Wanted for Life

by Allison B Hanson

  Hey! I set this account up in case you might read it someday. I have a feeling you’re not dead, so it could happen. If it turns out I’m wrong and you really are gone, then I’d rather just pretend you’re reading this. It might be stupid to hope, but I don’t know how to handle this without hope. I miss you, man. I know I’ve got three other brothers, but none of them are you. Robin’s pregnant again. If it’s a boy we’re naming him after you. Please don’t be dead.

  She heard a sniff and looked over at Colton, expecting him to be laughing at that last remark. But he wasn’t laughing. His eyes were wet, and though the tears hadn’t breeched, it was close.

  “I’ll give you a moment alone,” she said before moving to step away.

  His large arm snaked around her waist and pulled her back, his face pressed against her stomach.

  “The last thing I need is another goddamned moment alone. I’m fucking sick of being alone. Please just…”

  She wrapped her arms around him, allowing her fingers to stroke through his hair in what she hoped was a comforting way. It had been so long since anyone had needed her for anything emotional, she had to think about what to do. It didn’t come naturally anymore. That thought bothered her.

  What had she become? She wasn’t heartless—she felt his pain acutely—but she didn’t know what to say to make it better. And she desperately wanted to make it better for him.

  She wasn’t sure if he’d cried. If he did, it was silent, the way most men did. Instead of releasing her, he pulled her into his lap.

  “Thank you,” he said against her hair.

  “I’m so sorry. I wish there was some way…” There were no words to finish the rest of that sentence.

  If there was some way she could go back in time to that afternoon when he was shot, she would have protected him. She hadn’t even known his name at that point, but she would have done her job to keep him safe.

  She moved to hold him closer, but he turned his head and pressed his lips against hers. It wasn’t soft or brief. It was intense and all consuming, as if he’d been using all his strength to hold it back, and couldn’t keep it contained for another second.

  She felt the same way. She held him close, their kiss going deeper. He moaned as his hands grasped her ass and settled her onto the hard ridge in his jeans.

  Up until now, she’d believed she was capable of keeping things friendly. Yes, she’d been as attracted to him as always, but she’d been in control.

  There was no control now.

  She whimpered when he pulled away far enough to remove her shirt. The small distance between them was too much. The time they’d been apart had been too long.

  Why had she left? At the time, it had made sense, but now— Now she’d do anything in her power to stay with this man.

  They were moving. Actually, he was moving and she was hanging onto him. He’d picked her up and was carrying her down the hall. He only faltered a second as he shouldered open the door to his bedroom.

  They’d slept together before. But this was more than just lust or holding someone to offer comfort. This was everything—all of those feelings and more, combined. This was taking and giving in a frenzy of need. The need to be closer.

  “Angel?”

  “Yes,” she answered his unspoken question, wondering if either of them would have had the strength to stop, even if they’d wanted to.

  But she, for one, had no intention of stopping.

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  Angel was vaguely aware that this wasn’t a good idea. But she didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was being closer to Colton, in every possible way.

  She barely had the patience to get out of her pants. Even as she yanked them off, her need to be with him was intense. It hadn’t been like this before. Time had made her needy.

  She wanted him naked, and it seemed the fastest way to make that happen was to get naked herself. Rather than take the time to undress each other, they went the more efficient route and ripped off their own garments.

  “God.” He swallowed as he paused to look at her. “I thought I’d remembered how beautiful you are. I thought my fantasies were pretty close, but they weren’t this good.”

  She might have said thank you, or she might have told him to stop talking and focus on undressing, but she didn’t get the chance. He was kissing her again, and her thoughts scattered off into pleasure.

  He didn’t play around. No doubt, he could tell how desperate she was. He touched her. His fingers slid inside her, and they both moaned. He continued to stroke her, and while it felt incredible, she wanted more.

  She needed him.

  All of him.

  She let out a whine of frustration, and he chuckled into her open mouth.

  They were on the bed, though she wasn’t quite sure how she’d gotten there… Right, he’d carried her. She was happily dazed. When he reached out to open the drawer of the nightstand, she nearly shouted in joy. She squirmed against the fingers of his other hand in anticipation.

  “Oh, no,” he whispered after a brief pause.

  “Oh, no, what?” She was instantly alert and listening for danger. Even sex couldn’t turn off her instincts entirely.

  “These are expired.”

  Angel took the familiar box from him to study the date herself. Surely, he was reading it wrong. Condoms didn’t expire. At least, not when owned by a man in his sexual prime.

  “Is this the same box you had when we were together last year?” she asked in confusion.

  He shrugged, then nodded. “There were still some left, and I haven’t been with anyone since you.”

  “Seriously?”

  They stared at one another, out of breath.

  “Yeah. I don’t want to have to lie to someone. And I doubt I’d be able to handle someone screaming out the name Duncan without laughing. And since I can’t tell anyone who I really am, I was holding off until I figured it out. They don’t tell you how to deal with these kinds of things when you go into protection.”

  She bit her lip, and confessed, “I haven’t been with anyone since you, either.”

  What did it matter if he knew she hadn’t found anyone she wanted to be with? Or that she still thought of him, and wished she could have stayed.

  “I didn’t ask,” he said with that sexy grin she loved.

  “But you wondered.”

  “A little.” He held up the box as the smile slid from his face. “What do we do about this?”

  She studied the date again and frowned. “They’re only two months out of date. I’m sure there’s a buffer.”

  “You’re sure, or you think there is?” He tilted his head, hope in his eyes.

  “They would have to leave a buffer in case someone didn’t even bother to check the date. They wouldn’t want to get sued.”

  “I’d sure like to be using the condom, rather than talking about it.” He brushed a hand over his hair and winced.

  “Me, too. Let’s just go for it.” She couldn’t believe those words had come out of her mouth. She was always the epitome of safety. She knew a baby would end her career, and normally she wouldn’t ever take that kind of risk.

  But this was Colton.

  And deep down, a part of her knew the odds of getting her career back were slim.

  “And if something happens?” He raised a brow, surprise clear in his eyes.

  “We’ll figure it out.”

  Good grief. She never took this kind of chance with her future. She was always in control of her life—ever since she was twenty-one and gained control of her crazy life, that is.

  It was the reason she’d left Colton a year ago without a word. Because she’d been losing control, and had been far too tempted to stay with him when he’d asked.

  “If this goes bad, I’ll be the one reminding you it was your idea,” he said as he ripped one of the condoms from the strip.

  “Sure, sure. Come on.” She made the hurry up motion then bit his neck in that spot by his ear that ma
de him groan. The sound of the condom wrapper ripping was followed by a delicious pressure as he entered her in one thrust.

  She may not have known it when she was fleeing San Francisco, but this was one of the reasons she’d come here. She’d wanted this feeling again, and only this man would do.

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Colton knew better.

  He knew it was a bad idea to fall for Angel again. She’d nearly destroyed him the last time. He could almost remember that icy feeling in the pit of his stomach when he’d walked out that morning and found Justin on his sofa and Angel gone. No note, no nothing. As if she’d never been there.

  As if she hadn’t left a giant fucking hole in his heart.

  He also knew he was lonely, and wasn’t making the best decisions at the moment. Yes, she was hot, which—again—didn’t help with his decision-making abilities.

  He damn well knew not to pin their future on a condom that had expired two months ago.

  He wanted her, but some control remained. Had he wanted to, he could have stopped. If she’d balked, he could have satisfied her in another way until he could make a run to the drugstore.

  But he didn’t stop, and the reason scared him almost as much as Viktor Kulakov did.

  He couldn’t even put the thought to words. All he knew was, he was going for it. He’d risk the condom because, honestly, it didn’t feel like that much of a risk.

  It wasn’t as if he could compel her to stay, even if they made a kid together. But the idea of having a baby with Angel, well, it didn’t scare the hell out of him, as it should have.

  Surely, this was just his base instincts coming through. The need to procreate was in every man’s genes. It wasn’t that he was desperate to tie himself to this particular woman. This woman who refused to get attached to anyone. This woman who had been broken and alone for so long he didn’t know if he would ever be able to put all her pieces together again.

  But she had everything he could ever want. She was tough and smart. And God, she knew how to move when she was under him. She tilted her hips up on his down stroke, and nearly ended him when she nipped at the skin where his neck met his shoulder.

  He might have asked her to slow down, but he could tell she was ruthlessly chasing an orgasm, and he wanted to help her catch it. He went deeper, and she gasped before tensing in that beautiful way that meant she was going over.

  When her muscles spasmed around him, he allowed his own release a few strokes later. He held his position until she’d ridden the last wave, then relaxed on top of her, shifting his weight slightly so he wouldn’t crush her.

  “Colton.” His name was a whisper on her lips, which about broke his heart. It wasn’t just that he hadn’t heard his real name in a while, but he hadn’t heard it like this—dripping with satisfaction.

  They stayed joined together until their breathing slowed, then he rolled to his side and pulled her next to him. Maybe if he held her tight, she wouldn’t be able to leave him.

  Her head lifted as she stared at him, her chin on his chest.

  “The condom seems to have held,” she reported.

  He had been afraid to look. On this side of desire, he could see exactly how stupid he’d been. Now was not the best time for them to bring a child into the world. She was wanted for murder. If they couldn’t clear her, or keep her hidden, she would go away for a very long time.

  And he had a phony name and was living a fake life.

  “Look, I…” She paused, and he took the opportunity to stop her.

  “If you’re thinking of saying anything that even slightly resembles regret, just keep it to yourself. I survived sex with The Mantis. Give me a few moments to bask in the victory.” He chuckled until she elbowed him in the ribs. “Come on. It’s a kickass name. Maybe you should have a cape.”

  “I don’t want to talk about capes.”

  He let out a breath and closed his eyes. He knew what she was going to say, and he couldn’t take it. “I’m riding a wave of bliss over here, and I don’t want you ruining it,” he cut her off before she could destroy him with her doubts.

  “I wasn’t going to ruin anything. I’m on my own bliss wave, so there,” she snapped and even stuck out her tongue.

  She put her head back down on his chest and he counted the seconds—fourteen—before she lifted her head again to look at him.

  “We shouldn’t have done this.”

  And like that, his wave of bliss turned into a tsunami of pain.

  “That’s it,” he said as he reached over to grab up the box. “There are two left, and we’re using them right now.” The first one had worked just fine. He wasn’t about to let a box of condoms go to waste.

  Maybe he was playing the odds, but he was going to make love to her until she stopped doubting that they could actually work.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Angel didn’t actually think two more times was a realistic goal, but Colton proved her wrong. She’d never been so happy to be mistaken.

  Yes, she still had doubts this was the best idea. Certainly, a mental health professional would side with her, that starting a relationship during a life crisis was ill advised. Especially if said life crisis involved going away to prison or running from the law for the rest of one’s life.

  “All I’m saying”—she took a dearly needed breath after round three—“is that you have to agree our timing is off.” Was she out of shape? Apparently, her training didn’t prepare her for sex marathons.

  For their third time, she did all the work. Riding him to the finish. If it had been a race, they would have tied.

  “Babe, our timing was perfect,” he said with a crooked grin on his handsome face. Despite his smile, there was still sadness lurking in his eyes. Sadness she’d caused.

  “You know that’s not what I meant,” she said.

  “Yeah.” He pulled her close and nuzzled her neck. “Let’s sleep. Things will be better in the morning.”

  She doubted that. In her experience, the worst things were revealed when she woke up. It was why she didn’t sleep.

  “Rest,” he whispered. “I’m going to go let Pudge out. He and I will keep watch.”

  She was exhausted. Maybe she could actually sleep for a few hours.

  When she awoke, it was still dark and Colton was pressed against her back. Pudge was lying across her feet at the bottom the bed. No doubt, he’d jumped up there after Colton fell asleep.

  Unable to sleep any longer, but not willing to move, she listened to Colton’s even breathing against her shoulder. His hands twitched occasionally, making her wonder what he might have been dreaming of.

  She was starting to drift off again, when his twitches became more aggravated and he murmured in distress. She moved away, ready to wake him from his nightmare.

  Suddenly, he jumped up and said her name.

  “I’m here. I’m fine. Right here, see?” She reached over to turn on the light to make sure he could see.

  He winced and blinked, but put his arms around her and pulled her back down next to him.

  “I’m sorry about that,” he murmured against her hair when he had caught his breath.

  “Do you want to tell me what it was about?”

  “The same thing it’s always about.”

  “Viktor?” she guessed.

  She felt him nod.

  “There’s a lot of cover to keep Viktor from finding my brothers and my mom. But…”

  She nodded, glad the DEA had done a good job of protecting him before he’d taken on the Kulakov job.

  She’d read his file. Make that, files.

  The one where he was Robbie Vanderhook, an ex-marine from Boston who had trouble with authority and had gotten into an issue with the law. That was the one fed to Viktor to get Colton into his circle.

  After the shooting, when Viktor’s men were rooting around to make sure Colton—Robbie—was really dead, they were told the truth. Or the next version of it, anyway. Detective Robert Gates was an undercover
officer. His wife had died a few years ago and he’d been a mess. He’d taken the Kulakov job because he had nothing to lose. No other family. Not even a dog. He’d been shot six times in the chest and died of his injuries.

  It was Robert Gates’s funeral that had been attended by Frank “Butch” Seaver, one of Viktor’s men. Angel had watched the man from behind her dark glasses, wondering if he’d been the one to pull the trigger six times before leaving Colton to die on the floor in an empty marina.

  The backstory and the funeral had been enough to satisfy Viktor. There hadn’t been a need to look any deeper. Of course, if he had, there were other layers of protection between Viktor and Colton’s real life. And his family.

  New identities for his four brothers, their wives, girlfriends, children, and his mother would have been a nightmare. Thus the reason for the extra coverage on his true identity.

  Colton had survived, kept his family safe, and managed to stay clear of Viktor.

  Now she was here, putting all of his efforts in danger. If she was caught here, he would be implicated and his face would be plastered all over television along with hers. It wouldn’t take long for Viktor to see it and start digging again.

  She slipped out of bed while Colton slept, and felt the guilt wash over her, as it had every night since she showed up at his door.

  The longer she stayed, the more danger he was in.

  Damn it. She shouldn’t have come here.

  Chapter Fifty

  Colton was used to getting up alone. He didn’t even panic when he reached across the cool sheets and found the bed was empty. He remained calm when he walked out to the living room and found it empty as well. Her laptop was gone and so was her bag.

  “Where’s Angel?” he asked Pudge when the dog slinked off the sofa to come greet him. Colton had decided to let the rules about the furniture slide, and followed Pudge to the back door.

  Only when she wasn’t on the back porch did Colton’s heart begin to race. Was there some danger? Or had she simply left?

  He spotted movement down by the willow and relaxed. She was sitting on a bench, her laptop next to her, but she was looking up at the sky, the sun shining on her face and glinting in her inky black hair.