Suffer Little Children

by Freda Hansburg

  We get Nina’s leash and go outside. I forgot a poop baggie again, but I don’t care. She pulls me hard. I guess she really has to go. She sniffs the bushes on our neighbor’s lawn. I don’t care where Nina does her business. I’m still trying to work out how I’ll get back to Gloria’s.

  Like he’s reading my mind, Jaden says, “You shouldn’t go there anymore.”

  “What do you know?” He’s the one who got me into this mess with his big mouth.

  Nina crouches to pee on the neighbor’s grass.

  “It could be dangerous,” Jaden says. “Like Robin told you.”

  “Who cares what Miss Perfect says?”

  But I’m worried. If she’s right about those pills, they could be making Alex sick. I think about that book he loaned me, with the kid whose parents left him because of their depression. What if Alex is alone with no one to help him?

  “Well, what if she’s right?” I tell him. “Alex might be in real trouble.”

  Nina finishes peeing and starts dragging me off.

  Jaden follows. “You can’t go there anyway. Mom’s making you stay at the library.”

  “She’s making me go there, but she can’t make me stay.”

  Jaden takes a big breath. “You gonna sneak out and go to Gloria’s?”

  “Maybe.” I don’t see how. It’s too far.

  Nina sniffs someone else’s lawn, searching for a place to poop.

  “I know!” Jaden gets excited, like it’s a game. He doesn’t understand. He’s just a kid. “You could take your bike.”

  He’s right. I could bike to Gloria’s from the library. “Nah, Mom would never trust me to ride to the library. She’ll make sure to drop me off.”

  Nina poops on the lawn. I hope the people don’t come out before she finishes.

  “Maybe someone could drive you to Gloria’s.”

  He’s just trying to make up for getting me in trouble, but it’s nice to have his help, and it gives me an idea. “If Gloria picked me up from the library then took me back, Mom wouldn’t have to know.”

  Jaden gapes. “You think she would?”

  I shrug. “I could ask her.”

  “Aren’t you afraid to be alone with her after what Robin said? What if she tries giving you those pills?”

  “I’m not scared of her. She’s my friend.”

  Nina gives her poop a sniff.

  I pull on her leash. “C’mon. Let’s go.” I can get ahold of Mom’s phone and call Gloria.

  “You’re gonna get in trouble, Amber,” Jaden warns me, following me.

  I pull hard on Nina’s leash to make her stop. I face him. “You better keep your mouth shut this time, or you’ll be the one in trouble.”

  His lip curls into a pout. “I won’t tell. I promise.”

  “All right, then.” I give him a good, long look. “Let’s go home.”

  FORTY-TWO

  ROBIN

  ROBIN RAISED HER CHIN and glared at Ben. “Okay, then. The truth for a change.”

  He sighed and gestured toward the sofa. “Please. You’re making me nervous standing there, staring at me.”

  She strode to the couch and sat, her arms crossed. “Go on. I’m waiting.”

  Ben remained standing. “You’re right. Alex Reyes is my son. I swear, Bird, I didn’t know until a few weeks ago.”

  She smirked. “You’ve had a son for nine years and didn’t know?” Beneath the bravado, she had a broken heart. She flashed back to the Cinco de Mayo cookout when Gloria had first approached her. Gloria had been talking with Ben. Robin could imagine what they discussed.

  Ben shrugged. “You can believe me or not, but it’s the truth.” His fingers raked through his hair. “Gloria Reyes used to work for me. I told you that.” He took a breath. “Vanessa and I went through a bad spell after Amber was born. Nessie had postpartum depression, and—”

  “And you helped her by screwing your bookkeeper.”

  “I’m not proud of it,” Ben said testily. “I had to put in crazy hours at the office, trying to get my practice off the ground.”

  Robin played air violin to accompany his tale of woe.

  He scowled. “Yeah, okay. Maybe I was also avoiding the situation at home. I was in way over my head. Would you enjoy Vanessa’s company under those conditions?”

  Robin surely wouldn’t, nor would she let him off the hook. “Poor Ben, a victim of circumstances, huh?”

  “I fucked up. I don’t need you to tell me that.” His eyes darted from her angry gaze. “Gloria and I had a brief affair—more like a couple of one-night stands, never anything serious.”

  “Except for the illegitimate child,” Robin interjected. “Haven’t you heard of birth control?”

  Ben held out his hands in a gesture of innocence that made Robin want to smack him. “She claimed to be infertile, that she’d had a couple of miscarriages during her marriage.”

  “But, surprise, surprise, she got pregnant. And—what? You managed not to notice?”

  “You’re not making this easy, Bird.”

  “Is that what I’m supposed to do?” She thought of all those times she’d tried to be patient and understanding. At the moment, Robin felt only fury.

  “No. Of course not.” Ben sighed. “God only knows what you must think of me.”

  “Not much.” She decided to hear him out, though she couldn’t envision a future with a man who’d lied to her. For all she knew, he’d cheated on her, as he’d done with Vanessa. He might still, given the chance. “Gloria got pregnant. Go on.”

  “Then I joined the firm. You can’t imagine my relief with my solo practice going nowhere and a family to support.” He swallowed. “I no longer needed a bookkeeper, so I let Gloria go.”

  Robin’s eyebrows shot up.

  “I paid her,” Ben said. “I gave her the best separation package I could scrape together. She had no hard feelings, Bird, I swear. I had no clue about her being pregnant.”

  Robin’s eyes narrowed. “Why didn’t she tell you? She’d be entitled to child support.”

  Ben shook his head. “I don’t know.”

  “But you told me she kept in touch.” Robin leaned forward, her hands on her knees. “She still handled paperwork for you and Vanessa. You had to be aware she had a child.”

  “Yeah. But I never dreamed it was mine. Vanessa said Gloria got involved with some guy not long after we’d been together. Maybe she believed it was his, or she told him so.”

  Robin frowned. “And you never did the math?”

  “No, okay? I hardly saw Gloria. I never saw the kid. I didn’t even know his age. I just kept working my ass off, and next thing I knew, Vanessa was pregnant with Jaden. Believe me, I had more on my mind than Gloria Reyes.”

  Robin pondered that. It rang true. “When did she finally tell you?”

  “About Alex being my son? Like I said, only a few weeks ago, right before that party where you met her.”

  Thinking back, Robin realized Ben had been acting strange—distant—but she’d written it off as him being busy with work. “Why did you believe her, after all this time?”

  Ben’s face reddened. “She got a paternity test. The other guy was long gone, and now Alex needs medical care. One day when I picked up the kids at Nessie’s, I had a Starbucks cup with me. I must have left it on the table. Gloria took it and matched my DNA. I guess she rolled the dice and got lucky. Apparently, the other guy turned out to be a deadbeat.” He licked his lips, as if they were dry. “She threatened to tell Vanessa I was his father and come after me for child support, retroactive for nine years. That’s a shitload of money, Bird. I’m already stretched to the limit with alimony and child support. And you know Vanessa. She’d grab any excuse to keep me from seeing my kids.”

  Probably true. On the other hand, it appeared Vanessa had good reason for treating Ben the way she did. Another, more appalling realization struck her. “Wait a minute. Meeting Gloria at that party wasn’t a coincidence, was it? You meant for her to approach me.�
� Her eyes widened. “You told her what flight I’d be on the next morning. You set me up!”

  “I had no idea it would turn out this way. She has a terminally ill kid, my kid. She’s desperate to get the right care for him. She demanded money to take him to another medical facility for better treatment.” He took a breath. “And threatened if I didn’t give it to her, she’d go to Vanessa and get herself a lawyer.” He looked at Robin then lowered his eyes. “I had to do something, so I told her about MATCH at Mountainview.” He swallowed. “Please, try to understand. I didn’t consider it such a big deal. She’d tell you about her sick kid. Being who you are, you’d find a way to help, maybe get him into the study. It seemed like the best solution for everyone. I didn’t know you couldn’t take kids.”

  An even more awful thought came to Robin. “Wait a minute. Gloria knew about the malpractice settlement at Valley Memorial. Did you tell her?”

  Ben’s face crumpled.

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. It just—came out. She kept asking questions, trying to get a handle on you and what she could expect. I guess I wanted to explain how professional you are, that you took responsibility for subordinates and kept the nondisclosure agreement. I—I wanted to make sure she knew you’d never do anything unethical.”

  “So, you threw me to the wolves.”

  “I’m sorry.” He hung his head. “I didn’t know the study was only for adults. You never mentioned it.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me the truth? Why conspire with her at my expense? And when she started doing all those awful things—how could you not tell me?”

  He slumped. “I should have. But after all the hassle over the kids you knew about, can you blame me for wanting to leave a sick, illegitimate son out of the picture? What would that have done to our relationship?”

  “Nothing as bad as this.” Tears rose, blurring her image of the man standing before her.

  He sat beside her on the couch. “You’re right. I should have told you the truth. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, Bird.” He covered her hand with his. “But if you can possibly find it in your heart...”

  Robin yanked her hand away. “Wait a minute. All the lying, the extortion.” She shook her head. “It was about getting Alex treatment for a malignant tumor.” She met Ben’s eyes. “But he doesn’t even have one. I don’t get it. Why go along with Gloria and pretend he had cancer?”

  Ben sank into the sofa cushions. “I thought he did.” He stared at Robin, bewildered. “I swear. She told me he had cancer, and I believed her. Why would she lie about it?”

  Why indeed? “That’s what I intend to find out,” Robin murmured. Solving the mystery might save Alex, and it would help take her mind off her own heartache.

  FORTY-THREE

  AMBER

  WE’LL KEEP THIS BETWEEN the two of us, Gloria said when I called her. Well, the four of us really, since Alex and Jaden are in on it. I made him pinkie swear not to tell Mom.

  She drops me off at the library, and I go inside. I wait just inside the door until I see her pull away, then I go back out. Gloria pulls up in about ten minutes, and I hop into her car.

  “Alex is eager to see you,” she says. “He’s been feeling poorly, but he cheered up when I told him you were coming.”

  “I’m sorry he’s been sick. Is he still taking his pills?”

  Gloria gives me a quick look, like she’s surprised I asked.

  “The ones you give him on account of Robin being so mean.”

  “Yes. He has to take those. He’d be in too much pain otherwise.” She glances at me again then back at the road. “We don’t want him to suffer, do we?”

  No. I think about how Robin said the pills could kill Alex. I can’t believe Gloria would hurt him, so he must need the aspirin. “Is Alex’s cancer getting better?”

  “No, dear.”

  I don’t get it. Robin says he doesn’t have cancer, but his mother says he does. I wonder what Alex thinks is wrong with him. I’ll have to ask.

  We’re at her house. She pulls into the driveway and stops the car. She turns to me with a sad face and pats my knee. “Let’s go see how our boy is doing.”

  We go in, and I head straight for Alex’s room.

  He’s sitting up in bed with pillows propped behind him, reading another book. I bet he reads more than any kid I know, but he doesn’t get to do all the other stuff kids do.

  “Hey.” He closes the book.

  “What are you reading?”

  “A story about the Wright brothers.”

  I wonder what makes them right.

  “You know. Wilbur and Orville Wright, the first ones to fly an airplane.”

  “Oh, right.” I hope he can’t tell I’m still confused.

  Alex asks how I’m coming along with The Boys on the Boat.

  “Oh, fine.” But I’ve hardly picked it up the past couple of days. “I’ve had a lot of homework.” That’s true. At least, it seems like a lot when I have trouble concentrating. I hate school. Then it hits me. Alex probably can’t go to school. I wonder how he can be so smart and read all those books without even going to school. I ask him.

  He’s homeschooled, he says. His mom gives him lessons.

  “That’s allowed?” Maybe my mom could give me lessons, and I wouldn’t have to go either. That would be neat. Then I realize I wouldn’t want her for my teacher. She treats me like I’m dumb.

  “Sure, it’s allowed,” Alex says.

  Gloria must work really hard to take care of Alex and help him. If Robin knew, she wouldn’t say those mean things about how Gloria’s trying to hurt him.

  “Do you like having your mom for a teacher?”

  He shrugs. “It’s okay, but it would be nice having other kids around.”

  I’m about to tell him what a pain other kids can be when Gloria comes in. She’s got a glass of water and the container of pills she gives Alex.

  He makes a face. “C’mon, Mom. I don’t need one now. I feel fine.”

  Gloria holds out the water glass. “Sweetheart, you know the whole point is to take the medication before the pain starts.” She urges me, “Amber, be a friend to Alex and tell him to be sensible.”

  I don’t know what to say. My face feels warm. I can tell Alex doesn’t want the pill. Gloria keeps holding out the glass, but he won’t take it.

  “Alex,” she says in a stern voice. “If you want Amber to stay and visit, you need to take your pill.”

  I have an idea. “I can give him the pill.” I reach for the water glass.

  Gloria’s eyebrows shoot up.

  “Honest.”

  She stares at Alex. “Do you promise to take your pill if Amber gives it to you?”

  He glances at me. “Promise.”

  She passes me the water. “All right, then.” She opens the medicine bottle and shakes a single pill into her hand, like she’s had lots of practice. She holds out the pill, and I take it. Then she looks at me like—well?

  “Mom,” Alex says. “I said I’d take it. You don’t have to wait around. Amber and I can talk a little, then I’ll take it when I get thirsty.”

  Gloria shakes her head. “Not until I see you.”

  I get up and reach out to Alex with the pill in one hand and the water in the other. “Open up.”

  Our eyes meet. He opens wide. I hold the glass so it blocks my other hand and pretend to put the pill in his mouth, but I hide it in my palm instead.

  “Here you go.” I pass him the water.

  He takes a big drink, like he’s washing down the medicine, then looks at his mom. “Okay?”

  Gloria smiles. “That’s my good boy.” She leaves.

  Alex and I stare at each other. I open my hand and reveal the pill. I can’t take it home. Mom might find it and know I came here.

  Like he knows what I’m thinking, Alex takes hold of the mattress and lifts the edge. “Shove it under there as far as you can reach.”

  I do and feel the other pills under his mattres
s.

  I add the new pill to the others, and Alex lowers the edge of his bed. We stare at each other, then he puts a finger to his lips.

  “How long have you been putting them there?” I ask.

  He shrugs. “Not long. A week.”

  “How do you get away with it? Doesn’t your mom catch you?”

  “It’s hard. I try to hold it in my cheek until she leaves, but that doesn’t work too often. Sometimes it melts, and I end up swallowing it.” He makes a face. “I hate those things.”

  “How come?” I wonder if Robin could be right about the pills.

  He shudders, like he’s cold. “They make me really sick to my stomach. You’ve seen it.”

  “Uh-huh.” I remember how Gloria rushed him to the bathroom, the sound of him throwing up. “But they help you with the pain, right? From, you know...” I don’t like saying the word. “The cancer.”

  Alex scowls. “I don’t believe that.”

  Maybe Robin told the truth. “You don’t think you have cancer?”

  “I don’t believe the pills help me.” Alex gives me a long look. “If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell my mom?”

  “Cross my heart.”

  “I think those pills make me sick and give me the headaches.” He lowers his voice. “It’s only been a few times, but when I get away with not taking them, I don’t get a headache or nauseous or sleepy.”

  “Wow.” I don’t know what to say. All kinds of stuff goes through my mind—what Robin said—what Gloria said. Grown-ups shouldn’t lie to kids, but I know they do. “Robin said you don’t really have cancer,” I blurt out.

  Alex’s eyes open wide. “Nurse Robin? The one who’s supposed to get me the new medicine?”

  I nod. “That’s why she won’t. She doesn’t believe you’re sick.”

  Alex looks confused. “But how would she know?”

  I shrug. “From some tests she saw.” I feel weird letting Alex know the adults talk about him behind his back, like he’s not a person, but maybe he needs to know. When I meet his eyes again, I see he’s thinking it over. “Alex, why would your mom give you the pills if they make you sick?” I swallow. “And if you don’t have cancer?”