Bitter Falls

by Caine, Rachel

  But I don’t go.

  I lie there, afraid that I’m going to get caught. This seems way too easy; Father Tom had people watching me at dinner. And he’d probably have someone watching me here too. I’m afraid that if I try to sneak out, Sam might be punished even more. But I have to do something. Lying here won’t help.

  Aria wants to meet me by the falls. Sister Harmony told me not to go there. I don’t know which of them I should believe. One of them has to be lying. I want to believe Aria; she’s pretty and my age, and she seems to like me. Sister Harmony just seems angry.

  I finally make a decision. I slip out of my bed and move quietly to the door. No guards posted, everybody’s in bunks now, even Caleb; I can hear him snoring when I tiptoe past him. He’s closest to the exit. I’m afraid the hinges will creak, but they don’t. The door opens silently, and I slip out.

  Outside. I feel my heart pounding, and I stop once I get the door shut and lean against the wall to breathe for a minute. I stay in the shadows. I pause to look around. The camp is loud with croaking frogs, and I can hear the snoring from the building out here too. There’s not very much moonlight. Clouds have moved in, thick masses of darkness showing thin silver at the edges. Something smells a little bad, like garbage, maybe the septic tanks.

  I freeze and back up against the wall of the Quarters as I hear footsteps. There are Assembly men patrolling the camp at night, and one’s walking past me. I hold my breath and flatten myself back in the shadows. He’s going to see me. But he doesn’t even look toward the building. He seems tired. He yawns, scratches his head, cracks his neck, and moves on toward the other house, the one where the women sleep. The Garden.

  I can also see, across the open space in the middle, the concrete building where they took Sam. I walked by it a few times earlier, trying to figure out where he was, and finally saw a metal shed, kind of like a box, at the end of the building. It’s shut with a padlock, the combination kind, not the key kind. I don’t know how to pick locks, and at least before there was a guard sitting right beside that door. Maybe not at night? I don’t know. But I’m pretty sure Father Tom would expect me to go there.

  Sister Harmony’s probably telling me the truth. Aria’s probably lying. I shouldn’t have been able to get out of the Quarters that easily. The guard should have seen me.

  They want me to go to Aria. So should I go? Maybe if I do, I can convince her to help me instead of Father Tom. Maybe I can find out things from her while she’s trying to make me do what she wants. Maybe I can even make her do what I want.

  I don’t like how that makes me feel, but I need to get Sam and get out. That’s all that matters right now.

  A path on the other side of the concrete building curves around by the big, wire-topped steel fence. It’s dark over on that side. I can distantly hear the waterfall; it’s the only sound out here, except the snoring and frogs. It’s weird how quiet it is.

  I don’t have any way of telling how late it is; maybe these people can tell time from where the moon is in the sky, but I can’t. But since the roaming guard has walked on, now’s a good chance to leave the shadows and get moving. Maybe it wouldn’t matter. Probably not. If what I think is true, I can stroll right across the middle of the compound and nobody will stop me. For a second I think about testing that.

  But if I’m wrong, if I really am sneaking around and get caught . . . Sam gets hurt. So I stick to being sneaky.

  It takes a while; I end up hiding in the small stand of trees next to a big cabin that must belong to Father Tom; it’s way nicer than any of the other places here, and it still has lights on inside. Curfew’s for everybody else. Not for him.

  My mom would go in there and make him let her and Sam go. For a second I imagine how that would feel, seeing him afraid. Making him do what I tell him. Feels really good in fantasy, but I feel kind of dirty when I stop thinking about it. I know I can’t make him do anything. Not when he’s got all the guns and power and people.

  I work my way around to the back of the cabin and to the shadows of the trees.

  Then I’m curving on the path. It’s not as easy as I thought; the gravel’s sharp and tricky, and in places it slopes down at a steep angle. I don’t fall, but it’d be real easy. The trees feel like they’re closing in. Wind hisses through branches, and it’s so cold that I wish I’d worn that stupid jacket.

  The falls sound like radio static. It starts low, then builds into a heavy hiss, then a roar when I come out of the trees and see the place for the first time. It’s pretty. It’s not a big waterfall, maybe twenty feet up or so, but I’ve never seen one in person before. I like it.

  The lake, though. I don’t like that. It’s too dark. Too still. And it smells like rotten fish.

  Aria’s waiting for me. She’s standing by the shore with her hands clasped in front of her, but her head isn’t down like it usually is. It’s up, and she’s smiling, and when I come toward her that smile just gets wider. “You came,” she says. “Thank you, Brother Connor.”

  “Just Connor,” I say. The moonlight is stronger here, and I’m glad. I want to be able to see what she’s doing. “Why did you want to see me?”

  She steps up to me and puts her hand on my chest, and it’s like putting my tongue on a battery, the energy that zips through me and leaves my ears ringing. Aria’s shorter than I am. Small and pretty and kind of fragile. It isn’t that I wasn’t aware of that before, but all of a sudden it’s real.

  She stretches up on her toes, graceful as a ballerina, and kisses me.

  I’m so surprised I don’t know how to react. I just . . . freeze, everything crashing and burning in my head because it feels so good. Kissing feels really good, and I never knew that. Guess I should have—everybody talks about it like it’s amazing, but there’s something more real about that feeling than I’ve ever known before. I don’t know how to kiss her back, but I try, pressing my lips back on hers, moving into it . . .

  . . . and then I wonder why she’s kissing me. It feels great. But it doesn’t feel right.

  I step back, and when I turn my head, I see Father Tom standing there. Watching us. I feel angry and sick at the same time. I feel . . . naked. And he’s smiling at us.

  “I chose her for you,” he tells me. “A flower from my garden. I see you like her.”

  I look at Aria. I expect her to look angry too. Or shocked. Or something. But she’s still smiling, like she’s happy. I grab her and shake her. “You’re not a flower,” I tell her. “And he can’t tell you what to do!”

  She blinks at me, and I feel bad for shaking her, because she just seems . . . confused. “Father Tom’s always right,” she says. “Why shouldn’t I do what he says? And I do like you, Connor. You’re nice.”

  “You don’t even know me!” I yell it at her, and she flinches backward and clasps her hands and looks down, and I feel like shit. “Stop it! He can’t just give you away! You don’t belong to him!”

  “No,” she says, and looks up at me then. “I belong to you now.”

  “That’s sick. And I’m thirteen.”

  “I’m twelve,” she says. “But I’m a full woman now. It’s okay.”

  “It’s not!” I have no idea what to say to make her understand that. I turn back to Father Tom. He knows this isn’t right. It’s why he locks people in here in the first place. “I’m not doing this.”

  “Of course not,” he says. Smooth as oil. “Not yet, of course. But she’ll be held chaste for you, Connor. She’ll be yours when you’re ready.”

  “No.” I say it flatly, and I mean it. I’ll put a chair back. I’ll wear the stupid clothes, if that helps. But I’m not doing this.

  My old dad would tell me to do it. That’s why I won’t.

  Father Tom just shakes his head. Sadly, as if he already knew this would happen. “All right,” he says. “On your head be it.” He raises his hand above his head, and people come out of the trees, up the path. There’s Caleb, with a nasty-looking assault rifle slung over his che
st. And the other two from the RV. They weren’t asleep. Of course they weren’t.

  My stomach drops when I see who they’re holding. Dad.

  He’s still got chains on his ankles and wrists, and he’s got another one wrapped around his throat like a thick metal leash. I feel like I’m sinking into quicksand. It’s awful and horrible and Caleb’s leading him by that chain and I need to do something. Sam looks awful; he’s barely standing up, and he’s dirty and bloody and has no shirt on. The only clean thing about him is the white bandage that wraps around his waist.

  More of the Assembly men are coming down the path behind them. Nobody was asleep. Everybody was in on this.

  “Go back to the Garden, Sister Aria,” Father Tom tells her. “Your job is done here.”

  She nods, still smiling, as she walks past me and toward the path. She passes Sam, and that’s when I realize he’s watching me. I take a step toward them. He shakes his head, emphatically.

  “Easy, Connor,” he says, and the calm sound of his voice makes me ache inside because I want him to be okay so bad. “I’m fine. I’m all right.”

  Caleb yanks on that chain, and Sam gags and staggers, and fury rips through me.

  I lose it, just like in the classroom. But this time I know who I’m going to hit. I go straight for Caleb, and I see him drop the chain and step back and aim that gun he has and I don’t care—I’m too angry and too scared and I just want it to stop.

  Sam moves between us, and I skid to a stop because I don’t care if I get shot, I don’t, but not him. “Easy,” he says again. “Breathe, Connor. Breathe—”

  Caleb puts the muzzle of his rifle to the side of Sam’s head. “Back up, Brother Connor. Right now. Or this is your fault.”

  “It’s not,” Sam says. “Remember that.”

  One of the other men punches Sam in the side, and he cries out and nearly goes down. Somehow he doesn’t, and it’s all I can stand not to go charging at them again. I know it’s stupid. But I have to do something.

  “He’s right, Connor. It’s not really your fault,” Father Tom says, like none of this is happening. “You’ve been poisoned by women your whole life. Especially your mother.”

  Sam looks like he’d say something to that. I say it for him. “My mother’s the strongest person in the world.”

  “It’s not your fault you think so. You’ve been brainwashed. Female strength is inferior. They’re incomplete, made from the rib of a man. They were made by God to serve.”

  Sam gets his breath then, and he says, “Save it. It’s not going to work. Connor knows better. Weak men believe shit like this. Weak men like these assholes.” He jerks his head toward Caleb, and I know Caleb’s about to punch him again and I need to make it stop.

  “Brother Caleb,” Father Tom says, and stops it for me. “There’s no need for that. We’re not here to torture the man.”

  From the expression on Caleb’s face, he’d like to do it anyway. But now I’m scared what’s coming. Sam looks so tired; he’s fighting to stay on his feet. He’s doing that for me. The sound of the waterfall is like a drill whining through my skull, tunneling right through bone.

  “I want to believe in your ability to change, Brother Connor,” Father Tom says. “But you’ve shown poor judgment too many times in a short period of time. I think it’s time you were baptized. I think you’d be of more use to us if you join our army of saints.” I don’t know what that last part means. I don’t think it’s good; it feels like something awful is in the air now.

  The men standing around us say, “Amen.”

  “Come with me, boy,” he says to me, and puts his hand on my shoulder, just the way all those men did in the church when they welcomed me in. “Let me anoint you with holy waters.”

  “No!” Sam shouts. He lunges forward, and Caleb grabs the chain again and yanks him back. He fights, and I’m afraid he’s going to choke. I can’t stand this, can’t stand seeing them hurt him.

  “Okay!” I shout. “Okay! I’ll go! Dad, it’s okay!”

  He keeps on struggling. They push him down on his knees. I can’t look. I need to do this so they’ll stop. It’s just water. It’s nothing.

  Father Tom leads me into the lake. Two steps and the bottom drops off, and I’m up to my knees. It’s freezing, so cold I’m already shaking. The water, close up, has a weird oily shine on top. It stinks.

  He keeps pulling me deeper. I don’t want to go, but I need to do this. I can’t let them kill Sam, and I know they will. I can feel it.

  “One more step,” Father Tom whispers in my ear. “I’ll anoint you with the holy waters and you will be one of us, Connor. A full brother of the Assembly in the sight of God. Then you’ll be worthy.”

  I take another step. It’s a drop-off, and I sink fast. The water comes up to my chest. I gasp and flail. I can barely feel my feet now.

  Father Tom scoops up water in both hands. I don’t want this. I don’t. I turn and look back at the shore and I see that Dad is still fighting his chains to get to me. He’s hurting himself more.

  I need to just do this and get it over with. Now.

  So I take a deep, unsteady breath and nod. “Okay.”

  Father Tom lifts the water in his joined palms.

  “Father! Someone’s at the gate!” Someone shouts it from up close to the path. “You need to come! Right now!”

  Everything freezes.

  Father Tom pauses, and ripples go out from him across the pond to disappear into the darkness. The only sound that continues for a moment is the dull roar of the waterfall cascading down.

  Father Tom lets the water fall back into the lake, grabs my shoulder, and pushes me back toward shore. “The day of reckoning,” he shouts. “Hallelujah! Brothers, the day of reckoning is at hand!”

  “Praise the lord,” the men all say. “Let his might prevail!”

  “Amen, brothers. You know what to do. God be with you.”

  The men all rush away, up the path, as fast as they can go. They’re gone before Father Tom and I stumble back onto the rocky shore. Caleb’s still there with his other two men and Dad. Dad’s collapsed onto the ground, breathing hard. I’m not even sure he’s fully conscious. I struggle out of the water and try to get to him, but my legs feel numb and heavy, and I don’t see it coming when Father Tom grabs me from behind by the hair. I stop because the pain is intense, like he’s set my scalp on fire. “Caleb. The prisoner goes back to his cell. Take the boy to the women. Tell Sister Harmony he is her prisoner now. She knows the penalty for failure.”

  “Yes, Father,” Caleb says. He seems slightly doubtful. “So he isn’t our new messiah?”

  “No,” Father Tom says, and shoves me at the man who comes to get me. “The devil has offspring too. Get him out of my sight.”

  The man who takes hold of me marches me back toward the center of the camp. When I look back, they’re dragging Dad toward the shed. Father Tom is gone. I have no idea where he went.

  I’m shivering and wet, and I stink of that awful water. I want to get free and get to Dad and get the hell out. I’m terrified that they’re going to hurt him more, or that he’s already so bad off that he can’t defend himself. I don’t know what to do.

  I don’t know that there’s anything I can do.

  Caleb shoves me into the women’s house—the Garden—and I find all the lanterns have been lit. The women’s bunkhouse isn’t very different; they’ve got the same beds, the same old military trunks, but they’ve tried to provide a little beauty here for themselves. There are flowers blooming in little planters in the windows.

  The Garden.

  They’ve got different Bible verses on their walls than the men do.

  I count the people I see, because Mom’s always told me that information is the first step to defense. There are twelve adult women, and four who are younger teens—Aria’s in the back, and I hate the sight of her right now—and there are six younger kids, from two babies on up to about seven years old, boys and girls.

 
; The women are all fully dressed in their long skirts and plain shirts, but some of them still have their hair in braids that I guess they do for sleeping. Sister Harmony’s blonde braid is as thick as my arm; it looks like she could whip it like a club. She meets us a few steps into the house, and Caleb thrusts me at her. She grabs me in surprise. She glares at Caleb before she remembers to look down.

  “He’s your prisoner now,” Caleb says. “Lose him and we’ll cull the herd by half.”

  I feel her shudder, but she says, “It will be done as Father Tom wishes.”

  “Everyone stays in until you get different orders,” he says. “Get them ready. Reckoning is coming.”

  She opens her mouth to say something, then just looks down and nods instead. Caleb turns and leaves, and Harmony closes the door. I hear locks turn, and I realize Caleb’s turned a key. Locked us in.

  Harmony turns to me, and for a second there’s something so angry in her eyes that I hold up my hands and say, “I’m sorry. I didn’t—” My teeth are chattering, I’m so cold. She sees that, and some of her anger slides away.

  “It isn’t your fault,” she says. Her face is tense and pale, and she grabs a blanket and puts it around me. “You’ve done nothing wrong. You’ll find no punishment here.”

  A few of the other women look up, and murmur to each other. Aria frowns. She steps forward and says, “If Father Tom made him a prisoner, we shouldn’t be so nice to him.”

  “Quiet!” Harmony snaps, so sharp that I see Aria recoil. “I need to think.”

  “There’s no need to think, Sister,” one of the other women says. She sounds tentative, though. “Father Tom’s told us what to do. Aren’t we to prepare for the reckoning?”

  Harmony ignores that. She moves past me to the window and looks out toward the gate. I join her, trying to see what’s happening. She doesn’t snap at me or order me away. That causes more whispers behind us, but I don’t care. I’m hoping I can see Dad out there . . . but I don’t. He must be back in his cell by now. There are a bunch of men gathering in the compound with guns. Some are handguns, some are rifles, but there are some that look like Caleb’s rifle—real military-style weapons. I recognize them from playing Call of Duty. Scary, especially now. I’m still shivering and freaked out from what happened at the waterfall, and now it looks like they’re prepping for a real war.