Absolution

by Kaylea Cross

  “Yeah, you did. So don’t tell me I don’t know you.”

  But he didn’t. He didn’t know the first thing about who she was and what she’d dealt with during his absence. Emily swallowed the lump in her throat. “I’m really tired,” she said, running a hand through the too-short hair she was likely going to lose. “Is there something else you came to see me about? Because I’d like to lie down for awhile longer.”

  “Yeah, there is something.”

  His grim expression made her so uneasy she knew what it must be. “Something to do with your work?”

  “It can wait for now.” He seemed to measure her with his stare, his eyes stripping through the defensive layers she’d built up. “You’re pale. Want me to make that tea for you?”

  Damn him, for being this nice to her when she was weak. “No, thanks. I think I’ll just go upstairs.” Away from you.

  A muscle tensed in his jaw, but then he straightened to his full height. A tower of strength that she still wanted to lean against more than anything. “All right,” he said. “I’ll come by later, then.”

  Do you have to? She caught herself before she could say the words aloud. “Fine. Later, then.” With as much dignity as she could muster, she walked past him out of the kitchen and up the stairs on unsteady legs with Jake hot on her heels. She was well aware she was running away, but didn’t give a damn. Right now the only thing that mattered was getting some distance from Luke, before she fell apart or told him what she really thought of him.

  Chapter Three

  Standing alone in the silent kitchen after Emily went upstairs, Luke let out a deep breath and closed his eyes. His head tipped back until it rested against the wall. Shit. He felt so goddamn helpless. She was way worse off than he’d feared, and he couldn’t do anything for her. She wouldn’t let him, even if he could. That much was obvious from her closed up body language and wary expression.

  What did you expect? To walk back in and pick up where you left off last time?

  The derisive voice in his head pissed him off. No, he hadn’t expected that at all. But he’d thought she would be warmer, more open. Like she’d been at the wedding a month ago. There she’d made the overture of coming over to dance with him at the reception, and had gone to the hospital to talk through the microphone in the CT scan machine while he’d been in there because she knew he was claustrophobic.

  The selfish bastard in him reveled in the knowledge that she’d cared enough to be there, but the hardened, analytical part had known he couldn’t encourage her tentative overture. He’d rather die than give her any false hopes of a future with him. He still had Tehrazzi to hunt down. The way things had gone lately, it could be years away from happening, and he might not live to tell about it when it did. No way would he leave her to face that uncertainty again, waiting those endless months or years with little or no contact from him. Never knowing where he was or what he was doing, or if he was okay.

  Truth was, he’d never be okay. He wasn’t the same man she’d married all those years ago. Hell, after the things he’d seen and done throughout his career, sometimes he wasn’t even sure he was human anymore.

  He scrubbed a hand over his shaggy face. Emily had been through so much since then. It ate at him that she’d done it alone until Rayne had shown up yesterday. From the way she’d trucked up those stairs, she was glad to be rid of him, so he’d give her a few hours before having the talk he’d come to have with her. This thing with Tehrazzi was too much for her right now, plus he didn’t have concrete proof she was in danger. Only that constant unease in his gut that said she might be.

  Like that’s not proof enough?

  With a hard sigh, Luke stepped out onto the back porch and walked through the garden to the gate. From out in the driveway, he recognized his son’s voice and braced for more tension.

  Christmas is a stressful time of year, haven’t you heard?

  Leaning against the rental car with Bryn and Christa, Rayne looked up. “Well? How is she?”

  “She’s upstairs lying down.”

  Christa’s face tightened. “Is she all right?”

  “Yeah. Just tired, and not expecting to see me.” He slid his hands into his jeans pockets and put on a smile for her. “Maybe you could go check on her while I talk to these two for a minute.”

  “Sure,” she said, taking the hint and heading straight inside.

  Rayne crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s up?” he asked with a frown.

  Luke got right to the point. “You armed?”

  His son’s eyebrows flew upward. “Do I need to be?”

  “Wouldn’t be a bad idea.” It eased him to know that with Rayne there, Em had a tactical cop staying at the house for the next few days. Just in case.

  Rayne scowled at him. “Christ, what now?”

  Bryn was pale. “It’s Tehrazzi, isn’t it?”

  Luke nodded, then stole a quick look over his shoulder to make sure Em and Christa couldn’t hear them. “He’s on the move, but we don’t know where. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out he’s been targeting the women of my team members.” First Bryn, then Neveah and Sam, Neveah again... “There’s a certain pattern emerging.”

  “So you think he might target them?” Rayne nodded toward the house.

  “Your mother, specifically. It’s possible, and even if it’s not probable we still have to take precautions.”

  “What about Christa?”

  “I don’t anticipate her being at risk, but I’ve already alerted the Team Canada staff to increase security at all venues.”

  Rayne’s mouth tightened. “And what about Mom? You think those undercover officers down the road are enough protection?”

  It didn’t surprise him that Rayne had noticed the extra eyes. “No. In light of her condition, I think we should move her to a secure location.”

  “Meaning?” his son asked.

  “For her safety, she can’t be alone here. She needs to be somewhere with good security and a support network around the clock.”

  “And that would be where?”

  Luke’s gaze slid over to Bryn.

  “You want to take her to Beirut,” she finished for him with a frown. “To my father’s house.”

  He nodded. “Ben and Sam are already over there.” Ben was a former Ranger and Sam his CIA communications expert fiancée. “Ben’s twin, Rhys, and his other half, Neveah, are flying in tomorrow. He’s former Delta and she’s a trauma surgeon,” he added for Rayne’s benefit. “If Emily goes, that’ll give her Ben as a medic and Neveah as a physician to oversee her treatment. I checked, and Nev is well qualified and familiar with treating cancer patients. Ben will assist where he’s needed, but I’ll conference with them and Emily’s doctors to make sure we’re all on the same page. And if you go,” he said to Bryn, “she’ll have the support she needs.”

  Indecision warred in Bryn’s dark eyes as she stared at him. He realized he was asking a lot of her. She’d already been through so much, and to go back to Beirut where Tehrazzi had set off the bomb resulting in her kidnapping and ultimately caused her father’s death was not something he asked lightly. But Bryn was as brave as they came, and she also loved Emily like a sister. He was counting on that part to win out because she was the obvious key to Emily agreeing to go. Plus, Dec had already approved the idea of her going to her dad’s place and was going to call her later on to talk with her.

  Luke wasn’t leaving anything to chance this time. If he had to stack his deck and manipulate the situation to get what he wanted, so be it.

  “Ben’s got that whole place re-wired,” he added to sway Bryn even more. “He’s retained the old staff that passed our security screening, and it’s locked down tight.”

  “Are they setting up headquarters there or something?” she asked.

  He nodded. “Coms, mostly.”

  Rayne’s eyes hardened. “So you are going back into the field over there,” he said accusingly, his scowl telling him what a piece of
shit Luke was for disrupting Emily and then walking away again.

  Luke tried to ignore the disquiet his son’s look caused inside him. “As soon as I get the word I’m waiting for.” And it couldn’t come soon enough. The urgency grating on his nerves wouldn’t go away.

  “You want Mom to pull up stakes and fly to the other side of the world so she’ll be safe?”

  “That’s right,” Luke said, responding to the edge in his son’s voice with one of his own. “Things haven’t always been easy between us, but I still care about what happens to her. I’m going to talk to someone in the Agency and get all the logistics taken care of. Medication, equipment, all that.” He held Rayne’s hazel-green gaze. “I think it’s the best solution for now.” A long, pregnant pause followed.

  “Shit,” Rayne finally said with a shake of his head. “She’s not gonna like it.”

  “No, she’s not,” Bryn agreed.

  “Maybe not,” Luke said, “but it’s better than her staying here alone.”

  Rayne clenched his jaw. “Damn, I wish I could stay with her longer. Maybe I can get a leave of absence and—”

  “No.” Bryn laid a hand on his arm. “It’s all right. You know I’ll take care of her.”

  “We all will,” Luke put in.

  After a moment’s pause, Rayne glanced at him. “Want me to break the news to her?”

  “No, I’ll do it. But first I’ve got some calls to make. I’ll tell her when I come back later tonight.”

  Rayne made a wry face. “Well, good luck with that.”

  ****

  Emily stared into the fire crackling in the study hearth, curled up into the tufted leather armchair with a throw blanket tucked around her. Her mind was so full of static she couldn’t think straight.

  Only another few days until her next chemo treatment, and now that she knew what to expect, she dreaded it. The doctors were trying to be optimistic about her chances, but she knew what the probable outcome was. She’d watched her mother suffer endlessly through the same course of treatments nine years ago, dying a slow, painful death. She’d taken every treatment her doctors had recommended in the hopes of a miracle, and died regardless, in the end stripped of her dignity along with everything else.

  Was the hell really worth it? The side-effects from the chemo decreased what quality of life she had left, so should she bother? It hadn’t done her mother any good. If it merely bought her time and prolonged her agony, she’d just as soon quit now.

  The dancing flames soothed her a bit, but couldn’t ease the deep anxiety in the pit of her stomach. Luke was due back soon. How sad that she dreaded seeing him again. He’d been her whole world once. Her best friend and her white knight.

  The first time she’d met him he’d saved her.

  Staring into the flames, she thought about the night that changed her life forever. After a frantic call from the sister she was estranged from, she’d gone to pick her up at a bar in town. To rescue her from her abusive alcoholic boyfriend for the umpteenth time. Emily could almost feel the muggy air on her skin as she closed her eyes and let her mind drift back in time to that humid August night. She still remembered the shock of the hot pavement when the boyfriend had thrown her to the ground in the bar parking lot. She’d brought her hands up to shield her face, bracing to have her teeth and nose broken as he towered over her with a drawn back fist. But the blow never landed.

  Coming out of nowhere, Luke had put him into a headlock. And when she’d looked up into his fathomless eyes that first time, something deep inside her had stilled.

  “Go on inside,” he told her in a quiet drawl, as though wrestling a man six inches taller and thirty pounds heavier was no more bothersome than restraining a child in the throes of a tantrum.

  When he came into the bar later he strode right over to her, his dark gaze scanning her face, and she felt its touch all over her body. “You all right, ma’am?” He handed her the purse she’d dropped in the parking lot.

  “Y-yes.” She swallowed, gathering her thoughts. “Thank you so much.”

  “Nothing to thank me for. Just glad I got there in time.”

  He was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen in her life. And those eyes of his, so deep and mysterious. Mesmerizing. He smiled, lighting up the coffee-colored depths of his eyes and revealing a hint of straight white teeth. “I’m Luke, by the way,” he said, offering his hand.

  She glanced down at it, so strong and dark compared to her own, and when she touched him she almost gasped at the heat of his skin. But instead of releasing her, he kept his hand wrapped around hers. His smile widened. “And you are?” he prompted.

  Her face went red. “Emily.” Standing there staring at him, she might as well have been struck by lightning.

  Luke turned her hand over, his eyes taking in the road rash on her forearm from when Karen’s boyfriend had thrown her onto the pavement. “We should get you some ice.”

  She must have nodded, because he set a protective hand against the small of her back and escorted her to an empty table. Her eyes followed his every step as he walked away, admiring the width of his shoulders and the play of muscle across his back beneath his shirt. She was stunned by her reaction. She wasn’t like this, didn’t respond to men this way. But Luke was...magnetic.

  He came straight back with a glass of chilled water and a bag filled with ice. He wrapped the bag in a bar towel and took her arm in his big hands, his care of her and the warmth of his touch setting off flutters deep in her belly. She cleared her throat. “Thank you again, for stepping in like that.”

  “It was nothing.”

  It was something to her. “I can’t imagine what you must think of me, with that as a first impression.”

  “I think you’re real brave.”

  Emily glanced down at her water. “I’m not brave.”

  “Yeah, you are. Bravery’s standing your ground even though you’re afraid.”

  She wanted to ask him what he did for a living, but thought she knew. “Are you a Marine?”

  Again, he smiled, his dark eyes full of secrets she wanted to learn the answers to. “Navy.”

  For some reason she couldn’t picture him on a ship, sub or aircraft carrier. “Pilot?”

  Another shake of his head, amusement in his gaze before it dropped to where he held the ice pack against her elbow. “I’m training to be a SEAL.”

  A SEAL? Her eyes widened.

  Movement in her peripheral vision made her turn her head. A group of men at a table across the room were calling Luke over, and she suddenly realized she'd taken him from his friends. Withdrawing her arm from his gentle grip, she cleared her throat. “Well, I should be going. I’ve disrupted your evening enough—”

  “They can wait.”

  Emily met his eyes and stilled. “I feel badly for keeping you away from your friends.”

  “They can wait,” he repeated, and for the life of her she couldn’t come up with a single excuse to go. “I’ll drive you home when you’re ready to leave.”

  She laughed. “Do people always do what you say?”

  His slow smile set her pulse racing. “Usually.” He withdrew his hand and settled back in his chair. “Finish your ice water, Emily, and talk with me a while. You’re safe with me.”

  Even then she’d felt the truth in his words, Emily mused, fingers absently touching the fine scar beneath her left ear. How tragic that the breaking of that promise had wounded him far more deeply than her. That damn tiny scar was an everyday reminder of why she’d lost him. No matter what she’d said or done to convince him otherwise, he was too afraid of what he’d done to her that day in the kitchen, and he’d never come back. She closed her eyes against the sting of tears.

  “You still up?”

  Her eyes sprang open to find Rayne standing in the doorway. “Yes.”

  Her son crossed the room and seated himself on the edge of the antique desk. “How you doing, gorgeous?”

  She smiled at the charm he wielded so nat
urally. Like his father did when he put his mind to it. “Fine. Just tired.”

  “You sure you’re up to this tonight?” His eyes were full of concern.

  The impending visit, he meant. “I’m sure.” She patted his knee. “Where’s Christa?”

  “Out with Bryn. We thought we’d go out for dinner and give you guys some space.”

  They were all so thoughtful. “Don’t leave on my account.”

  “Want me to stay?”

  His offer touched her. “No-no, I’ll be fine.” Tilting her head back, she admired him in silence. “I ever tell you how proud I am of you?”

  “Once or twice.”

  “You’re an incredible man, Rayne.”

  “If I am, it’s because you raised me to be that way.” And he’d stay perched on the desk all night if necessary, ready to intercede on her behalf and protect her from Luke. But she didn't need protection from him, and she never had. Only neither father nor son seemed to understand that.

  Emily nudged his leg. “Go. Meet up with your girls and have a good time.”

  He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “Call me if you need me.”

  “I will.”

  As he left the room he paused, and the slight tightening of his features told her Luke had arrived. She had mere seconds to tuck her feet beneath her and steel herself before he appeared at the study’s threshold. The sight of him hit her in the chest like a punch. Larger than life, way too handsome for words, with bittersweet chocolate eyes that had seen too much. The part of her that yearned to heal him filled her chest until it hurt to breathe.

  Fighting not to fidget, she forced a smile. “Hi.” She could be civil, at least.

  “Hi,” he responded, glancing around the room for a moment before meeting her gaze. The look in his eyes made her lungs tighten. He remembered what had happened here. The last time they’d been alone in this room was thirteen years ago on the day Luke had shown up to haul Rayne off to Parris Island. They’d made love here, right up against the wall where a beach scene painted in oils now hung.

  Had sex, she corrected, remembering how fast and ferocious it had been. So much anger and pain and love, all mixed together. Need and apology and that intense, insatiable hunger no one had ever been able to quench in her except Luke.