Accidentally...Over?

by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

  Cimil huffed. “That could be forever!”

  “Well,” Penelope said, “you seem to have a knack for helping others find their mates. And Zac, you desperately need to learn firsthand what real love is. So, in addition to banishment, you will both serve hard time. You are hereby sentenced to help one hundred immortals—your brethren, our vampire friends, the Payals, any immortal—find their soul mates. We hope that putting you in the front lines will help you see the error of your ways.”

  “This is ridiculous!” Zac barked. “I’m not going to play the role of fucking Cupid!”

  “Remove him from the court,” Penelope commanded the soldiers.

  “The injustice of it all!” Cimil screamed in a southern belle accent. “I’ve given y’all reason to live! I saved the godsdamned world! And this is how you repay me? I am going to swoon.” She pressed the back of her hand to her forehead.

  Penelope looked at Roberto. “I suggest you remove Ms. Scarlet O’Ham before we change our minds. And Roberto? Congratulations. I recommend you find a really, really good nanny.”

  Roberto nodded and scooped up Cimil. He looked utterly relieved, likely because he still got to be with the love of his existence.

  Cimil squirmed and flailed her arms, putting on an over-the-top show. She was such a horrible actress. “You Yanks haven’t seen the last of me!”

  Zac, Cimil, and Roberto and his vampires disappeared from the courtroom.

  “Wow. That was intense. And strange.” Penelope shook her head.

  Kinich took her in his arms. “You did well, my love. And they both will be the better for it.”

  But it pained her to see Zac suffer even after all that he’d done. However, it was time to move on.

  “As for Chaam, based on today’s hearing, he is absolved of all wrongdoing. He will not go to trial.” She looked at Chaam and Maggie. “We wish you nothing but the best in your life together.”

  Maggie and Chaam embraced.

  “Wait.” Emma stood from the second row. “You never said anything about my grandmother. What about her?”

  Crap. They’d entirely forgotten about Emma’s grandmother. She’d been abducted by the Maaskab, her brain poisoned with their magic, and ultimately became their leader. She’d since been captured and cured, so they believed, but there was little track record to prove if the dark energy truly left one’s system.

  Penelope looked at Emma. “I think the best course of action is to keep close tabs on her. Twenty-four-seven surveillance until we know for sure she’s no longer a harm to anyone.”

  “I would like to be her observer.” Everyone looked at the older gentleman in the jogging suit. “Isn’t that the ex–Catholic priest?” Penelope whispered to Kinich.

  “Yes. It most certainly is,” he replied.

  “Father Xavier, are you sure?” Emma asked.

  He smiled. “I am no longer ‘father,’ but yes, I am sure. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Gabriela during her recovery. We’ve grown quite attached.” He winked.

  Okay. So now, they’d seen it all. The ex-priest had the hots for the ex-ruler of the Maaskab army?

  Penelope shrugged. “Sure. Why the hell not?”

  Epilogue Two

  Eight months later

  Máax opened his eyes to the sun shining through the glass doors leading to Ashli’s private balcony. A large black-and-white photo of him, bare chested, standing on the beach while holding their new chocolate lab puppy, Poseidon, hung above the bed.

  He smiled and shook his head. Ashli had taken up photography again and made him pose almost daily. Holding fruit, surfing, doing laundry, cooking. She said she’d never get over the excitement of being able to see him… and that he was not a chair.

  Whatever. Anything to make her happy. Because that was exactly what she’d done for him.

  Happiness was his for the first time in his existence.

  Máax looked down at Ashli’s sleeping form, her belly round with their baby. He rubbed her stomach with affection and imagined the beautiful child inside. His child. His wife. For the first time in seventy thousand years, he truly understood what love meant. She’d taught him that. Funny how it took losing that power and giving it to her for that to occur. Of course, Ashli had taught him many things.

  After their reunion at the cenote, Máax began sharing his story with her—the years of isolation, the missions he went on to salvage unsalvageable situations (like Chaam’s), and his reluctance to truly let anyone be a part of his existence. He also told her about the vision he’d had that day she’d hit her head and how the strand of light that connected them had been like a lifeline to his soul. Of course, Ashli insisted he had been the one to save her from her death wish, but he would never see it that way. She saved him from hell. And now, with her gift of love, she was determined to save others, including weekly counseling sessions for Zac and Cimil who’d opened up an immortal matchmaking service in Los Angeles. Both figured they’d turn it into a business and make some money while they served out their sentences.

  Those two were such lost causes, but he loved Ashli all the more for trying to help them.

  “Máax.” Ashli sighed with contentment and then rolled to her side toward him. “I love you.”

  He stroked her wild black curls away from her face. “And I love you, Ashli.”

  “Good.” She snuggled closer, burying her face into his chest. “Because.” She sighed dreamily. “I’m in labor.”

  “What?” he pulled away, and her eyes flipped open. “But you’re only eight months.”

  “It’s okay, honey. It’s normal for women who are having immortal twins. My Uchben doctor said so.”

  Máax released a sigh of relief. “Thank heavens. Are you certain you are okay?”

  “I’m sure.” She rolled over and grabbed her cell, punching in a message.

  “Who are you texting?” he asked.

  She winced and rubbed her belly. “My ride.”

  A team of four vampires, including Sentin, instantly appeared in their room.

  “Your suitcase, my goddess?” said the thin one wearing a beat-up biker jacket and leather pants.

  “There.” She pointed toward the closet.

  The other vampire, a young blond, lifted her from the bed. “My goddess, your room is ready at the Uchben hospital. Are you ready for sifting?”

  “Yes.” She gripped his arm. “Let’s go.”

  “Ashli!” Máax yelled. “What is going on?”

  She winked. “I’m going to have your babies, silly.” She looked at Sentin who stood at her side. “Let’s move, Sentin.”

  The other vampire with her suitcase vanished in a flash, and the remaining fourth one, a shorter man with scraggly brown hair, looked at Máax with complete frustration. “Dammit. I wanted to take her! She promised I could cut the cord.”

  Máax snarled. “Take me to her now!”

  “Fine. But you should know that you’re a lucky bastard already, so don’t even think of stepping in our fun.”

  What was wrong with these guys? “Take me now, or I will castrate you.”

  In a flash, Máax was inside a large, brightly lit hospital room, standing at Ashli’s side. She’d chosen to give birth in the Uchben hospital near his brother’s estate in Arizona, given the children weren’t human and the doctors there had years of experience dealing with immortals.

  Speaking of immortals. What the devil? Groans and screams exploded from every direction. Doctors and nurses scrambled every which way. His brother Guy hovered over a pain-struck Emma stretched across a gurney, her red hair wild about her face. Kinich stood beside another gurney, gripping a screaming Penelope’s hand. His sister Ixtab sat hunched over in a chair with Antonio holding her firmly by the shoulders, instructing her to breathe. And last but not least, Cimil screamed at the top of her lungs as Roberto tried to feed her ice chips. Strangely, he wore no clothes. His face was painted like a clown. It was disturbing. But not as disturbing as the howls and agonizing groans com
ing from the five women.

  Máax felt his blood pressure hit the cold tiled floor as he took in the scene before him.

  Babygeddon.

  Nothing in his entire seventy thousand years of existence had ever prepared him for this.

  “Let’s get you all settled in.” A nurse walked Ashli over to an empty gurney against the wall.

  “Ashli, honey,” Máax asked, “what is going on? The only thing missing is…”

  “Move! She’s having a baby! Move the fuck out of the way!” Chaam pushed the wheelchair through the doors into the room.

  “Holy crap. I can’t believe it.” Máax rubbed his face. “Okay. Now the only thing missing is a vampire, a unicorn, and a clown.”

  “Eh-hem.” Sentin stood in the corner with a video camera. He then pointed to Roberto—naked clown face Roberto.

  “Okay, the only thing missing is a unicorn,” he corrected.

  Sentin pointed toward a window. “Minky’s outside. Roberto didn’t want her eating the children.”

  Máax nodded slowly. “Okaaay.”

  Helena burst through the doors, a panicked look on her face, with Niccolo in tow.

  “No. Please don’t tell me you’re giving birth, too?” Máax croaked.

  Helena, a young athletic blonde with sun-bleached hair, rolled her eyes. “Idiot. I’m not due for another six months. I’m here to help the girls.”

  Niccolo looked at Helena with utter joy. “Really? Matty is going to have a sister?”

  Helena nodded yes. “And a brother. I’m having twins, too!”

  Niccolo kissed Helena, then looked at Máax. “Man! Are you in for ride. Being a father is better than burnt bread.”

  Máax cocked a brow. “That’s sliced bre—”

  Ashli screamed. “It’s time!”

  The nurse rushed over. “Let’s get you to a delivery room.”

  Oh, gods, this was it. He was going to be a father.

  “You okay?” Niccolo smacked him in the arm.

  Máax glanced over at Ashli’s flushed, smiling face. The light in her eyes glowed with the deepest love the Universe could ever offer. And he’d get to spend an eternity with her. “I’m ready.”

  THE END!!!!!! (Wink)

  Author Note

  Hi, all!

  Well, you made it to the end of the Accidentally Yours series!! (Disco dance!) If you loved it, I sooo appreciate reviews, e-mails, FB notes, and tweets! (Not from the mean people, however. Because yes, they still suck!) As for you (oh, wonderful nice person that I am sure you are!), I want to thank you for hanging on through all those cliffs and twists and immortal bumps in the road. I hope you enjoyed the series. I hope I got you to laugh when you needed it most.

  And for anyone who’s still pining for more, well… while some of our gods finally got their Happy Ever Afters, I’m sure you noticed a few did not. But I couldn’t leave Cimil and Zac without any work to do, now could I?

  Keep an eye out for my new series, Immortal Matchmaker.

  Bring on victim number one: Andrus Gray…

  Once the most powerful immortal assassin ever to exist, this demigod now spends his days pining for the girl who got away: Helena. Doesn’t help that he’s also Helena’s full-time nanny slash bodyguard. But now that the apocalypse is over and her husband, the vampire general, has returned home for good, it’s time to move on. But can Andrus let go of the woman he secretly loves? Cimil, Goddess of the Underworld and owner of Immortal Matchmakers, Inc., knows the solution is finding another. But getting a woman, let alone one Andrus might like, to date this callous, unrefined, coldhearted warrior will prove to be the biggest challenge of her existence. Good thing they’re in LA.

  When aspiring actress Sadie Townsend finds herself only one week from being thrown out on the street, the call from her agent is like a gift from heaven. The six-figure salary is enough to keep her afloat for a very long time. But when she learns the job is teaching the world’s biggest barbarian how to act like a gentleman, she wonders if she shouldn’t have asked for more. He’s vulgar, uncaring, and more rough around the edges than a serrated bread knife. He’s also sexy, fierce, and undeniably tormented.

  Will Sadie help him overcome his past, or will she find her heart hopelessly entrapped by a man determined to self-destruct?

  HAPPY READING, EVERYONE!

  Hugs, Mimi

  About the Author

  Before taking up a permanent residence in the San Francisco Bay Area, Mimi spent time living near New York City (became a shopaholic), in Mexico City (developed a taste for very spicy food), and in Arizona (now hates jumping chollas, but pines for sherbet sunsets). Her love of pre-Hispanic culture, big cities, and romance inspires her to write when she’s not busy with kids, hubby, work, and life… or getting sucked into a juicy novel. She hopes that someday leather pants for men will make a big comeback and that her writing might make you laugh when you need it most.

  You can learn more at:

  MimiJean.net

  Twitter @MimiJeanRomance

  Facebook.com/MimiJeanPamfiloff

  mailto: mimi@mimijean.net

  Dr. Antonio Acero is a world-renowned physicist whose life takes a turn for the worst—and the bizarre. In southern Mexico, he finds an ancient Mayan tablet that is said to have magical properties. But when he puts the tablet to use, he discovers that Fate has other plans. And her name is Ixtab.

  Please see the next page for an excerpt from

  Vampires Need Not… Apply?

  Prologue

  Near Sedona, Arizona. Estate of Kinich Ahau, ex–God of the Sun. New Year’s Day

  Teetering on the very edge of a long white sofa, Penelope stared up at the oversized, round clock mounted on the wall. In ten minutes, the sun would set and the man they once knew as the God of the Sun would awaken. Changed. She hoped.

  Sadly, there’d been a hell of a lot of hoping lately and little good it did her or her two friends, Emma and Helena, sitting patiently at her side. Like Penelope, the other two women had been thrust into this new world—filled with gods, vampires, and other immortal combinations in between—by means of the men they’d fallen in love with.

  Bottom line? Not going so great.

  Helena, the blonde who held two bags of blood in her lap, reached for Penelope and smoothed down her frizzy hair. “Don’t worry. Kinich will wake up. He will.”

  Pen nodded. She must look like a mess. Why hadn’t she taken the time to at least run a brush through her hair for him? He loved her dark hair. Maybe because she didn’t truly believe he’d come back to life. “I don’t know what’s worse, thinking I’ve lost him forever or knowing if he wakes up, he’ll be something he hates.”

  Emma chimed in, “He doesn’t hate vampires. He hates being immortal.”

  Pen shrugged. “Guess it really doesn’t matter now what he hates.” Kinich would either wake up or he wouldn’t. If he didn’t, she might not have the will to go on without him. Too much had happened. She needed him. She loved him. And most of all, she wanted him to know she was sorry for ever doubting him. He’d given his life to save them all.

  Tick.

  Another move of the hand.

  Tock.

  And another.

  Nine more minutes.

  The doorbell jolted the three women.

  “Dammit.” Emma, who wore her combat-ready outfit—black cargos and a black tee that made her red hair look like the flame on the tip of a match—marched to the door. “I told everyone not to disturb us.”

  Penelope knew that would never happen. A few hundred soldiers lurked outside and a handful of deities waited in the kitchen, snacking on cookies; new vampires weren’t known to be friendly. But Penelope insisted on having only her closest friends by her side for the moment of truth. Besides, Helena was a new vampire herself—a long story—and knew what to do.

  Emma unlocked the dead bolt. “Some idiot probably forgot my orders. I’ll send him away—” The door flew open with a cold gust of desert wind and debris.
It took a moment for the three women to register who stood in the doorway.

  The creature, with long, matted dreads beaded with human teeth, wore nothing more than a loincloth over her soot-covered body.

  Christ almighty, it can’t be, thought Pen, as the smell of Maaskab—good old-fashioned, supernatural, pre-Hispanic death and darkness—entered her nose.

  Before Emma could drop a single f-bomb, the dark priestess raised her hand and blew Emma across the large, open living room, slamming her against the wall.

  Helena screamed and rushed to Emma’s side.

  Paralyzed with fear, Penelope watched helplessly as the Maaskab woman glided into the living room and stood before her, a mere two yards away.

  The woman raised her gaunt, grimy finger, complete with overgrown grime-caked fingernail, and pointed directly at Penelope. “Youuuu.”

  Holy wheat toast. Penelope instinctively stepped back. The woman’s voice felt like razor blades inside her ears. Penelope had to think fast. Not only did she fear for her life and for those of her friends, but both she and Emma were pregnant. Helena had a baby daughter. Think, dammit. Think.

  Penelope considered drawing the power of the sun, an ability she’d recently gained when she had become the interim Sun God—another long story—but releasing that much heat into the room might fry everyone in it.

  Grab the monster’s arm. Channel it directly into her.

  “Youuuu,” the Maaskab woman said once again.

  “Damn, lady.” Penelope covered her ears. “Did you swallow a bucket of rusty nails? That voice… gaaaahh.”

  The monster grunted. “I come with a message.”

  “For me?” Penelope took a step forward.

  The woman nodded, and her eyes, pits of blackness framed with cherry red, clawed at Penelope’s very soul. “It is for you I bring… the message.”