Happiness for Beginners

by Carole Matthews

  ‘This is very pleasing on the eye,’ I whisper to Bev.

  ‘Not half,’ she murmurs back. ‘Much like the owner.’

  I couldn’t even guess at the cost of something like this. In fact, I didn’t even know that homes this grand existed.

  ‘This is like a little bit of Hollywood in Buckinghamshire,’ Bev coos. ‘I could so live here.’

  ‘I think you’ll find there’s already an incumbent.’

  ‘Scarlett Vincent? Pah. He needs a more mature woman. Someone who’s down-to-earth and will keep him grounded.’

  ‘You reckon?’

  ‘Of course. You know what these luvvie types are like.’

  Actually, I don’t. My only meetings with ‘luvvie types’ have all involved Shelby Dacre. That’s the sum and total of my experience.

  We make our way across the immaculate lawn, leading our animals. I hold on especially tightly so that they don’t go scampering across the picture-perfect flower beds. Already, a few of the stalls are setting out their wares and there’s a scattering of deckchairs and hay bales with blankets on them arranged around a small raised platform that forms a makeshift stage. There’s a black and white tent marked CHAMPAGNE and a white ornamental cart ready to serve Pimm’s.

  Bev clocks them both and, rubbing her hands together, declares, ‘Now I’m in heaven.’

  The whole thing has the air of a mini-festival – a rather upmarket one. Lucas leads us down to the far corner of the huge garden and a shaded area by the copse. It would be nice for lots of people to see the animals, but I don’t want it to be too busy for them and this is set slightly apart rather than being in the main thoroughfare. The goats will see a crowd as just more to eat for them, but Tina Turner might get freaked out and we all know how badly that can end.

  ‘Is this OK?’ Lucas asks anxiously.

  ‘Perfect choice,’ I tell him and he glows with pride.

  Alan and Lucas get busy setting up the fences together, while Bev and I sort out the animals – except for Fifty who takes himself off for a wander round. We put up our fancy new banner and secure it to some low branches, so that it doesn’t blow over in the breeze. Lucas brings a small table so I pile up the leaflets and stop them from blowing away with a rock.

  A woman comes over with a tray of tea in paper cups. ‘Mr Dacre asked me to bring these for you,’ she says. ‘He’ll be out to see you shortly.’

  ‘Thank you.’ I take one, gratefully, and Bev does too. Though she hisses, ‘I wish it was bloody champagne.’

  In the opposite corner a string quartet is setting up on the stage area. Some of the students arrive and I give them the unicorn horns to attach to Ringo and Buzz. Tamara and Jody also give them a last minute fluff and take photos for our tea room gallery.

  ‘There’s a programme of music too,’ Lucas tells me as he follows my gaze. ‘And some readings, I think. Dad’s sorted that out. It’s all his luvvie mates. Nothing to do with me.’

  ‘You’re not going to perform some of your poetry?’

  ‘My father doesn’t even know that I write it,’ he says.

  ‘Really? That’s a shame.’

  ‘He’d hate it,’ Lucas assures me. ‘Not his thang at all.’

  ‘You never know.’

  ‘I do,’ he says, crisply.

  Putting my arm round his skinny shoulders, I pull him to me. ‘Thanks for helping us today. I’m scared witless.’

  ‘It’s cool,’ he says. ‘My parents have been holding these since I was a kid. They’re nice. If you like that kind of thing. Everyone gets a bit pissed and walks round with smiles on their faces, then they fall asleep in the deckchairs.’

  ‘Sounds wonderful.’

  Lucas shrugs. ‘I suppose.’

  Alan goes off to get the chickens and bunnies and we set them up in their runs. We’re going to offer supervised cuddles and selfies in return for donations and Bev has labelled up two buckets with our name in bold letters.

  When we’re ready, we stand and wait until Bev says, ‘I really can’t do this without alcohol,’ and bolts off towards the champagne tent.

  A few minutes later she reappears, grinning. She’s carrying two brimming flutes and hands one to me. ‘Compliments of the management.’

  ‘I can’t possibly drink this,’ I say. ‘I’m driving.’

  ‘Not for hours. Get it down your neck. The bubbles will take the edge off your nerves. It’s a well-known fact.’

  ‘Right.’ So I swallow down the cold fizz and, in fairness, Bev’s not wrong. It does hit the spot perfectly.

  Then I see a few people drift down through the trees and head our way.

  ‘Here they come,’ Lucas says.

  ‘Oh, God.’ I’m all of a-jitter and go to grab my champagne glass. Bev has beaten me to it. She throws the rest of my fizz down her throat and smacks her lips.

  ‘Brace yourself,’ Bev says. ‘Incoming!’

  Chapter Forty-One

  Within half an hour, the place is crowded and our little enclosure is one of the busiest areas. All of the animals are a big hit. Our pony-unicorns are proving particularly popular and I’m glad that I was persuaded to do it. The chickens and bunnies get many cuddles and even more selfies. Money flows into our buckets. Half a dozen of our students join us and, without me having to ask, Lucas supervises them in giving out leaflets. Jody and Tamara disappear into the crowd immediately, but Jack and Seb like to stay near our enclosure, which is fine.

  The people all look very smart and talk in loud, confident voices. The women are a bit shrill, giggly and wear lots of make-up, immaculate summer dresses and big sunglasses. The men all look cool in linen shirts and Panama hats. Everyone seems to know each other.

  ‘I’m sure you won’t recognise any of these people,’ Bev says. ‘But they’re all off the telly. That’s Ricky Wallman, he’s in Doctor Drake’s Dilemma.’

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘Hopeless.’ Bev shakes her head and then points at a tall redhead in the distance. ‘Caron Dougal? Legal Team?’

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘Tell me a television programme you have heard of and I’ll tell you if there’s someone here from it.’

  ‘Er … the six o’clock news?’

  ‘Oh, for heaven’s sake.’ She rolls her eyes at me. ‘Actually, there is a newsreader here, but he’s on Sky so there’s no point in me even showing him to you.’ Bev chews her lip. ‘I wonder how I can get sneaky selfies with them?’

  ‘Could you not just ask?’

  ‘Think so?’ Her face is wracked with indecision. ‘I’ll go and try,’ she says and bolts off.

  The music is playing in the background and there’s a friendly hum in the air. The string quartet are playing modern songs that I usually hear when I tune in to Radio Two. There’s a considerable queue for the champagne and Pimm’s.

  I am actually starting to relax, despite Bev deserting me. Lucas is back from leaflet distribution duties and he and Jack are organising selfies with Tina Turner who hasn’t done anything to disgrace herself yet. I can’t see the girls, so maybe they’ve gone celebrity-spotting too. I’m sure Tamara will be busy with her phone’s camera. Seb seems to be knee-deep in small children, but doesn’t appear to be too traumatised so I leave him to it while I supervise some stroking of Ringo and Buzz with Jack.

  I’m taking a moment to breathe when Shelby Dacre suddenly appears at my side and my heart starts to race once more. He’s wearing cream jeans, a grey tee and has a navy shirt over the top. His eyes are shaded by what I assume are designer sunglasses and his hair looks even more blond than usual in the sunshine. I can’t say that I’ve ever taken note of what any man was wearing before beyond Alan’s daily band T-shirts and there’s a cake reward on offer for that. Shelby Dacre always looks so smart and even more so today, but then I suppose he’s very much on show.

  ‘Can you manage for a minute, Jack?’

  ‘Yes, Molly. Just one minute?’

  ‘Let’s say a few minutes. I’ll only be over here if y
ou need me.’ So I step out of the way and Shelby follows.

  When we have our own little space, he kisses me softly on both cheeks and my mouth goes dry. ‘How’s it going?’

  ‘It’s amazing. I’ve never been to anything so fancy before. Thank you so much for having us.’

  ‘You’re going down a storm,’ he says. ‘I knew you would.’

  ‘I’m very grateful.’

  ‘No need to be. I hope we make a lot of cash. That’s the whole point.’ He takes in our stand. ‘Someone’s looking after you with food, drink?’

  ‘We’ve had tea and Bev blagged us some champagne,’ I admit.

  He laughs at that. ‘I’ll get them to put some food aside for you for later. It looks as if you have your hands full at the moment.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘I’d love to pet the animals, but I daren’t go near them. I haven’t mainlined antihistamine today.’

  ‘I understand.’

  Yet he moves closer to me and I’m probably covered in animal detritus and I feel like Bev must, as his proximity suddenly does very weird things to me. Perhaps men like Shelby have more than their fair share of pheromones or something. When he talks to you, it’s very hard to tear yourself away from his intense gaze.

  ‘I can’t thank you enough for how you’re helping Lucas,’ he says quietly. ‘I know he hasn’t been with you for long, but I can tell that he’s a different boy already.’

  ‘We haven’t done anything but give him some time and attention.’ If that sounds barbed then I don’t mean it to. ‘He’s a good kid.’

  ‘I’ll take your word for it,’ Shelby says, wryly.

  ‘Look at him.’ I nod towards where Lucas is helping people with their phones, reminding them to put a pound in the bucket for selfie services rendered, encouraging Jack to do the same.

  Then, out of nowhere, Scarlett Vincent appears and links her arm through Shelby’s which ends our conversation. She’s dressed all in white again today – this time in a clingy jumpsuit that’s backless, sleeveless and plunges to her navel. Eye-catching, I think would be the term. Certainly, Shelby’s eyes go straight to her cleavage. All I can imagine is alpaca snot sliding down it.

  ‘Hello, darling.’ Her voice is husky, sultry and she pronounces darling like daaaaahling. She gives him a lingering kiss. ‘I wondered where you’d got to.’

  ‘Just saying hello to Molly.’ He smiles at me and gives a little wink. ‘Maybe you should steer well clear of the alpacas, but why don’t you come and pet one of the goats? They’re cute and I’m sure pretty harmless.’ He looks at me for confirmation but, frankly, I can’t guarantee anything. All of these things pee and poo at will. ‘You could have your photograph taken with one.’

  Scarlett wrinkles her nose. ‘I don’t think so. Animals aren’t really my thing.’ Which means she’s not planning to get within ten metres of one. She pulls on Shelby’s arm like a bored toddler. ‘Don’t forget our guests, darling. We should get back to them.’

  ‘I suppose you’re right,’ he sighs. ‘We want those charity buckets to be filled up and I need to press some flesh. Enjoy your day, Molly.’

  ‘Darling … ’ Scarlett tugs at him again and Shelby rolls his eyes as one would at an indulged child.

  ‘Coming,’ he says. Then Scarlett Vincent draws him away and I watch them disappear into the crowd.

  Bev comes back as they’re leaving and says with disdain, ‘Tit tape.’

  ‘What?’ Another thing I know nothing of.

  ‘Lots of it,’ she continues. ‘In fact, that’s the only bloody thing holding her together. She could have someone’s eye out with those things.’

  I assume she’s referring to her voluptuous bosom. ‘She certainly looks very striking.’

  ‘I’d like to see her step in sheep shit,’ Bev says. ‘Or fall face-first in it.’

  ‘That’s cruel,’ I admonish, but I laugh too. ‘Haven’t we tortured that poor woman enough?’

  ‘Poor woman?’ Bev tuts.

  As Shelby walks away, I notice that he hasn’t really acknowledged Lucas at all. I hope that he hadn’t, but I think that Lucas notices it too. I hand Ringo and Buzz over to Bev and I make my way over to him. ‘You’re doing a grand job.’

  ‘At least I’ve got something to do,’ he says. ‘I’m usually hanging round like a spare cock at a wedding.’

  ‘Lucas,’ I say sternly, but we both giggle together.

  ‘You’re certainly looking better,’ a voice says and, when Lucas and I stop sniggering, I look up and see Christian Lee. Today, he’s in a bright pink bondage jacket covered in chains and rolled-up white trousers. Is this fashion or Christian’s unique style?

  ‘Me or Lucas?’ I ask.

  ‘Both of you,’ he says. ‘Lucas looks as if he’s been out in the sunshine instead of cooped up in his room playing those ghastly games and I see that you’re managing to keep that hairstyle more or less in check.’

  I hadn’t even noticed, if I’m honest. Perhaps that shows the quality of the cut. Don’t know. I still do the same thing to it that I’ve always done – wash and run. Sometimes with shampoo, sometimes with washing-up liquid. Depends what’s to hand. I’d better not tell Christian that or he might expire in a poof of glitter.

  Christian hugs Lucas to him. ‘If I’m not mistaken, you look as if you’re in very grave danger of enjoying one of your dad’s little get-togethers.’

  ‘Yeah?’ he says. ‘Well, looks can be deceiving.’

  I think Christian’s right, though, Lucas is definitely looking borderline cheerful. I wonder how long it will last?

  ‘Do you want a selfie with an alpaca?’ Lucas asks of his godfather. ‘This beauty is Tina Turner.’

  ‘Really?’ Christian looks worried by the prospect of getting too close. ‘I managed to stroke one of the little horse-unicorn creatures, but this thing looks like trouble. Will it bite me?’

  Lucas considers for a moment. ‘She hasn’t bitten anyone yet.’

  ‘I’ll risk it then,’ Christian says and he moves in closer. Lucas holds up his phone and they both beam at it as he clicks a photo of them.

  ‘That’ll be a tenner,’ Lucas says. ‘Mates’ rates for you.’

  Without complaint Christian puts a couple of notes into the bucket. ‘Make sure you send me a copy.’

  ‘I’ll text it now,’ Lucas says.

  ‘I don’t know what you’ve done to him, Molly,’ Christian quips. ‘But I think I rather like it.’

  I smile over at Lucas and he grins back. I like it too.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  The afternoon goes by quickly and more pleasantly than I could have expected. We’re so busy that I don’t have time to consider my nerves.

  Everyone has oohed and aahed over the animals and they, in turn, have behaved quite nicely. Tina Turner hasn’t nipped, hissed at or kicked out at anyone. There have been no unfortunate pee or poo-based incidents – which is never a given. Our bucket has clinked regularly with the sound of small change being deposited in return for selfies.

  Our youngsters and their parents have had a lovely time too and I think that I should try to overcome my reticence and get out and about more with them. They’ve coped better than I could have possibly anticipated and I shouldn’t foist my reluctance to meet other people on them. This has been a very good learning experience for all of us and I’m sure as well as raising money for the farm, it’s benefited everyone hugely.

  Lucas has just brought them all cupcakes from somewhere and is dishing them out. I feel that he’s been a perfect host today and has coped admirably. He’s been very solicitous of both the animals and his fellow students and I feel quite proud of him. The usual petulance has been little in evidence.

  My dear Bev has flitted about like a social butterfly, loving every minute, and I have a feeling her champagne levels are quite high. She’s going to be a right handful in the truck on the way home or she’ll fall fast asleep. It could go either way.

  As the evenin
g beckons, the event starts to draw to a close. The musicians pack up their instruments, the food stalls are selling their last few goods and there’s the clinking of glasses as the champagne tent tidies up. Before people start to drift away, Shelby Dacre takes to the stage and I leave the enclosure to stand near the front of the crowd that’s gathered around him.

  In his deep, rich voice he booms out, ‘Thanks to everyone for coming along to support us. It’s been a great day and the weather’s been kind. Last year we were all in wellies and huddled under umbrellas!’

  Everyone laughs.

  ‘The charities who we support really benefit from this. Every penny of profit goes directly to them. This year we’ve added a new charity to our list – a place that’s close to my own heart. I’d like to thank Hope Farm for bringing their students, animals and unicorns along for us to meet. I’m sure everyone has enjoyed that.’

  Everyone claps and, if I’m not mistaken, above the gathered audience, Shelby’s eyes lock with mine.

  ‘So I’m pleased to announce that we’ve raised an enormous sum this year.’

  He reels off a mind-boggling figure and the crowd of assembled actors and artistes all applaud. There are whistles and cheers too. Collectively, they have raised an awful lot of money. Some of these people must have dug very deep into their pockets.

  Shelby holds up a hand. ‘Thank you all for coming. Shall we do it again next year?’

  More cheering.

  ‘I’ll take that as a yes!’ Shelby waves to his guests. ‘Enjoy the rest of your evening, folks. Drive home safely!’