Wishes

by J. C. Owens

  Varan gave a wild, mad grin, malice in his eye. “I see why you value him so much, brother mine. He was a wonderful fuck.”

  Auri froze at the words, shame a thick blockage in his throat so that he could scarcely swallow. He saw Kanar stiffen, hands clenching into fists, but he gave no more indication than that, not allowing his inner rage to cloud his senses.

  “You made your decisions a long time

  ago…brother. You wished to plunge our world into incessant war and see our people suffer for it. You never had any concern but for yourself and your blind obsession with revenge. I have given you lenience because of our father and the bond of siblings, but you negated that when you harmed my mate. In our clan, that is punishable by death. The council has passed judgment against you and I will not flinch from being the tool that passes their sentence upon you.”

  Auri felt tears rise to his eyes. Kanar looked so royal in that moment, so powerful and beautiful. His head drooped and he squeezed his eyes shut. He felt his own filthiness and unworthiness keenly then. He was utterly unworthy of being a royal mate now and nothing could ever change that. He could never be cleansed of what had happened. Kanar was doing this out of pride and what his people had decreed. It was not because he wanted Auri back.

  “I have waited long for this day. I will take by force what the council was unwilling to give. I had the right to be king and they took it from me. After I kill you, they will be next.” Varan’s voice held total conviction and confidence. He turned then and walked with a swagger back to his group, tail lashing in anticipation of the coming conflict.

  Auri watched Kanar through the hair falling over his face, longing in his eyes. If only… He clenched his fists helplessly before him in the encircling metal, wishing to the gods for a way to help.

  Please, he prayed, grant me this wish. That I might aid Kanar in some fashion, any way at all… Keep him safe.

  His thoughts scattered into disgust as Varan dragged him up by the hair and kissed him brutally, leaving blood in his wake as he finished and let Auri sag back to the ground. Varan only laughed as Auri spit at him, his eye gleaming with promised retribution as he dodged. “Kanar was too soft on you. You will learn obedience, little human.”

  Auri only snarled silently, hatred making his body shake with the desire to do violence. He vowed to himself, whatever happened this day, he would have revenge upon this beast.

  Kanar stood waiting, body easy and loose, watching his brother’s posturing with cold eyes. He did not react to Varan’s behavior with Auri, his expression never altering.

  Varan made a show of loosening his muscles as he approached Kanar, displaying his impressive body.

  Again Kanar did nothing. He was utterly motionless, only the wind ruffling his fur. Even his tail did not move.

  Varan finished his preparations, then stood before his brother some feet away. They both made a ceremonial bow and the gestures needed before formal combat then stood staring at each other, waiting.

  Complete silence fell, the sound of the wind loud in the sudden lull.

  Varan leapt.

  Kanar was not there. He moved with incredible swiftness and then stopped, waiting once more.

  Varan frowned, seemed taken aback. He was more cautious in his next attack. Circling, gauging, and then again, a lunge. Again, Kanar was not there, but standing some feet away and still with the calm that seemed to surround him like a cloak.

  “You seem slower than I remember, Varan. At least before, you were a challenge…”

  Varan snarled in answer, clearly thrown by Kanar’s quiet confidence. It was obvious his inner rage was rising, his thoughts clouding.

  Auri watched with trepidation, his fingers twisting around each other in his agitation. At the moment Kanar seemed to have the upper hand, but…

  The fight drew on, time passing, and still Varan had not managed to land a single blow. Kanar seemed intent on exhausting his brother rather than wounding him, and it enraged Varan no end.

  Finally Varan drew his knife and stood poised, breath a little fast, his eye gleaming. “You fight as a coward does, little brother. Come, spar with me. Show me you have improved in this also, or is it fear that keeps you at a distance?”

  Kanar drew his own knife, its curved blade shining in the sun, waiting for his sibling to advance.

  Varan danced forward. Kanar adroitly avoided the move even as he turned and slashed. Varan swayed and ducked, a frenzied grin upon his face. Only his brother had ever been this good against him. Their moves were beautiful; a deadly, mesmerizing dance, a perfect play of steel and moving muscle.

  Auri’s body was tense with anticipation, his fearful eyes watching each move with a warrior’s knowledge. He had been taught knife fighting by a master—a strange thing in his world’s modern age. He had been good at it, very, very good, and his body almost moved in synchronization with what he was witnessing. Pride suffused him as he watched his mate, saw his prowess and skill. He was beautiful, all power and strength, the sun glinting off his fur, making it shine in golden bursts as he moved.

  Varan gave a smile of malice and broke the pattern. He dropped to one knee, holding Kanar’s knife back with his own blade, and brought his claws out in a sweeping motion, slashing across Kanar’s thigh, deeply scoring the muscle there. Blood spurted and Kanar stumbled, though he swiftly recovered and backed away, face twisted in pain.

  There were gasps of shock from Kanar’s army; such a thing was totally outside the rules of honor combat that was used to decide leadership. It had always been a thing of law and great scrutiny; to do such was considered dishonorable in the extreme and in itself could bring about exile.

  Varan had nothing to lose.

  Auri flinched as though the wound had been to his own body, his breath hitching as he saw his mate’s blood, felt his pain.

  His fists clenched helplessly, his teeth gritted in growing fury.

  Varan laughed, rose back to a crouch, his eye glinting.

  “You always were a fool, brother. That is why you will lose. I did not come for an honor combat. I came to kill you.”

  The match resumed, but Kanar was slower now, not as nimble. The continued blood loss and weakened muscles of his right thigh began to wear him down. Varan began to score hit after hit, and Kanar’s blood flowed rich and red upon his fur.

  Auri wept, his heart breaking at each blow, each addition to his mate’s pain.

  The end came swiftly then. Kanar moved a fraction too slowly and Varan had him, sweeping his feet from under him and laying claws on his throat a moment later.

  Auri cried out, a choked, horrified sound, before a whimper of denial sounded in the back of his throat.

  Varan looked down into Kanar’s eyes, vindictive pleasure in his own. “First I will take your eye, little brother, and I will make my new mate watch.”

  Kanar snarled weakly, but the claws impaled just short of killing into his throat made the sound bubble and die.

  Varan looked over his shoulder, fire in his gaze. “Come, little mate. Come here and watch him die.”

  Auri was pulled to his feet, his ankles released as he was shoved forward, and he stumbled badly. He recovered and moved forward hesitantly, his legs shaking uncontrollably. He could not meet Varan’s triumphant gaze and kept his eyes on the ground. Just before he reached the two combatants, he saw something glint amidst the blood and trampled ground. He fell to his knees then, unable to go further.

  “I will give him more pain if you do not get that sweet ass over here now.” Varan’s voice held no mercy.

  Awkwardly, slowly, his hands still bound, Auri half crawled to him, face white and strained. Never did his eyes stray from Kanar.

  Varan grabbed his hair as he came close enough and pulled him so he was half over his captor’s lap, his upper body resting on Kanar.

  Auri flinched back, trying to take his weight off his mate’s tortured body, but Varan pressed him down viciously.

  “My little tiger, my Auri,” Kanar w
hispered painfully, such love in his tone Auri began to weep, unable to restrain himself.

  “I love you, Kanar. Please know I love you.” He pressed a kiss to the pale lips. “I always will. Nothing and no one can change that.”

  Kanar tried to smile, his eyes briefly glowing. Varan dragged Auri back against him, sneering at the scene before him. Rising in his kneeling position, legs spread for balance, he poised the knife over his brother’s eye, ready for the slice that would see his revenge fulfilled.

  “Please,” Auri begged, such desperation in his tone Varan paused, taken in by the blue eyes that looked at him fully for the first time. “Please, give me one wish before you kill him.”

  “I am not without mercy.” Varan’s lips curled back from his teeth in self-mockery. “What is it, my little mate? If you are in need, do not fear. I will fuck you on his dead body.”

  The blue eyes did not waver as Auri leaned closer, the small, lithe body twisting just slightly, one bound hand sliding along Varan’s thigh.

  “I wish for…” Auri’s body curled suddenly as though in pain, his bound hands jerking forward. He felt the blow land straight and true, directly behind Varan’s balls, before straightening away.

  Varan had not moved, his expression showing more puzzlement than pain.

  Auri leaned closer, eye to eye with his foe. “…for you to die, you miserable son of a bitch,” Auri whispered, and the knife he held plunged again, this time into Varan’s heart, and twisted.

  Varan died on his knees, expression disbelieving.

  Auri paid no attention as the body fell away to lie unmoving on the ground. Nor did he react to the stunned silence that encompassed both sides of the conflict. There was only one thought in his mind. He lifted his bloody hands immediately to Kanar’s face, carefully putting his fingers over the wounds on Kanar’s throat, now open and bleeding freely as the claws that had filled them were gone.

  “How?” Kanar’s question was hoarse, his eyes dazed.

  “Your knife,” Auri answered. “It was where you had dropped it. When I fell on my knees I simply dragged it with me.”

  Kanar wanted to laugh, wanted to cry with joy. “My little tiger, you have saved my world.”

  Auri found a smile, though it wobbled dangerously. “It was an accident, my mate. I really only wanted to save you, and I got my wish.”

  “It was a good wish,” Kanar whispered and smiled as he felt Auri’s lips on his own.

  “It was a good knife,” Auri whispered back, half grinning.

  Chapter Nine

  Auri sat in the spring sun, curled up on the bench in the royal private garden, arms around his updrawn knees. He did not see the beauty of the emerging flowers or smell the sweet perfume of the blooming trees. He was caught in himself, and it was no good place to be.

  It had all been so wonderful.

  Kanar had slowly healed and was now his old self. Auri himself had recovered from his ordeal…or had he?

  They had rescued Aidar and returned him to his mate, Malar, but it had been clearly obvious his mental state was going to need a lot of time and patience on his mate’s part to heal.

  Auri had assumed that because he had been so short a time in Varan’s possession, his inner scars would be less than Aidar’s, but that was to be proven untrue quite quickly.

  First Kanar had seemed reluctant to touch him. Auri had immediately jumped to the conclusion his mate could not help being disgusted by the thought of Auri’s taint, that another had fouled his body.

  Auri himself had tried desperately to push all thoughts of what had happened to him out of his mind. He was fine now. Just fine. But at Kanar’s seeming rejection, it was proven very swiftly he was anything but fine. He jumped at the slightest sound or any sudden movement in his vicinity. It seemed to worsen, not heal as time passed, and he only felt more and more tainted, filthy. He took to soaking in the baths for long hours, scrubbing until his skin was raw and sore. The other mates tried their best to help, and they often pulled him bodily from the water, preventing him from injuring his skin yet again. They rallied round him, tried to get him to speak of what had happened, but he could not.

  His own mate thought him disgusting. That he could not get out of his head and though Bredan and the others protested, telling him continually it was because Kanar was terrified of hurting him, of doing something to harm his fragile mental state, Auri was convinced it was over. Kanar would never touch him again. How could he? He was pure and good. Auri was forever filthy, and nothing could cleanse him.

  It got to the point he could not bear for even Bredan to touch him. He became centered in a cycle of self-hatred and self-destruction that had those around him worried deeply for his safety.

  In the end, Bredan, Ilian, and Ciris took matters into their own hands, seeing no end in sight for either Auri’s self-hatred or Kanar’s fear of damaging Auri further.

  They came early on a morning in the beginning of summer, serious and yet gentle as they persuaded Auri to rise from his warm bed. Befuddled and tired from a night’s restless sleep, he did not protest too much, only accompanied them in pained silence, never bothering to wonder what they were up to.

  They walked through the forest for some distance, and even this small connection with the beauty of the Felinian world helped Auri come out of his shell at least a tiny bit. His love of trees was ever present, and as he walked, he often laid a hand on the massive trunks that rose high into the painted morning sky, some so tall Auri could not see the tops.

  His heart eased a little.

  There was no talk amongst the four; even the ebullient Ilian was silent and serious as they walked.

  There seemed to be no rush. It was leisurely, as if they had all the time in the world and really, perhaps they did. Auri knew there were guards around them, hidden, but this peaceful stroll took even the painful memory of his capture and softened it, made it of no concern. He felt safe in the other three’s company for no reason he could readily determine.

  After a long time, Auri could hear the sound of water, and his attention sharpened. He searched for the source of the sound, and as they rounded a corner in the path, he gasped aloud in wonder.

  A rock face towered above them, and several flows of water from the small river above formed waterfalls of various sizes, cascading down into a pool below, clear and sparkling in the shafts of sunlight that came through the leaves of the trees overhanging the water.

  Ferns and various moisture-loving plants grew along the edges, and the effect was so beautiful Auri felt the band of pain in his chest loosen just a little more. He drew a deep breath of the moisture-laden air, his eyes closing for a moment in appreciation.

  “Come, Auri.” Bredan’s voice was gentle, in tune with the surroundings. Auri opened his eyes and watched as the others divested themselves of clothing and without even thinking, he did the same.

  Modesty seemed a needless thing in this place of peace; it seemed natural to be without the

  encumbrance of clothing, to feel the faint breeze on his skin and the welcome coolness of the shade after the long walk.

  When he slipped into the waters, following the others, he got a pleasant surprise. The waters were warm. Not hot, not unpleasant in the heat of the day, but soothing.

  Bredan held out a hand to him and dreamily, Auri went to him, sat beside him on the natural stone ledge along one side of the pool.

  Bredan ran a gentle hand down Auri’s cheek, turning his face so they were eye to eye.

  “This is a very, very special place, Auri. The Felinians believe in an earth goddess and when I am here, I cannot help but believe also. We have brought you here for a cleansing ceremony, a healing. This place will take from you the pain you carry; all you have to do is open to it, to the goddess’s presence.”

  Auri blinked, considering for a moment, then leaned into Bredan. He was so very tired of the pain, so very tired of being on the outside of everything. He just wanted to be free of what had happened, to deny Varan�
�s ability to haunt him even now. He did not want the bastard to have won in any way whatsoever.

  Bredan released a sigh of relief, his body relaxing against Auri’s as he laid a gentle kiss on the younger man’s head. “Let us cleanse you, tiger. Come back to us.”

  Auri nodded, unable to look at any of them, but then Ilian’s smile drew him from where the other mate knelt in the water at his feet, and Ciris came to sit on his other side, taking his hand and leaning close.

  Ilian leaned up and laid a gentle kiss on Auri’s lips, then drew him deeper into the water. “Come, Auri. Let us love you, take away what was, and bring you to what will be.”

  Auri allowed himself to be led until he stood knee deep in the pool, under the smallest of the waterfalls, gentle rivulets running down his skin. Solemnly, the other three men began to run their hands over him, washing him, replacing the touches of brutality with love and true caring.

  “This is real now, Auri,” Ciris whispered fondly, laying his lips on Auri’s arm. “This is the truth now. Not what was done, only what is now. Feel us; we will push him away until he has no more power over you.”

  Auri closed his eyes, his body tense at first, but Ciris’s words ran true. This was now. This was love surrounding him, and only if he closed himself off, imprisoned himself in his own mind would Varan win.

  Slowly, gradually, he relaxed into the hands, let himself truly feel.

  He turned his face up for Bredan’s kiss, a gentle touching of tongues as the other mate caressed every corner of his mouth, overlaying harsh memory with new sensation. Auri began to kiss back, moaning a little as Ilian began to rub his scalp gently, combing his fingers lovingly through the thick black hair.

  Ciris washed down his back, easing his muscles, tracing his form with small fingers that bore no resemblance to giant, brutal Felinian hands. He tensed as Ciris reached his waist, but Ciris whispered soothing sounds as he gently smoothed his wet hands over Auri’s buttocks, never stopping in his