“Okay, mister. If you say so.”
He smiled at Holly and her eyes slid shut.
“Go sleep. Doctor’s orders.” His lips caressed her forehead softly again and she drifted away.
Sixteen
Holly stayed at the hospital. She was healing and everyone assured her she was on track and that she’d be able to start chemotherapy soon. Her sons were still in the NICU, but they were growing.
The first day she had a spike in her energy, she demanded to be taken to the NICU so she could meet her sons.
It was beautiful and hard at the same time. Hard because they reminded her about the time she was with Romy and Jamie in the hospital, beautiful because their father, uncle and grandfather were present.
They all had a special bond with the boys, all except her, so she chased all of them out as Jake wheeled her in between their incubators so she could have the life speech with her two boys, the fight speech. She was fighting and they needed to fight too, because she couldn’t do this if they gave up. She needed them to pull through.
After that day, the NICU became her new home.
Both boys had the Peters genes. They had dark fluff in the nape of their necks just like their sisters had.
“You are going to steal so many hearts, I can see it now. Just know that your momma’s heart is the most important, okay? Don’t ever break it.” She stroked Bradley’s back.
Jake had told her he had been born first. Their pops gave them each a big welcome into this world through tears.
She’d laughed when Jake told her that.
The days turn into weeks.
Holly had slept through Christmas and woke up on Boxing Day, but she spent the new year at their side and the boys really improved.
They were pulling through, but were still very small and needed a lot of tender love and care.
Frank and her mother were still here.
They were a huge support, just like before, but this time she had more than the two of them.
When Jake wasn’t in surgery or a consultation, he was with her and the boys.
She found him many times sitting with one of them, skin to skin, and it melted her heart each and every single time. The way he spoke to them, whispering sweet nothings in their ears. He even read medical magazines to them, trying to make them fall in love with the family business from a young age, Holly thought.
She took Bradley from Jake when Aggie handed him Cooper.
It became quiet after Jake spoke to Cooper, both sitting with a baby in their arms, just like it should be. She kissed Bradley softly on his head.
“Were the girls this small?” Jake finally asked the question that must have burned his skull.
“Smaller.”
He just stared at her. “Smaller?” he choked out.
She nodded. “And in more danger. They had plenty of help, Jake. Something tells me our boys are going to be just fine.”
“Their mother will be too.”
She sighed. “About that. Robin wants me to start the trial soon.”
“It was the deal, Holly.”
“I know but I won’t be able to breastfeed, Jake. They need it.”
“Holly.” He sighed. “It was the deal.”
She knew that he wasn’t even going to listen. She begged them to keep the boys and then they could hack away. They hacked away but she was still not cancer free.
Robin gave her only a short time to gain her strength back and to be with the boys, and then it was the long fight to become healthy again.
“Okay,” she finally said.
“They will be fine.”
She nodded with a faint smile as Philimina, the neonatal nurse, took Bradley from her arms and put him into the incubator again.
She thought their names were fitting, but only realized after Jake made the joke about the actor called Bradley Cooper how inappropriate their names really were.
This time everything was so much easier, everything except one thing. Her father wasn’t here. She really thought that the girls had changed him, but clearly she’d been wrong.
Still, she missed her father. He was the only one missing from her original support group.
Whenever she closed her eyes, she could still hear him reading SAM I AM to the girls in that soothing voice of his.
She really thought their past would be over and that she could have a loving relationship with her father, but she knew now that she would never have what Jake had with Gus.
She would never be that close to Charles.
He haven’t phoned her once during her pregnancy or even while she was sick.
He must really be so fucking angry with her right now.
Cooper started crying and Jake got up with him. He was a natural. His one hand was as big as their entire bodies and she just melted more as she watched him bounce slightly and hum a sweet lullaby. He was so fucking sexy right now.
Cooper finally quieted down.
“Oh, you are the spoiled one, aren’t you?” he spoke softly. “It’s not going to happen, Coop. You need to be tough.” His gaze met Holly’s. “What?” He smiled.
“You’re a natural with them.”
“You are too.” He chuckled but it disappeared. “This fear isn’t going to ever go away, is it?”
She shook her head.
He took a deep breath, and his lips lingered on Cooper’s head. “I can’t imagine the pain you went through losing Romy. I mean I felt it, but to lose her at this age.”
“Positive thoughts, Jake. No crying allowed in the NICU.”
“Yeah, I know. I just missed so much with Jamie, and Romy.”
“I don’t wish that on anyone. A part of me was really glad that you were not there to go through that.”
“You can’t possible mean that, Holly.”
“Change the subject please,” she begged softly and he nodded.
They didn’t speak the remainder of the time they were sitting with the boys and when Jake’s beeper went off, the nurse took Cooper and put him back into his incubator.
He kissed her on the lips quick and said goodbye to the boys with what looked like some sort of a secret hand gesture that would probably turn into a shake later.
“See you later, and get some rest, okay?”
“Yes, sir.”
“It’s Doctor,” he joked in a serious tone and she smiled, shaking her head as he walked away.
She kept watching him through the windows, putting his shirt back on.
The nurses were all drooling over his perfectly shaped body but looked away as he said goodbye.
She even caught one of the older ones fanning herself and the rest giggled as she said something Holly couldn’t hear.
Holly looked back at her sons. She would never be a mother to babies after them. She already felt like less of a woman now that her uterus had been taken out.
She had no idea how Amelia went through every day knowing she’d never be a mother, or feel a life growing inside her.
Her mind drifted to the married woman and she wondered if Jake still thought about her from time to time.
She remembered that first time she saw Amelia in the lockers of that paintball game, before they’d even met, and how she spoke about the married woman. How Jake felt about her. How he struggled to get over her.
In a way, she still felt second best to her as she was married and his moral standards were just too high that time.
If Jake found her again, would he want to stay with Holly, or would he want to find out just how good life could be for him with her.
She would be able to give him a bigger family, more children.
It was one of the reasons she was still so insecure about Jake. Even after Robin told her version of what happened when Holly left. It hadn’t sunk in how much she meant to Jake.
She pushed the woman to the back of her mind.
She’d cross that bridge when she got there. Right now, she needed to concentrate on getting both her sons out of this place
alive and healthy.
“No more excuses Holly,” Robin said.
Holly nodded.
The boys were still at hospital but moving forward. They were growing and the tubes eventually became less and less.
They only had the oxygen nasal tubes on.
She cried because she wouldn’t be able to breastfeed them, but a promise was a promise.
Her only kidney wasn’t doing so well and the chemo needed to happen soon.
It just had to work.
They walked into the big room where many comfortable chairs were lined up in four rows.
More than half of them were occupied.
Her heart broke when she saw a young girl in one of the chairs. She reminded her so much of her sister.
She knew these chairs so well, these ones were just more comfortable and had a different color.
“Sit,” Robin ordered. “I’ll be with you shortly. Mavis,” Robin said and the nurse nodded as Robin left.
She was so different from her sister. Amelia was warm and kind. Robin, she was beautiful, but very hard to read at times. It felt at times if she still blamed Holly for all the mess between Jake and his mom.
“Holly,” Mavis greeted her.
“Hey Mavy,” she smiled.
“Good luck, baby.”
“Thanks, I’m going to need it.”
“Okay, now let me explain what we are going to do.”
“No need. I know more about chemotherapy than you think.”
Mavis frowned.
“My sister died from cancer a long time ago.”
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
“It’s okay. The sucker isn’t going to claim me too.”
“I’m sure it won’t. Not with Robin Peters as your oncologist. She has a tight plan, Holly.”
“And the reason she isn’t here to hold my hand?”
“Hold your hand?” Amelia’s voice came from a few paces next to her. “Hey Mavis.”
“Hey baby. How is that gorgeous husband of yours?”
“Still driving me crazy,” she joked and plopped down next to Holly on an open seat next to her while Mavis inserted the needle into Holly’s arm.
Amelia looked at Holly. “You ready?”
“For chemo? Hell no. But I have no choice, right?”
“Nope, no choice. Please don’t ask Jake to shave his head. He looks horrible bald.”
Holly started to laugh. “Where is Jamie?”
“With her pops. He’ll bring her around later so you can see her.”
“I wish she could see her brothers.”
“I’ve shown her plenty of pictures and she’s seen them through the windows plenty of times.”
“It’s not the same, Amelia.”
“She’ll get plenty of time with them. Trust me.”
“I miss her. I feel like such a crappy mom.”
“You are not a crappy mom. Believe me, she is getting spoiled rotten. Armand helped my dad put up a tree house in the huge oak that’s right behind our house and she spends hours in that thing.”
“You’re turning her into a spoiled brat, Amelia.”
“She’s our spoiled brat, Holly. I told you, you have to get used to it. It’s a Peters thing, and talking about being a Peters… Is it true that you are changing her last name?”
“Yeah, the green eyes made me do it.”
Amelia laughed. “Everyone is a sucker for them.”
Holly grinned. Amelia was the female version of her brother. “Poor Armand.”
Amelia laughed. “It’s not so bad.
Holly opened a magazine while Mavis was still busy hooking Holly to the IV that carried poison. She couldn’t believe that she was going to pump this shit into her body. If Robin hadn’t revealed what it had been like when Holly had left him and how Robin realized that her coming back was the turning point for Jake, she would have thought Robin wanted to kill her slowly.
“So, Robin said something.”
“Holly, I told you not to always listen to Robin. She is a drama queen and still sucks on my mother’s tit. I’m sure of it.”
“She’s speaking to her again?”
“No, it’s why she’s such a little bitch lately. I could just slap her at times.”
“She’s not that bad.”
“So, what did the brat say?”
Holly smiled. “If you’re going to be mean to your sister, I’m not going to tell you.”
“Okay, sorry. I won’t be mean, scouts honor.”
“I doubt you were one.”
“It’s just a saying, but my promise is legit, Holly.”
“She keeps mentioning that she didn’t want to lose her brother again.”
“Yeah, I told you that, Holly,” Amelia said without taking her eyes from the magazine she was paging through.
“Amelia, she told me what your mother did.”
Amelia closed the book. “Everything?”
Holly nodded.
“Even about where she pretended that he wasn’t a fucking stranger?”
Holly nodded again.
Amelia swallowed hard and stared into nothing. Tears glistened her eyes, probably at a memory.
“Have you seen that picture on my wall?”
“The one where he looks like he’s thinking?”
She smiled and nodded.
“Yeah.” Holly sighed.
“It was a good day, Holly. It’s all I’m going to say.”
She frowned. If that was a good day what did the bad days look like. “So it was that bad?”
“Yes, Holly, it was. I told you it was bad.”
She blew out heavy breath. “I really fucked him up when I left, didn’t I?”
“You can say that again, but you are here now, and you are not going anywhere.”
Holly laughed. “I’m so sorry I didn’t stay.”
“Holly, it’s in the past. You gave him a second chance even though we all begged you to abort. I feel like a monster now after holding them and…” She stopped and sighed. “Please don’t ask him to forgive her. She was the monster, Holly.”
“He needs to at some point, Amelia. And so do you.”
“No.” Amelia shook her head vehemently. “I don’t even miss her. Her true colors came out that day when the truth did. The fact that she lied about it, making me celebrate a make believe birthday every year, crying my eyes out and comforting me, that is the cherry on top of it all. She probably laughed at how stupid I was. How stupid all of us were. I should’ve never tried to drag his ass back to Boston. I should’ve helped him find you.”
“Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve. It makes no difference, Amelia. It’s like what if, just ashes in the wind. Stop blaming yourself. We can’t change it.”
“Fine, then let us forgive her when we are ready. Stop pushing him, please.”
“I will.”
She saw through the corner of her eyes how Amelia’s lips curved into a soft smile.
But then her eyes caught on the shit that the IV was pumping into her body and any glimmer of happiness she felt disappeared.
She was going to lose weight, her looks, her hair. She was going to put not just herself to hell, but Jake, too, and the last thing she wanted to do was put him through hell again.
He didn’t deserve more shit.
Seventeen
JAKE
He woke up with Holly puking her lungs out.
She had her first chemotherapy session today and was allowed to come home afterwards.
He got out of bed and went downstairs to grab her a glass of water and juice and went back upstairs again.
He pulled Jamie’s door until it was just slightly ajar, and hoped she wouldn’t wake up.
He never wanted to see that fear of her mother being sick on her face.
He walked into the room.
Holly was coughing and throwing up.
His heart wanted to break but he needed to push that aside and believe that she would kick cancer’s ass.
&
nbsp; He pulled her hair out of her face.
“Please, don’t,” she begged.
“See it as practice.”
“For what,” she asked tiredly.
“For the better or worse part.”
“I’m not in the mood to laugh.”
“I know.” He still had her hair in his hands behind her neck.
He couldn’t even ask her how she felt. It was evident. Like crap.
She finally stopped and he held both glasses in front of her.
She took the juice and pushed him out of the bathroom.
He hated the fact that she didn’t want him to see this.
It was his life, too. She was his life.
She needed to get better, and he needed to believe she would.
He climbed back into bed and closed his eyes.
The door finally open and he felt her getting back into bed.
She turned her back to him as she settled on her side, and he hated that she did that.
He put his arm around her and pulled her closer to him.
“You know I love to cuddle, woman.”
He was rewarded with a tired chuckle.
He kissed her softly on her shoulder and closed his eyes.
Please God, don’t take her away.
He could feel through her clothes that she was starting to lose weight and wished there was an easier way for her to get through this.
Robin had to know of another way that wouldn’t be so hard on Holly’s body. He’d talk to Robin in the morning.
He felt her body relax against his, and soft snores left her mouth.
He could listen to her sleeping forever.
He wished he knew when this would end. It was only the beginning, but it was already killing him.
He hated not knowing when it would be over. He’d always struggled with the unknown.
Everything he ever wanted in life, he fought hard and long for. But how the fuck did you fight for someone else to survive?
It wasn’t up to you, it was up to them.
He tried to ease his mind and closed his eyes.
He was tired and needed the rest, especially for what was going to come.
The next few months were filled with ups and downs.
The ups were amazing; it gave him hope. And then she would go for chemo again and it would floor her. She’d be sick for days.
Endless Love: The 4Ever series #3 Page 16