HER BIG NEIGHBOR

by Penny Wylder

  Again, I am ignored. “Get. The Fuck. Out. Of. My. House.”

  “Go, Kevin,” Edward says.

  He does, but angrily, stomping through the crowd and causing a stir. I hear the door slam shut and the curious silence that follows. My mom turns to me. “And on top of everything, you’re with him?” She points at Edward. “I thought I made myself clear that I didn’t want you involved with anyone while you’re here. This has to be our entire focus.”

  Anger floods my system, and Edward sees it. He steps to me, shielding me from my mother, and her from me. “Julia, you don’t have to do this now if you don’t want to. You are allowed to do this on your terms.”

  I look up at him and see nothing but support. He’s not angry in the slightest that she knows or that I outed us. All he wants me to do is what’s best for me. I try to keep my voice calm and even so we don’t draw attention unnecessarily. “After everything? I don’t know what the hell is going on. And clearly, you haven’t made this your sole focus either when something is driving you to get so drunk you black out, and you kick someone out of the house without me knowing why. As for Edward, like I just said, I’m an adult. I don’t have the same views on men as you do, and whether or not you believe this.” My volume is rising, and I’m doing my best, but I’m losing a little bit of my control. “I am allowed to make my own mistakes, Mom. You may not remember what you said to me when you were drinking, but I do. And if you really think that I’m a whore because I happen to have a boyfriend who I love very much, then I don’t know what to tell you.

  “I agreed to come home and help you because I don’t exactly know what I want to do with my life. And like I’ve said many times, I’m happy to help. But this isn’t my mission, it’s yours. I’m not going to stop my life for you, and right now Edward is a part of that.”

  If looks could kill, I would be dead right now. And I’m not even sure that she would be sorry. Someone steps into the kitchen, and looks curiously at us. “Jane? You’ve got some questions out here.”

  Her face transforms into a smile. “I’ll be right there, Ellen.” At the door she turns back to me and Edward. “This isn’t over.”

  As soon as she’s out of the room, Edward pulls me into his arms. “Are you okay?”

  “I have no idea. You know what happened?”

  After a moment, I feel him nod. “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t feel like it was my place to tell you. I came so close. And it’s the reason that I was pissed when Kevin showed up unannounced.”

  I take a deep breath in and out. The fact that he didn’t tell me makes me angry, but I also understand why he wouldn’t want to tell me. With my mother, if her business had been outed by a man, she would never have forgiven him. “You’re going to tell me now though, right?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Then let’s get out of here. Your house.”

  I know that I’m going to have to deal with Mom again after the party, but right now I’m not interested in being in this house. We leave out the back door, and I don’t look behind me.

  18

  Julia

  This moment has wonderful symmetry. We’re sitting on the couch in Edward’s living room with glasses of wine, but instead of sitting on opposite ends, I’m leaning back against him with my feet up. When we came inside, Kevin’s car was gone, so we’re alone. Edward’s arm is around my waist, and it feels like it’s the only thing that’s grounding me. “I think it’s story time.”

  Edward sighs, and I turn around to face him. “It’s not a very long story,” he says. “But I think it will explain a lot.”

  “Okay.” I take a big sip of my wine.

  “Last year, when you were still at school, Kevin came to stay with me unexpectedly. He told me that his marriage was over and he needed a place to stay for a while. Of course I said yes. And it was fine. He seemed really down, but he was getting through it. Or so I thought.

  “I noticed that he was spending more time out of the house, and that he seemed happier. I thought that was good, so I didn’t push it too much.”

  There’s a bit of dread settling in my stomach. “I hope that this isn’t going where I think it is.”

  He looks at me, and I groan. “It probably is. One day I came home, and I found Kevin and your mom here, making out. I was surprised but I wasn’t angry. They’re adults, they can do what they like. I was mostly surprised because I’ve always known that your mom isn’t a fan of men. And that’s her business. But they both seemed really happy. I think that’s the happiest I’ve seen either of them ever.”

  “They didn’t seem happy an hour ago.”

  “No,” Edward says. “That’s because of Kevin. He told me that his marriage was over and that’s why he was staying with me. But it wasn’t. He and his wife had had a fight—a bad one—and he had walked out. So when his wife showed up here and found the two of them together, shit hit the fan. I wasn’t here, but there was a huge fight, and obviously it didn’t go well. Kevin went back to his wife to try to make it work, and they have been trying, but she couldn’t forgive him. So she left, and that’s why he’s here now.

  “Believe me when I say that I don’t want him here. I don’t want to hurt you or your mom, and even though I don’t think she blames me for what happened, I’m connected. His showing up here was the worst timing imaginable with the event and us finally being together.”

  My mind snaps to the connection. “The day she got drunk. That was the day that he was here. She was talking about mistakes, and we were at coffee. Do you think he went over there?”

  “Fuck,” he says. “Probably. That makes a lot of sense. But your mother hates him now for what he did to her and what he did to his wife.”

  I shake my head. “It is pretty fucked up.”

  “It is. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you.”

  “I understand why, but let’s make an agreement now that we don’t keep things from each other like that.”

  He pulls me close and kisses me with aching softness. “Agreed.”

  I kiss him this time, and by the time I come up for air, we’re stretched out on the couch, Edward on top of me. “You have no idea how much I want to stay here with you.”

  “You always can.”

  I sigh. “You know I can’t.”

  “I know,” Edward kisses my neck, “but a man can dream.”

  “Who knows, maybe everything will go perfectly, and I’ll be able to come back over tonight.”

  He just kisses me again, so that we’re both ignoring the obvious. We kiss until we can’t kiss anymore, and I’m seriously considering throwing caution to the wind and letting him take me right here on this couch. But I glance at the time, and the event is over. I’m not going to be able to think about anything else until we get this over with, and Edward sees that.

  “Do you want me to come with you?”

  I shake my head. “I don’t think that will make it better.”

  “All right,” he says, “but I’ll be here if you need me.”

  Helping me up, he walks me to the door, and I feel sick to my stomach, like things aren’t going to be the same after this, but I have to believe everything will work out. I have to. Outside, I can see what looks like the last stragglers leaving my house. “Now or never, I guess.”

  One more kiss, and I’m gone. I can feel Edward’s eyes on me all the way to my front door, but I can’t look back at him or I don’t think that I’ll be able to make myself leave. So I just go inside.

  The house looks the way most houses do in the aftermath of a party. It seems particularly empty after having seen so many people packed in, and there’s misplaced trash and forgotten food plates on a lot of surfaces. The silence is loud.

  But I don’t imagine it will stay that way for very long.

  I find Mom in the kitchen, looking absolutely miserable. That same bottle of bourbon is on the island and she’s nursing a glass of it. I’m hoping that maybe she’s changed her mind about being angry at me, and that
the little time since we’ve talked has made her realize that it’s her own pain the she’s projecting. So I decide to hope for that and go for friendliness first. “How much money did we raise?”

  She scoffs. “We? Don’t suddenly pretend you care.”

  “Jesus, mom. I fucking moved home to help you. You think I don’t care?”

  “Doesn’t seem that way.”

  I roll my eyes. “Then you’re being incredibly self-centered. You know that in the two months since I moved home, you never actually asked me why I agreed? You never asked why I would be willing to leave college to help you start a charity, something that you are more than capable of doing by yourself. But you haven’t been yourself, and I get it. But that doesn’t make it okay.”

  For a second, she looks startled. “Why did you—”

  “No,” I say. “You don’t get to ask me that right now and turn this into a caring mother-daughter conversation. We’re way past that point.”

  Her eyes harden. “Fine. I don’t want you seeing Edward.”

  “What reason could you possibly have for that other than projecting your own feelings about men onto me?”

  “Are you serious right now?” She tosses back the glass of alcohol. “I’m assuming that he told you what happened?”

  I grab my own glass. If she’s going to drink, then so am I. “He did because you didn’t. Is this why you quit your job? Why you’ve been acting weird? Why you got blackout drunk out of nowhere?”

  “Yes, yes, and yes. You have no idea how that kind of betrayal feels, Julia. It cuts you to the bone and never lets you go.”

  It’s mean, and I know it, but I laugh. “No fucking shit. It’s not like you’ve been living out Dad’s betrayal for the last twenty years or anything. Yeah. It sucks, and no, I haven’t experienced it myself, and I’m glad. But you still could have told me. You don’t think I would have understood?”

  She starts to pace across the kitchen, eyes wild. “All I’ve ever tried to do is protect you. You don’t need to see me fuck up. And if his brother did that to me, I can’t imagine what he’ll do to you. They cannot be trusted, and you’re not allowed to see him.”

  “I do need to see you fuck up, Mom. If only because you’re human. Nobody is perfect and it’s not fair to you or me for you to pretend otherwise. And now, are you starting this charity out of guilt? Because if you are, it’s not the right reason to do it.”

  “No,” she sighs. “That’s not it. The stuff with Kevin was just the catalyst. The firm had a pro-bono case that landed on my desk last year that made me aware of the problem, and it’s not something that there’s a lot of giving for. And I was tired of doing what I had been doing. And so when everything happened I needed to do something that made me feel good, so I decided to go for it.”

  “Good,” I say. And I do think it’s good. I want Mom to be happy, and I want her to do something that’s fulfilling for her. I just want those same things for me.

  Mom pours another shot. “You didn’t seem to hear that you’re not allowed to see him.”

  I swallow the growing ball of fiery anger growing in my chest. “I was choosing to ignore it, because as I said earlier, I am an adult and I get to make my own choices.”

  “Julia Elizabeth Palmer, I will not allow it while you live here.”

  I thought that I might explode if I were this angry, but instead I feel a steely calm. Like I could skip a stone across the surface of my mind and it would go forever. I slowly drink the rest of the liquid in my glass, savoring the burn that reflects my emotions. “So let me get this straight,” I say to her. “You ask me to move home to help you with your new business, and I say yes. So now I’m here, helping you. And because you had a bad experience, I’m not allowed to date? Is that seriously what you’re saying?”

  My mother straightens her spine and puts the lid on the bottle of bourbon and puts it away. “It’s for your own good.”

  “Or what?”

  She looks at me. “What do you mean?”

  “What are you going to do if I tell you no, I’m not going to let you interfere in my personal life because it’s none of your business?”

  Slowly, she approaches the kitchen island, and I’ve seen this stance before. This is her lawyer stance. She’s moving intentionally and deliberately. “Then you will have to choose. If you continue to see him, you will have to move out, and you can expect no contact from me while the two of you are in a relationship. You can have me or him, but not both.”

  “Are you hearing yourself?”

  “I’m not deaf, Julia.”

  I’m the one who scoffs now. “I’m not so sure, because if you were actually hearing yourself you would be able to see how absolutely unreasonable you’re being.”

  “I think eventually you’ll see that I’m right, and you’ll thank me for saving you from a world of pain.” She’s adopted that tone that every person is familiar with, the placating tone that parents take with children when they’re talking down to them.

  “No, I don’t think I will understand, but you’re clearly still upset about earlier. So we’ll talk about this later.”

  I turn to go, and for the first time she raises her voice. “Don’t you walk away from me.”

  “Why not? You’ve already dropped the ultimatum bomb, there’s not much else you can fucking do to me.” I’m losing that calm and starting to crack. This is the absolute worst that it could have gone, and I don’t have much hope that anything is going to change her mind, because once my mom decides something, it’s pretty solid.

  “I’m going to need your answer.”

  I go stock still, and turn to face her. Staring her down. “No. You remember what you always used to say when you were negotiating a case and you offered a deal that the other side couldn’t refuse? You’d come home and tell me that you made them think about it. ‘Never let them give an answer in the heat of the moment, Julia. Always let them simmer in it for at least twelve hours so that they know that they’re goddamn beaten.’ So the least you can do is give me the same courtesy that you gave your opponents. Let me sit with it for twelve hours so that I know that I’m goddamn beaten.”

  I don’t look back as I head up the stairs, and I consider myself lucky that I make it all the way into my bedroom before I start to cry.

  19

  Edward

  I should have gone with her. That’s all I can think about right now. I should have gone with her. Not that Julia can’t handle herself, but I want to be with her. I want to protect her from hurt, and this whole situation is one giant ticking time bomb. I’m keeping myself from looking out the window to see if I can see movement, because they deserve their privacy. But not knowing is driving me insane.

  The door slamming is the only warning that I get that Kevin is home. Good. I’ve been waiting. He insisted on helping me bring in the food, and he promised he would be discreet and leave immediately. But that didn’t happen. “Where have you been?”

  “I had to get out of here to clear my head of the bullshit.”

  “The bullshit? The bullshit that you started?”

  Kevin rolls his eyes and shoulders past me. “I didn’t start anything.”

  “You know that’s not true. You swore that you wouldn’t let her see you, and I’m the idiot that believed you. I should have just made two trips from the car.”

  He ducks into the fridge and pulls out a beer. “You need to chill, Edward. That’s always your problem. You’ve always been too uptight. And you were there. You saw the way that bitch jumped on me and I didn’t even say anything. Acting like I don’t have the right to be there when she invited you.”

  I grab the beer out of his hand and slam it down on the counter. The last thing I want Kevin to be doing right now is drinking. “If you don’t understand the difference there, then you’re dumber than I thought you were.”

  “Putting your own brother down. Classic Edward. You think you’re better than me because Dad gave you the company.”

  I
sigh. “No, Kevin, I think I’m better than you because I own up to my mistakes and take responsibility for them. I don’t try to hurt people. Did you go over there when I went out with Julia a few days ago?”

  “I don’t see why that’s any of your business.”

  So he did go over there. Fuck. “Jane drank so much after you went over there that she blacked out. And that’s because of you. You didn’t have to do that. I know for a fact that she asked you never to talk to her again.”

  “And I know for a fact that none of this is your business.”

  “You’re in my house. What you do here, and did here, is my business.”

  Deliberately, Kevin grabs the beer again, and opens it. He downs the entire thing in front of me before pitching it in the trash. “You’re such a prick, Edward. You’ve always had everything because Mom and Dad gave you whatever the hell you wanted. Precious little Edward. Handed everything in the world because you’re the youngest.”

  It’s not worth arguing him on this point. The work I’ve done to get to where I am doesn’t matter to him. He’ll always see me as the usurper in his life because I have everything that he wants but doesn’t want to do the work for. I’m not going to get dragged into defending myself for something I haven’t done wrong, because there’s no winning that fight and it’s not the one we’re having right now. This is about him and what he’s doing.

  “Why do you even care?” he asks. “Jane is nothing to you. Just a next door neighbor who hated men.” He grins. “Until she discovered my cock.”

  I stare at him long enough that he pales, and the grin that was on his face fades. Long enough that he looks uncomfortable, and he goddamn better if he’s going to make comments like that. I’m seconds away from hitting him. I don’t know if I should tell him about Julia and me. I don’t want to. But I also need him to understand that his actions affect me. It’s a fifty-fifty chance whether that makes it better or worse. He was there when Julia said that we were together, but I’m not sure that it was registered.