Hello Stranger

by West, Jade

  “Unsteady?” I asked, and I actually felt my blood run cold.

  “Yes, unsteady. I’m glad she ventured over here to get a feel for it herself.”

  It wasn’t unsteadiness that had shifted Chloe’s commitment to the new role, and I knew it.

  It was me.

  “Don’t worry,” Wendy said. “Rhonda is excellent too, she’ll be fantastic.”

  But I didn’t want Rhonda. I wanted Chloe Sutton.

  “Chloe was your first choice,” I said. “Why was that?”

  Wendy’s face lit up. “Oh, Chloe’s a bright little star. She really is. You met her, yes? She’s such a warm sparkle. Conscientious, and committed, too. I really thought she’d be a gem in here.” Another pause. “It’s a shame, yes, but she’s a great presence in Kingsley. They’ll be glad to keep hold of her.”

  I didn’t doubt it.

  “Have you told Rhonda yet?” I asked. “Is she aware of the position?”

  Wendy shook her head. “Not yet. I had a staff appraisal meeting a few weeks ago where we spoke about potential department shifts, but I haven’t told her about this position yet. I’m giving Chloe a few days to decide for definite, but having seen her yesterday, I’m pretty certain she’ll be staying where she is.”

  I pasted on my professional smile and thanked her for her time. I watched Wendy get up to leave, with that ridiculous flame of panic rising up in my chest, and once again it won. Poked its face up and claimed its moment before I had the chance to slam it back down.

  “Is Chloe in today?” I asked. “She’s, um… usually on the same train as me in the morning, and I don’t think she was there today.”

  Don’t think? I sounded like a complete dick.

  Wendy tipped her head. “Yeah, I think she’s in. Pretty sure I saw her this morning. It’s hard to miss her with that beam of a smile on her face wherever she goes.”

  “Thank you,” I said, and she left with a wave.

  I should have left it, and I knew it. There’s no way I should have ever considered interfering with a situation at the hospital just because I was all a dither about a girl missing a train journey, but yet again that flame of panic was being a prick of a fool and chewing me up inside.

  I checked my schedule and had a short while before my next appointment. I was cursing myself from the very moment I was up on my feet, but I kept on moving, letting Gina know I was heading out for a few minutes.

  It’d been a while since I’d been to Kingsley Ward. It took less time than I was expecting before I arrived at the double doors and pushed my way inside.

  The girl on reception greeted me with a smile and a “welcome, Dr Hall” and I stepped on up to the counter.

  “I’m here to see Chloe Sutton, please,” I told her. “Is she around?”

  She pointed behind me with a nod, and I spun in a flash. And there she was. Chloe. Standing there with her fingers twisting together in front of her, staring at me with those big, wide eyes.

  Jesus Christ, the girl was beautiful.

  “Chloe,” I said, and took a few steps forward. “Can I please have a minute?”

  She nodded, and that beautiful blush was rising high on her cheeks. She gestured somewhere off to the corridor to the side, and I followed her nervous little steps with my heart racing.

  She didn’t know what I was going to say, and that was obvious. The white rabbit was in the headlights, gazing up with such beautiful innocence, and I knew in that moment, beyond any doubt, just why Wendy Briars had chosen her for Franklin.

  She was a genuine little sparkle of life, so warm and so real.

  I cleared my throat. “I’m here to offer my apologies,” I told her. “I was a little preoccupied yesterday and didn’t offer you enough of a welcome to the ward. Please give me another opportunity. Wendy says fantastic things about you, and I’d love to offer you a place on our team.”

  She was nodding along with my words. A delightful little bob of her head that had me transfixed.

  “Thank you, Dr Hall,” she said. “It’s ok that you were… busy… that’s no problem.”

  I wasn’t busy and we both knew it. It was hovering between us in the air, a bigger elephant in the room than Wellington at Pilsner, but we both smiled and glazed over it, and I gestured behind me.

  “Please, let me know if and when you want to make another visit. I’ll be sure to welcome you.”

  “Thanks,” she said.

  “Excellent,” I said.

  With that I turned, and took a few steps away, but her voice sounded out, a delicious trill that stopped me dead in my tracks.

  “What were you, um…” she took a breath. “What were you, um, reading this morning, Dr Hall? On the train, I mean.”

  I spun on the spot, and took a breath of my own. That white rabbit was in even greater headlights, those nervous fingers twisting even harder.

  “Brave New World,” I said, then paused. “How about you?”

  “White Fang,” she said, then blushed some more, a beautiful beetroot over freckles. “I really love wolves. Like really love them. They’ve been my favourites since I was a kid.”

  “Wolves,” I repeated. “My mother really loves elephants. I took her to Pilsner a few days ago.”

  Her face lit up. “I love Pilsner,” she said. “They have wolves, you know. One of them is called Winston and he’s amazing.”

  I had this ridiculous shiver down deep as I flashed her a smile of my own.

  “We met an elephant,” I told her. “His name is Wellington. A huge beast.”

  She nodded. “Yeah, I saw him last time I was there. He’s their biggest, right?”

  “I believe so, yes.”

  “Cool,” she said.

  “Great,” I said.

  And it was awkwardly ridiculous, a bluster of small talk that meant an insane amount more than it should.

  “I’d best get back,” I told her.

  “Yeah,” she said, and pointed off behind somewhere. “I’d better get back to it, too.”

  She started retreating, those nervous fingers still twisting, and I said something I shouldn’t, far beyond any kind of professionalism.

  “You weren’t on the train this morning.”

  Such a stupid comment.

  “No,” she said, and her eyes dropped to the floor, darting around a little before climbing back up to meet with mine. Fingers twisting. Twisting. “It’s, um…”

  I should have held up a hand and blustered my way out of there, but I didn’t. I kept my eyes tight on hers, waiting for her to speak again.

  “It’s, um…” Another little dither and pause, then she took a breath. “I, um… split up with my boyfriend. I’m in Halsey now… back with my parents.”

  You could have knocked me down with the tiniest of feathers, right there and then, but I held it steady. Held it firm.

  My voice was calm when I spoke.

  “I’m sorry,” I told her. “It’s always unfortunate when things don’t work out how we hoped.”

  Her voice wasn’t calm when it came out again. It was gaspy and shy.

  “I’m not…” she said. “Sorry, I mean.”

  My eyes must have widened on hers, but I kept so still.

  She shrugged, and flashed the most adorable little smile I’d ever seen. “He’d say I was a boring book addict, didn’t like me reading at night.”

  I flashed her a smile right back. “I’m sure you’d have plenty to say about him in response.”

  A nod. “Yeah. Sure would.”

  There were footsteps behind and a few of the nurses came walking through, and the spell was broken all over again. I cleared my throat and backed away.

  “You’re welcome at Franklin,” I said again. “Please do head over if you’d like a more thorough introduction.”

  “Thanks,” she said.

  That little boy in me was leaping in my damn chest when I left Kingsley and charged on back across to Franklin, and I tried to push him down. I tried to scoff at his insani
ty and his pathetic outlook on the world, but today I couldn’t contain him. I couldn’t force him back into the depths where he belonged.

  The silly little fool would learn his lesson, of that I was sure. But not right then.

  Right then it was all about Chloe Sutton and that sweet little smile.

  16

  Chloe

  I never expected our longest ever conversation to be one where I was wobbly on my feet in a hospital corridor, telling him I love wolves. But I’d take it any day, all day long, just to hear his voice again.

  Yep. I really needed a cold shower, and some kind of sense in my head. Neither of them were coming anytime that afternoon, though.

  I was a nervous cloud, floating through the ward once he’d left it – happy on top of happy as I helped people through their day, laughing and smiling and listening to life stories. There was so much to be found in people, as well as in pages. I’d known that ever since I could understand words.

  I was still grinning my brightest grin when Wendy Briars joined me in the staffroom at the end of my shift, and she smiled right back at me.

  “You look happy,” she said. “Have you had an opportunity to think about things with Franklin?”

  I nodded one hell of a nod. “Yeah,” I told her. “I mean I was always really keen to do the role, I just felt that maybe it wasn’t quite right for me in Franklin.” I zoomed out my words super fast. “But it is right. I know it’s right. I saw Dr Hall earlier and he told me I could go get an introduction and I want that. I really do want to take over from Gina.”

  She was laughing when I finished speaking, a really warm laugh that made me giggle out a giggle along with her.

  “Sorry,” I said. “I can get a little…”

  “Enthusiastic,” she finished for me. “Never apologise for that, it’s a lovely thing to see.”

  “Thanks.”

  I could feel my cheeks burning bright and I wondered if she could sense it, the whole burst of energy inside. I was keeping it in check. But just. Only just.

  “I did hear that Dr Hall came over here to speak with you,” she said. “That’s a great thing. He’s a difficult man to get to know, but a great one. It’s a fantastic thing that he wants to welcome you to the team. You’ll be very valued there.”

  I felt so much more tender than I should to hear that.

  “He seems great. Really great.”

  “He is,” she said. “Really great.”

  I dawdled, and then picked my book up ready to go.

  She looked at my novel intently. “Gina said you share train journeys with him. Said you share what you’ve been reading.”

  I shrugged. “Yeah, we both read a lot. Bookworms, I guess. Two peas in a novel reading pod.”

  “Excellent,” she said, but she had a weird expression. One I couldn’t quite understand. “Well, have a lovely evening. We’ll start you in Franklin next week. You have a lot of faces to meet and a lot to take in.”

  I had this silly urge to give her a hug, because I was so happy and she was so cool and had offered me so much, but I held back. I waved goodbye and was off like a rocket, charging on out of there and down to Harrow train station.

  In some ways getting a different train tonight felt more strange than not going back home to Liam. I checked my phone. No messages from him. No babe, please come home or I’ll love you forever, don’t do this. Not even a peep out of him. Probably already slouched down on the sofa, screaming into his gamer headset.

  I guess it didn’t seem all that strange to him, either. Maybe things had been done between us for a long time, we just hadn’t wanted to admit it. Neither of us. Must happen to a lot of people – they just drift away from each other as days turn to weeks, and those weeks keep on rolling, on and on. Very sad, but very real.

  I tried to read White Fang on the way back to Halsey, trying to sink into the story I’d read a billion times over and get caught up in Kiche and One-Eye and the awesome White Fang himself. I failed miserably. My mind was too tangled in knots, life spinning around through so much of it, and I shouldn’t be thinking about that corridor conversation in the slightest, but I was.

  My mother really likes elephants.

  I wondered what his mum was like. I wondered if she looked like him, with the same dark eyes and awesome cheekbones, and if she read books too.

  It was a whole new load of wondering on top of wondering if this whole flutter of want I had for him was a hope about nothing that could ever be. Because that’s what it was. Want. I wanted him. I wanted him so bad I couldn’t stop thinking about him in bed at night, especially not now Liam was gone.

  Last night had been quite… intense… in a bed on my own…

  The whole what if thing was weird for me, because some little part of me felt I already had the answers, whispering in the shadows. I knew nothing about Dr Hall’s life, but that didn’t stop these whispers tickling deep. It was barely conscious, and based on nothing sane at all, but somehow I knew this wasn’t completely crazy, and this wasn’t just me being a crazy girl with crazy dreams, going crazy over a man I didn’t know. Because if I wasn’t supposed to know him, I wouldn’t be walking into a life with him in it every single day, right through the day.

  Most people would say I was out of my mind.

  Maybe I was.

  It didn’t stop me smiling all the way home, though. It didn’t stop the bounce in my step all along Bridge Street and across my parents’ front lawn, even though my feet were grumbling all the way. It didn’t stop the smile on my face as I sat down at the dinner table, with Beano wagging his tail at my feet, and talked about my day with Mum and Dad, and asked about theirs right back.

  They’d had good ones, just like me.

  I got in bed that night and tried reading White Fang again. I failed. Again.

  I settled down to sleep, trying to get an early night for once in my life, but failing at that too.

  I pictured him. Dr Hall with his deep, dark eyes, and that beautiful smile – even though it only showed in flashes. I pictured his hands on novel covers, his fingers flicking the pages, and I couldn’t help myself… my own fingers slipped their way under the covers, until I felt how hot I was. How wet I was…

  Want.

  I wanted to step closer and feel him up close, too close to be cold. I wanted to feel his breaths on my face, lips too close not to kiss.

  I wanted his fingers teasing their way up my thighs, gentle enough to drive me wild. Not like Liam and his rubbing without care.

  Oh, how I wished the fingers between my legs belonged to the stranger on the train and not to me tonight. My circles were tight and fast, teasing my clit just right. My breaths were tight and fast to match, quiet as could be with my parents asleep just through the wall.

  He was right there in my mind, up too close to ever ignore. Everything about him was right there calling deep, so hungry to taste.

  I came for him, but this time there was no shuffle under the covers to make sure Liam didn’t stir. This time I was free to ride the explosion all the way, and then to starfish and catch my breath and stare at the ceiling.

  Please, universe. Please one day make this crazy girl crazy happy and get me up close to Dr Hall. Just for a minute. Just to feel him against me one little time.

  I believed in the universe. I believed in how it sprinkles the right amount of life and lessons into your path ahead, and had done since I was old enough to believe in unicorns and wizards, and gnomes defending their secret kingdoms from evil frogs. Only the belief in the universe had never failed me. Never shrivelled up to nothing, scoffed at by everyone around until I realised there was no fairy tale world hiding away amongst our own.

  No. I’d never been sold out by fate. I believed in the universe with every part of my soul.

  It was just a shame I didn’t believe in myself to match.

  I rolled onto my side and pulled my knees up to my chest, and I felt that horrible little lurch in my heart. The one that could never imagine a
man like Dr Hall feeling that amount of want for a girl like me.

  My freckles, and scars, and my imbalances. My wonky toes and my duck feet, and the way my thighs are too big against my skinny calves, and how my birthmarks make my tits look weird.

  But even then, with my scars and weaknesses piling up high, I couldn’t hold back that tiny pinprick of light in the darkness.

  Because I’d seen it. His tiny pinprick of light in the darkness as he looked at me. That tiny little glimmer in his eyes as they held true on mine. And I knew it. I felt it...

  Please, universe, please let it be true.

  Our story was only just beginning. We’d only just turned the first page.

  17

  Logan

  I never make the same mistake twice.

  Chloe presented her nervous smiling face back over at Franklin the very next day, and this time I did my professional duty to the best of my ability. I accompanied her around the ward with a much warmer smile, even if my words were somewhat limited.

  I introduced her to Romi and Richard and Nadia from the day shift, and gestured her into one of our comfortable consultation rooms where she took a dainty perch on one of the seats.

  She listened with little nods all the while I explained to her the importance of our ward here, and how we always put the patient before the prognosis, no matter at what stage of their road they are at.

  “They aren’t cancer, or kidney failure, or COPD, they are themselves before anything, right to the very end. It's the job of palliative care to honour their wishes and give every scrap of support that can be given, both to them and their families.”

  Another nod, a gracious smile, “I understand,” she said and I saw the truth of her in her eyes.

  “Do you have any questions I haven’t answered yet?” I asked her, and those fingers of hers did their usual twiddle.

  “Do many patients stay in here? Right until the end, I mean?”