by J. C. Owens
This could not be happening.
His mind began to haze and he fought it desperately, not even able to react when the Empire soldier leaned over him, satisfaction evident in his tone. “We’ve searched a long time for you, you sneaky bastard. You’ve caused us no end of trouble.” A hand patted his cheek mockingly. “Time to go back to your master, little whore. You’re worth a pile of illanium to us.”
His senses faded, but the fear followed him down into unconsciousness.
* * * Nothing made any sense. Sometimes he thought he felt hands on him, sometimes voices rang in his ears, a sense of motion, but it was all dreamlike, strange. His mind would drift away, his thoughts vague and disjointed. Time meant nothing. He felt fear in some part of him, but even that was far away, hard to define. Sometimes pain, sudden and sharp, his fear increasing, but then he would forget, memories running together in a confusing jumble so he had no idea who he was or should be.
Some touches made him cringe away, some made him whimper and turn toward the touch even though he could not have said why in either case.
He sank deeper and deeper into the morass of his mind, his awareness of the outside less and less, soon even the voices having no impact.
* * * The darkness swirled about him, thick and deep, and he floated, lost, unresponsive. He had forgotten what sound was, what touch was; there was nothing at all.
Then a voice, deep and commanding, and he flinched away immediately, a whimper tearing from his throat. That voice was pain and fear and…
He felt touch as though the voice commanded it, demanded it, arms around him, the sensation of motion as though he were being carried.
The voice called him, soothed his fears, told him repeatedly of caring, of belonging, protection…a place that held no worries, only safety.
It allowed him to sleep, not just drift. His mind for the first time shut down into secure and silent oblivion.
He remembered something important just before he slept, something the voice had told him.
His name was Auri.
* * * He woke slowly, carefully, deathly afraid of the new sensations surrounding him. Smell, the feel of air on his skin, swallowing, breathing…
Sight was the last and he blinked several times, confused and frightened by everything in his vision.
He lay on something soft, colorful fabric above his head waving in the breeze coming through an open window.
Something touched his cheek gently and he leapt, moaning in pain as his muscles spasmed. There was a sound of distress, then hands massaged away the pain, bringing sweet relief, and he blinked at the face that appeared over his.
For long moments he could not remember, then gradually a name came into his mind. Kanar.
There were no memories in relation to the name, only a sense of wonder at the sight of so much fur. He made a sound of need and one of the hands came to his cheek again and he leaned into it as much as he was able. The hand stroked him and he relaxed, blinking sleepily up into the strange face.
A tail swept up into his vision, and he reached with shaking fingers to grasp it, a childish wonder filling him at the softness of the fur. It twitched and he smiled, a sound of amusement rising in his throat. He looked up at Kanar and found a smile on the cat face.
“Auri,” he said gently and Auri tilted his head.
Yes…that was his name.
He reached in curiosity to touch the tips of the great fangs just revealed beneath the cat-like lips. They were sharp and his fingers jerked back, Kanar immediately taking them and soothing them with tongue and a kiss.
Auri watched dazedly, feeling exhaustion creep over him so he could scarce keep his eyes open.
Kanar held him closer, stroking his hair gently, a purr shaking his body. “Sleep, Auri. I am here now. You are safe. Sleep, little tiger…you are home…”
Auri turned his face against a furred shoulder and obeyed without question, his last thought one of peace. Apparently he was home.
* * * Kanar fed him, cared for him, gave him comfort and warmth. Auri needed his presence, longed for his company as the only stable thing in a confusing and strange world. He could not speak or even conceive of speech, but he would make sounds to indicate his appreciation and contentment when held in strong arms.
Here he was safe.
Time held no meaning, and he never questioned the absence of others or seemed to realize the strangeness of his existence. He only accepted.
When at last another came within the room, he cringed back against Kanar, holding to him tightly, wide eyes fixed on the stranger.
The man smiled though and came to sit on the bed, not touching Auri, letting him get used to his presence.
Curiosity won out in the end, and Auri finally reached out tentatively to touch golden hair, fascinated by its color. The man smiled more, beautiful light brown eyes twinkling, and touched Auri’s black hair in return, tickling his ear and making him giggle.
Kanar’s gentle fingers stroked Auri’s hair back and his look was sad, reluctant. “If he could just be like this.” The tone was longing.
The other shook his head. “You know better, Kanar. You cannot stay in this dream world forever, and neither can he.”
Kanar laid a gentle kiss on Auri’s lips, smiling sadly as his mate made a sound of happiness. “He will hate me again.”
Auri could not understand the words and he frowned in bewilderment, wishing he could speak. He did not hate Kanar, and he wanted to take the sad look from his face but did not know how. All he could do was hold one of the huge hands and try to purr like Kanar did when he was happy.
Kanar took a deep breath. “Yes. It is time…”
Auri cringed as they took the blood sample from his arm, only Kanar’s presence keeping him docile. Over the last few days he had begun to feel more lucid, more aware of things around him. He still clung to Kanar, but now he was more awake, thinking.
He did not like this room at all, and the moment the needle was withdrawn, he curled against his mate, wanting to leave, wanting to be away from these people who watched him with calculating eyes and touched with cold hands.
Kanar took him in his arms and hugged him, and he calmed immediately. “Come, Auri. We will go for a walk.”
Immediately Auri forgot the room and everything else. Walk? Where? His eagerness made Kanar smile, though it had a sad edge to it.
They went outside for the first time and Auri was like a child, here and there and trying to see everything at once. There were many cat people like Kanar and some who looked like Auri himself, but Auri had no interest in them. He only wanted to explore and show Kanar things.
His mate would laugh softly and kiss him or hold onto whatever Auri brought back. A leaf, a stone, a feather.
Auri was happy.
The next morning, he woke to remembrance.
Blinking, he looked around the room in confusion, unable to think for the moment where he was, for everything before seemed like a dream.
Gradually he became aware it was not; he was back in Felin control, back with Kanar.
His lip curled, and when the door opened to admit his “mate” he shot from the bed, backing away from the larger male’s presence.
Kanar stopped just inside the doorway, his expression calm and cool, but his eyes… A great sadness dwelt there, and Auri’s fists clenched.
What foolishness lay within him that for a split second he actually felt a sorrow of his own? He snarled in response to that thought, angry with himself.
They stared at each other for a long time in silence, then Kanar held out his hand. “Come, my mate.”
Auri shook his head, backed away farther. The hand dropped and Kanar sighed, turning away.
Auri watched him, shaking with anticipation of pain. Some memory swirled in the back of his mind, telling him what this was about, but he could not quite make it come to the fore.
Kanar sat down in a chair by the window, his sad eyes taking in Auri’s protective stance, his readines
s to fight. The Felin closed his eyes for a moment, rubbing his brow as if it pained him greatly. Finally he took a deep breath and began to speak.
“You are my mate, Auri. That cannot be reversed. I have taken you, and much though I regret the manner of my initial taking, it has happened. As your mate, I have great responsibility for you, as I do for my other mates. I am sorry you were taken from your people unwilling. I was not told of your reluctance, only that you were not mated and available.” He looked away, out the huge window that overlooked a vast garden. “I should have known they would lie. They lie about everything else.”
Auri listened, somewhat shaken by the obvious sincerity in Kanar’s voice. He knew all too well how the Empire could lie. Had the Felin truly thought Auri had wished for this alliance? He shivered, wrapping his arms around himself, feeling a vast bewilderment growing within his mind at the memory of how he had literally been sold.
He had been blaming Kanar for this. Was that fair?
Looking directly at the Felin’s profile, he was not so certain. If the Empire had betrayed one of their own so easily, then how difficult would it be to lie to one they considered barbarian and of little
intelligence?
It all crashed down upon him. He was trapped here forever in the only safe place for him. Even if he escaped or Kanar released him, the Empire would always find him and bring him back. A chill flashed down his spine. If Kanar refused to accept him back at any time, then most likely Auri would conveniently disappear; he had too much knowledge of things the Empire wished to keep secret.
He fell to his knees, putting his head in his hands, trying not to let fear override him.
He felt a gentle touch, then Kanar knelt by him, stroking his hair and back, talking softly, and to Auri’s disgust he actually felt some comfort at the Felin’s presence. At least he seemed to care for him more than his own people. Their interest seemed calculating, cold in the extreme.
He shivered and without thinking pushed closer to Kanar’s touch, the only warmth in the room.
Kanar touched his face, bringing his attention to him. “I am here. It will be all right.”
The Felinian tried to smile, looking deeply into Auri’s eyes. “You are my mate, Auri, my little one, and from this day onward, I shall protect you, honor you, try to bring you happiness. Please believe me. I know you don’t want to be here. I understand that now, but let me care for you. Please don’t hate me for what has happened.”
Auri looked up at him, despair swirling in his mind. What choice did he have?
Kanar laid a gentle kiss on his lips and then held him against his broad chest, rocking slightly to soothe him.
“My little mate, my little tiger…” he whispered softly. “Somehow we will make this right.”
Auri lay limp against him, wondering how that was possible…
Chapter Five
Auri sat on the windowsill, head resting against the stone casement, staring out at the rain in silence. The soft drumming sound was soothing and he sighed a little. At least here he was alone. He knew his minder was in the next room, but for this moment there was peace, no eyes watching his every move. His lips tilted bitterly. He was treated as though he were made of spun glass, everything monitored. How much he ate, how much he slept, his moods, his exercise.
He closed his eyes in silent despair. A bird in a cage provided with
everything…except privacy and freedom.
He was one of the royal mates. They acted as though he should be grateful.
The door to the suite opened and closed, and he heard a deep voice speak to the minder. He shivered, wrapping his arms around himself. His mate.
He heard footsteps but did not turn from his contemplation of the weather as the rain began to wane and sunlight showed once more. Warm arms slid around his waist, gently caressed his chest, then lips kissed his cheek.
“How are you today, Auri?” The tone was gentle, with a tone of true caring.
“I am fine.” Auri’s tone was without expression. There was no fight in him, only numbness. At first he had had fire, had resisted everything; after months now there was no caring, no response.
It seemed to bother Kanar for no reason Auri could imagine, his blank acceptance. He tried to cajole him to eat and Auri would, mindlessly, just so he would be left alone.
“Would you like to go for a walk, my mate?”
Auri turned dull eyes on Kanar, a flicker of interest rising. “A walk?” he questioned quietly. He had not wanted to go outside since he had been returned. He had no wish to meet others and have them judge him on his behavior or on his supposed status as royal mate. But now… He lacked the strength of will to really care, so maybe it was safe to venture out.
Kanar smiled, kissing on his forehead, purring a little. “Yes. I wanted you to see the color of the trees today. It will be winter soon and the colors gone.”
Auri nodded and Kanar swept him up. There was no protest in Auri; his inner exhaustion drained him of any resistance. Kanar carried him without the faintest hint of strain and Auri rested his head on his shoulder, almost grateful for his mate’s show of strength. He himself felt so weak. Kanar’s touch felt good; he felt safe, protected. He closed his eyes against the treacherous thoughts, but hatred took too much energy. At this point, he needed someone to care, and Kanar seemed to truly feel something for him, strange though that seemed to Auri.
The air outside was fresh from the rain and he breathed deep of it, for the first time feeling a slight lift of his spirits. The trees indeed were turning with the onset of fall; brilliant colors that drew the eye and the imagination. Kanar told him of each tree, what it was, spoke of the city itself, nestled in the heart of a great forest protected by the people.
Auri became interested despite himself, but each time they met someone, he curled himself into Kanar and refused to look at them. This seemed to charm the people. Often they stroked his shoulder and murmured soothing words, then spoke to Kanar with a note of congratulation that seemed to indicate they thought Auri a suitable mate for their “king.”
Auri’s lips would curl. If they only knew.
Kanar himself seemed to be trying to avoid people. Auri was grateful for that at least, and he sighed with relief when they entered a stone-walled garden and sat on a wooden bench. Here there was peace. The wind blew softly and he loved the feel of it on his skin, loved the smells. Kanar relaxed under him and sighed appreciatively as though he had been tense in his own way.
“Alone at last.”
Auri looked up at him, surprised by the tone.
Kanar grinned ruefully at him. “I have wanted to spend more time with you, my mate, but everyone and everything seems determined to prevent it.”
He paused then, took one hand to stroke back Auri’s hair. “I deeply regret how you became my mate, Auri. I know that will not take away your anger at me and I don’t expect it, but I have to say it. Despite the way it came about though, I am grateful I found you at last. Our oracle had said there would be a fourth mate for me, and I have waited over three years since she told me.”
Auri looked at him in silence for long moments. His mood was strange, and it was hard to dredge up hostility. He had not the energy for it.
“Why?” he asked finally. “Why me? Could you not have chosen someone who wanted you? Why did you destroy my life?”
Kanar’s tail swished in agitation and landed on Auri’s lap where he grasped it, stroking it mindlessly as he waited for Kanar to answer.
“We do not choose our mates as you do as humans, Auri. They are already chosen, destined, and we either find them, a thing of great fortune, or not, in which case we never mate and are forced to endure nothing but meaningless relationships for our lifetime. It is fate. Those who do find them are blessed…and cursed.”
Auri frowned, unsure whether to truly listen. He wanted to resist any overture, and yet… He was so tired. He was trapped here, perhaps forever. If he could acquire even the tiniest amount of peace, might
it not be worth it to concede even a little?
Encouraged by the lack of protest, Kanar continued. “We know our mate or mates when we meet them. It is like a shock of energy, a yearning that cannot be controlled. So it was when I saw you, but…” His voice trailed off with regret, and Auri could clearly see the self-castigation in his eyes. “I wish the timing had been different. I was not expecting to meet you.” He sighed deeply. “We mate for life, Auri.” Shadows haunted his expression. “I became deeply…ill…when you disappeared. They feared for me.”
Auri stared at him for long moments. “You mean you could have…” He frowned in disbelief. “If I had not come back…”
Kanar was silent, staring into space for some time before he looked down and forced a smile. “I understand, Auri. If I had been in your position, I would have done the same. I only ask that now, please, try to understand. I cannot let you go. I will do anything to make you happy here, but I cannot let you go.”
Auri did not answer, but stared blindly ahead, absorbing the words.
Trapped.
* * * Only three days later he got to meet one of Kanar’s other mates, the one he vaguely remembered from his dream world. Kanar was not present when the man walked into Auri’s room, and Auri felt threatened in some vague way he could not name.
He rose to his feet defensively and made sure the table was between them.
The other man viewed his preparations with a wry smile before he seated himself at the table, making sure he was as non-threatening as possible.
Auri stared at him, feeling foolish in his looming posture, then slowly he took a seat as far from the other man as he could.
The other man watched him with expressionless brown eyes before breaking the silence. “My name is Bredan, Auri. We have met before but perhaps you do not remember it well. I am Kanar’s first mate.”