Wanted for Life

by Allison B Hanson

  She grinned. “I really only want the icing.”

  “Even better, we could have a lot of fun with icing.” He licked her neck, making her laugh. U.S. deputy marshals weren’t supposed to turn to mush when a man kissed their necks.

  She waggled her eyebrows and stood up to halt the distraction of his tongue. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “I’d rather stay here with you,” he said.

  Once again he was willing to put his life on hold to stay with her. She couldn’t continue to be selfish. “It might seem odd if you don’t show up. You’re usually dependable. People might think it’s suspicious.”

  “Normal people don’t think things like that are suspicious,” he reminded her.

  He was right. Normal people were oblivious. They turned up on the news claiming they had no idea their neighbor was a serial killer. Regular folks were always shocked to find out their co-worker had body parts in his freezer.

  The general population mainly assumed everyone was good until proven otherwise, and someone shoved a camera in their face to tell them how wrong they’d been.

  She knew better. She knew what darkness lurked in people’s homes. How a normal family could easily include a psychopath.

  She suppressed a shiver. Colton needed to go to this wedding to keep up appearances, but she really didn’t want to be left behind, alone with her thoughts.

  “I’ll go with you as your date,” she said brightly, without really considering the implications.

  He frowned. “No way. It’s not safe.”

  “I’ll make sure it’s safe.”

  She would have to dress up, even more than usual because she’d need to be in disguise. A real disguise, not just a hat and glasses. She’d had to dress up when she was “dating” Heath, and hated the thick makeup and heels. But at this point, she would do just about anything to get out of the house.

  “There’s a lot of overlap at weddings. I shouldn’t even have agreed. What if the bride’s cousin is married to the girl I took to prom?”

  “Then why did you agree?” she asked.

  He was right, of course. But the rules were starting to blur. They needed something fun to do while waiting for Jim to take the bait. She’d even almost suggested they take Kenny shooting again as a distraction.

  Colton glanced away and bit his lip.

  She’d expected him to tell her he was lonely and wanted to be with people, but…there was something else going on here. He looked…guilty.

  Then it hit her.

  “Do you already have a date for this wedding?” The words blurted out, sounding accusatory.

  Damn it! She had no right to be jealous, or to expect any level of exclusivity. She’d made it clear she had nothing to offer him long term, and he was trying to make a new life for himself.

  “No. Not a date. Just another teacher. I told her I would meet her there.” Another look of guilt.

  Angel was torn between relief and confusion. “You didn’t offer to pick her up?”

  “It’s not a real date.” He spread his hands as if his excuse made sense.

  She knew Colton planned things better than this. “But if you wanted to hook up afterward, she would have to follow you in her own vehicle.”

  He held out his hands. “That’s why I didn’t offer to pick her up. I wanted to make sure we wouldn’t be hooking up.”

  “Why?” He’d obviously made these plans before she came back, so her feelings hadn’t been a factor. Not that they should be now, either.

  “As the person I’m sleeping with, you’re not supposed to encourage me to hook up with other people,” he snapped.

  “I’m not encouraging,” she said, baffled. “I’m just wondering why you didn’t take advantage of the opportunity.”

  There was something going on here. Something she instinctively knew ran deep with him. What the hell?

  There was a long moment of silence, as if he was trying to come up with an answer—any answer but the truth.

  Finally, he let out a gust of breath and said, “Because I’m still hung up on you, and Danielle is not you.” The second it was out of his mouth, his expression said he wished he could suck it back in. Then with a defiant lift of his chin, he leveled a look at her. “You burned me, Angel, and I’m not over it.”

  And there it was.

  His admission almost broke her heart.

  She stood and stepped back from him. And the truth just burst out of her. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left like I did. But…I didn’t think I could go if you were awake. You would have said something to make me stay, and I would have, and it wouldn’t have been good.”

  It felt good to let it all out, finally. To tell him how torn up she’d been to leave him.

  He shook his head sadly. “You’re wrong. It could have been very good.”

  Could it?

  From the first moment he’d ever kissed her, she’d felt safe and balanced when they were together. Sure, there were the normal butterflies of excitement. But it was the safety in his arms she treasured most.

  In her career, she was trained to protect herself from all types of threats, but she had never felt truly safe unless Colton was with her. Back then, and especially now.

  It had taken a long time before she’d realized what that feeling was.

  Even now, she refused even to think the word, let alone say it out loud.

  Only after recognizing how she felt about him did she realize that, in her entire life, she’d never experienced the sense of safety she felt with him. Growing up with a brother who was volatile and dangerous meant she had never been able to let her guard down. It meant she had never been free to care about anyone. Not the way she cared about Colton now.

  After her family was taken, she had been thrown from one dangerous situation to the next. Even with her team, she worried she wouldn’t be truly accepted if she didn’t toe the line, meet their expectations.

  The biggest of those expectations was loyalty to the team. Leaving Task Force Phoenix to run off and live with Colton had not been an option. Not back then, not now. If things didn’t work out, she wouldn’t be able to go back to her job.

  Colton thought things would have been good between them, and maybe they would have. Maybe it would have worked out. Maybe it could still work out.

  But there was no guarantee.

  “You would grow bored with me. I’m not that exciting. I can sit for hours in front of a computer and not even notice the outside world.”

  “I’ve seen how you get. I understand that. I’m not looking for someone to entertain me. I want someone to share my life with. Not every second of every day. Just knowing you’re there would be good enough.”

  She understood what he meant. It was the reason she’d run before. Because what he described made perfect sense to her, and she wanted it more than anything. But the whole idea terrified her—of letting herself fall in love and be happy.

  Because something always happened when she gave in to that kind of happiness. Something ugly, and violent.

  “I can’t be that person. I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  How she wished she knew how to be that person.

  He came up behind her and wrapped his warm body around her. She shivered away the chill of their conversation.

  “I didn’t mean to push. I just…” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She felt her hair stir from his deep breath. “Would it be safe for you to come to the wedding? I’d love it if you could go with me, but I don’t want to risk you getting caught.”

  She was glad to let the heavy moment go. For now. Though, she knew it was far from over. At some point she would have to leave again.

  And she just didn’t know how she would do it.

  She straightened, and plastered on a smile. “When I’m done with the makeup, you won’t even recognize me.” She was determined to squeeze in every single possible minute of happiness with him while she still had the chance.

  “Then I’ll call my friend
and tell him I’m plus one.”

  She knew those memories would have to last through a lifetime of loneliness.

  Chapter Sixty-Four

  Packages arrived in an endless stream over the next few days, and one of the bedrooms had been taken over by Angel’s project.

  Colton could hardly wait to see the results as he paced in the living room the day of the wedding. One might have thought he was the anxious groom instead of merely a guest.

  One of the packages that had arrived was the couple’s wedding gift. He thanked Angel profusely for thinking about it, because he’d forgotten. He’d had a lot of other things on his mind.

  The jingling of Pudge’s collar alerted Colton that she was coming. The dog rarely left her side. It was fine, because it meant Pudge would protect her even if he wasn’t around to give the command.

  He was prepared to be shocked. She’d told him he wouldn’t recognize her, so he knew her appearance would be a drastic change from the woman he took to his bed each night.

  But he was more than shocked. He was downright stunned by her altered manifestation. In the photos of her on the arm of Heath Zeller, posing as his girlfriend Aubrey Daniels, she’d been stylish, sophisticated, and sexy. Colton had expected something similar now.

  The brunette in front of him looked like a Bohemian goddess. The short, flowy dress hung off one shoulder, the other side high enough to cover the scar at her collarbone. Strappy sandals created the illusion of her being taller than she was. Her normally straight black hair was curly, and the softer brown locks flowed down her back. A thin braid held it back from her face.

  Probably the biggest difference was her eyes. Normally a piercing light blue that cut straight to his heart, they were now the color of warm chocolate. It wasn’t unpleasant, it just wasn’t…her.

  She spun for him and he noticed a tattoo on her shoulder. Though her body was covered in markings, she didn’t have any tattoos. Her scars were proof enough to the world that she was tough. Those scars were mostly covered now by the long, billowy sleeves of her patterned dress.

  He didn’t know how to react.

  After staring for a few seconds longer, he settled on, “If I didn’t like you so much the other way, I could really like this.” At least it was honest.

  It must have been the correct thing to say, because she smiled and came closer to kiss him.

  “It’s weird,” he said with a frown. “I feel like I’m cheating on you…with you.” He kissed her again, thinking of his Angel while his eyes were closed.

  “Would you think I was Angel Larson, wanted murderer, if you saw me?”

  “No. You’ll do.” With the gift in one arm, he offered her the other. “Shall we?”

  Part of him felt the normal excitement of going on a date with a beautiful woman.

  The other part of him prayed they weren’t walking into danger.

  Chapter Sixty-Five

  As they were seated in the church, Angel felt the weight of everyone’s gaze on her and fought the urge to cringe away. In this situation, the scrutiny wasn’t because she was a wanted fugitive. It was because in their eyes she had wronged their friend, Duncan.

  Her cover was Cassie Benton, Colton’s ex-girlfriend from Baltimore. When he’d taken the teaching job in Oregon, she’d refused to come with him. But she’d flown out for a few weeks to see if they could make it work.

  She knew from experience the best cover stories had some truth woven into them, and she felt a twinge of regret knowing this story held more than some truth. The only part that wasn’t real was that they were from Baltimore. And her name.

  As the ceremony began, everyone moved their focus to the bride walking down the aisle toward her impatient groom. Colton’s fingers squeezed tighter around Angel’s hand and she gripped him back.

  That simple gesture was as clear as a full-out conversation. He wanted this. He wanted to be married. To know he had someone, and that someone was his alone, and forever.

  She had to admit, she wanted that, too. But even if she were able to overcome her own deep-seated fears, she didn’t know how they would survive the day-to-day rhythm of a mundane life. While normal was all she’d ever wanted, it wouldn’t be enough for him. She knew he needed more.

  Time and again, he’d told her he was bored being a math teacher. That he needed more excitement. He’d shared how much he missed his old life.

  How could he willingly want to saddle himself with a woman like her? Someone afraid to let her guard down for fear of losing the very thing she loved most? Someone whose idea of paradise was mac and cheese and a bottle of wine in front of a roaring fire. Someone whose greatest wish was to be boring and mundane, and…normal.

  Hell, she didn’t even know how to be normal. So much of her life had been spent pretending. Pretending her brother wasn’t dangerous. Pretending her home was safe. Pretending she was tough and capable. Pretending she didn’t mind being alone.

  Pretending she didn’t want a life with Colton.

  As the bride and groom said their vows, Angel felt the sting of tears in her eyes and a tightness in her throat. She hadn’t thought to bring a tissue since she’d never been overcome by her emotions before. She hadn’t even known she had those kinds of emotions.

  She used her fingers to dab away the unshed tears, careful not to smear her mascara or dislodge a contact. It wouldn’t do to spend the rest of the wedding looking like a Siberian husky.

  Finally, the ceremony was over, and people began to move out of the church to await the newlyweds’ departure to the reception. The sun from the perfect day beat down on them and Colton smiled at her with some emotion in his eyes.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “I’m fine,” she lied, and put on her smile. Pretending, once again.

  He hugged her close, and murmured, “Sure, you are.”

  The man had the most uncanny ability to see through her pretenses, and she treasured him even more for it.

  She hugged him back, and felt her heart break in a million pieces.

  She wished with all her being there was a way to make this work between them.

  But she just didn’t see how.

  Chapter Sixty-Six

  At the reception, Colton was seated next to Angel at the table with the rest of his colleagues, including Danielle, the woman he had planned to meet at the event. He’d called her a few days ago to explain the situation.

  Although he and Danielle hadn’t planned an official date, he didn’t want to be a jerk by just showing up with another woman. Danielle had told him on the phone it was no problem, and even wished Cassie and him the best toward repairing their relationship.

  Only now, it was obvious he had misread the situation.

  Danielle was staring at them, no doubt looking for some chink in Angel’s armor. Colton wasn’t too worried—he knew all the cracks and fissures intimately—but it wasn’t good to have someone looking at her so intently.

  They might see past the disguise.

  Angel was smiling and laughing, and having a great time chatting with his friends. Though friends was not really the word for people he’d never given the chance to really know him.

  She’d even managed to wrangle a reluctant Danielle into conversation.

  While Angel’s “remember that time” stories worked to ensure the rest of the table knew how much she valued their past, it was apparent they caused Danielle pain.

  Damn. He’d completely messed this up and would need to fix it.

  After the meal and the traditional cake sharing, bouquet toss, and garter throwing, it was time for the dancing portion of the evening. He patted Angel on the leg, noticing her dress had pulled up and he was touching bare skin. He’d have to come back to her bare skin in a moment. Right now he had something else he needed to take care of.

  “Danielle, would you care to dance?” he asked her.

  After handling her surprise and glancing at Angel for her reaction, Danielle nodded and stood.

  There
was an awkward moment on the dance floor while he found a place to put his hands, then they started moving in a circle. This never would have worked, even if Angel hadn’t come back. He felt no real attraction to this woman.

  “I owe you an apology,” he said.

  “For what?” She tried to brush it off, but he could see she knew exactly what he meant.

  “When we made plans to meet here, I thought it would be as friends who didn’t want to go to the trouble of finding a date for the event. But I think maybe you thought it was something else.”

  “I didn’t think anything, Duncan.”

  So, she wanted to play games. He nodded. “Okay. Well, I’m still going to apologize. If for no other reason, than we had plans, and I had to change them at the last minute.”

  “It’s really fine. I mean the two of you obviously belong together. I hope it works out.”

  That last sentence stung like a lash, and not just because he could tell she didn’t really mean it.

  He hoped it worked out too, but he knew from past experience that having hope was a dangerous thing. He remembered vividly how much it hurt, even months after Angel left, still hoping she’d come back.

  He’d thought he’d known better this time, he’d thought he was prepared. But here he was, doing it all over again.

  Hoping.

  Chapter Sixty-Seven

  Angel was glad Colton had asked Danielle to dance. It was clear the woman wanted more than friendship from him. She hadn’t outright glared, but Angel had felt her intense stares of ill-wish—one step below glaring on the list of responses to jealousy.

  Unfortunately, Angel felt more than a bit jealous of the other woman, as well. Even when their dance had ended and Colton was now leading Angel to the dance floor with a big smile, she felt incredibly envious of what the other woman had.

  Freedom. Peace. Choices.

  A future.

  Danielle could go wherever she wanted, do whatever she wanted, be herself. Something Angel had rarely been able to do. The other woman probably got up every morning after a restful sleep, secure in the knowledge she would survive the day.