A Seed Planted

by Cat FitzGerald

  “Hi, Nancy, how are you?” Julia asked without much enthusiasm but smiled anyway. They knew Nancy married a truck driver not long after the fire and moved a couple of hours away but recently returned to take over managing the diner. Her aunt and uncle retired and moved to Florida, leaving it to her, lock, stock, and barrel as they say. Since Nancy couldn’t wait to get out of town, everyone was surprised she came back, much less agreed to run the old place. Of course, two children ten months apart would settle a soul down real quick. She took them to the diner with her when her husband was on the road.

  Julia couldn’t see much of the boy and girl because they were mostly hidden behind their mother. What she could see verified they looked exactly like Nancy, blonde-haired and blue-eyed.

  “Y’all come out here, and say hello to Mrs. Westbrook,” Nancy chided, but the children didn’t move. “They’re so dang skittish, won’t talk to nobody. Don’t know where they get that from.”

  Not from you, that’s for sure. Julia fought back a laugh.

  “Well, I gotta go. Roy’s around here somewhere, probably drinking too much beer if I know him. Bye, and congratulations.” Nancy turned without waiting for a reply, her little son and daughter reaching for her skirt as she strode away.

  “It was nice to see you, too, Nancy,” Julia said to no one.

  Having lost most of her opportunity to rest, Julia rose to her knees, a sharp pain in her abdomen bending her double. “Owww.” She struggled to catch her breath, forcing herself not to panic. This pregnancy was a long time coming after trying for over a year. The ob-gyn warned her that getting pregnant might be difficult given her history. A history Marley knew nothing about.

  Leaning back against the tree once more, Julia rested until her breathing steadied. Another pain brought her to her knees again, and as she felt the sticky warmth between her legs, tears fell with the knowledge her baby was lost.

  **************************************************

  “What do you mean her history? She’s never been pregnant before. What are you talking about?” Marley jumped up from his chair, glaring at the doctor who suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

  “Mr. Westbrook, please sit down.” Marley didn’t move, so the doctor tried again. “It appears I need to explain something to you, so please sit.” Marley plopped hard into the plastic waiting room chair.

  “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your wife has, indeed, been pregnant before. Twice as a matter of fact. She begged me not to say anything, but given what’s happened, I believe you need to know. I was surprised at the pregnancy itself but not surprised at the miscarriage. There’s a lot of damage in her uterus, scar tissue from the previous occurrences—”

  “What previous occurrences?”

  “I prefer to leave that discussion to you and your wife.”

  Marley nodded for the doctor to continue.

  “As I was saying, there’s a lot of scar tissue. The chances of her getting pregnant again and carrying to full term are slim to none. There’s not enough room for her uterus to expand fully. I strongly recommend a hysterectomy.”

  “No,” Marley replied.

  “Mr. Westbrook, I understand this is a lot to take in at one time, but I don’t see another option.”

  “No. No hysterectomy.” Marley repeated himself, his expression leaving no doubt about his determination.

  “Suit yourself. Mrs. Westbrook will be in recovery for another hour.” The doctor stood up and walked away, leaving Marley with a mixture of grief, anger, and frustration. He decided a visit to the hospital chapel might be in order.

  **************************************************

  Chapter 42

  July 6, 1975

  Julia sat in the front porch swing, rocking slowly, staring out at the trees, the sun-baked grass, and the dusty gravel drive, seeing none of it. Marley had hardly spoken to her in two days. She knew the doctor must have told him, but he hadn’t brought it up. Yet. Would he? Or would he keep it stuffed inside until it burst out in a rage when she least expected it? He wasn’t ignoring her which made it all the more difficult. Rather, he was being overly kind when he did speak, asking if she needed anything, but with a pained expression and a hardness in his voice. This was new territory, and she didn’t know how to navigate it.

  Talk to him.

  Unmistakable voice. Unwanted advice. Lord, I don’t want to talk about it. I want to forget it. Why can’t it stay in the past? Can’t we just move on?

  Silence. A tear rolled down her cheek.

  **************************************************

  Marley was in the field, sweating profusely as he loaded hay bales onto the trailer. Bailey lay underneath, panting in the shade. It was early, but the heat was already stifling. Unfortunately, as soon as this job was done, he needed to talk to his neighbor, Mr. James, about borrowing his harvester again. The corn was ready, and he only had about a weeklong window to bring it in. Thankfully, June had been mild with plenty of rain, so the crop this year was better than usual. Grabbing the water jug, he sat down for a few minutes to catch his breath. The pain in his chest was hard to ignore today, but he chalked it up to the heat and hard work. It was enough to make anybody’s chest hurt. Another half hour, and he’d be done.

  After a quick, sudden thunderstorm that sent him and Bailey scurrying for the tree line, Marley loaded the last bale, and whistled for the black Lab who was nowhere to be seen. Assuming she’d gone ahead of him to the barn or the house, he started the tractor and had only pulled forward a few inches when he heard an ear-piercing howl. Shutting down the engine, Marley jumped off and looked behind him. Hearing a whine, he strode quickly to the other side where he discovered Bailey pinned under the trailer wheel by her tail.

  “Oh, my gosh, girl, hang on. Hang on!” Marley rushed around to start up the tractor and pull it forward enough to free the dog. He stopped it again and got off to check and found her curled up, tail wagging, albeit not as vigorously as usual. Marley knelt beside her in the soft dirt.

  “Okay, girl, let me take a look. Steady, steady,” Marley spoke softly to Bailey, who nuzzled and licked his hand as he stroked her tail, feeling for any sign of a break. Feeling nothing out of place, he looked at the spot where she’d been pinned. The ground was soft, and it appeared as though she’d only gotten a good, hard pinch as the wheel pressed her tail into the soil. Her liquid-brown eyes melted his heart, and he almost lost it, not realizing how scared he’d been. Or how it would have devastated Julia.

  Talk to her.

  “Why should I talk to her, Lord? Why? She lied to me! All this time, and she knew why she couldn’t get pregnant.” Marley’s outburst startled Bailey, and she jerked away from him. “I’m sorry, girl. I’m not mad at you. Come here, it’s okay.” Forgiving, as only a dog can be, she lowered her head and returned to Marley’s side, relishing the hug and ear scratch she received.

  “All right, girl, let’s go home! Go home!” Bailey wagged her tail at Marley’s command and took off across the field.

  Marley followed, pulling the trailer beside the barn doors, and shutting off the tractor. The hay could wait another day, and so could the corn, but he needed to talk to his wife. He knew the strain was killing both of them. He also knew he probably didn’t want to hear what Julia had to tell him, but it had to be dealt with. He washed up in the laundry room sink, made two glasses of ice tea, and joined his wife on the front porch.

  She took the drink he offered, and he barely heard her whispered thanks. He moved towards a rocker, thought better of it, and sat beside Julia on the swing. He sipped his tea in the awkward silence.

  “Look...” Marley started.

  “Marley,” Julia began at the same moment.

  They both turned away, uncomfortable.

  Marley decided to wait. This was her story to tell. He would listen, trying not to jump to conclusions.

  “I’m so sorry, Marley. So sorry,” Julia whispered, her voice catching as she fought te
ars. “I didn’t mean to lie. I just didn’t want you to know who I was before. The things I did. I’m so ashamed. I’m so sorry I hurt you. And, now it’s my fault our baby died.”

  Marley reached for her hand and said softly, “Tell me everything.”

  **************************************************

  Present Day

  Salty tears ran down JuJu’s face as she remembered the hardest conversation she ever had. She wouldn’t have blamed Marley if he’d left her after hearing about her teen pregnancy, and if that wasn’t enough, the ugly truth about her relationship with Adam and the abortion. She could hardly stand herself, much less expect someone like Marley to accept her after that revelation. But he had. His heart was broken, of course, but it was broken for her as well, and all she’d suffered. He gained a better understanding that day of why Julia left home, never to return, even for the sake of her grandmother.

  If only Marley had taken the opportunity to divulge his own secrets.

  What if he had? What if he’d told me then? What would I have done with that knowledge? I can’t imagine how many things would have changed. How much would be different today? Would I even be sitting here at this moment waiting for my future to roll up the driveway in a moving van?

  **************************************************

  April 23, 1976

  Shakily, Julia hung up the phone, thanking God Marley was not home. She stood by the wall phone in the kitchen, paralyzed by the news.

  This can’t be happening. I didn’t think it was possible. Lord, what am I going to do? I can’t survive this again. We can’t survive this again. Oh, Lord, make it go away, please, make it go away.

  She didn’t expect an answer to that kind of prayer, and she didn’t get one.

  Making her way to a chair, Julia plopped down, head in hands. Who could she talk to? How she wished her grandmother was alive. This time, she’d listen to her, no matter what. Maybe Wanda from church? They’d grown close over the years with Julia helping in the office a few hours each week. Wanda was a wife, mother, and grandmother with years of experience and wisdom. Surely, she could offer some helpful advice.

  Advise me to what? I’m certainly not going to terminate the pregnancy this time. I’ll probably lose it anyway. Tears threatened. Maybe I’ll just keep quiet. If I miscarry soon enough, no one has to know, and I can go back on birth control to prevent this from ever happening again.

  Having resolved the issue in her mind, Julia set about figuring out how to hide the inevitable morning sickness from Marley. For now, she needed to put on a happy face. After all, today was her twenty-eighth birthday, and her husband would be back from town soon, ready to celebrate.

  Marley arrived just as she was finishing her makeup. They’d invited three other couples over for a cookout, so he’d gone shopping for decorations, burgers, chips, and whatever else was needed. Julia didn’t know about the decorations, so she was a bit taken aback when he came in the house with balloons, a banner, and a huge cake.

  “Marley, what is all this? I thought we were just having a few friends over to eat hamburgers. “Look at the size of this cake! You could feed all of Serendipity with this thing! Oh, you didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t invite the whole town.”

  Marley grinned sheepishly, but allayed Julia’s fears when he answered, “No, I didn’t. Just chill out, babe. The lady at the bakery messed up and wrote down the wrong order, so I got a giant cake for the price of a small one. Awesome, right? I figure we can nibble on it a few days then freeze the rest.”

  Julia didn’t have the heart to burst his happy bubble, so she pasted on a smile and said okay, praying there wouldn’t be another bubble to burst later on.

  She also managed to put aside her anxiety for the evening and enjoy everyone’s company. They had a good time, and even though Marley told their guests no presents, they’d gone together anyway and bought Julia a basket containing seeds, new garden gloves, and garden tools. She’d been using her grandmother’s things for years and never even thought of buying new stuff. It was probably time since the old tools were quite rusty, and the gloves had some holes which defeated the purpose for using them in the first place. She wouldn’t get rid of Grandma Jean’s, just put them away in the garden bench.

  After everyone left, she returned to the backyard where Marley was cleaning up.

  “Hey, babe, I hope you had a good time.”

  “I did. It was really nice, thank you. I didn’t expect the present, but I love it.” Julia picked up the basket and carried it to the screen porch. She would put it in the garden bench outside after cutting the tags off tomorrow. She picked up the seed packets to see what they were.

  Forget-Me-Nots, Baby’s-breath, and Morning Glory.

  Her stomach lurched.

  Chapter 43

  June 24, 1976

  “I’m so sorry! I wanted to make you a nice breakfast for your birthday and just hang out today, but I feel awful.” Julia whined from the bathroom where she’d spent the last thirty minutes heaving and hoping Marley bought her stomach virus excuse. Because he rose much earlier than she did to get started work on the farm, she’d been able to hide the morning sickness. By the time he returned to the house, she was fine. This morning, however, he stayed in, and the nausea hit so fast she didn’t have time to conceal it.

  “It’s okay, babe,” Marley called from the bedroom. “Do you want me to get you anything? Ginger ale, maybe? Crackers?”

  “No, thanks. I’ll be okay in a few minutes, I think.” Julia wet a washcloth with cold water and held it to her face. Oh, Lord, I can’t believe I didn’t think about this. Ugh. Now, I have to pretend to be sick all day or come up with some reason for being just fine in thirty minutes. She hung her head and tried to think. If she didn’t miscarry soon, she would start to show, and Marley would put two and two together. The stress of hiding the pregnancy was causing her to lose weight, making a baby bump even more pronounced. She couldn’t hide it forever. And what if she miscarried when he was around? Oh, Lord, what am I going to do?

  Trust Me.

  I’m scared.

  Do not be afraid.

  The passages from the Bible about fear were some of her grandmother’s favorites. She said fear was our greatest enemy because it kept the focus on ourselves instead of God, causing us to doubt Him. The more we worried about something, the bigger our fears grew, and the bigger our fears grew, the more we worried. It was a vicious cycle that would eat you up inside, she warned. Exactly what was happening right now. She couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and she was worn out from the deceit.

  Julia took a deep breath, washed her face, and brushed her teeth. She could hear Marley in the kitchen puttering, and the smell of coffee wafting up the stairs nearly sent her to the toilet again. Holding her nose, she took a couple more deep breaths before getting dressed. Maybe she should wait until tomorrow, not ruin his birthday. No. If she didn’t tell him today, it would just be another sleepless night. Slipping on flip flops, she headed downstairs.

  **************************************************

  “Please say something.” Julia sat at the table across from Marley, who’d said nothing for what seemed like a very long time but was actually only a couple of minutes.

  “Have you been to the doctor?”

  “No.” Julia looked down and twisted her hands together. It was painful telling her husband she hoped she’d miscarry before being forced to reveal the pregnancy. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “I was scared. I’m still scared. This will end just like it did last time, and I don’t see how we can go through that again.”

  “Last time was unexpected.”

  “What do you mean?” Julia asked.

  “I mean this time we’re prepared. Maybe there’s something that can be done, now that we’re aware of the problem. And this time, we know how to pray.”

  “So, you’re not mad?” Julia looked up, unshed tears glistening.

  Marley stood up, stepping away f
rom the table, arms outstretched. Julia jumped from her chair and rushed into his arms, sobbing against his shoulder. He stroked her hair and whispered, “This is the best birthday ever.”

  **************************************************

  Marley and Julia sat nervously in the waiting room. Having requested the referral to someone who dealt with non-routine pregnancies, they were feeling anxious, and the three-hour trip to Atlanta in the Mustang tired them out. Marley squeezed Julia’s hand, leaned his head towards her, and closed his eyes. She did the same as he whispered a prayer for peace and comfort. Just as they finished, the door opened, and a young nurse in blue scrubs called Julia’s name.

  After verifying the information previously provided, she took Julia’s blood pressure and temperature before giving her a small plastic cup with instructions for providing a urine sample. She smiled as she left the room, assuring them Dr. Morrow would be with her shortly. Julia slipped into the bathroom, took care of business, and reappeared a few minutes later. She flipped unseeing through an entire magazine before hearing a soft knock on the door. A tall, slender man with gray hair and glasses, wearing a white jacket, entered the room smiling. He extended his hand and introduced himself, apologizing for the wait.

  “Babies don’t always follow a schedule, I’m afraid,” he said as he pulled a stool over by the bed.

  “Hmm...I have to say this is a bit unusual, but I don’t see anything offhand to be overly concerned about. How have you been feeling?” His blue eyes were kind, and Julia immediately felt comfortable.

  “Okay, except for the morning sickness, which is thankfully gone. Everything feels normal. Just like last time. Until...” She looked down as her voice caught.

  “I’m sure that was a terrible experience, and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Let’s get you ready for the examination, so I can better see what’s going on.” The doctor left the room, and Julia undressed from the waist down as instructed and put a paper sheet across her lower body.