certain. Give me back what’s mine.”

  Zyah licked her lips, her eyes on his cock. She opened her mouth, and he didn’t wait. He couldn’t. There was no finesse. He circled the base of his cock with his fist and shoved half of it into her mouth. He wasn’t going to last this time, and he knew it. She was already swallowing him down, lavishing attention, worshipping his cock. Hollowing her cheeks and sucking him like that vacuum he had felt surrounding him before but lashing him with more fiery heat than ever before. Her eyes were on his. Surrendering to him. Giving herself to him.

  She fought off the need to breathe as he surged in and out of her mouth, down her throat. She controlled her gag reflex, her eyes going liquid, all while her tongue tried to tease, her mouth tried to work, but eventually there was no keeping up with his pumping. Her eyes held a dark lust as she struggled for him, controlling her fear.

  Watching her deliberately swallow him down, trying to take him deeper each time, magnified the ecstasy of the scorching-hot restrictive tunnel of her throat. It closed around him, silken and tight, a vise as she swallowed. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. Off of her lips, stretched so wide. Her dark eyes pure liquid now, filled with lust echoing his own. That delicate throat, distorted with his monster invading, swelling, cutting off her air. Thunder roared in his ears. His mind went to chaos, a haze of red that bordered on so out of control he barely knew what he was doing, only that his cock kept growing and she couldn’t stop now.