Paradise End

by Elizabeth Laird

  ‘What’s the matter?’ I whispered.

  ‘Otto. He’s such a creep. I can’t stand him. I hate it when he’s here. I don’t want to talk to him.’

  Through one of the long windows at the rounded end of the dining room, I could see the nose of the car. Dixie had got out of the passenger seat and was walking unsteadily round the front of it. She was wearing a skimpy rose-coloured satin dress with little straps, and a necklace of big sparkling stones. Her hair was tousled and she looked creased and crumpled as if she’d been up all night.

  ‘Come here, Otto,’ she called out, slurring the words together. ‘My bloody heel’s broken. I can’t walk on it.’

  The driver of the car came into view. He was young, much younger than Dixie, and he had a mane of wavy blond hair swept back from his forehead. He was the fittest, best-looking man I had ever seen in my whole life, broad-shouldered, but with a spring like a cat in his step. I was about to turn to Tia, and ask her how she could hate such a gorgeous hunk so much, when I saw Otto bend down and pick Dixie up as easily as if she was a baby. She screamed with excitement and pleasure, like a little girl, and then I couldn’t see them any more.

  We could hear them though. They were in the hall now, and there were muffled noises, little shrieks and murmurs between silences, that made me feel horribly embarrassed. I looked at Tia. Her lips were closed tightly together, and her cheeks were red. I thought how I would feel if someone was doing that with Mum. It was such a stupid idea it made me want to laugh, but in a revolted kind of way.

  ‘What’ll we do?’ I whispered. ‘We can’t stay here.’

  She shook her head at me.

  ‘We can’t go out now. Mimi’ll kill me.’

  We stood there squirming, not daring to look at each other, until, just when thought I couldn’t bear it any longer, we heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and someone said, ‘Dixie, how nice to see you. And Otto, what a pleasant surprise.’

  It was Frost, and the sarcasm in his voice could have blistered the polish on the furniture out there.

  I heard a gasp of surprise and confused noises.

  ‘Frost!’ Dixie gave a hiccup. ‘What are you doing here? I wasn’t expecting you back till this afternoon.’

  ‘Evidently.’ Frost’s voice was as dry as dust.

  ‘I’ll see you then, Dix.’ It must have been Otto speaking. His voice was deep, with a purr in it. It was beautiful, like velvet, but I was catching Tia’s feelings off her, and beginning to hate him too.

  ‘Otto, darling, don’t go. Please.’ Dixie sounded pleading, like a child, and I suddenly thought of Tia and the way she always tried to hold me back when I wanted to leave Paradise End.

  ‘I’m sure Otto is very busy. We mustn’t keep him,’ Frost said, and a moment later the front door shut loudly, a car door slammed, the engine roared into life and through the window I saw the sports car drive off much too fast towards the gates, leaving deep skid marks in the gravel of the drive.

  The noise of the car had drowned out whatever was happening in the hall, but as the engine sound died away, Dixie’s voice changed. The slur in it had gone. It was loud and clear now, and very angry.

  ‘I simply won’t put up with this, Frost. You have absolutely no right to preach to me. I need Otto. He adores me. I adore him. Just because you’re such a bloody cold fish yourself—’

  Mr Braithwaite interrupted her. His voice was too low for us to hear what he said, but a moment later Dixie’s voice, full of bitterness, cried out, ‘Poor little Anastasia! That’s all you ever say! What about poor little Dixie, for a change?’

  I glanced at Tia. The shut look had come down over her face. She was staring up at one of the pictures on the wall, a portrait of a woman in a scarlet dress, as if she’d never clapped eyes on it before.

  The murmurs went on outside, too low for us to hear.

  ‘Where is Tia anyway?’ Dixie said at last. ‘She’s usually hanging around somewhere down here.’

  The handle of the dining-room door, which I’d thought I’d shut behind me, must have only half caught, because it suddenly clicked, and the door swung open a few inches. Tia grabbed my arm, and her fingers bit into it. I could tell she was really terrified of being discovered. Her nervousness spread to me and my heart began to race. The longer we stayed there in the dining room, listening to Frost and Dixie, the less possible it would be to open the door and go out and face them. And if they came into the dining room and found us there, it would be so awful, so humiliating, that I’d have to run away at once and never show my face near Paradise End again.

  The worst was still to come though.

  ‘Anastasia’s in her room, I suppose,’ Frost said, and we could hear every word clearly now. ‘Her friend’s here.’

  ‘What friend? I keep telling you, she doesn’t have any friends.’ Dixie sound irritated.

  ‘You mean you haven’t met her?’ I could practically see the disapproving frown settling on Frost’s face. ‘Skinny child. Spiky black hair. Says her name’s Carly. Wherever did you pick her up?’

  I wanted to shout, Hey, that’s me you’re talking about if you don’t mind. I didn’t, of course. I just stood there and listened.

  ‘Oh her,’ Dixie was saying. ‘She’s a friend of Margaret Marchmont’s daughter.’

  ‘I very much doubt if either Margaret Marchmont or her daughter have ever set eyes on Carly,’ Frost said, his voice as dry as dust. ‘Dixie, how could you be so careless? You know how vulnerable Anastasia is. She’s such a little innocent. Open to all kinds of exploitation. We’ve talked about this. She needs protection. Security. You said you’d sort something out for her here for when Hollins is away.’

  ‘Tia’s a bloody little liar then! She told me this girl, whatever her name is, was a friend of Camilla’s.’ Dixie sounded helpless. ‘What do you expect me to do? Check up on every whopper she feeds me? You’ve no idea, Frost, no idea at all, what teenage girls can be like. Secretive, sly—’

  ‘Carly lives just down the road, on the housing estate,’ Frost said, cutting across her.

  ‘What? Who is she then? How on earth did she manage to wheedle her way in here?’

  For two pins I’d have marched out then and there and told them both what I thought of them. I was so angry and upset I could feel myself tremble all over. Tia must have read my mind, because she caught hold of my arm again, and her eyes, looking enormous in her pale face, were begging me not to do anything.

  ‘As it happens, it could be worse,’ Frost said. ‘There’s nothing particularly sinister about her. I had Hollins check things out. The father’s a policeman. The mother’s a teacher. Not one of us, but perfectly respectable.’

  ‘Where does Hollins get his information from?’ Dixie said, sounding more curious now than angry.

  ‘I don’t ask,’ said Frost. ‘I pay him a small fortune to get on with it. The point is, Dixie, that Carly McQuarrie can’t be a suitable friend for Anastasia. Why you haven’t seen fit to provide her with better company, I really don’t understand.’

  ‘But what can I do?’ Dixie’s voice came out as a wail. ‘She hates the girls at her school. She’s cripplingly shy. She refuses absolutely to chum up with any of my friends’ children.’

  Frost cleared his throat.

  ‘Well,’ he said, as if he was losing interest in the subject. ‘I suppose in the end no harm’s done. I took a look at the girl myself just now.’ My fists balled at the sound of the condescension in his voice. ‘I rather liked her, as a matter of fact. She’s a bit of a character. Might do Anastasia good. As least she’ll keep her occupied at the weekends, and the fact that her father’s a policeman could be useful.’

  Dixie gave a little laugh.

  ‘Frost, you can’t be serious! Tia and a policeman’s daughter!’

  ‘Then sort her social life out yourself! Really, Dixie, you are the most useless parent. You neglect Anastasia disgracefully. How can you possibly stay out all night and come home in this disgusting state,
leaving her all alone?’ He paused, and when he spoke again, his voice was lower. ‘Don’t you remember what it was like? And there were two of us.’

  There was a short silence. Tia was staring at me now, her eyes so anguished I could hardly bear to look back, but somehow I couldn’t look away either.

  ‘Frost, don’t be cross with me,’ Dixie said, her voice like a little girl’s. ‘You know I can’t bear it when people are cross with me.’

  ‘Oh, go and drink some coffee and clean yourself up,’ Frost said, exasperated. ‘You look like a tramp. And don’t go to bed yet either. I’ve asked Graziella to do lunch at half-past twelve. Proper lunch, in the dining room. The least you can do is pretend to look like a mother for a couple of hours, before Hollins takes the poor child back to school.’

  ‘I suppose you want me to be charming to her ghastly little friend too.’ Dixie had dropped her babyish voice and sounded resentful. ‘I hope you’re right about her, darling brother. Those sort of people become frightful bores if you encourage them. You can never shake them off.’

  I turned away from Tia and looked out of the window in case she saw the tears of rage that had spurted without warning into my eyes.

  ‘Oh, I don’t think you need worry about that.’ I could hear that Frost was walking away from us, back towards the door of the library. ‘These childhood friendships seldom last. Take my advice and let it run its course. As a matter of fact, I think we’ve struck lucky with Carly McQuarrie. There’s something rather impressive about her.’

  The library door shut. Dixie’s uneven footsteps clattered away up the stairs and Tia and I were left standing in silence, in the emptiness of that huge red room.

  ‘I’ll quite understand,’ Tia said in a high little voice. ‘I know you’ll want to go now, and you won’t ever come back. I’m sorry, Carly. I’m just – terribly, terribly sorry.’

  12

  If Tia hadn’t said she was sorry the way she did say it, I think I would have walked right out of Paradise End then and there. I was so angry and humiliated I wanted to do something horrible – vandalize the place, slash the faces in the portraits with a Stanley knife, or pick up one of the big silver candlesticks on the sideboard and smash the china parrots above the fireplace with it. But then I saw the look on Tia’s face, and I knew at once just how she was feeling.

  It was exactly the same as I’d felt, after that horrible teatime at home, only worse, probably, because of all the stuff Frost and Dixie had said about me.

  I think it was at that very moment that Tia and I became best friends.

  I don’t know about you, but when I start going round with someone, nothing much happens for a while and then I realize I’ve got to make a decision. It’s happened to me before, but it was never as important as it was with Tia. I suppose it’s like that for everyone. You meet a new person, find out what they’re like, and have a few laughs. You’re curious and friendly, testing out what you’ve got in common, which bits of you are strong and which are weak, whether you can trust that person or not, and then – bang – it’s decision time. Is this person going to be my friend, my best friend, a really important person in my life? Because if so, there are things you have to be ready for, like always listening, and being loyal, and not telling secrets. It means being ready to sort things out if you disagree. Sticking by them through thick and thin. Standing up for your friend to other people.

  Don’t ask me why Tia and I chose each other as best friends. I mean, how different could two people be? But we did. As I said, in my mind, it fused together there and then, in that grand, red-walled dining room. Up to then, if I’m truthful, I think I’d mostly wanted to be friends with Tia so that I’d be allowed inside Paradise End. But after that it was different. I’d have been her friend wherever she’d lived.

  I said, ‘Weird, isn’t it? Your family think I’m some horrible lowlife the cat brought in and, quite honestly, as far as my family’s concerned, you could be an alien from outer space. But we’re going to be best friends, aren’t we?’

  For the first time since I’d known Tia she looked really, truly happy. She grinned, and then the smile faded a bit and a look came into her eyes, scared but determined, a look I hadn’t seen before.

  ‘Yes!’ she said. ‘Yes, we are!’

  We went up to Tia’s room after that. It looked different to me this time. I’d felt almost like a tourist before, being allowed a glimpse of the private rooms in a stately home. Now I was in my best friend’s bedroom. I belonged there.

  I plonked myself down on the sofa. I badly wanted to ask Tia all kinds of things about Dixie and Frost, but I knew I had to be careful. If I let myself think too much about what they’d said about me, I’d only get angry again, and Tia would feel awful.

  ‘Go on about your uncle then,’ I said. ‘Has he got any kids of his own?’

  I reckoned that was neutral enough. Tia couldn’t take fright at straightforward questions like that.

  She shook her head.

  ‘He was married once, but it didn’t last. He was divorced ages ago. His wife went off with a nightclub owner. They didn’t have any children.’

  ‘Is that why he went all kind of cold?’

  ‘No. He’s always been like that. He must have been, or he wouldn’t have got his nickname. I know this sounds horrible, but I sometimes think he’s like the boy in the fairy story with a block of ice instead of a heart. He’s not a bad person though. He tries to be normal. He’s sweet to me, in a funny, chilly way. But I wouldn’t say he was fond of me, or loves me, or anything. I don’t think he can.’

  I was wriggling my toes as I listened, totally fascinated.

  ‘You know what though?’ she went on. ‘The weird thing is that the only person he really, truly cares about is Mimi.’

  ‘That can’t be right. He was having a proper go at her just now.’

  ‘I know. It’s like he hates her sometimes. But they’re tied to each other. I can’t explain it. Maybe it’s a twins thing.’

  ‘What about your mother? Does she feel the same?’

  ‘Oh, Mimi! Honestly, Carly, I’ve given up trying to understand her. I know she’s my mother, and I’m supposed to love her and everything, but. . .’ She looked down and started fiddling with her watch strap. ‘It was different when I was little. It was OK sometimes. I can remember some nice things we did. She used to love dressing me up and showing me off. The trouble is, that’s all she still wants to do. Dress me up as if I was still a baby. Sometimes I think that all I am is her designer accessory, and she can’t bear the thought of me growing up. She still chooses every single thing I wear. If I say what I want, or try to do anything of my own, she puts me down. All the time. It’s as if she can only see the outside of me. She’s not interested in who I really am at all. You’ve no idea, Carly. You can’t imagine how . . .’

  She stopped and jumped up.

  ‘Let’s forget about them,’ she said. ‘It’s all too depressing. Look, I’ve done some more work on your dress design. What do you think? Let’s see if we can get Graziella to measure you up after lunch.’

  Half an hour later, a rhythmic booming sound brought my head up with a jerk. Tia grinned at me.

  ‘It’s only the gong,’ she said. ‘Lunch is ready.’

  I had butterflies in my stomach, great big, fluttering ones, as I followed her down the stairs. I’d been able to drive Dixie’s words out of my head while I’d been upstairs with Tia, but now that I was actually going to face her, the things she’d said were running round in my mind like angry rats locked up in a cage.

  Her ghastly little friend, Dixie had called me. Those sort of people become frightful bores.

  How am I going to face her? I thought. What am I going to say?

  The dining room looked different now that the table was set. Four places had been laid at the long table, all up at one end, two on each side, facing each other. Beautiful china plates were set out, with smaller ones at the side, and there were several glasses beside each
place, and what seemed to be dozens of knives and forks.

  Frost was there already, helping himself to a piece of pink fish and some vegetables from big dishes on the sideboard.

  ‘Ah, Tia, Carly’ he said. ‘Splendid. Come and have some salmon. It looks rather delicious, don’t you think? No point in waiting for Dixie. She’s a little tired this morning. Seems to have had rather a late night. She’ll be down shortly, no doubt.’

  Tia and I glanced at each other, then quickly looked away. In spite of the anger I’d felt before, I had a sudden wild desire to giggle.

  I followed Tia to the sideboard (which was at least three times longer than our kitchen table at home) and helped myself to a little piece of salmon, baby new potatoes and long, thin beans. I’m not that keen on fish, actually, but I didn’t dare say so. I had a sudden whiff in my nostrils of the bangers and mash that Mum always does on Sundays, and for a moment I wished I was at home, but it didn’t last. I had to concentrate on what I was doing.

  I sat down next to Tia, opposite Frost, and looked down at the knives and forks set out beside my plate. There seemed to be dozens of them, all in different shapes and sizes.

  I knew he was watching me, and I couldn’t help looking at him.

  ‘There’s an easy rule with cutlery,’ he said. ‘You start with the ones on the outside and work your way in.’

  Thanks a lot, I thought indignantly. I can work it out for myself. To my disgust I saw that he was looking amused. I frowned back at him and he nodded, this time almost with respect. I had the same feeling I used to have watching the boys in the playground, circling round each other, not knowing if there was going to be a fight or not.

  I could smell a wave of Dixie’s heavy perfume even before she appeared at the door of the dining room. She’d changed into pale trousers and a linen shirt, and, except for the dark rings under her eyes, looked as if she’d been arranging flowers or something all morning.

  ‘Darling!’ she said, swooping on Tia and kissing her cheek. ‘What a hopeless mother I am. Are you terribly cross with me?’