Off Planet

by Aileen Erin

  I glanced at Declan. He didn’t make my skin glow, and it didn’t give me a rush when he said my name, but he made me feel safe. He was what I needed.

  This was so iced. Roan was going to make so much fun of me when I told him about how I was freaking out over some guy when I was about to risk my life. Again. “I guess it’s time to start a war.”

  “I guess so.” Lorne’s words hummed through me, setting my glowing skin on fire.

  No. This was so not fair. He didn’t glow when I talked.

  Lorne’s grin widened, and my glow brightened even more, making it so much worse.

  I closed my eyes.

  He was doing it on purpose. Damn him.

  Chapter Forty-One

  It took almost no time for us to get to Declan’s ship. Instead of moving from point A to point B as quickly as possible, the Aunare ships did a series of jumps through space. That’s how Lorne had moved through the galaxy in a few days, while it’d taken us weeks to go from Earth to Abaddon on a SpaceTech ship.

  One jump and we were to Declan’s ship. Easy-peasy.

  Lorne was running his hands along the desk in front of him as he set up his ship to tow Declan’s. He was standing, eyes darting from the screen to the desk and back again. I couldn’t quite figure out what he was doing exactly. I couldn’t even see what was on the desk. No specific buttons. No keyboard. I had to be missing something, but he was busy. I filed my questions away to ask later.

  “Coupled,” Lorne said. “We’ll be there in ten minutes or so. Jumping while towing is a little more complicated. Takes a bit for the ship to enter in all the variables. I set it to drop us just a little outside of SpaceTech’s detection. We’ll swing around to the moon while you land and wait for your signal.”

  “Sounds good,” Declan said. His image only took up a small corner of the vidscreen now. He was busy getting stuff ready in his ship.

  There wasn’t much for me to do, so I started pacing. Staying still wasn’t something that I did very well, especially when I was nervous. I wasn’t sure about this plan, but I wasn’t turning back. My friends were worth the risk. And beating Jason at his own game? I needed that.

  I ran my hands along one of the stone walls as I paced, and a light caught my eye. I stepped back, touching it again. When I turned my head, the light was gone. Only when I stood right in front of it could I see the lights and commands. They were bright blue-white against the dark sand-colored stone. The lights rippled and swirled. I wondered what would happen if I touched one of them, but I didn’t dare try. The Aunare’s swirling script was indecipherable to me. It was beautiful and lovely but completely foreign.

  I looked over my shoulder to find Lorne watching me. I couldn’t read anything on his face. That made me want to shake him. I wanted to know what he was thinking, but I was too chicken to ask.

  Lorne stayed that way—watching. Observing. Waiting. For what I didn’t know, but his gaze made me feel exposed. I’d been hiding most of my life, and now that was suddenly over.

  I turned away, not able to look at him anymore. I seemed to do that a lot with him, and it was starting to get on my nerves. I didn’t back down. I wasn’t a chicken. But with him, I was.

  Maybe that’s where the exposed feeling was from. Maybe it wasn’t even him making me feel this way. He wasn’t looking at me and seeing Maité. He looked at me, and he saw Amihanna di Aetes. Daughter of Rysden di Aetes. The lost di Aetes heir.

  I wasn’t sure who I was anymore, let alone how to be Amihanna. I’d lost her so long ago.

  I glanced back, but he was still watching me. This was getting awkward. Him just watching me in silence, so I turned to him and asked a question that had nothing to do with my feelings or the Aunare or being Amihanna or anything emotionally intense at all.

  I motioned to the wall. “I can only see it when I stand directly in front of it. Is that how the control panel is with you? No buttons or switches?” My voice cracked, and I cleared my throat, but he didn’t seem to notice or care.

  He nodded. “Yes, but it’s also keyed to certain people. Only me and a few trusted others can fly this ship.”

  “Is that why I can’t see anything on that desk?”

  “Yes.” He leaned back into the desk, still patiently studying me.

  I didn’t want to think too hard about what he was seeing when he looked at me. “But I can see this?” I pointed to the wall. I didn’t understand the difference.

  “It’s not ship operations. Or not critical operations. I assume you can’t read it?”

  I didn’t want to piss him off again. He’d been so upset by how little I knew about the Aunare, but I wasn’t going to lie. I shook my head. “Is it your fingerprint that unlocks it?” I motioned to the desk.

  “No.” He gave me a small smile. “Everyone has a unique signature—frequency might be a better description, but there’s no human word for it. The ship’s keyed to detect who’s in it at all times and adjust accordingly.”

  A soft beeping started, and Lorne turned back to his desk, silencing the sound. “You ready?” he asked Declan.

  “Yes. Go ahead. Turning off the video. I’ll have audio on mute.”

  “Disengaging now,” Lorne said.

  The ship shuddered, and I glanced at the screen.

  Abaddon was straight ahead. From up here, the planet looked like a swirling ball of gray and black and red. It was beautiful. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought it might be fun to visit, but that planet would haunt me. Looking back at it, I knew with every part of my being that I would rather die than walk the surface of Abaddon one more time.

  I was glad I wasn’t the one to be going back there. “Be careful, Declan.”

  After a second, his audio came back on. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be in and out.”

  He could say that, but I was still going to worry. “Just don’t forget to tell us if you need anything,” I said.

  “Will do. Muting again.”

  “I’m muting as well, but we’ll leave the line on if you need us.” Lorne pressed his hand against the control panel. “We’ll give him a few minutes, and then head to the moon.”

  I nodded. “Do you have some shoes for me? And maybe something better for being on the surface of the moon?” Although I didn’t want to give up the sweater. The scent of his soap was comforting, and the woven material was softer than anything I’d ever felt before. I wondered if he’d notice if I kept it.

  “This way.” Lorne motioned for me to follow him.

  He led me back through the hallway to the bedroom. The door slid open, and he grabbed a jumpsuit for me. It was a deep forest green, with some Aunare writing sewn over a pocket on the left chest of it and…

  A bright red firedrake spewing golden fire from its mouth.

  My breath caught and I rubbed my thumb over the ridges of the embroidered dragon. I pressed my free hand to the inside of my left hip.

  It was the exact same one I’d drawn for the tattoo artist. The exact same one. It’d faded with all the burns and nanos, but it was still there. When I noticed it’d faded, I made a plan to get it fixed as soon as I was off Abaddon, but why was it here? On his clothes?

  I tried to tell myself that dragons were popular. That so many different people and cultures used them as logos and icons and legends. Maybe this was just something my subconscious pulled up. A general Aunare thing. It didn’t mean that it was specific to Lorne.

  “What does it mean?”

  He glanced at the embroidery. “House of Taure. Each member of the Taure bloodline is given a special symbol. This particular firedrake is mine.”

  Lorne bent down and picked up a pair of slip-ons, and I was glad that he wasn’t looking at my face right then. I wasn’t sure what it meant or why out of all the things in the world, I’d picked Lorne’s personal symbol to tattoo on my hip.

  He stood up and I tried my best to wipe all the emotions from my face. He never had to know about my tattoo.

  “This is my persona
l ship, although I keep some clothes and shoes in various sizes in case of emergencies.”

  “Emergencies?” I asked, trying to focus on what he was saying. “You pick up half-dead girls from moons a lot?”

  He laughed, and from the look on his face, I wasn’t sure who was more surprised by it—him or me. “I shouldn’t have laughed. That wasn’t funny.”

  “Too soon?”

  He shook his head. “No. I don’t pick up half-dead girls a lot. This is a first for me.” His grin. God. That smile. It stole my breath.

  I cleared my throat, not wanting to seem as affected as I was by him or the firedrake or the sound of his laugh. “Right. So other, more normal types of emergencies.”

  But I wondered why he needed the clothes. He’d asked a lot about my past back in the warehouse. Roan had practically spilled my whole dating history, the jerk. It should’ve been fair play to ask about his, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear his answer.

  I looked into his eyes, and that aquamarine gaze saw right through me. I didn’t know how, but he did. “You can ask.”

  My cheeks heated. Would I feel jealous if I knew the answer? I didn’t want to find out. “It’s none of my business.”

  He raised a brow but offered nothing, so I took the jumpsuit and shoes from him and went back into the bathroom to change.

  I threw the clothes by the sink, leaned against the wall, and closed my eyes. I needed a second. The man threw me off balance. My glow had dimmed, but it was still there. I couldn’t get control of myself around him at all.

  I hoped all the Aunare weren’t like this. I wasn’t sure I could live on Sel’Ani if this wasn’t just a Lorne side effect.

  Get it together, Mai— I didn’t even know what to call myself in my head. I slammed my hand down on the counter. I had to get it together before I made a complete fool of myself or worse—got us killed.

  I snatched up the clothes and quickly changed. This plan was going to be hard enough to pull off. I had to force all my worries and lingering questions out of my mind. I couldn’t be distracted. Not when I was about to do something so incredibly insane.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  I found Lorne a few minutes later on the bridge. The panel in front of him still looked blank to me, but I knew he could see something on it. He slid his fingers over it as if there were buttons and keys he was touching.

  I went to stand behind him, trying to watch whatever he was doing by leaning to the side, but I couldn’t see anything on the desk.

  “I’ve entered in the coordinates,” Lorne said. “Declan?”

  “Pulling in now. I have Ahiga on a coded line. He’s trying to round up everyone.”

  “Good.”

  The moon came into view, and I let out a loud sigh. Lorne turned to look at me. I kept staring at the little piece of rock that powered all of SpaceTech. It seemed so tiny and harmless, but the moon had the ability to destroy everything.

  It would’ve been better if SpaceTech had never found it. The moon gave them too much power too quickly, and they’d done evil things with that power.

  “You okay?” Lorne stepped closer me.

  “Sure.”

  Even if bitterness was brewing inside me. I had a hatred for SpaceTech—well earned—but hating something this much wasn’t healthy. I knew it, but I couldn’t help myself from hating it either.

  I could see him putting in a few more commands out of the corner of my eye before he turned me to look at him.

  He muttered something in Aunare as he stepped closer to me. “You’re not going down there alone.”

  I wanted to roll my eyes at him and step back, but I held my ground. “No. I’m not afraid of going down there. I’m just angry.”

  “Why?” He thankfully stepped back to lean against the desk and crossed his arms. I think he knew I didn’t want him to come closer. He was intimidating enough a few feet away.

  “So many reasons. I can’t even…” I wasn’t even sure why I was mad anymore. “It doesn’t matter.” The words were barely more than a whisper.

  “What?” He stood up from the desk. “Why would you being mad not matter? You matter.”

  I couldn’t look at him. He was wrong. Sure. I was Amihanna di Aetes, and that was supposed to be a big deal, but I didn’t feel like her. Maybe everything that’d happened the last couple of weeks weighed on me more than I thought, but—

  He turned to press a few more buttons and then gave it a nod as if to say he was done. “Come here,” he said as he stepped toward me.

  “No.”

  I was feeling too many things, and being around him made it so much worse. I couldn’t put a finger on why, but I didn’t need him poking at my emotions. Not when they were so raw, and we were about to do something insane and dangerous.

  “Come here, please.”

  When I started to back away, he grabbed my arm and half-lifted me into the captain’s chair.

  He’d moved so fast. My chest moved up and down as I tried to breathe, but he caged me in with his arms, leaning down into the chair. “Why are you mad? Why do you think you don’t matter? Please. Before you go out there and risk your life, I need to understand that much.”

  “No.” I wasn’t telling him anything. I knew I had to calm down before I hyperventilated, but I didn’t want to tell him anything.

  “Please.” His nose nearly brushed mine as he begged me to open up, but I couldn’t. If I started talking, he might realize that I wasn’t so sure I’d be okay on the moon again. I’d be an idiot not to be scared. Not when I’d barely survived it the first time.

  “Stop treating me like a child.”

  “Stop acting like one and talk to me.” He rose up, crossing his arms. “Why are you mad?”

  “Why do you care?”

  “Gods above.” He stared up at the ceiling for a second.

  Then his gaze was on mine. I’d never felt so bare before someone, and I hated it. I was feeling too much, and that was dangerous. I had to keep it in. All of it. That’s how I’d stayed alive all these years. I hid everything.

  Lorne leaned forward until his forehead rested against mine and I couldn’t hide when he did that. “I care for a lot of reasons, but mostly because you’re Amihanna di Aetes and I’ve waited for you all my life.”

  I leaned back into the chair as far as I could. “What do you mean you’ve waited for me all your life?” He couldn’t be serious with that.

  He grinned, and it wasn’t a happy one. “Oh no. I’m not going to spill any of my secrets until I know one of yours. Why are you mad? Tell me. Make your skin glow with it. Show me.”

  “I don’t want to glow.” I spat out the words at him, not caring if it hurt his feelings. For so long, glowing meant death. It was something I’d avoided at all costs, and I couldn’t be okay with glowing. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to go back to hiding.

  Except I couldn’t.

  Not anymore.

  But letting go of the habits I’d developed to survive years in hiding wasn’t going to happen overnight. I had to take baby steps. He’d said that I should take time, but he was so pushy.

  Lorne knelt in front of me. Seeing him, a powerful man, on his knees in front of me, did something to me. It made me want to give in to him.

  “I’m Aunare,” he said. “I love seeing your skin glow. I want to see the patterns on your skin. I want to read your glyphs.”

  He closed his eyes, and a second later I was blinking. The light was so bright, I could even see the outlines of the tattoos on his chest through his shirt.

  “I want to know why you’re mad.”

  I gritted my teeth. “I don’t know.”

  “Please.” The word hummed and rolled through me.

  I closed my eyes, but I could still see the glow. It felt safe and warm and like home, and that made me weak. So I gave him what he wanted.

  “I’m mad for a lot of reasons.” I kept my eyes tightly shut. “I hate SpaceTech. Everything they’ve done makes me burn with anger. I hate h
ow they’ve made me live. Scared. Hiding. Alone. We barely survived, and there were so many close calls. So many times when…”

  I opened my eyes, and Lorne was still there. Glowing brightly as he listened to me. “That makes me angry. We did our best to make a life on Earth, but it was hard. Every second was tainted with fear that SpaceTech was seconds away from finding me. And then Jason did.” I needed to get up. I pushed Lorne away from me, and he moved so that I could get by.

  I walked to the vidscreen and then spun back to him. He’d stood slowly, watching me from behind the desk.

  “I thought it couldn’t get worse than that night in the diner—the assault and humiliation and being covered in his blood—but it got worse. So much worse. The last few weeks have been hell, and I just want to get through this.” I took a long, shaky breath. “And then I want to rest. Because I’m tired of hiding and running and fighting. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t pretend and…”

  His face was so carefully blank. Not an ounce of pity on his face.

  Good. I didn’t want that. Not at all.

  “I hate that Jason’s fucked with me so badly and that everything I did was exactly what he wanted. It makes me burn with so much anger that I feel sick.” I strode to him. “I hate that now I’m here ranting at you when all I want is to get this over with. So that maybe I can just be me for one second. But I don’t even get that much because I don’t know who I am anymore. You say I’m Amihanna, but that feels like someone else. Maité feels like a lie, too. And the other twenty names I had? So, yes, I’m angry, but I’m going to go out there and do this one more thing. Because maybe—just maybe—if I save my friends, if I take down this base, then maybe all of my life filled with terror and pain will be worth it. Because if I don’t have a reason for why all of this happened—if I can’t find that—then I’m scared that I’ll always feel lost. That I’ll never know who I am. That all I’ll ever have is pretending that I’m fine, and I’m not sure I can live like that anymore. I’m not sure I can do it anymore. I don’t know what to do and—”