A Seed Planted

by Cat FitzGerald

  Glancing up at the strange tone of his voice, Julia followed his gaze to their daughter who was about three feet away.

  “Are you okay, pumpkin?” Marley asked as Noelle looked up and collapsed in front of them.

  **************************************************

  “I’m sorry I can’t tell you anything else right now. We’re running a number of tests, but the results won’t be available for a few days. We’re keeping her comfortable, and she’s on oxygen as a precaution. You can go in now.” The doctor stepped away from the door.

  “Oxygen? Why does she need oxygen?” Julia was nearly hysterical, and Marley was close behind. He grabbed Julia’s hand.

  “She was having trouble breathing, and we don’t want her to stress, so the oxygen makes it easier and keeps her calm, which is something I need you folks to be. If you go in there and fall apart, you will upset Noelle, and we do not want that. Understand?”

  They both nodded, not knowing what else to do.

  Opening the door, they tiptoed in, devastated at the sight of their precious baby in a hospital bed, surrounded by machines and tubes. She was sleeping, so they stood on either side, holding hands, and praying harder than ever before in their lives.

  **************************************************

  Halloween, 1985

  “Absolutely not! How could you even think that? She was in the hospital a week ago, and she’s certainly not ready to go tramping around neighborhoods in the cool night air.”

  Marley understood Julia’s reluctance, but he thought she was going too far in refusing to let Noelle go trick-or-treating. The child had rested since coming home and was itching to play again like a normal kid. She’d worn her costume every day, dancing and singing until Julia stopped her and made her lie down. Even the cardiologist said she was fine, but after hearing the words “heart murmur,” Julia had flipped out. Yes, they needed to keep an eye on her, so she didn’t exhaust herself, or get overheated, but the doctor said let her be a kid. She would never play basketball, for sure, but she would have a normal life. If Julia let her.

  “Look, hon, the doc said she’s fine. What harm is there in strolling around for an hour at the most? It’s perfect outside, not hot, not too cold. We’ll be with her, and I can carry her if she gets tired.”

  “No, Marley. I don’t want Noelle to be upset any more than you do, but it’s too soon!”

  “Good grief, Julia, it’s Halloween! It’s all she’s talked about for a month. How about I push her around in a wheelbarrow? Would that be okay?”

  Julia glared at her husband. “Now you’re being ridiculous. She’s not going, and that’s final.”

  “Not going where, Mama?” Noelle’s small voice came from the hallway as she stepped into sight. She looked from her mother to her father with the question on her sweet face. Marley returned Julia’s glare, kissed the top of Noelle’s head, and left the room.

  “Come here, baby, I need to tell you something.” Julia patted the seat beside her on the sofa, sighing before gently explaining to her daughter why she would miss Halloween this year.

  “But why, Mama? I’m not sick! I’m really good, really I am,” Noelle wailed as tears fell from her dark eyes.

  “I know, sweetheart. You’re much better, but it’s just too soon for you to be outside. You’ve got to go back to school next week, and it’s very important that you get plenty of rest.”

  “But I’ve been resting! I rested and rested, and now, I want to go trick-or-treating. Please, Mama, please let me go!” Noelle’s tears were almost too much for Julia, but she resolved to do what she thought was best and stood her ground.

  “I’m sorry, Noelle. I really am, but the answer is no.”

  Standing up, tears cascading down her face, the little girl ripped off the beautiful blue dress and kicked her silver jelly shoes across the room. She gave her mother the most withering look possible for an eight-year-old and ran up the stairs.

  “Don’t run!” Julia yelled after her.

  “That went well,” Marley spoke from the kitchen entrance. “I’m going into town. Don’t wait dinner.”

  Present Day

  That was one of their roughest periods, JuJu recalled. She’d allowed fear to override faith and made everyone miserable. It was only by the grace of God and Marley’s unbelievable patience and love that they’d made it through. So much damage was done before she came to her senses, and the repercussions would haunt her forever. Marley didn’t deserve the blame she leveled at him, and she didn’t deserve the forgiveness he offered her.

  Unfortunately, some things couldn’t be recovered.

  Chapter 47

  June 1986

  “I’m glad school’s out. This wasn’t a good year,” Noelle declared with nine-year-old authority while eating her cereal.

  Julia turned from the sink to look at her daughter. “Why do you say that? You made all A’s, and you won the best conduct ribbon.”

  “I’m not talking about that. I mean because I couldn’t play. I had to sit with Miss Webster at recess every day. I hated it, Mama. I hated it!” Noelle plopped her spoon in the bowl hard enough to splatter a few drops of milk on the table. Gazing defiantly at her mother, she nevertheless wiped up the mess with her napkin and carried the bowl to the sink.

  Walking over to rub Bailey’s head, she asked, “Can I go outside, please?”

  Julia gripped the dish sponge in her hands, wishing she could squeeze out her fear the way she squeezed out the water. Taking a deep breath, she replied, “Why don’t you sit in the rocker for now? When I’m done in here, we’ll do something fun together, okay? Play a game, or watch a video maybe. How does that sound?”

  Rather than answer her mother, Noelle asked, “Where’s Daddy?”

  “He’s out in the back field. You didn’t hear the tractor this morning?” Marley got up earlier and earlier these days, mostly to avoid her, she imagined. He fixed coffee, made himself a to-go cup, and left. After finishing the farm chores, he often washed up at the barn and headed straight to town. The store was doing well, and it gave him an excuse to leave. Dinner was a quiet affair, the silence only broken by Noelle’s occasional chattering. Even she didn’t seem to want to be around Julia. She knew her fear about Noelle’s condition was irrational, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get past it. The doctor had mentioned open heart surgery for goodness’ sake! Only as a remote possibility but still. The slightest thought of her precious child lying on a cold, steel table with her chest cut open was enough to make Julia nauseous. Couldn’t they understand she was doing the best thing for Noelle out of love? She had to be protected, and it was apparently up to Julia to do it.

  “So, how about we go see a movie in Brunswick? Have some popcorn, maybe ice cream later?”

  “Can we go to the park instead?”

  Julia blanched. They’d not been to the park since...that day. Julia could hardly drive by it without her hands sweating, memories of Noelle collapsing still vivid in her mind.

  “I don’t think so, sweetie. It’s pretty warm today, and I don’t want...” Julia trailed off, leaving the obvious unsaid.

  Noelle gave no indication she heard but opened the door and went out to the screen porch with Bailey.

  Julia fought back tears, begging God to help her baby girl understand. Marley should be the one explaining this to Noelle. After all, it was his fault. She still couldn’t believe he never told her about his heart issue. He insisted it was no big deal, and he just hadn’t thought about it. It never really bothered him, so he didn’t dwell on it.

  She exploded on Marley at the hospital after the doctor asked about their medical histories. The shock and grief tore her apart, and she had no one else to take it out on. Even after returning home with Noelle, she couldn’t let it go. How could she? Between her issues and Marley’s, they should never have had children. But they did. Just one. And Julia was going to keep her safe no matter what it cost.

  Christmas Day, 198
6

  “Oh, Daddy, I love it! Thank you so much!” Noelle’s eyes lit up at the sight of the pink and white bicycle. Marley glanced at Julia, watching her lips tighten.

  “Wow, that’s really something,” she said without enthusiasm. “What a surprise for me, too.” Julia looked pointedly at her husband. “Where is she going to ride that?”

  “In the yard, of course.”

  “Outside? Isn’t that dangerous? What if you didn’t see her when you’re coming in, or on the tractor?” Julia’s irrational fear had climbed to a new level involving anything that took Noelle out of her sight. Marley intended to put a stop to it.

  “Noelle, baby, why don’t you go in the kitchen and have another piece of the coffee cake Mama made? And a glass of milk.”

  “Yay! I love coffee cake!” Dark curls bouncing, she called to Bailey and dashed off.

  Turning to his wife, Marley looked at her steadily before speaking.

  “Look, Julia, enough is enough. This has gone too far, and it’s got to end. Now. You are turning our daughter into a helpless little invalid. And making yourself nuts.” Him, too, but he chose not to add that. “I’ve made an appointment for her with a pediatric specialist in Atlanta for next week. Put it on your calendar.” With that, he got up and joined Noelle in the kitchen.

  **************************************************

  January 1987

  “See? I was right to protect Noelle! He mentioned surgery!” Julia railed as they walked to the car.

  “What? He mentioned surgery as a remote possibility when she’s older if it impedes her ability to lead a normal life! If! Right now, you’re the reason she doesn’t lead a normal life!” Marley checked his emotions. Yelling didn’t help, but he was beyond frustrated.

  “But if I protect her, she won’t ever need surgery!” Julia screamed over the top of their sedan as she opened her door.

  “Julia, I have lived with this my whole life, and it’s never caused me any problems.”

  “It kept you out of the army. I’d say that was a problem. Besides, Noelle’s is worse.”

  The arguing, intermixed with stony silence, continued all the way home. Noelle, quiet in the back seat, gazed out the window at the passing scenery, her parents oblivious to the tears trickling down her face.

  **************************************************

  May 1987

  “Fine then, go. That’s what you do when there’s a problem. Run away.” Julia glared defiantly at Marley as he stood by the back door with a large duffel bag.

  “Julia, I’m sorry, but I can’t live like this. The constant fighting is not good for Noelle. I think it’s better if we both can have some peace and quiet, clear our heads so we can talk about this rationally.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about. We have a fundamental disagreement about what is best for our daughter. If you’d rather leave than help me manage this situation, that’s your choice. I quit my job so I can be here to take care of Noelle. You are free to go do your own thing.”

  “You make it sound like I’m running off to find myself, or something, Julia. That’s not fair, and you know it. I’m going to stay in the room at the store for a while until we both calm down.”

  She did not turn around but continued vigorously scrubbing the frying pan as if it might be in need of an exorcism.

  Marley sighed and walked out the door. Julia glanced up and watched as he tossed his bag into the truck’s back seat, climbed in, and shut the door. Stepping away from the window to avoid being seen, she covered her face with a dish towel and sobbed.

  Noelle watched from her bedroom window as her daddy drove away.

  **************************************************

  January 1988

  Holding the separation agreement in her hands made everything all too real. Part of her couldn’t believe it had come to this, but another part saw it coming as clearly as the light from a freight train barreling through a tunnel. She and Marley were officially separated. Was the next step divorce?

  Oh, Lord, how did this happen?

  Neither expecting nor waiting for an answer, Julia carried the papers upstairs and stuffed them in her desk, the one that belonged to her grandmother. Her glance fell on Grandma Jean’s old King James Bible. Brushing the cover lightly with her fingertips, she wondered if true wisdom might be found there. She wasn’t getting much from the pastor’s sermons anymore because she found it hard to concentrate. Always worried about bumping into Marley, she stopped attending Sunday School, although she continued to drop Noelle off, then return for the second service. Marley attended the early service at nine. They’d spent weeks in counseling with Pastor Luke and his wife, but each time it seemed like something might give, one of them lost their temper, and the arguments began anew.

  Pastor Luke had discouraged them from separating, saying it was easier to fix something together than apart. Their friends chose sides, and instead of being helpful, it made everything worse.

  Women who saw Marley in town told Julia about it, and the men who frequented the diner and hardware store told their wives who told other wives. Being the focus of pity and gossip was wearing on Julia, and if not for Noelle, she would have stopped going to church altogether.

  Closing the drawer on the sacred text, Julia shook her thoughts away and focused on the day ahead. The house needed a thorough cleaning, and the animals needed fresh water. Marley still came twice a week to check on things and spend some time with Noelle. She loved being outside with her dad, so Julia gritted her teeth and allowed her a bit more freedom as long as Marley promised not to let her get too rowdy. It definitely lightened her mood, but she turned sour again once her dad left.

  **************************************************

  July 1988

  “Why won’t you hire some help? It’s too much for you to do all of this and run the store. When are you going to replace Roy?”

  “I’m looking for somebody, but it’s harder than you might think, okay?” Marley replied over his shoulder as he hooked the trailer to the tractor in preparation for the day’s work. “I need somebody with a brain because I don’t have time to train an ignorant boob.”

  “Well, an ignorant boob should be able to handle a little bit of manual labor, don’t you think?” Julia retorted.

  Marley ignored her and finished the hookup before climbing onto the tractor. He gave Julia a look that said leave it before starting the engine. She shook her head as he puttered away and walked back to the house. Their tense interactions continued unabated.

  Noelle sat at the picnic table, Bailey at her side, and watched her dad.

  “You want something to drink, honey?” Julia asked as she walked by.

  “No, thanks,” Noelle replied while staring after Marley.

  Two hours passed before Julia took any notice of the time. She’d been busy baking while Noelle was upstairs reading. Glancing out the window, she was surprised Marley hadn’t returned. After taking an apple pie from the oven, she removed her mitts and walked out to the screen porch. Focusing her attention towards the back field, she listened intently for the sound of the tractor. Usually, on a clear day, she could just pick out the faint sound. Today, nothing.

  Hmm. Maybe I should go check. No, if nothing’s wrong, he’ll just be indignant. But what if something is wrong? Stop it. He’s fine.

  Julia returned to the kitchen where she finished cleaning up the baking mess and went upstairs to check on Noelle. Finding her asleep, she stood at the door gazing at her daughter. She was so pale.

  Is that my fault? Have I been too hard? I just love her so much, and I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to her. Lord, it’s because I love her that I’ve been this way. Please help her understand.

  Trust Me.

  She’d not heard that voice for a while. But what if You let something bad happen?

  Trust Me.

  Chapter 48

  Present Day

  Sounds from the nearby trees dr
ew JuJu’s attention back to the present. Squirrels had taken over the front yard in spite of Rocky’s best efforts. They seemed to know he either wasn’t that interested, or was no longer able to keep up with their frenetic racing from one tree to another. The old dog opened one eye, gazed lazily in their direction, and offered up a half-hearted growl as if to remind them he was still around.

  JuJu heard the front door open and looked up to see Pastor Michael step onto the porch, followed by four strapping young men from the church youth group. They’d spent two days helping her with the last of the packing and moving furniture around. Last weekend, their help was invaluable at the garage sale. With them here today, everything would go smoothly and quickly.

  “Is that the moving van I hear? Pastor Michael asked as he sipped iced tea.

  JuJu answered, “Most likely,” as she looked at the young minister. He was Pastor Luke’s grandson who took over the pulpit when his grandfather retired last year. He was a fine fellow with a sweet wife and three rambunctious boys who were probably right this minute giving their mother fits at home.

  “Thank you again, Michael, for everything. I couldn’t have done it without you and the boys here.” JuJu smiled at the young men who stood ready to work, guzzling their own cold drinks.

  “You are more than welcome, Miss Julia. We’re glad to help. And those fudge brownies you made gave us an added incentive.” Michael chuckled as the boys grinned and nodded in agreement.

  “Things are going to be different around here, aren’t they? You doing okay with that?” Michael asked.

  JuJu pushed a wisp of gray hair behind her ear as she considered her response, green eyes still clear and piercing as she turned her gaze to the young man.