“Actually, I love walking in the rain,” I confess with a devilish grin.
He stops and stares at me. “These tidbits of information would’ve been helpful to know before I agreed to marry you,” he teases. “What else am I going to uncover that I’d wish I’d known about earlier?”
“That I have a soft spot for Tom Hanks?” I offer. He bows his head in defeat. “I think that’s it. Sorry if I’ve shattered your perception of me,” I add with a laugh.
“You’re lucky you have so many other redeeming features,” he grumbles.
We reach the apartment complex and slow down. I stare up at the sky and smile. He watches me for a moment, before he speaks.
“You almost look sad,” he comments.
“I’m just thinking,” I brush away his observation, because I don’t want to ruin a perfect evening with my feelings of uncertainty. “Shall we go upstairs?”
“Sure,” he agrees. “Come on, wife.”
I squeeze his hand. “Okay, husband.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Hudson
“So, how does it feel?” I ask as we step out of the elevator and walk across the floor to our apartment. “You’re a kept woman now.”
“Oh, really?” Valentina arches her eyebrows as she stares me down. “I didn’t realize marrying you meant that you own me.”
I’m so turned on at the thought of her being my wife. I’ve only got one thing on my mind right now, and that’s taking her home and exploring every part of her. Fuck everything else; she’s the only thing I care about at the moment.
“You’re not turned on by the thought of me owning you?” I ponder that thought for a moment. “I thought all women were into that shit.”
She unlocks the door to our apartment, but I put my hand out to stop her before she can walk inside.
“What?”
I step forward in response, scooping her into my arms. She squeals, wrapping her arms around my neck as I carry her inside, my lips engulfing hers in a passionate kiss.
“It’s bad luck if I don’t lift you over the threshold,” I explain as I set her on the edge of the kitchen counter.
“I didn't realize you were so superstitious.”
I shrug. “Some might call it superstitious.” She shivers as my hands slide along her thighs, hitching up her dress. “I prefer to call myself a romantic.”
“I guess you are a romantic,” she murmurs, her eyes twinkling.
She leans down and kisses me, then her eyes dart to the still open door.
“We really should close that.”
“Why?” I tease. “Are you afraid of giving your neighbors a show?”
“Our neighbors, you mean,” she teases. “You're my husband now. Remember?”
“I remember,” I croon, caressing her cheek. “How does it feel now that you’re a married woman?”
“Weird,” she admits. “But a good weird.”
“There’s such a thing?” I chuckle.
Good weird. I like that.
I know what she means, though. Just the idea that I have a wife, even given the circumstances, is pretty crazy. I never thought I’d get married and have a kid this young. Yet here I am, halfway there, and I’m damn happy about it.
“You know now that you're my wife, there are certain duties that you’re expected to fulfill,” I point out, trailing my finger down her cleavage.
Her mouth drops open, her dark eyes sparkling as she stares at me.
“You better be kidding me.” She laughs.
“Well, I wasn’t, but I guess now I am,” I concede. “So that's a definite no? I mean, you haven't even heard what I'm proposing—”
“The way you’re going, it’ll be a no every single time you propose anything to me,” she threatens, her lips lifting into a grin.
“Maybe I can make it up to you,” I offer.
She squeals as I peel off her dress and then rip off my pants. My cock stiffens as I guide her back, until she’s lying flat against the counter. She gasps, her back arching off the marble surface, her eyes wide.
“Holy shit that’s cold,” she whispers.
“I’ll take your mind off it,” I promise.
My hands resting on her knees, I push them apart and bury my face between her thighs. She lets out a moan as I slide my tongue over her entrance, her hands combing through my hair. She clutches hold my head, while I slide the tip of my tongue around her clit, teasing her until she begs me to stop.
Grabbing her legs, I slide her to the edge of the counter, lining her up with my cock. I grunt as I enter her, my length slicing through her tightness, back and forth, each thrust bringing more speed. Her pussy contracts around me, every thrust even better than the last. My whole body aches, and I’m so close to exploding that all it takes is one final push and I’m over the edge.
“God, yes,” I hiss as my orgasm rips through me.
I jerk forward, my cock throbbing as I fill her. She groans as she grips onto the edge of the counter, her legs clinched around my waist as she arches her back. And then she gasps, squeezing her thighs together as she comes while I’m inside her. My thrusts slow, until I can’t handle the sensation of being inside her anymore. I pull out of her and then place her arms around my neck. She peppers kisses over my face as I lift her into my arms.
“Now I’ll close the door.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Valentina
“Valentina, there’s no easy way to tell you this…”
It’s exactly one week after our wedding and I’m sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting for her to finish the sentence that I know is going to ruin my life. When I woke up this morning there was a message on my phone from the clinic. I didn’t think that was all that strange or unusual that they wanted to see me. I just assumed she wanted to check up on my ovulation again.
I never expected there to be a real problem.
My heart pounds as I wait for her to finish. Who starts a sentence like that and pauses anyway? Never mind the fact that I’m racing through the worst-case scenarios over here.
“Well?” I prompt. “What is it?”
“I got the results for the scan you had. There’s no easy way to say this, but I noticed something significant.”
“What does that even mean?” I ask. “What did you find?”
“Your fallopian tubes are damaged,” she explains. “I believe it’s making it impossible for your eggs to pass through.”
“They’re both damaged?” I repeat. My throat constricts. “What kind of damage? Can it be fixed?”
“I suspect it was caused from a small cyst bursting.”
“In both tubes?” I’m struggling to get my head around that even being possible.
She nods. “It’s unusual, but it’s not unheard of. Especially in cases of polycystic ovary syndrome.”
“So, where do we go from here?” I’m waiting for her to give me some plan of attack. Sure, damaged tubes can make things more difficult, but surely there’s something that can be done. “More tests? Is there a chance the scan got it wrong?”
“We’ll do another scan to confirm—”
“What’s the worst-case scenario here?” I cut in. I don’t want to wait for more tests to come back. I want to know right now whether I can have kids, so I can prepare myself.
“Miracles happen all the time—”
“I’m not talking about miracles,” I snap. “I want you to tell me straight up is there even the tiniest chance I can fall pregnant naturally?”
“The chances of you falling pregnant, even with assistance, are extremely low,” Doctor Meadows admits softly. “I’m sorry, Valentina. I know this must be hard to hear, but there are other options. You could look into surrogacy or adoption…”
She keeps talking, but I don’t hear what she’s saying.
All I can do is sit there and try to get my head around the fact I’m never going to be a mother. I’ll never know the feeling of carrying a child inside me. It’s something tha
t so many women take for granted—I was one of them.
And now it’s been ripped away from me.
Getting to my feet, I turn around and walk out. Doctor Meadows calls after me, but I don’t care. Nothing she can say will make me feel better. When I reach the waiting room, I break into a run, my eyes fixated on the door. I never expected this. Not in a million years. Even when I had all the doubts in the world, I never actually thought something could be seriously wrong with me. I thought all that worry was for nothing. I feel numb, almost like I don't believe it. Or I don’t want to believe it.
I can't have kids.
Ever.
Another wave of nausea hits me.
How am I going to tell Hudson?
The worst thing is, I know how much he wants children. Forget the money. I know that children are something he wants. It’s something that we both wanted.
How do I tell him that I will never be able to give him that?
***
It’s late when I get back to my apartment. I took the long way home, stopping at Forsyth Park, where I used to spend a lot of time when I was a kid. I wandered around for hours, trying to get my head around what’s happening, but it didn’t help. There is no making sense of this. I’m angry, frustrated, and feeling a million other emotions I can’t even decipher right now.
How many more times can life fuck me over?
It’s not enough that I lose my mother, or that my father betrays me. Now I have to deal with this? It’s not fair.
The elevator doors open and I step out, my legs like jelly. I stare at my door for what feels like ages, but I can’t bring myself to go inside, because that will mean facing Hudson. I’m not sure I’ll ever feel ready to tell him about this.
My back against the wall, I slide down, until I’m sitting, my knees tucked up against my stomach. A single tear rolls down my cheek, followed by another, until my eyes are sore from crying.
Maybe this is punishment.
I was prepared to have a child to inherit my grandmother's fortune, and now any chance of conceiving has been taken away from me. I know it's not rational to really think that, but I can't stop the thoughts from churning in my head.
I feel like it’s all my fault.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Hudson
“Sorry, I haven’t seen him since yesterday.”
“Okay, thanks,” I say to Holly. “Tell me if you do see her though, okay?”
I pace the living room, tapping my finger against my phone. I try V again, but just like the last dozen times I’ve tried calling her, it’s turned off. Nobody has seen or heard from her all day. At first I figured her phone had just gone flat, but when I got home from work and she wasn’t there, I started to worry.
I grab my keys and head for the door. I can’t sit here, waiting for her to show up, so I decide to go looking for her.
I don’t expect to find her right outside the apartment door.
“Valentina, what’s wrong?”
Her eyes are red and swollen, like she’s been crying for hours. She gets to her feet and smiles at me as she brushes the tears away.
“Nothing, I’m fine, really. I just…”
Her voice trails off as she breaks down into a fresh wave of tears. I immediately think the worst, that maybe it’s her grandmother or father, but when I try to comfort her, she pushes past me and walks inside. I follow her, at a loss at what to do.
“Talk to me, V,” I plead, trying again.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” She can’t even look me in the eye when she says it. “I told you, I’m fine.”
“Because sitting outside your apartment is normal behavior for you?” I scoff.
This is bullshit. Why won’t she just talk to me?
“V?” I prompt, following her over to the couch.
“It’s nothing,” she assures me. “Please, Hudson, leave it alone. I’m just hormonal.”
“Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”
I’m only trying to lighten the mood, but my words seem to cut through her. Then out of nowhere, she scrambles to her feet and rushes into the kitchen, muttering something about getting dinner ready.
“Who cares about dinner?” I ask, confused and frustrated.
She stands in front of the sink, her head bowed. Her shoulders begin to shake uncontrollably, making it obvious she’s crying. I go over to her and wrap my arms around her waist. She tenses, but at least she’s not pushing me away. I have no idea what’s going on or how to help her, but I’m not about to accept that nothing is wrong.
“Valentina?” I spin her around. “Please talk to me. You’re freaking me out. Did something happen?”
“Yes… No,” she whispers.
“What is it?” I press.
I’m getting anxious now. Whatever it is, she doesn’t want to tell me.
“The doctor called, asking to see me.”
“Today?” I ask, surprised this is the first I’m hearing about it. “What did she want?”
“She left a message this morning. I thought it was just a routine thing and you’d already gone to work, so I went in there and…”
She starts crying again. I wrap my arms around her, trying to calm her down. My heart thumps in my chest. I’m desperate to find out what’s going on, but at the same time, part of me wants to remain oblivious, because I know it must be bad. She wouldn’t be this upset if it were good news. Lifting her face to mine, I force her to look at me.
“Tell me what she said,” I beg her.
“I can’t have kids.” She blurts it out so abruptly that I’m sure I must have heard her wrong.
Questions whirl around in my head, but I can’t get the words into coherent sentences. This changes nothing, but it changes everything. My body feels numb as I try to process it. I can’t even begin to imagine how she’s feeling.
My shock gives way to anguish that I wasn’t there for her. She had to sit there, alone, and hear she can’t have kids. No wonder she’s falling apart. How long was she sitting outside for? Where has she been all afternoon? Why didn’t she tell me right away?
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, choking out the words. “I should have been there with you. Or at least been there for you after.”
“It wouldn’t have changed what she said,” she whispers, giving me a sad smile.
“I know, but…” I stop. This is a lot for me to get my head around. “What exactly did she say? Do we have options, like IVF, or is there some other treatment…”
My voice trails off, because she’s not hearing me. She stares down at the floor, her hands fidgeting, like she’s in shock.
“Valentina?” I prod softly.
“She told me that both of my fallopian tubes are damaged.” Her voice cracks. “There's no way I can ever get pregnant. Even with assistance it's not going to happen.”
“So, just like that we can’t have kids?” I ask.
“No.” Her tone is like ice. “Just like that I can’t have kids.”
She pushes away from me and paces the kitchen, the anguish in her eyes killing me. I step in front of her and put my hand out to touch her, but she shrugs me off.
“Valentina, talk to me,” I beg, my voice rising. “What are you trying to say?”
All I want are answers, but I feel like I’m getting nowhere.
“Nothing,” she snaps, her eyes flashing, like she’s angry at me. “For God’s sake, just leave me alone, Hudson.”
She wipes away tears and then forces herself to look at me. Her eyes are void of emotion, like I could be anyone standing here talking to her. A stranger even.
“What?” I laugh, because she’s not making sense. Why would I leave her alone at a time like this? “We need to talk about this—”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she mutters, her tone cold.
“How can you say that?” I sputter. “Why won’t you let me support you?”
“Because I don't need your support,” she growls. “What I need is fo
r you to leave me alone.”
I stare at her, bewildered. This isn’t just about her. This affects me just as much. It’s my life too.
“You don't mean that,” I say.
“You don't know what I mean,” she retorts, stepping away from me.
I stare at her, not sure what to believe. I’ve never heard her sound so cold. As much as I want to believe this is just the shock talking, I’m becoming less and less sure of that.
“Valentina—"
“The only reason we got married was to get my grandmother's inheritance,” she cuts in. “That's not going to happen now, which means there's no real reason keeping us together anymore, is there? We can stop this charade and get on with our lives.”
She gives me a cold look, and I search her eyes, looking for any sign that she doesn't mean the words she’s saying, but there's nothing there.
Maybe she really does want out of this.
I turn around and lean against the sink, my heart pounding. I feel like my world is crashing down around me, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. It’s not even the fact that she can't have kids that gets to me. Sure, that's a blow, but that's something we could work through.
What we can't work through is her lack of feelings for me. If she doesn’t love me, then I’ve got nothing to fight this with. The last thing I want to believe is that this was all about the money, but she's not giving me much hope to cling to.
“Valentina, please,” I say my, voice cracking.
“Hudson, just leave,” she begs me. “Go. Why can’t you get t through your head that I don’t want you here?”
She doesn’t want me here.
“Go,” she whispers.
She looks me dead in the eye until I nod.
I turn around and walk out, not looking back.
***
I lay back against the hard floor of my trailer and stare at the ceiling. I gave up my apartment not long after I moved in with Valentina. Aside from my truck, the trailer is it. Holly’s place isn’t an option, because I can't deal with the questions. I can't deal with anything right now.
In my head, I go over every moment we’ve shared over the last few weeks. I can’t work out where it went wrong, but I’m so fucking confused. At what point did I fall in love with her? I thought she felt it too, but she made it clear that all this time it’s been about the money. But if I believe that she was pretending, then what do I have left? I feel like everything that gave my life meaning has been ripped away from me.
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