by Karen Nappa
Sonja drove the eight miles to Green Leaf Massage and parked her Miata in the lot near the building. The temperature was pleasant for October, but the wind was quite cold and she was glad she didn't have to walk a long distance. Inside, the atmosphere was warm and inviting, with tranquil music playing. An attractive man greeted her.
Sonja introduced herself and presented the gift card.
"Ah, yes, Ms. Madden. You're scheduled for a ninety-minute massage and a reviving foot rub. Brooke will be ready for you in a few moments."
Sonja wiped her mouth with a napkin. She was afraid she would fall asleep over her plate if she weren't careful. After the pampering at the spa and the copious meal, all she wanted was to snuggle up with Derek on the couch.
"I have something for you," Derek said as he stood up to clear the table. "Let me deal with the dishes, and then I'll get it for you."
Sonja jumped to her feet. "I can help."
"No need, baby. You've been on your feet since six this morning, and you look tired. Would you like to stay in tonight instead of going to the club?"
Sonja rose and collected their glasses with one hand and the remainder of the lasagna with the other. "I am tired, but not from work, and I would love to stay home tonight."
While Derek filled the dishwasher, Sonja cleaned the kitchen counter and told him about her spa adventure.
"What a thoughtful gift. You should pamper yourself more often."
She hummed. "Maybe."
Derek kissed her on the mouth with just a soft press of his lips. He was a patient kisser and she liked that he didn't dive in with his tongue right from the start. Some of the men she'd dated had been more like dogs, licking and slobbering. Derek seemed pleased with the feel of her lips against his as he coaxed her to relax against him and grant him access. After minutes of worshipping her mouth with his, he pulled back and grinned. "You make me forget everything. Let me get your present. Please, wait for me on the couch by the television."
Sonja did as he instructed and was waiting on the couch, bursting with curiosity. What was it this time? Another dress? When he walked in with an artfully wrapped present in his hands, she stretched her neck to see the package better. She couldn't make out what it was from the form.
Derek grinned. "Curious?"
Sonja smiled back and nodded. Derek held out the gift to her, and she took it eagerly. It was soft, the material yielding under the wrapping paper. Sonja tore away the paper, and the cutest white teddy bear gazed up at her. Sonja pressed the bear against her chest and beamed up at Derek. Their eyes met, and she felt he was studying her the way Snuggles watched her opening a can of food. Of course, Snuggles never had this much love and adoration in his eyes. Sonja was speechless, enthralled by his gaze, and on the verge of tears at the thoughtful gift. As she searched for words to express her gratitude, Sonja didn't realize that her face showed all that she felt at that moment. Derek settled beside her on the couch and pulled her against his body. She snuggled against him and managed, "Thank you, Daddy."
Derek pressed a kiss on her hair. "You're welcome." She could feel him smile against her hair. "I realized you had all these stuffed animals in your bedroom and none here."
Her heart melted! He is the most amazing guy I've ever met!
Derek stroked her arm and back as he held her securely in his strong arms, and she thought she could fall asleep right then and there. When Derek broke the silence, she was startled by his words. "Now, tell me how you've slept the last week."
"Huh?"
Derek chuckled. "Don't play dumb. Answer the question, baby."
"I slept like I always do."
Derek pushed against her shoulders so he could look her in the eye and made a disapproving sound. "If you slept a solid seven or eight hours a night, you wouldn't look this haggard."
She raised an eyebrow.
"What?" Derek gave her a blank stare. He is the most infuriating man.
Sonja conceded, "Normally, I sleep about four or five hours a night." He cocked his head in a 'tell me more' gesture, and she sighed. "I don't know what you want me to say."
"Have you always slept so little?"
Sonja chewed on that question for a bit. "Frankly, I can't remember the last restful night of sleep I had before I spent the night with you." But then she recalled something her grandmother used to say. "But Gran told me I slept like the dead."
"So your short nights of sleep started after your grandmother passed away?" Derek appeared to be deep in thought. "Right after?"
Sonja nodded and then amended, "Not until I moved out of the house and was sleeping in my car. It's not the most comfortable place to sleep and I had to be careful where I parked. I got rousted by the police every now and then. I was still living out of the car when I met Carol."
Derek patiently held her until her trembling subsided. "I'm sorry you went through that, baby."
Sonja let out a trembling breath and leaned back to look up in his face. "I don't get why I sleep like a baby when we're in bed together but not when I'm alone."
"Actually, it makes sense." Derek explained, "Our prehistoric ancestors used to sleep for short periods during the day. Their usual pattern was to sleep for a few hours at night, wake up, and sleep a few hours during the day. A big portion of our brain is built the same way. When a person isn't feeling safe, the primitive brain takes over. After four or five restful hours, yours tells you to wake up and take your turn watching over the group."
"I didn't know that."
"I'm not happy you have trouble sleeping, but I'm glad your brain tells you it's safe with me around." Derek kissed her on the forehead. "Now, tell me how you want to spend the rest of our evening."
Chapter 9
T hree weeks ago, Sonja had been in fear that she would be the third generation in her family to have to fight breast cancer. Instead, she was floating high in a relationship with a gorgeous man.
She got to the Smokehouse for the munch a few minutes before six. Derek had called to say he was running late and would meet her there. She saw Kate talking to Ruby and Molly, so she walked over to say hello.
Molly saw her first and broke away from the other two. "Sonja, I'm so glad to see you. I've been worried about you. I hope there're no hard feelings about the other week. I meant well."
"I know you did, Molly, and everything is great between Derek and me. It's probably good you interfered. I'm not sure I would have told him at all if it weren't for you, and it would have put a wall between us. The biopsy was negative, so I could have rationalized keeping Derek in the dark indefinitely."
"That's great news! I'm so happy for you! I'm so glad to hear you're okay on both fronts. Is Derek coming tonight?"
"Yes, but he got held up at work." While they had been talking, more people had been arriving. "Mitch was right. We've got a lot of new people here. I guess mingling is the order of the evening. Shall we?"
"Together or separately?" Molly asked.
"I think I'll solo for a while. Some of these folks look a little nervous. Double-teaming might scare them off." Sonja left Molly and said a quick hello to Kate and Ruby before noticing a person standing alone by the appetizer table. Sonja walked over and said, "Hi, I'm Sonja. Is this your first munch?"
"Lynn. Yes, it is. I'm not sure I quite fit in, though. Everyone seems older."
"Maybe most, but not all. By the way, which pronouns do you use?"
"She and her. Thanks for asking. Most people don't. They just hem and haw."
Lynn looked to be in her late twenties. She was wearing a polo shirt and short skirt over leggings. She still had some scraggly facial hair so Sonja didn't try to guess where she was in her transition.
"I can't guarantee it, but I don't think you'll find many people here like that. Can I introduce you around a bit? It should help break the ice."
"Thanks. I'd appreciate it," Lynn said, sounding relieved.
"There's Sandra. She's closer to your age. We celebrated her thirtieth birthday at the clu
b a couple of months ago.
Sandra was headed straight for the food, so she was easy to catch. "Hi, Sonja. Who is this? I'm Sandra." She put out her hand, and Lynn reached out tentatively to shake it.
"This is Lynn," Sonja said. "She's new."
"Good to meet you, Lynn. Great outfit. Where did you find that cute skirt?"
Sonja noticed Lynn's shoulders relax, and she dropped her arms from her chest at Sandra's welcome. The two of them were quickly discussing fashion. "It's hard to find things that look good on my body type," Lynn said. "I don't have a lot to work with."
"Nonsense," Sandra said. "You just have to know where to shop."
Sonja interjected, "I see I found the perfect person for you to talk to, Lynn. Welcome again. I'm sure we'll talk more later. Before I go, are you on Fetlife? I'm Chefdujour 37. Send me a friend request, or I'll send you one."
"That would be great. I'm Wolfling26."
Sonja pulled a pen from her purse and wrote both Fetlife handles on napkins, handing one to Lynn, before heading toward the entrance where she saw a familiar face.
"Erin! How great to have you here." Sonja was always pleased when people she liked in the vanilla world turned out to be kinky.
"Hi, Sonja. You don't seem surprised to see me."
"Well, it's not like I was expecting you, but when you're in the lifestyle, you get used to running into people you wouldn't think are kinky. Are you new in general or just to the munch?" Sonja tried to explain.
"I don't have a lot of experience, but I've played before. Right now, I'm looking to meet more people into BDSM. I understand from Fetlife, there's a club that sponsors this munch?" Erin sounded confident.
"Yes," Sonja said. "Club Indigo. We try to have a fair number of members here each month. The club is by invitation only."
"What do I have to do to get an invite?" Erin asked.
"You get straight to the point." Sonja chuckled. "It's pretty easy. You come here. Talk to people, especially members, and ask. Let me introduce you to Bob. He's hosting tonight and can tell you more about the club."
They walked over to where Bob was now talking to Lynn. "We're interested in getting more younger members, but if you feel like you don't fit, there's a regular weekly TNG group that has a slosh here on alternate Wednesdays, and they rent out the club for a play party once a month on a Sunday afternoon/evening. Some of them are regular members, too."
"Do you know if they're trans-friendly?" Lynn asked.
"As far as I know, yes. Have you tried other groups that aren't?" Bob asked.
"No. I came here first, though, because Club Indigo's rep in the trans groups on Fetlife is good. I was just a little surprised that I didn't see more people my age or more trans folks."
"The younger crowd tends to go to the TNG group, but we have some trans people among the regulars," Bob said.
Sonja jumped in. "Sorry to interrupt, Bob. Lynn, I can vouch for what Bob's saying. I think you'll find support at Club Indigo, whatever your identity, orientation, or kink. People are genuinely open."
"Thanks for saying that, Sonja," Lynn replied. "You certainly make me feel comfortable here."
"Bob, Lynn, this is Erin. She's new tonight, too, and interested in coming to the club. Can I leave her with you?" Sonja asked.
Sonja got Erin's Fetlife handle before moving away again.
She continued to circulate through the room, stopping to talk to James and Laura briefly. She noticed that Chris was introducing himself to Erin, and Sonja wondered how that would go. She hadn't gotten any particular vibe over whether Erin was dominant or submissive. She didn't even know if she was straight. They would have to work that out for themselves.
Half an hour later, Sonja was talking with another new attendee, Angie, who said she was waiting for her 'Daddy' to arrive at the monthly munch. The beautiful, curvy woman had dark eyes, glossy black hair, and tan skin, hinting at a Mediterranean background. Sonja felt uneasy around the woman, but she couldn't pinpoint a reason. Sonja forced herself back to the conversation. It would be good to get more information about the little mindset. Before she could ask her next question, Angie rose to her feet and exclaimed, "Oh, good, there's my Daddy!"
Sonja looked up to see Jim and Paula enter the restaurant with Derek and a big man with a crooked nose she didn't know. Is that her Daddy?
Angie walked right up to the group and joined them. Sonja's eyes widened as Angie flung her arms around Derek's waist and beamed up at him. Sonja couldn't make out Derek's expression, but it didn't matter. To her, it felt like her entire world caved in. Doubts and self-loathing assaulted her as she rose from the table with a hand over her mouth to hold back the sobs. Sonja snatched her purse and coat from the back of her seat. She caught a perplexed look from Erin, who was talking with Bob and Molly before she rushed to the back exit.
Derek didn't know what had happened to him as he looked down into the familiar face of the woman who clung to his waist. She was still beautiful, but the look in her eyes was off for someone supposedly glad to see him. He wondered how he could have ever fallen for her.
"There you are, Daddy. I've missed you, big time," she said with a voice he had once found endearing, but now it sounded put-on and sickeningly sweet. He wished he could shove her away, but the Daddy-Dom in him couldn't stomach that. He would never treat a little like that, even this one. He reached behind him to unclasp her arms and moved a step back from her.
"What on earth are you doing here, Angie? And how did you find me?" He couldn't hide the revulsion in his voice, but she was oblivious to it.
Derek looked around for support but noticed that Paula, Jim, and detective Will Tolbert had given him privacy, which would have been considerate with a typical reunion but was unwelcome in this case. The woman who had driven him into leaving St. Louis and abandoning the lifestyle for over a year had found him. He only hoped the KCPD would be more helpful than the St. Louis police had been. Otherwise, he was fucked and not in a good way!
Sonja slammed the front door closed and saw the tip of Snuggles' tail as he rushed away from her. Bad enough Derek wanted someone else, but now, even her cat was turning his back to her. She should never have tried to be his submissive and baby girl. What had she been thinking? Hadn't she learned from Colton or her years at Club Indigo? Why would he want her when he could have Angie? She was perfect for him. Small, beautiful and, obviously, a baby girl!
Sonja huffed at her wayward thoughts and tried to calm down. She rushed to her bedroom without bothering to take off her shoes and coat. With her purse still strapped around her body, she flopped down on her bed and gave in to her despair.
Derek didn't love her. She broke down, and big, fat tears started streaming down her face. Her tears soaked the corner of her bedspread in a matter of minutes and the waterworks were still falling. She hadn't felt this kind of pain in a long time. Not since she had entered Colton's garden the night she found out her grandmother's house would have to be sold to pay debts and found him kissing 'sleazy Sandy' on his back porch. She'd crammed her belongings in Gran's old Buick and driven away, but she couldn't get away from her pain then, and she couldn't now. She wasn't the inexperienced teenager she had been back then. Sonja pushed herself up and grabbed a wad of tissues from the nightstand. She pulled back her shoulders with false bravado. Fake it, 'til you make it, right? First, she would change her bedding, and then she would indulge in some comfort from Ben and Jerry's. Who needs a man when they have that delicious duo, right? She would watch The Little Mermaid and not think about Derek. Just his name brought tears to her eyes. Sonja pulled the strap of her purse over her head. She needed to put her phone on the charger for the night, so she took it out, realizing the battery was dead. Once it started charging, she checked it to find eleven missed calls and sixteen text messages! What the—
For a second or two, she felt curious and wanted to find out who'd called, but Sonja was sure it would be her friends, and she couldn't deal with explanations right now. No, she woul
d go to bed and deal with things tomorrow.
With Snuggles hot on her heels, Sonja walked over to her bed. With stiff legs, her beloved cat jumped on the bed, and she went to the bathroom. When she returned, Snuggles was curled up smack in the middle of her bed and she allowed herself a sad smile. Someone else was going to be grumpy. Sonja turned off the light and nudged Snuggles so they both had room. She fought the urge to pull the sheets over her head as the tears started to fall anew. Sonja cried and waited for sleep, while Snuggles purred like a small steam engine in blissful ignorance.
Chapter 10
D erek extricated himself from Angie with effort. The woman was like an octopus as she tried to hang on to him.
"Angie!" Derek snapped.
Big eyes welling with tears looked up to him, but Derek didn't buy her innocent act anymore.
"What's wrong, Daddy, aren't you pleased to see me?" she pouted.
Derek steeled his heart. "No."
Angie burst out crying and threw herself at him again.
"What's going on, Derek?" Jim asked behind him, seemingly alerted something was amiss.
Derek was relieved he'd told Jim about his former submissive before joining Club Indigo and said, "This is Angie."
Jim didn't need any more explanation, and after a few words with his companions, he stepped around and pulled Angie from Derek. The strong detective held her upper arms in a firm grip, and she started screaming.
Derek had to resist the urge to cover his ears, but instead, he nodded to Jim. "Thank you!"