Restoration

by Laurie Larsen

  Haley squatted in front of her, took her hands and squeezed them. “Ahh, sweetie. Maybe he won’t. Maybe you just need to trust him in this.”

  Carly let her eyes drift closed and whispered, “What has he ever done to make me trust him?”

  IN CLASS WAS WHERE it all made sense.

  When he was in class, he knew what he was doing. He could learn and study. The numbers were always consistent. There was one right answer when it came to the numbers. It was either right, or it was wrong.

  Everywhere else in his life, was the problem.

  He was forging a brand-new path, a path that was foreign to him. Living back under his parents’ roof, even though he’d only been gone a couple years, was difficult. Would it be difficult if they weren’t so openly angry at him? Maybe, maybe not. But their anger didn’t make it any easier.

  They glared at him when he came into the room. He tried to be pleasant in conversation, but his efforts weren’t reciprocated. They were mad at him, he got that. They felt he’d made a grave mistake. But he knew that wasn’t true. The mistake he made was two years ago. Now he was just trying to rectify it.

  His parents’ priorities were different than his own. He’d blindly followed their lead for too long. He’d finally realized that he needed and wanted to put Grace first, despite his parents being against that plan. But he was sure. He was certain. Despite how difficult it was without their support.

  A few days of classes in, it became clear to him that he needed to find a job. If he was bringing in money, he’d be able to reduce the debt he’d have to repay when he finished his degree. And maybe, just maybe he could find a cheap apartment which would get him out from under his parents’ roof. Life would be much less complicated that way.

  His schedule allowed him hours during the day that he could be working. Take today, for instance. He had a 9 AM class, and then not another one till 1 and 2 PM. He could work four hours in between without even impacting his study schedule, which he usually did at night.

  He stopped in the kitchen, grabbed a quick bowl of cereal and while standing at the counter, shoveling it in with a spoon, his mother appeared, wearing her lab coat. Kill her with kindness, he thought with a smirk.

  “Good morning, Mother,” he announced in a cheery radio announcer voice.

  She jerked her head up. Her deep-rooted plan to ignore him other than directing a glare his way was now interrupted. “Hello,” she mumbled, and moved to the coffee pot.

  “I made a big pot just how you like it. I thought we could share the coffee.” His cheeriness was exaggerated, and he knew his mother knew what he was doing. He couldn’t help sending a big smile in her direction.

  She just shook her head and rolled her eyes.

  Finishing the cereal, he dumped the extra milk in the sink and loaded the empty bowl in the dishwasher. “I’m off to my Statistics class. Oh, and it’s going just fine, thanks for asking.” He gave her a brilliant grin, kissed her on the top of the head and reached the door. “You have yourself a wonderful day.”

  The sight of his mother annoyed with him for having the nerve to be happy, despite throwing his life away, sustained his good humor for the entire drive to school.

  After Statistics, he was walking through the small campus, so much smaller than he was used to, and he passed the Student Life building. On a whim, he went inside. There was a snack bar and he went up and ordered a Coke. The guy working behind the counter filled his order and took his payment.

  “Hey,” Ryan said, “do you know if the snack bar is hiring anyone?”

  The guy picked up a towel and started wiping down the counter. “No, we’re not, but have you looked at the bulletin board over there?” He pointed to a large board hanging on the wall a few yards away. Ryan glanced over at it. It was covered with a few long sheets of paper pinned in, as well as at least a dozen index cards.

  “Thanks.”

  He took his Coke and went to check it out. Sure enough, there were job opportunities posted, lots of them. He’d never had a job during school before, just the occasional summer job when he was younger. His parents always wanted him to focus on his studies, never wanting him to be distracted by working for money. Well, times had changed.

  He ripped off the flaps on the bottoms of a few posters, containing phone numbers. No time like the present. He made phone calls, discussed hours and pay, and before he knew it, he had a job.

  CARLY SAT IN THE QUIET of her living room, glancing at the text Ryan had sent a half hour ago. “Stopping by to see the princess?”

  The wording made her nervous on a number of levels. First, he didn’t say when he was stopping by. Not to mention, despite the fact it was punctuated with a question mark, he wasn’t leaving her with a choice. He may as well have written, “I’m stopping by to see the princess. Drop everything to be there.”

  And by the way, the princess? A stab of despair hit her heart. Ryan calling Grace his princess irritated her. If Grace was anyone’s princess, she was Carly’s princess. He had no right to call her that.

  But on the other hand, shouldn’t she be happy for Grace that her daddy finally recognized her as the princess she rightfully should be in his eyes?

  Her endless mental wavering was driving her crazy. Why couldn’t she just relax and take this cool? She let out an aggravated scream and was feeling just a tiny bit better after the release ... until the doorbell rang. She heard Ryan’s voice, “Carly? Are you okay in there?”

  Her timing couldn’t be worse.

  “Yeah,” she said, then sighed and got up and went to the door. Opening it, she brought him into full view. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  He wore shorts, a soft, worn out oxford button down shirt, heavy socks and work boots. He was covered, almost every inch of him, with some combination of dust, dirt and grass. He held what looked like a t-shirt and pair of gym shorts in one hand. She couldn’t remember a time she’d ever seen him not looking clean and put together. “What on earth?” escaped out of her mouth.

  He looked down at his clothes and shook his head good naturedly. “Yeah, sorry about this. I was wondering if you’d mind if I took a shower here. I didn’t want to go all the way home.”

  She frowned and stepped cautiously aside, wondering if he’d emit a cloud of dirt wherever he went, sort of like that Peanuts cartoon character.

  “Why do you look like that?” she asked, pushing the door closed behind him.

  “Oh, I guess I haven’t told you. I got a lawn care job on campus. It’s really cool because all their workers are students, so they’re used to accommodating crazy schedules. I can fit my work hours in between my classes. There’s a job board with all the work that needs to be done each hour. When you’re free to work, you just look for where the crew is on campus, and you join them there.” He brushed his sleeve. “I did mostly weed whacking today. It’s a little messy.”

  She shook her head. “Back up. You’re working?”

  He looked at her, eyebrows up, and shrugged. “Yeah. My parents cut me off and I had to take out a ton of loans, so my free ride is over.” He smiled again, and it dawned on her that nothing ever brought the guy down. He’d just executed a major life change, one his parents were not supportive of, and he lost literally all their considerable financial support. But he didn’t seem to mind. He took it in stride. He just enrolled in a local college, got a job mowing grass, and he’s happy as a clam.

  Why couldn’t she take life as it came like Ryan did? She could learn so much about life from Ryan. If she would only let herself.

  “Where’s Grace?”

  Carly jerked her attention back to the present. “Oh, sorry. She came home from preschool exhausted because they swam this afternoon. She fell asleep on the way home and I laid her down till dinner.”

  “No problem. Would you mind if I used your shower? I promise I won’t leave a mess.”

  She blinked. Ryan Melrose in her shower? He
r mind jumbled with all kinds of reasons why this was not a good idea. She didn’t want him taking her for granted. She didn’t want him making himself that comfortable around her and Grace. She didn’t want him feeling at home here. It wasn’t right. She was being a protective mother, and protective of her own heart as well.

  It had nothing to do with having Ryan in a totally undressed state standing under the stream of water in her shower.

  No. It had nothing to do with that.

  She glanced up and he was studying her carefully. “There’s no way I could even sit on your couch, as dirty as I am.”

  “All right,” she grumbled with irritation. She stomped off down the hall, reached in the closet, grabbed a clean towel and wash cloth and a fresh bar of soap, spun around, and crashed directly into his broad chest. “Ooof.”

  He looked down as she was looking up and they met eyes and held. His displayed confusion and amusement. “Hey, take it easy there.”

  She was standing so close to him, his aroma floated to her nose. Far from smelling bad after working hard and sweating all day, he actually smelled good. Like sunscreen and grass and working male. She took a moment to calm her racing heart. Their closeness was out of place. He didn’t belong here, in her tiny apartment, in her bathroom ready to shower and he certainly didn’t belong here, within smelling distance. It implied an intimacy she wasn’t comfortable with.

  Yet, it was familiar. He was close enough to her to reach out and hug. She could put her arms around him and pull him in and inhale his strong chest. She remembered. She remembered what it was like to be in his arms, and it was always a good, safe, warm place to be. She liked it.

  She loved it.

  How easy would it be to step back into his arms now, to allow herself to fall deeply back into the excitement and thrill of being with Ryan? Of loving Ryan. He was right here.

  Yet, why was he here? Sure, he was here to get to know Grace better. To be a bigger part of their daughter’s life. But where did that leave her? Ryan had never said he was interested in Carly.

  So, she wrenched herself backward, away from him, away from the temptation her mind was serving up. She held out the towels and she slammed the gate down on her heart. Because she wouldn’t do this to her herself again. She couldn’t do this again.

  “Here you go.” She gestured to the open door of the bathroom. “Pretty self-explanatory.”

  He chuckled. “Thanks.”

  She squeezed past him in the narrow hallway and was a few steps away when he said, “Hey uh, Carly? Were you screaming when I first came to the door?”

  Her cheeks heated with the flush of embarrassment. He knew she was screaming. He’d only phrased it as a question to give her an out. But taking the out would be lying to him, and she refused to be a liar. “Yes, I was. I’m not proud of it, but I was.”

  She looked up at him and his expression was one of utter concern. “Can I help you with anything?”

  Her eyes flicked across his face, landing on his lips and his cheeks, then back to his eyes. “No, not really. It just gets hard every once in a while, you know?”

  He nodded. “I do know. And that’s something I can help you with. I’d like to make your life a little bit easier. At least as far as Grace is concerned.”

  Then he stepped into the bathroom and closed the door.

  If she’d had a hard time keeping her heart under control when she stood in close proximity to a dirty, sweaty Ryan, ten minutes later she got to test that theory by standing close to a clean, sweet-smelling Ryan. He emerged from the shower, his brown hair damp and curling up slightly at the ends, his skin smelling like the feminine soap she’d given him, and yet on him it smelled masculine. Everything on him looked and smelled masculine. How couldn’t it? He was one of the best-looking males she’d ever known.

  “Thanks, Carly. I feel so much better. Can I steal a plastic bag from you to put these in?” He held up his dirty clothes as a gesture. She got up and walked past him into the kitchen, handing him an empty grocery bag.

  “Unfortunately, Grace is still out like a light. I guess it was a wasted trip over here.” She needed him to leave, and hoped she was making that clear without being rude.

  “No, no, not at all. In fact, since she’s sleeping, we have a minute for me to ask you a question. Something that’s been on my mind today while I was mowing.” He grinned, and she sighed, looked away and tried to ignore how his smile made her pulse tumble through her veins faster than usual, leaving her with a tingly feeling.

  He headed for her couch like he owned the place, and sat down, looking up at her expectantly. She sat on the chair on the other side of the room.

  “What do you think about sitting down with Grace, and telling her together, as her parents, that I’m her daddy? And encouraging her to call me Daddy instead of Ryan?”

  What did she think? What did she think? She thought it was a bombshell that she in no way was prepared for. Her mouth fell open and her eyes went wide, and her heart was racing so fast that she felt dizzy. “Are you insane? The answer is no. The answer, in fact, is no way.”

  He studied her, a frown putting a crease between his eyebrows, his own mouth falling open. She could tell his brain was whirring, figuring out how to respond. “Too soon. Okay, I get it. You think it’s too soon.”

  She took in a deep breath. “I don’t think it’s too soon. Let me make this clear. Whether it’s today, or next week, or next year, it’s not going to happen.”

  “Carly, be reasonable here ...”

  “No. I’m Grace’s mother and I decide what’s best for her.”

  “It’s best for Grace to have two parents, a mom who loves her and protects her, and a dad who does the same. I know I’ve been lacking in the dad department her whole life. I know she’s had an awesome mom and you’ve done a great job of being mom and dad both to her for two years. But that’s over now. I’m here. I’m finally here. And I want to be her dad.”

  As much as she wanted to be strong and ferocious, she was furious when her voice betrayed her and cracked with emotion. “I have to do what’s best for Grace, and telling her that you are her daddy, and allowing her to get close to you and fall in love with you, is not the best thing for her.”

  “Why not?” In the heat of his discussion he stood and paced the room, twirling around to look at her. “That’s exactly what I want her to do.”

  “Because. You are a flight risk, Ryan. You left us before. You’ll leave us again.” Unwanted tears filled her eyes and she wiped them away brusquely with the back of her hand. “I can’t let her get destroyed.” Like I was destroyed.

  She didn’t say it. She didn’t want to say it. She didn’t want him to know he’d had that much control over her to destroy her, to break her heart when he left.

  But he knew. She could tell he got her meaning. His expression softened, and a tenderness exuded.

  He came to where she sat and kneeled in front of her. “I’m sorry, Carly. If I say I’m sorry every day for the rest of my life, it won’t be enough to make up for what I did to you. But I want to try. I want to be there for you now. For Grace to understand what the love of a father is, and to rest in the assurance that I will be there for her, every day for the rest of her life.”

  He reached out and took her hands in his, tentatively until he discovered if she’d let him touch her. “It’s not too late, Carly. You’ve done an excellent job with Grace for two years, but I’m back now and we can work together to be her parents. She deserves the absolute best. She already has the best mom she could have. Now I want to be the best dad.”

  She closed her eyes and let the emotions cascade over her like a crashing waterfall. Should she believe him? Should she let go of all the resistance and mistrust and believe that he was being honest with her? What if he thought he knew what he wanted, only to bail when the going got tough? It wouldn’t make any difference for Grace. It would still mean giving he
r heart over to her daddy, only to have him leave, good intentions or no.

  She needed to think. She needed to consider her options. And she sure as heck couldn’t do it when Ryan Melrose, fresh from a shower, was less than a foot away from her, holding her hands and speaking sweet, loving words to her.

  “You need to leave,” she mumbled, and she looked up to his expression of hurt. “I’m not saying forever, but you have to give me time to think. I’m so confused.” She sighed and pulled her hands out of his. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “It’s simple. Give me a chance. I swear you won’t be sorry.”

  She stood, brushed by him to the door and opened it. “You need to leave,” she said again.

  She couldn’t watch as he dropped his head and stumbled to the door. He stopped in front of her, like he was thinking of something else to say, some last appeal to make her change her mind. She didn’t want to hear it. She shook her head, turned her body so she didn’t have to look at him, and he left.

  THUNDER WAS A VERY good patient. Maybe the comfort of being back in the Wacccamaw Trails barn brought him calming memories. Shaw installed the sling in the stall, led Thunder in place and wrapped the intricate grouping of straps and pads around him. He could walk a step or two front and back, could reach his hay, oats and water easily. But most of all, he kept the weight off that leg, so it could heal.

  Life at the ranch went on as normal, from Nora’s viewpoint. She continued to operate her Dress for Success business, she took on appointments of women needing help with their career plans, their resumes, their interview skills and their wardrobe. Shaw stopped by whenever he could to check on Thunder. And whenever he did, he also stopped by the mansion and knocked on the door.

  Every time he did that, it put a smile on Nora’s face.

  “Would you like to come in for a drink?” she asked today when she opened the front door to him.

  “Love to,” he said with a smile. A smile that caused her heart to beat a little faster, and a rush of adrenaline to her belly. He always had that effect on her. Was that normal, she wondered? Not having much experience in the falling in love department, Nora had to wonder if that feeling was one of the tell-tale symptoms.