How could I have been so wrong about everything?
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Valentina
“Hello?” I mumble.
“V? What’s going on. Hudson is a mess.”
Holly.
I knew I should’ve checked the caller ID.
I pace the kitchen, eating an old candy cane that I found leftover from Christmas, then I sit at the table, resting my head against the surface. It’s the next morning, and after a sleepless night without Hudson, I’m feeling worse than I did yesterday. As much as I hated pushing him away like that, I know it was the right thing to do. He deserves more than I can give him. One day, he’ll realize that, but how do I explain that to Holly without her trying to convince me I’ve made a mistake?
“V? Are you there?”
“Mph,” I mutter, my mouth full of crushed up sugar. I lift my head and force myself to reply. If I don’t, she’ll probably come over to check on me. “Sorry. I’m here.”
“So?”
I hesitate, not sure I can speak without falling into another flood of tears. I feel like I haven’t stopped crying since I left the clinic yesterday morning. Learning I’d never be a mother was one blow, but making Hudson walk away from me was worse.
“V? Talk to me.”
Holly’s voice jolts me out of my thoughts. I chomp down on the candy cane and swallow another mouthful of sugar. But even that isn’t helping much. Nothing is.
“There’s nothing to tell,” I mutter, not sure how much Hudson has told her. “Hudson and I are over. He left.”
“He left, or you asked him to leave?” she questions.
“Does it matter?”
“It matters if he left because he thinks that’s what you wanted.”
“Did he tell you that?” I ask, part of me hoping he did.
“No, but he loves you, V. I can tell that much.”
I rub the back of my neck. All talking about this is doing is making me feel worse. I’ve already wasted enough of today moping around. There’s so much I still need to do, like send Hudson’s things back to him and speak to my lawyers. We’d have to have grounds for an annulment, given the circumstances, and there’s no point letting this drag on any longer. I stand up and head to my room. I’m not even dressed yet.
“I’m sorry, Holly. I have to go—”
“No, I’m, not letting you off that easily,” she argues. “Meet me for lunch, or I’m coming over there right now, and I’ll keep hounding you till you talk to me.”
“Fine,” I growl, annoyed by her persistence. She’s so obviously Hudson’s sister. “I’ll meet you, okay?”
“Good.” She seems satisfied. “There’s a cute little café not far from my place. I’ll text you the details.”
I toss my phone onto my unmade bed and then drag myself into the shower. While I’m getting ready, I make a mental list of things I want to get done today. The last thing I feel like doing is going anywhere, but I know getting out of my apartment will probably do me good.
After I’ve showered, I rummage through my closet looking for something to wear. I settle on a gray skirt and a cream top, because the dull colors reflect my mood. I sit on my bed and look around. Maybe while I’m at lunch with Holly, Hudson can come over and collect his things. Having his things around me makes it that much harder for me to move on.
Just before I leave, I send an email to my lawyer, asking for an appointment so I can sort things out with Hudson. They reply right away with a time for this afternoon. My stomach churns as I hit the reply button. This afternoon? That’s way too soon. I was thinking more like next week.
So that I have time to talk myself out of it?
The sooner I do this, the better.
I accept the appointment and then grab my purse and keys, my mind on Hudson as I travel down to the garage. I can’t bring myself to text him about the appointment with my lawyers. I haven’t heard from him since last night. I think part of me was hoping that he’d fight for us, and then when he didn’t, it was like all my worries were confirmed. When he walked out that door, I felt like I was right. I threw him a lifeline and he took it, no questions asked.
He didn't even try to change my mind, not really. Sure, he said all the things you’d expect someone to say in that situation, but I could tell there was no love behind his words. He wanted an out, and I gave him one—it’s that simple. Deep down, I know I did the right thing.
Even though it hurts like hell.
***
“Valentina, what's going on in that head of yours?”
I stare down at my barely touched lunch and then look up at Holly. I’ve barely said a word to her the whole time we’ve been sitting here, mainly because I’ve been too busy stressing over this meeting with my lawyers. In a few hours, it will be like the last month never happened.
“Well?” she asks, reaching across the table for my hand. “Are you going to tell me what happened with you guys? Did you have a fight?”
“He didn’t tell you?” I eye her skeptically. I find it hard to believe that she wasn’t the first person he’d told. Why else would she have called me?
“No. He said you guys had a falling out, but he wouldn’t tell me what actually happened. You guys seemed so happy.”
“Yeah, well things change.” I sit back in my chair and sigh. She’s going to find out eventually, I guess. It might as well be from me. “I got some bad news from the specialist.”
“What kind of bad news?” she asks, looking concerned.
“I can’t have kids.”
Even a day later when it’s had time to sink in, it still feels surreal. I feel like I’m looking into my life from the outside, like this is happening to someone else.
“Oh, V. I’m so sorry,” she whispers, her pity-filled eyes making me feel sick to my stomach.
“Both my fallopian tubes are damaged.” I shrug, like it’s no big deal, even though it’s tearing me apart. “It is what it is.”
“So, what really happened between you and Hudson?” She studies my face. “I know my brother. He’d want to support you through this. He wouldn’t just leave, unless you wanted him to.”
“We were only together to get the inheritance.” I blink back tears, refusing to let myself break down in front of Holly. “There was no point pretending—"
“But you weren’t pretending,” Holly argues, her eyes pleading with me. “Neither was he. Hudson doesn't care about the money. He cares about you.”
“I know that,” It’s the first time I’ve admitted out loud that I know his feelings for me are genuine. “That’s the whole reason why I had to let him go. I can’t give him kids, Holly,” I whisper. “How could he be happy with me when I can’t give him the one thing he wants?”
“Except you’re that one thing he can’t live without, V.”
Her words rip through me. Could she be right?
“Don't try to tell me you're okay,” she chastises. “Look at you. You're a mess.”
“I’m fine.” We both know I’m not.
“You haven't even eaten,” Holly points out, nodding to my plate.
I shrug and stare down at my sandwich; the thought of putting food in my stomach makes me feel sick. I’m not even sure why I ordered anything. I glance at my phone, remembering the appointment. I haven’t even told Hudson about it yet. Maybe I’m leaving that until the last minute because I’m hoping he can’t make it.
“Maybe if you guys sit down and talk it through—”
“Talk what through?” I shake my head, because our conversation keeps going in circles. We’re over. Why can’t she just accept that I did what I thought was best, and let me move on? “There's nothing left to say. We had a mutual interest, and that's been taken away.”
“But you love each other,” Holly declares. “Isn’t that enough?”
I shake my head sadly. “No. It’s not.”
“Bullshit. God, V, you frustrate the hell out of me sometimes.” She lets out a growl and gets to her feet
and nods toward the bathroom sign. “I’ll be back. Maybe while I’m gone you can think about why you’re so intent on ruining what might be your only chance at happiness.”
I take a deep breath, grateful for the few minutes alone I’ve been given. I love Holly, but all the questions about Hudson are starting to get to me.
Grabbing my phone, I take the opportunity to text him about the appointment with the lawyer. I’ve barely put the phone down on the table when his reply buzzes through. Well, he sure didn't need much time to digest it.
Hudson: Okay. I’ll be there.
I read it over and over. So short and to the point. No begging me to reconsider or telling me it’s too soon. Depressed, I wave down a waiter, an overwhelming urge to binge on something sweet. I think I’ve earned a free pass to eat my feelings, preferably in the form of chocolate.
“We have fresh chocolate cake,” he suggests when I ask for a dessert menu. “Trust me, it's delicious. Nothing else comes close.”
“Perfect.” I nod, waving him away.
By the time Holly gets back from the bathroom, I’m halfway through stuffing my face with chocolaty goodness. The dude wasn’t lying; it’s the best chocolate cake I’ve had in my life. Too bad I’ll forever associate it with having a broken heart.
Holly sinks into her seat and shakes her head, bewildered.
“What?” I dig the spoon in again, avoiding eye contact. “I’m allowed to eat my feelings. And before you say anything, I’m depressed I can’t have kids, not about Hudson.”
“Oh my god, you are so freaking stubborn!” Holly practically shouts. “Whatever, V. You want to ruin your life, go right ahead.” She glances at her phone and curses. “I have to go. I’m supposed to be meeting a new client at two. Call me if you need anything, okay?” She gets to her feet and leans over to me, kissing me on the forehead. “I love you, V.”
I shovel the last of the cake into my mouth, mainly to avoid replying, I’m glad someone does.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Hudson
“Fuck,” I hiss.
I weave through the crowd exiting the building as I’m trying to enter it. People give me a wide berth, but I don’t care. I’m running late. Today of all days. It’s not all bad, though. Maybe me not turning up on time will keep us married for another day or two.
The number of times I’ve gone over this in my head, the number of times I’ve reached for my phone, only to put it back down. I want to tell her she’s being stupid, that we can work through this, but then I remember this is what she wants. But it’s not what I want.
Not even close.
It takes me forever to find the room where I’m supposed to meet her. Even though I’m already late, I take a few moments to compose myself, because I’m a huffing and puffing mess. If I go in there like this, her lawyers will walk over me. Then again, they’ll probably do that anyway. I have no idea what to expect when I walk in there. Should I have brought my own lawyer? It's not like we have much in the way of assets to split up, since we were only married for a few weeks, so I figure this process will be pretty straight forward.
My heart racing, I put my hand on the door and push it open. Inside, the first person I see is Valentina. She sits at the table, a lawyer on either side, her eyes downcast, but I can tell from the way her body tenses that she’s nervous.
At least it’s a reaction. Even if it’s not the one I wanted. I walk around the huge oval table and sit directly opposite her, doing my best to catch her gaze, but she won't even look in my direction.
As her lawyer speaks, I nod and pretend I understand this, but inside, all their words go over my head, because all I can focus on is her. Nothing makes sense anymore, least of all this. We shouldn't be here. It can't end like this.
“Okay, Valentina, you sign here, stating that you agree to annul this marriage.”
My head snaps up. “Annul?”
It’s one thing to end our marriage, but to pretend it never even happened? That’s even worse. My stomach twists into knots as I watch Valentina snatch the papers from his hand. She scribbles her name without any hesitation, like there's no doubt in her mind she wants to finish this.
“And you, Hudson, sign below where Valentina signed and initial here.”
I reach for the papers as he hands them to me, but my eyes are on her. I stare at her, willing her to say something, anything, but I get nothing. I pick up the pen, my hand shaking as I sign my name wordlessly, and I hand the papers back to her lawyer.
“Okay.” He nods, scanning them. “Now we’ll just make some copies of these, then when I file them with the court, it will be official.”
They both walk out, leaving Valentina and I alone. We both sit there in silence, lost in our own thoughts. It’s like we’re strangers and the last five weeks didn’t happen.
I let out a harsh laugh. Her head whips around, and her dark eyes flash.
“You think this is funny?”
I stand, relishing in the fact that I at least got something out of her. I walk around the table, not stopping until I reach her side. Falling down onto my knees, I take her hands in mine. She resists, but I try again, this time not letting go. She’s crying properly now, the tears rolling freely down her cheeks, but she still refuses to look at me.
“For God’s sake, Valentina. Don't do this,” I’m putting everything on the line, because I know this might be my last chance to convince her that we’re stronger than this. I refuse to let her walk away without a fight.
“Hudson…”
Her voice breaks. I put my hand against her cheek, my heart leaping as she reacts to my touch. Finally, her tear filled eyes meet mine.
“I love you, Valentina.”
My heart sits in my throat as I wait for her response. It’s the first time I’ve told her that I love her, and it kills me that she might not feel the same way. I can barely think straight, I’m so nervous.
“I...” Her voice breaks as she looks down. “Please, Hudson, I—”
“Look me in the eye right and tell me you don’t love me,” I order her. Tears roll silently down her cheeks as her eyes meet mine. “Do it, V,” I plead. “Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll walk out that door. You’ll never have to see me again.”
“Love has nothing to do with it,” she claims, her eyes begging me to understand. “I’m doing this for you—”
“But I don’t want this,” I protest, angry that she’s not letting me decide for myself. “I want you, Valentina. Kids or no kids, I want you.”
“You say that now, but what happens in ten years?” she weeps. “If you woke up one day, resenting me because I couldn’t give you children, I’d never forgive myself.”
“That would never happen.” I speak with certainty, because the thought of me resenting her is impossible to get my head around.
“It would.” Her wet cheeks glisten against the light. “I saw the look in your eyes when you held Alia. I know how much children mean to you—”
“But it means nothing without you,” I cut in, my voice wrought with emotion. I swallow the lump in my throat and force myself to continue. “Don’t you see? My life is meaningless without you. And there are other ways to have children. If it’s meant to happen, it will. You are what I care about, V.”
“You mean that?” she whispers.
I nod and tenderly kiss her hands.
“You’re my now. You’re my future.”
I stand up and pull her into my arms, then I tilt her face up to mine. My lips linger against hers as I savor every second of the kiss.
“I couldn’t handle you hating me,” she mumbles.
“I could never hate you,” I whisper, my voice hoarse. “I love you too much.”
“I love you too.”
I go to kiss her again, but we’re interrupted by the sound of the door opening. V jumps back as her lawyers walk in. They exchange a knowing look. One steps forward and hands the papers to V. She stares at them, then at me.
“It’s n
ot official until we file those,” he explains. “And it just looked like you two were on your way to working things out.”
“Is that why you left us alone?” V asks, confused.
He doesn’t admit it, but his eyes shine.
“You’d be surprised how easy it is to pick out the couples that just need to talk things through. I’m just grateful you two weren’t going at it on the table like the couple whose marriage I was dissolving last month.”
I glance at the table and shudder. Way too much information.
“So, if we tear these up—”
“It’s like you never came in here,” her lawyer finishes.
V looks at me, and I nod. She tears the papers in half, then hands them to me. I sigh as I shred the papers into tiny little pieces and toss them in the trash.
“Let’s go home.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Valentina
“Put me down!”
I squeal as Hudson carries me over his shoulder and into our apartment. I’m on the verge of crying, but for the first time in days, they’re happy tears. He sets me on the kitchen counter and then retrieves the bottle of champagne Gran gave me from the fridge.
“Shall I?” he asks.
I nod. “I guess there’s no point in keeping it.”
He pops open the cork, ducking as it flies halfway across the room. It narrowly misses a three thousand dollar glass vase my grandmother gave me for Christmas last year. He fills two glasses, handing one to me. I take a sip, impressed with how smooth it is.
“I’d forgotten how good expensive champagne tastes,” I confess.
I take another sip, the smooth bubbly liquid slides down my throat. I should really pace myself, because abstaining from alcohol for the last month has turned me into a lightweight. One glass and I’ll be on my back with my legs in the air—which might not be a bad thing.
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