Restoration

by Laurie Larsen

  She needed a friend. A girlfriend. Someone to share her thoughts with, especially now that Ryan was evidently back in the picture, however short-term. And girlfriends weren’t exactly banging her door down. Why not Haley?

  “Okay,” she said as she forked a tomato and put it in her mouth. “Ryan and I dated in high school. I fell for him hard. And well, I got pregnant.”

  That did it for Haley. She put her fork down and stopped chewing. “Oh my gosh!”

  “Yep. It was stupid, what can I say? I like to think I was smarter than that but ...”

  “Well, no, these things happen,” Haley said, her voice trailing off.

  “Look, Haley. You can’t tell me anything I haven’t thought myself a million times. I’m not here to tell you how I got pregnant, or why I wasn’t smarter. Suffice it to say that I have my daughter Grace who is now two years old, and she is the light of my life. Everything I do is for that little girl, and I love her to death, I really do.”

  “Do you have any pictures?”

  “Well,” Carly grinned, “of course I do.” She pulled her phone out of her purse, pulled up a few pictures and handed it over. Haley ooohed and ahhhed over Grace’s adorableness. She handed it back with a smile.

  “Ryan abandoned us. It was such a shock when it first happened. I mean, all my plans for my future changed when Grace was born. Every last one. But his? Nothing changed at all for him.”

  Haley frowned. “What did he do?”

  “He went away to college about a month before Grace was born. He missed everything. He never even saw her till Thanksgiving break that year. She was already two months old.”

  Haley gasped. “He wasn’t in the delivery room with you?”

  Carly shook her head. “A couple hundred miles away.” Haley’s reaction reminded her that Ryan’s actions had been shocking. They were her reality and had been for a long time. She’d learned to live with his absence and his abandonment. She’d put her head down and focused on what she needed to do to raise this beautiful little girl. But still ...

  “That’s awful!”

  “And he’s been gone two years now. He just went off to college in North Carolina like he’d originally planned. Grace and I didn’t change his plans at all.” She looked down at her salad and suddenly didn’t feel like eating. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I have help. My parents have been awesome about helping with Grace. They took her when I used to work at the restaurant. She goes to preschool now, but they take her in the evenings every once in a while so I can study. And Ryan’s parents. They are in Grace’s life too. They give me money to help meet bills, and they babysit when I need them. So, I don’t want you to think I’m raising her alone, because I’m not.”

  “But Ryan ...,” Haley started and then stopped.

  “Ryan hasn’t seen too much of her. It broke my heart Haley, it really did. It was so unlike the guy I thought he was, the one I fell in love with. I thought so much of him. He was my dream come true. But he never made Grace and me a priority. I couldn’t go on loving him when he was breaking my heart every day.” She was surprised that a tear came to her eye. Hadn’t she cried enough tears over this man? Wasn’t she long over him now? “Sorry,” she said to Haley, grabbing her napkin and wiping it away.

  “No sweetie, it’s okay.” Haley reached over the table and placed her hand over Carly’s, squeezing it while tears filled her own eyes.

  Carly shook her head, pushing out a chuckle. “I have no idea why I’m crying. This has been my reality for a long time. He disappointed me, but I’ve gotten over it.”

  Haley studied her for a moment. “But he’s back now. With the Egg McMuffin and catching you when you fainted?”

  “Yes. He’s back. Would you believe he says he wants to be a family again?”

  “He does?”

  Carly grimaced. “No, of course he doesn’t. He just says he does. He has no idea what that means. He has no staying power. Why would he track me down, just days before he has to be back at school and tell me he wants to give it another try? His timing is suspect.”

  “But Carly, maybe he’s done some soul searching. Maybe he recognizes his mistake and wants you to forgive him. Maybe he wants to get to know his daughter better. Be a part of her life!”

  A smile formed on Carly’s lips as Haley spoke. The poor girl. She hadn’t been jaded yet. She hadn’t had her heart broken by some guy who told her one thing, got her to believe him, and then did the total opposite. Men were not to be trusted, at least not guys Ryan’s age. But evidently Haley hadn’t learned that yet. If she had to guess, she’d say Haley loved romantic movies and read romance novels and bought into all the Love Conquers All stuff. Heck, Carly had believed in it, once upon a time.

  But putting your trust in a man who had the power to crush your heart, was just plain silly. The last thing she would ever do is put her trust in Ryan. Where he was concerned, she had built a stone wall around her heart, safe and secure so he could never hurt her again. No way would she give him the chance to chip away at it.

  “You sound like you want to believe he’s back for good. You sound like you want me to forgive him and let him back into our lives. But I can’t do that, Haley.”

  “Why not? Just give him a chance?”

  “Because. He already broke my heart. I can’t allow him to do the same to our daughter.”

  Haley set her lips in a grim line. “I understand. It’s just such a shame. He’s so good-looking, and he seems so determined to do it right this time. But if you say he isn’t trustworthy.”

  “Trust me, he’s not.”

  Haley nodded. “You would know best, I suppose,” although her voice held just enough doubt that Carly knew Haley thought she was making a mistake.

  They changed subjects and spent the rest of the meal talking about the sale at Belk’s.

  Chapter Five

  Ryan threw a swimsuit wrapped in a beach towel through his back window and got into the driver’s seat. His heart was light, and he was excited that Carly had agreed to another fun family outing. This time, the beach. Growing up so close to the ocean, he was a beach lover. He’d spent his childhoods in the waves and on the sand. He wondered if Carly had, as well. They’d never been there together. Or even discussed the beach, that he could remember.

  As a boyfriend, he’d sucked. As a father, he’d sucked. When they were together last weekend, he sensed Carly’s hesitance to allow him access to her and Grace and had no doubt as to why. What had he ever done for her? Other than the obvious – he’d helped create their child. And then left her with all the responsibility and the day in, day out work of caring for her.

  That was over. He’d been wrong, but his whole focus now was making it right. He would show Carly with his actions that he was turning over a new leaf. And he’d just hope that it wasn’t too late. Carly had always been a reasonable girl. Hopefully that hadn’t changed.

  Words were one thing. Words were easy. It was only if you backed up your words with your actions, that you could be trusted. Believed.

  He parked in Carly’s apartment lot and closed his eyes a second, grounding himself, focusing in on his intent for the day. Fun. Conversation. Build relationships. Get to know each other better. It was enough, for now.

  Carly opened the door to his knock and looked at him, a dubious expression on her face. That’s okay. He’d push through it.

  “Hi!” he said enthusiastically. “It’s a beautiful day.”

  “Why-n!” came a happy voice from inside the apartment.

  “Grace!” It did his heart good that she recognized his voice and was happy to hear it. Her little feet pounded the short distance from the living room to the door. He knelt and held his arms out and this time, she bounded into them. “Urgh,” he groaned playfully as he let himself fall backward, laying on the floor now, holding tightly to Grace on his chest while she laughed hilariously. “You’re so strong you knocked me
over, little girl.”

  “Oh, Why-n,” she giggled deliciously.

  He glanced up at Carly who looked amused but guarded. Her eyebrows revealed tight lines and her mouth twisted at the corners.

  “All right, let him up Grace.”

  Grace scrambled to her feet and held her hand out helpfully. Ryan grabbed it and pretended that she was pulling him to his feet. “There we go. Thanks, Grace.” He walked with her to the living room and put his hands on his hips. “Do you want to go have a fun day together? Grace, Mommy and Why-n?”

  Grace gave an excited leap into the air. “Yes!” she yelled.

  He knelt again so they were closer, face to face. “I was thinking we’d go to the beach today. Have you ever gone to the beach, Grace?”

  “Yes!” she yelled again. He grinned into her smiling face but couldn’t ignore the puff of exasperation from her mother. He turned his attention to Carly who had crossed her arms in front of her chest and was rolling her eyes.

  “Um,” he stammered. “Bad idea?”

  She gave an exaggerated exhale and shook her head. “Beach day? Why didn’t you tell me, Ryan?”

  He smiled uncomfortably, eyebrows up. He was positive he’d messed up, but he had no idea why or how. “Uh, I really just thought of it this morning. Why? Is this bad somehow? We don’t have to go to the beach. We can do whatever you want to do. What would you prefer?”

  “No ...,” she started, and was interrupted by the wail of a two-year-old thinking she’d been promised one thing, only to have it ripped from her hands.

  “Beeeeeach!” Grace wailed.

  Carly didn’t move from her angry stance, just moved her eyes towards him. Then, she raised her eyebrows in an unspoken challenge. He had caused this outrage somehow; it was up to him to fix it.

  “Oh sweetie,” he soothed, bringing the crying Grace into his arms. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t cry now, sweetheart.”

  Grace started sniffing and blinking, pulled back to look at his face and asked in probably the most adorable voice he’d heard in his life, “Are we going to the beach?”

  The girl was good. He could learn a lot about persuasion from this little one.

  One sure way to get her to stop crying would be to say yes. But that wouldn’t remove the pissed-off look on her mother’s face. So, what to do, what to do? He looked at the little girl, held up one finger in her face and said, “Before I answer that, wait just one minute, okay?”

  She nodded warily but withheld judgement.

  He got to his feet and took Carly’s arm and led her into a huddle in the kitchen. If he’d learned anything from his own parents about parenting, it was that they always presented a united front. He gazed into Carly’s eyes and thought he saw just a tinge of softening there. He murmured, “Did you not want to go to the beach today?”

  She shook her head. “It’s not that. It’s just that if you’d told me your plans ahead of time, I could’ve gotten all the prep work done before you got here.”

  “Prep work?”

  She stared at him, her eyes widening in disbelief. “You really don’t have a clue, do you, how much work it is to take a toddler to the beach.”

  Ryan thought of the towel and swimsuit he’d thrown into the backseat. “Um, no, I guess I don’t.”

  “Look, I don’t want to put a damper on this outing with Grace, but you’re gonna have to work with me here.”

  “Yes, of course,” he agreed. “What would you like me to do?”

  She gazed over at Grace, watching them intently. “You entertain her while I start gathering everything that we’ll need.”

  “Sure. I’d love to.” He took a step toward Grace, then turned back. “I’m sorry if I messed up here.”

  Then her whole face transformed. The anger drained, the tightness of her eyes and forehead fled and for a moment, it was just Carly. His Carly, the one who had made his senior year in high school the absolute best year of his life. The one he could be himself with, the one he could share his dreams with. The one who used to look at him like he was the center of her world.

  That Carly was gone now. But it did his heart good that he’d seen a glimpse of her, if only for a moment. And all it took was a sincere apology from him.

  “Thank you for that. And thank you for being willing to handle this together. You could’ve just made me out to be the bad guy to Grace.”

  A relieved smile formed on his lips. So, he had done something right after all. He’d take each small victory he could get. “You’re welcome. And thank you for being patient with me while I come up to speed.”

  A kiss on her beautiful lips would’ve been the perfect way to express his gratitude but of course he didn’t do it. He wouldn’t even allow himself to think of it. Not right now.

  He went back to Grace, then turned to Carly. “What do you say, Mommy? Do we have an answer for this pretty girl?”

  “We’re going to the beach.”

  Grace exploded with happiness. Her smile was pure and happy and unfettered. She jumped up and down in a circle like it was the best news she’d ever heard. His heart exploded along with her. This is why he’d made so many changes in his life. This moment. Right here.

  Carly disappeared, and he could hear her making noises in the back of the apartment while he pulled out a coloring book and colored with Grace. Minutes passed, and then it dragged into tens of minutes. Her voice, muffled from the distance and walls separating them, floated in the air but he couldn’t make out her words.

  “Carly? Do you need some help?”

  “No,” she answered. “I’m getting there.”

  He looked back into the light green eyes of his daughter. She resembled Carly so much, with her mom’s complexion and fairness. “I wonder what your mommy is doing.”

  Grace shrugged and went back to her picture.

  Another ten minutes passed before Carly reappeared. She had put her longish strawberry blonde hair up in a ponytail and wisps had escaped the binding, brushing her face. She carried a huge bag and dumped it on the floor. He came to his feet. “Do you need help?”

  She gave him an ironic look. He guessed that she did, indeed need help. “Here, let me help you.”

  She shook her head. “You’re entertaining Grace, remember?”

  He looked back at the little girl. She was absorbed in her artwork. “At least with the heavy lifting.”

  “I’ve about got it. Although I will let you carry it to the car.”

  She went back into the bedroom and came back with another load. When she left again, he began to study the pile of stuff. A big rolled up straw beach mat, a beach bag filled to the top with large multi-colored towels. An umbrella to install in the sand, and an anchor to allow for easier digging. Another bag containing diapers, swimsuits and about a million different varieties of sunscreen. A cooler, which he guessed she would begin filling with items from the kitchen. Another beach bag, which, when he peered inside, contained several pairs of flipflops in Grace’s and Carly’s sizes, and several cotton cover-ups.

  She entered the room again, carrying a hat her size and one Grace’s size. He glanced at her, his eyes wide. “What? All this?”

  She put her hands on her hips, panting slightly. “Do you see anything here that we don’t need for a day at the beach?”

  He looked back down and after a perusal decided, no, there was nothing extraneous here. Then she snapped her fingers, said, “Chairs,” and headed back to the bedroom. There must be a closet the size of a warehouse back there. Where was she storing all this stuff?

  She returned with three reclining beach chairs and added them to the pile. Just as he expected, she headed for the kitchen and leaned into the refrigerator, digging around for lunch items.

  “How about I start loading this stuff into my trunk?”

  She looked up. “Start with the heavy stuff. I still need to get her suit and sunscreen on her.
”

  He nodded and started lifting, grateful for the chance to be useful. He could see now why she was irritated when he just showed up and expected a fun day on the beach. What was he thinking?

  It took two trips to get the trunk filled, and there were still several items left on the pile in the apartment. When he returned the second time, Grace was outfitted in a cute orange bathing suit and Carly was trying to keep her still long enough to coat her with sunscreen. She looked up and blew a hair out of her face. “Here, why don’t you do this, and I’ll go get my own suit on.” She held up the lotion. “Just don’t be in a hurry. She’s very fair, so if you don’t get even application, she’ll burn in streaks.”

  He took the lotion cautiously, apprehensive about being trusted with this simple job. He didn’t want to be the reason his little girl got a painful sunburn. On the other hand, he needed to prove himself to Carly as a competent parenting partner. He could do this.

  “Hey, little girl. Stand in front of me here and I’ll get your back first.” Grace hopped into place and he began rubbing lotion on her back, shoulders, under her arms, backs of her legs. Then he twirled her around and he started at the bottom and went up: feet, shins, thighs, hands, arms, shoulders. He was just wondering how to do her face without getting it in her eyes, when Carly returned wearing a sundress.

  “Oh, here,” she said, bent and dug in one of the bags. She pulled out another sun product and tossed it to him. He caught it and looked at it. Special face formula.

  “Thanks.” He squeezed some out on his hands and carefully applied it until he was confident that he had covered every centimeter of exposed flesh on the kid.

  When he was done he looked around and saw that Carly had finished packing the cooler and had quieted, staring at him while he’d been working on Grace. He met her eyes and wasn’t sure what he saw there. Affection? Admiration? Probably directed at Grace, not him. Maybe she was simply pleased with the thorough job he’d done with the sunscreen. No need to get his hopes up.

  “You can put her cover-up back on her. Looks like you did a good job with the sunscreen. At least for a couple hours when it’ll be time to reapply it all again.”