Like the Back of My Halo

by Hutchinson, Heidi

  The sea had been a better teacher at being a human being than her own parents. That was neither here nor there, though. Dwelling on her disappointments in her family would only frustrate her.

  A rider approached to her left and she narrowed her eyes against the glare of the sun on the water, hoping to see Brady paddling out to join her. But no, not Brady.

  She knew she had run like a released animal out into the water, leaving him behind. But after her first run, she was already missing him.

  It was almost as scary as it was invigorating.

  “Good morning, Halo. How did you sleep?” Miller greeted once he was near. It sounded as proper as it felt. But he did that. Always called her by her full name. He liked it. Once he had found out what her full name was, he couldn't stop using it. It used to make her feel special, but it had eventually morphed into condescending.

  Lo rolled her eyes and sighed. “Very well, actually,” she responded, the flatness unmistakable in her tone. “You?”

  His dark eyes swept over her, flashing with memory and intent. “Never as good as when I was with you.”

  “That's inappropriate,” she responded, her eyes finding Brady on shore talking to Serge.

  “Took the big lug to Ireland with you, huh?”

  And there it was. The real reason Miller was in fine form this early in the morning. She pressed her lips together, intent on ignoring his pettiness. But she could feel his stare on her face like a burn and she finally flinched.

  “It was for work. But yeah, we went to Bundoran and I showed him around.” She saw her words hit their mark when his left eye twitched. She wasn't trying to be mean, but he was going to push it. Might as well tell the truth and let him know Brady was different.

  “Working out your daddy issues with this one, too?”

  Lo tightened her grip on the edges of her board and ground her teeth together as pain and shame slashed through her insides. Picking up right where he'd left off.

  Romanticizing the past and why things hadn't worked out with them was a dangerous path to head down. She could see that now. Hopefully she wouldn't need any reminders.

  “You know, I forgot what an asshole you can be, Miller.”

  “Only when I'm competing.” He glanced over his shoulder and leaned his long body across his board, arms already propelling him along with the oncoming wave.

  ***

  Brady

  Miller exited his wave and then curved around, going wide, opposite of where Lo was still drifting along with the sea. Brady wrapped up his conversation with Serge, answering as many of the technical questions the man had, and then he paddled out himself. Part of him wanted to swing out and drown Miller first, but he focused on Lo's silhouette, his arms carrying him straight to her.

  When he'd gotten far enough out, the water was relatively calm. He saw her face turned toward open water, thoughts a million miles away.

  “Beautiful,” he called gently, trying to bring his board up alongside hers.

  She turned her brilliant green eyes to him and regret slashed through her expression. For him or Miller?

  “What are you doing out here?” he asked, his hand finding one of hers and hooking it with his fingers. She took a firmer grasp of his hand, as if he was anchoring her to the present.

  “Do you think we can change our stars?” she asked. The sincerity and concern in her voice, like she expected him to tell her no, made him frown deeply.

  “What do you mean?”

  She licked her lips and her eyes lifted to the sky. “We're all born to a certain life. Genetics, culture, location, all of these things play a role in molding us into who we become. But what if we want something different? Can we change it? Can we take all we've learned and all we know, and make something new?” She took a breath, her eyes slicing back through him. “Can we change our stars?”

  He brought her hand to his mouth, gave it a tender kiss and held her eyes. “I believe you, Lo, can do anything you want. Other people don't have that option. Other people are just people.”

  “And what am I?”

  “A miracle.”

  Her lips cracked into a smile. “You can't use my own words against me.”

  “Sure I can. Besides, I used it first. Or did you not read my blog?” The water lapped around his waist as he maneuvered himself closer to her, their legs brushing just below the surface. “And if you're not a miracle, then you're unlike any other woman in the world. And I really can't believe I get to touch you.” He pressed a kiss to the inside of her wrist. “And hold you.” A kiss on the inside of her elbow. “And be near you.”

  The fear and hope swirled in her eyes and he wished he could take one away. But maybe he could just hold on, ride this ride, and wait for her to surface with him.

  ***

  Lo

  Brady helped. Just his presence made a difference. But he was a man, and he had romantic feelings for her, so Lo was certain his viewpoint was biased at best.

  She needed to talk to her girls. It had been a while and she needed the connection her friends offered. Especially after her run-in with Miller.

  She hadn't told Brady what Miller had said, though he could easily guess it had been upsetting. How could she, though? It had too many details she'd have to cover to explain it. It was easier to just skip the whole thing. She wished it was possible to forget the encounter altogether. Or if there was a way to erase all of the ugly that came along with ended relationships. But then people wouldn't learn anything.

  She was distracted all through the rest of her morning. She couldn't focus on the water or the board or anything really. Finally, she told Brady she had a headache and needed to lay down for a few minutes. He was concerned, but she reassured him she would be fine and he should stay to finish. He wanted to come with her. She could see the conflict on his face, but in the end, he stayed at the beach and she went back to their apartment.

  “Okay, so if it's just past noon here...” she muttered, looking at the clock on the bottom of the computer screen and clicking on the Skype app. That would make it almost 8pm yesterday in Huntington. Time changes were so weird. “Please be around,” she wished as the laptop dialed Tessa's screen name.

  The ringing stopped and the image opened wide. It blinked a few times as it found the signal and connected.

  “Aww, am I missing margarita night?” Lo asked when the pixel distortion cleared and she saw the pink frozen drink perched on the edge of Tessa's desk. Tessa was nowhere to be seen.

  “Hold on!” came a holler from somewhere off screen. “I'm not wearing pants! Gimme... two seconds!”

  The screen shook accompanied by a loudish crash, followed by silence.

  “Tessa?”

  “I'm okay!” The brunette's head popped up from below the table and she struggled into her chair. “I'm okay. Well, I will be okay. As soon as I finish this puppy.” She wrapped both hands lovingly around the margarita. “Come to mama.”

  Lo didn't have any words. She was just laughing. Tessa finished her very long slurp from the straw before turning her attention to her friend. “Hello, gorgeous.”

  Lo sighed, smile wide. “I missed you.”

  Tessa lifted her eyebrows. “Not as much as I miss you.” She propped an elbow on the desk and stirred her drink with the straw. “Did you know about hot yoga?”

  “What? That it exists? Yeah, it's not exactly new.”

  “No,” Tessa rolled her eyes and took another long drink. “I mean, did you know how awful it is? I don't know why there's such a debate about our military's torture tactics when they could just employ hot yoga. Ten minutes in and I was ready to turn over my social security number and bank account information.” She bobbed her head from side to side. “Of course, maybe that's the point. All those people sign up and pay to be that miserable. I can get that for free by having dinner with my parents, you know? Plus, free dinner.”

  Lo choked back her laughter. “I love you.”

  Tessa grinned. “And I love you bac
k.”

  “Where's Spencer?” Lo asked.

  Tessa's cheeks filled with air and she scrunched up her nose. “You don't want to know.”

  “No!” Worry for her friend filled her gut with dread. “Not Garret?”

  Tessa's mouth got small and her head shook in tiny, jerky motions. “Don't even get me started.”

  “Garrett is...” Lo didn't know where to go with that statement. Who was she to talk? It's not like she kept making amazing life choices.

  “Garrett is the worst,” Tessa declared forcefully. “And I hate him.” She slammed her palm on the desk. “Hate him!”

  “Tessa,” Lo said, surprised at the anger. “You don't usually get so worked up.”

  “I'm just tired and sweaty. I haven't even seen Spencer in a week. A week! She keeps saying she's not back with that scrotum face, but she's lying! To me! And did I tell you about the hot yoga!”

  “Yikes,” Lo muttered. Tessa saved her truly profane moments for when she was at the end of her rope. “I'm sorry I've been incommunicado.”

  “Oh, it's not your fault,” Tessa protested. “Please don't worry about us or me or her. We're big girls. This will all get resolved.” Her eyes narrowed to somewhere off screen. “I'm going to make certain of it.”

  “That's not terrifying,” Lo laughed nervously.

  “What's up with you?” Tessa asked, her face transforming into excited curiosity.

  Lo suddenly wished she had a different reason for calling her friend. She probably should have told Tess and Spencer right away about her and Brady, but she had wanted to keep it a secret for a while. Just something for only them. She sighed, realizing they would probably never have a secret again.

  “Miller—”

  Tessa sucked in a gasp.

  “Boden.”

  “Noooo!”

  “Yes.”

  Lo dove into the update, intent on getting through it so she could get to the part of exploiting her friendship with Tessa and get some decent advice. She told her about Ireland and all that she'd shared with Brady. Then about the kiss and all the kissing ever and how she was walking around in a Brady kiss induced fog all of the time and then meeting Serge and Miller in Australia. And finally, the words that Miller had stabbed at her this morning that had been carving their shards through her insides ever since.

  “I hate that guy,” Tessa growled around her nearly empty glass. “Like, who does he think he is? Some sort of deity? Poseidon maybe? Well, I've got news for him, Poseidon was a dick too.”

  Lo sniffed back a laugh.

  Tessa waved a hand in the air. “I'm not kidding. Why do my girls get so caught up in the opinions of these losers? You and Spencer both have a problem with idiots.”

  Lo pressed her lips together. “Maybe we have daddy issues,” she said darkly.

  “Of course you do!” Tessa's eyes widened and she set her glass on the desk so as not to drop it. “We all do! Why do you think we're so friggin' attached to one another?”

  “What?” Lo asked, her chin twisting to the side. “You actually believe that?”

  “Sweetie,” Tessa said, softer and with more patience this time. “Miller Boden is an a-hole. But that doesn't mean he doesn't have a point. I honestly believe you don't realize how self-sabotaging you can be. You picked the guy that you knew would fail every one of your tests so that when you scraped him off, you'd be justified.”

  “Ouch, Tess.” Lo frowned, preparing to argue.

  “No, I'm not judging you. Miller Boden is the worst. I hate that guy almost as much as Garrett freaking Hazlaw.” Tessa's eyes rolled into the back of her head and her eyelids fluttered at the same time. A snort escaped her and she took a deep breath. “But you already know all of this. That's not why you're calling me, is it?”

  It was more of a statement than a question and Lo felt herself deflate.

  “I like Brady.”

  Tessa's face softened and she propped her chin in her fist. “Yeah?” It came out like a dreamy sigh.

  “Yeah,” Lo confirmed, feeling the heat in her cheeks. “I don't want Miller to be right.” Her voice cracked at the end, giving away exactly how afraid she was.

  Tessa nodded. “You have some bad habits.”

  Lo's eyes suddenly filled with tears and she tried to stay the tremble in her voice. “Am I my father?”

  Tessa shook her head adamantly. “No. Not at all.”

  “How do I keep this good? What if I wreck it?”

  “LoLo, you already know that's an impossible wish. We're human beings. We're gonna break things. The key is finding someone who is just as passionate as you are about putting it back together.”

  Lo sighed. “Hopeless romantic.”

  “Hopeful. I'm a hopeful romantic,” Tessa corrected. “You're the hopeless one. You and your hot boyfriend and all of your kissing. Do you know how long it's been since I've been kissed?”

  “I thought the toupee guy kissed you...?”

  Tessa narrowed her eyes. “I said kissed, not lapped at like a baby giraffe after a leaf just out of reach.”

  Lo laughed out loud at the visual. “But baby giraffes are adorable!”

  “Not when they're trying to tongue you!”

  Lo tried to quell her laughter but it was difficult. Just then, masculine voices reached her ears through the door and she glanced over her shoulder.

  “Tess,” she whispered, leaning close to the screen. “I think I have to go.”

  The door shook with a loud thud and Lo jumped.

  “No! Leave me on! I need this! You owe me! Besides I can be a witness in case it goes to trial.”

  More shouting. Lo didn't have time to argue about how Tessa had been drinking and would be a useless witness. Not that she would need to be a witness at all. She moved to the door to open it. Right before she got there, it swung open with a crash and Miller and Brady tumbled into the apartment.

  19

  Brady

  Rage surfing.

  Brady had never done it before.

  He used surfing as a reward, an escape, a place to relax and let go of what he was bothering him.

  Lo had been agitated to the point of not being able to enjoy herself. He knew it was Miller's fault, but he didn't have anything to act on. Miller had been sure to say whatever he wanted to say to Lo away from Brady.

  So he'd let loose, chased high rough peaks, put on a show.

  Apparently, his talent increased in proportion to how much he wanted to protect Lo.

  And wouldn't you know, Miller Boden didn't just hate losing the girl, he also didn't like sharing the spotlight.

  What had started as a heated exchange on the beach, followed by a kid asking Brady for an autograph, flowed into Miller totally losing his cool by throwing his Oakley sunglasses into the ocean.

  Miller decided to get in Brady's face. Brady wished he could say that was Miller's first mistake. But it wasn't. His first mistake was hurting Lo. Getting in Brady's face was just plain stupid. Miller might have lean muscle and above average height, Brady still towered over the six foot surfer with an additional four inches and he easily had double the muscle mass.

  And self-control. Brady had that in spades. At least compared to Miller's toddler-sized temper tantrum.

  “How do you think your employer would respond if he knew you were out there stealing peaks? Maybe I should let him know what an inconsiderate prick you are.”

  What Miller didn't know was it would take a lot more than false accusations and a running mouth to get Brady to lose his mind. He'd been living with Steve for years now, this was nothing.

  “I bet Lo wouldn't like it.” Miller's mouth twisted into a sneer when he hit Brady's soft spot. “Yeah, it's still new. Just wait until she's not impressed by you anymore.”

  “Back off, man. There's plenty of ocean for everyone.” Brady gave a curt nod to Serge who was watching the exchange with rapt attention but hadn't interfered. He tucked his board under his arm and trudged back out to the waves.
<
br />   It wasn't until he'd snaked out of the curl closing in on him, did he realize Miller wasn't on the beach anymore. His stuff had been abandoned, but he was nowhere to be seen.

  Brady pulled his board out of the water and tossed it onto the beach. The kid from earlier lifted his chin. “He left.” He pointed the direction of their apartment and Brady's stomach twisted forcefully.

  “Dammit.” He looked around for Serge, but he was out in the water somewhere. Deciding he didn't have time, he needed to be sure Lo was all right, Brady started that way without any of his gear.

  “What about your stuff?” the kid called behind him.

  “Keep it,” Brady called over his shoulder.

  Shane would just have to deal.

  ***

  “Boden!” Brady called when he rounded the corner into the hallway. Miller Boden was almost to their door and Brady was done with the juvenile delinquent.

  Miller faced him and crossed his arms. “The hell, man. Are you her bodyguard, too, or what?”

  “Kinda seems like she needs one,” Brady pointed out as he closed the distance between them.

  “I just want to talk to her, okay?” Miller held his hands up while shrugging. “I want to apologize for earlier.”

  Well, this was a new tactic. Not that Brady was buying it for a second. “What could you have said that would possibly need an apology?”

  Miller's sneer turned smug and Brady should have braced.

  “I told her it wasn't fair she works her daddy issues out on you.”

  Brady placed his hands on Miller's shoulders and pushed him into the door. A twisted gleam of satisfaction lit Miller's brown eyes and he pushed Brady back. Brady didn't really feel it though, and he crowded Miller into the doorway.

  “She's really in your head,” Miller baited. “You think you can save her and she's selfish enough to let you try. Part of me wants to sit back and watch you crash and burn.”