by Abby Brooks
“And I just love feeling like I’m part of his family. It’s something I never had…”
“I know. I’m really happy for you. This is everything you ever needed.”
“But it’s slipping through my hands.”
“Shush. Don’t focus on that. Stay positive. What else? What else is good?”
Ellie thought hard. “Juliet and Ian are having a Halloween party. Costumes and everything. Kind of a late engagement party kind of thing. James wants to go as the Hulk, but I have no idea what I should be.”
“You guys should totally go as the Terminator and Sarah Connor.”
A couple’s costume.
Ellie loved the idea and hated that she loved it all at the same time.
She ached at the thought she and James weren’t really a couple. At the thought that she was fooling herself into believing he cared for her. She knew Tessa was trying to help her ignore that ache, to help her focus on where she was instead of where she was afraid she’d end up, but Ellie couldn’t ignore the facts. Couldn’t ignore the gnawing feeling in her gut that she finally had everything she’d ever wanted and was about to lose it.
Tessa was right. She needed to stop worrying and start doing. She needed to get off her ass and find out if she was really pregnant. She couldn’t know how to move forward until she knew what moving forward looked like. Was she trying to figure out how to tell James she loved him and didn’t want things to end after Ian’s wedding? Or was she trying to figure out how to tell James all of that with the added confusion of bringing a baby into the mix?
Dear God. How had she let things get so far out of hand?
“When’s the party?” Tessa interrupted her thoughts and Ellie wondered how long she’d sat silent on the phone.
“This weekend. Saturday night.”
“So that gives you what? Three days to get the costumes together?”
And three days to figure out what the hell I’m going to do.
“Yep. That’ll be more than enough time, don’t you think?”
“For sure, especially if you go the Terminator and Sarah Connor route. Those costumes should be easy.”
“No doubt.” Ellie got the smile back into her voice even though her mind was churning through worries and plans and what ifs.
“You feeling better?” Tessa asked. “You sound like you’re feeling better.”
“So much better. Thank you.”
Tessa said her goodbyes and made Ellie promise to call her the moment she knew anything. Ellie promised and ended the call. She did feel better, though not because she was relieved. She felt better because she had a plan, or at least the beginnings of one.
First things first, she would stop worrying and start doing. She gathered her chair and her phone, then trekked back into the house. Grabbed her purse and drove to the pharmacy. Then stopped at the first gas station she found and sat in the car, building her confidence before going inside.
It would be better to know.
Better to take action.
But she couldn’t help but feel, as she walked through the empty convenience store and locked herself into the bathroom, that she was opening a window and unleashing the wind on her house of cards.
Chapter Thirty-Two
James
Ellie made the most adorable Sarah Connor of all time. The time she’d spent at the gym had given her arms just enough definition to really pull off the black tank top and her ass looked amazing in the black cargo pants. She’d taken hours to straighten her hair and pull it back into a ponytail. Add a tactical belt, some toy guns strapped to her waist and back, and a pair of aviators, and she looked smokin’ hot.
“I feel kind of ridiculous trying to pull off Schwarzenegger.” James tugged at the black leather jacket and itched at the prosthetic makeup transforming half his face into a robot. “I’m not big enough.”
Ellie smiled, but her eyes were far away. “You look amazing. Way better than Schwarzenegger ever did.”
“Now I know you’re lying.”
He waited for her to take the bait. To hit him back with some flash of honesty or wit, but Ellie just smiled again. Her eyes searched his and he could swear she was on the verge of saying something. Instead, she smiled weakly and turned away.
“What time does the party start?”
James wanted to ask what was wrong. Wanted to push her to open up and let him in, but he knew how hard it was for her to do that. That it took monumental effort for Ellie to allow herself to be vulnerable. He was afraid if he pushed her, she would spook. And he really didn’t want to spook her.
He’d been thinking more and more about suggesting they forget the whole fake relationship thing.
There was nothing fake about what was between them.
He just needed to find the right time to bring it up and given how distant she had been the last few days, it kept feeling like the wrong time.
“We should probably leave. I’m sure people are already showing up, but I want to make a flashy entrance. Show you off.” He pulled her in for a kiss. The sweet scent of her hair and perfume wrapped around him and made him want to pull her in closer. Ellie kissed him back, fervently, eager and hungry and needy. Her hands roved his body and she melted against him.
When he looked in her eyes, he saw what he wanted to see. She loved him. Or she was on the verge of loving him. But, there was fear there, too. He didn’t want her to be afraid.
Whatever it was she was dealing with, he needed her to know he would help her. He would be there for her. He needed her to know she wasn’t alone anymore and if he had his way, she would never go back to living on not enough. Never go back to scraping by to keep the lights on. Never go back to being afraid to let people into her heart.
Ellie was everything James needed. After the shock of discovering Erin’s betrayals, her honesty had been a shot in the arm. A breath of fresh air. He trusted her. And that felt damn good.
“Wanna take the bike?” she asked as they stepped outside into the balmy October evening.
“We could.” James shrugged. “But it might be chilly on the return trip. Plus, you’re packing a lot of heat.” He gestured to the toy pistols on her belt and the plastic AR-15 on her back. “We might give some people more than a little scare.”
After some discussion, they decided to drive Ellie’s car. Ever since she’d moved in, it had done way more sitting in the driveway than was healthy for the battery. Ellie even drove, which was a huge change of pace for James. Not that he minded. But Erin had always handed him the keys when they took her car. Everything about Ellie was different than Erin.
Better than Erin.
He couldn’t wait to show her off at the party. Couldn’t wait for people to see them together. To dance with her. To keep his hand on her back. To watch her talk to his family, that satisfied little smile of hers softening her face.
He’d fallen hard.
Very hard.
And the moment he stopped fighting it, he was ready to embrace it. Ready to show her what it really meant to have a Moore in her corner. He wanted to protect her and love her and keep her safe. He wanted to hold her up and support her. Encourage her and sustain her. Help her grow and hold her close and learn all there was to know about her while sharing all there was about himself with her.
He guided Ellie through the streets of Bliss to Ian’s home on a secluded stretch of beach. The driveway was already full, so Ellie found a place on the road and whistled as they walked toward the house. “You Moores sure know how to do the whole understated elegance thing.”
James shrugged off the compliment and led her past the rows of cars in the driveway and into his brother’s home. The sky was darkening early, an angry mass of clouds boiling over the ocean. “Looks like it was an extra good idea not to take the bike tonight,” he said, pointing to the inbound storm. “It would have been an awfully wet ride home.”
“Looks like a bad one.” Ellie stared at the horizon and took a deep breath. The look in her eyes
was lost. Distant.
What was wrong with her? Why wouldn’t she talk to him? Why was she pulling away?
It made him want to chase her, to confront her, to tell her he loved her and beg her not to leave.
But again, he knew she needed her space.
Time to process.
Unless…
Was she worrying about the impending deadline for their ‘relationship?’ Was she unaware that he had fallen for her and was trying to repair the cracks around her heart? If that was the case, then he needed to clear the air. He needed to find a quiet place to talk to her, to get her to talk to him, to tell her he wanted her. For real. They pushed through the front door into a cacophony of voices and music and laughter and the tinkling of ice in glasses.
“Happy Halloween!” Ian and Juliet materialized out of nowhere, Ian wearing his Navy dress whites and Juliet wearing a white button down and a bomber jacket.
“Let me guess,” James said. “Maverick and Charlie from Top Gun.”
Juliet clung to Ian’s arm and smiled up at him while James wrapped an arm around Ellie and pulled her close. He hadn’t believed in love. He’d thought Ian was foolish for moving so quickly with Juliet. But, after meeting Ellie, after living with her and realizing just how differently he felt about her compared to the way he’d felt about Erin, he struggled with the urge to apologize for judging his brother.
True love, when you found it, could knock you off your feet and redefine you. There was no questioning it. No denying. It was a force of nature and to fight it was to fight destiny. Or something like that.
Look at me. Thinking such deep, philosophical thoughts when there’s partying to be done.
“Let me guess,” Juliet said. “The Terminator and Sarah Connor?”
“Your knowledge of 80’s pop culture astounds me.” James pushed his glasses up on his head and turned to Ellie. “So, do you think I can be trusted to have alcohol tonight? I’d say you’ve cured me of my need to drink myself into a stupor.”
Ellie looked up at him, the strangest flash of fear darting through her eyes before he watched that damn mask fall over her face. “I’d say you’ve more than earned it. Let’s get you a drink, big boy.”
Juliet pointed to the multitude of alcoholic options in the kitchen and James led Ellie that way. Whatever had her so uptight, he was determined to get to the bottom of it.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Ellie
Pregnant.
The word had been echoing in her head since peeing on the stick in that gas station restroom. Those two pink lines screaming up at her as the walls pressed in. The roar of blood in her veins drowning out all thought.
PREGNANT.
Each day since, she had promised herself that was the day she’d tell James. She’d sit him down, hand him a drink, and admit she lied about being on the pill and confess she was pregnant. And each day since, she had chickened out and fallen asleep with her head on his chest and her heart growing heavier.
At the same time, irrational moments of joy had begun to sprout, a secret garden of happiness amongst so much worry. There was a baby growing inside her. A child who would need her. A child who would come into the world and give her the family she’d never had. Even if it was just the two of them. And then that bubble of happiness would burst and desperation would make another attack on Ellie’s heart.
Her entire life was an illusion. Her relationship with James. Living in his huge house. His family taking care of her, welcoming her to their dinners, protecting her against the world.
Tick tock, Cinderella. Midnight approached.
And finally, there she was at his brother’s house, dressed in a couple’s costume she didn’t deserve, being led to a table of drinks she couldn't consume. James grabbed a beer for himself and pointed to a blender.
“Oooh! Look, babe! Mar-ga-ri-tas.” He smiled and grabbed a glass and filled it with ice as he danced to the music.
“Nah,” she said and thunder rumbled in the distance. “I’m not really in the mood.”
“Not in the mood?” The storm outside moved into James’ eyes. “What’s up with you?” He set the glass down and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Talk to me. What’s been bothering you lately?”
Ellie stared into his dark eyes and considered saying she was sick and needed to go home. She even considered saying she was tired of being in a fake relationship and wanted to call it off and then disappearing from Bliss, never to be seen or heard from again. She considered telling him anything and everything but the truth. She opened her mouth, only to close it again. Could her timing be any worse? She couldn’t tell him at a party. Drop a bomb like that in his lap while they were surrounded by people.
Of course, she gave herself the same excuse every time she considered telling him anything the past few days. And there she was, excuse in hand, only for the first time it was really true. A flash of lightning outside brought a few shrieks from the guests around her as Ellie jumped in surprise. Tears pricked at her eyes and despite her valiant attempt to hold them back, they began to trace their way down her cheeks, each one an admission of her guilt.
“Ellie.” James looked terrified. He brought his hand to her arm and drew her in while outside, the clouds burst and rain pummeled the house. “What’s wrong? Please…” His eyes echoed his pleading voice. “Talk to me.”
She took a breath. And another. Swiping away the tears only to have more fall in their place. She pulled him toward the corner and leaned in close so no one else could hear.
“I’m pregnant.”
She said it and regretted it in the same instant relief washed over her.
James’ mouth fell open. His eyes glazed over. “What?”
“I’m pregnant. It was a lie—when I said I was on the pill. I’m sorry.” His eyes darkened and he pulled away and her heart lurched in her chest. “I have no idea why I lied. And I don’t know why I didn’t take it back as soon as it came out of my mouth. I thought it would be okay. That I could go get on the pill and we’d be okay.”
“You thought it’d be okay.” Lightning flashed again and Ellie didn’t know what was more ferocious, the storm outside or the one in James’ eyes. “You lied to my face and you thought it’d be okay.”
Ellie shook her head, stepping toward him as her heart fractured, tiny cracks racing over its surface. “I’m sorry…”
He held up his hands. “How fucking dare you!” His voice hissed out between clenched teeth. “After all I’ve done for you? After everything I’ve let myself feel for you? You repay me by doing this?” James leaned forward and put his face close to hers. “I let myself think you were different. I let you give me hope.”
“You gave me hope, too! Love does exist.” Ellie reached out to him, her hands shaking. “James, I am sorry. I love you and…and I didn’t know what to do and I still don’t know…and I need you to tell me how to make this better. What do I do?”
Her entire body shook.
Her jaw quivered.
Tears dripped from her chin.
“What can you do?” James wasn’t keeping his voice quiet anymore, and people were starting to stare. “Don’t you think you’ve done quite enough already?”
“James, please. You have to know I never meant—”
“For me to find out?” he interrupted before turning his back to Ellie and growling his next words. “Was it just about the money?”
A strangled sob tore through Ellie’s throat.
The horrendous sound of pain signifying the shattering of her heart.
Tears poured down her face unchecked.
“James…” She tried to reach out to him again, to explain. If only there was a way to make him hear her. “I’m so sorry…”
She meant it with her very soul.
“Just get away from me.” He shrugged away from her touch and spun around with his lip lifted in a snarl of disgust.
The music still played, but all around them people stared. Ian and Juliet rushed in from th
e next room, matched expressions of panicked confusion on their faces. Ellie took one last look at James, revulsion twisting his lips, then as she turned to leave, found herself staring at a room full of shocked guests. Humiliation spawned another sob and forced her eyes to the floor.
Without a word, she ran from the room, pushing through the crowded hallway and rocketing out the front door. Rain pelted her face and shoulders, plastering her ponytail to her head almost instantly. The roar of the wind was no match for the pounding of her heart. She fumbled her keys out of her pocket as she ran down the crowded driveway, her heavy footsteps stomping through the growing puddles. The stupid plastic gun she had strapped to her back bounced wildly against the top of her thighs.
She wanted to turn back, hopeful she’d find James barreling out of the house after her. Wishing she heard him, yelling for her to stop. Begging her to come back. But she knew he wouldn’t do any of those things. The look on his face—so full of loathing—told her he never wanted to see her again. Another sob tore through her throat and she couldn’t tell the tears from the rain.
She dropped her keys in a puddle and scraped her knuckles against the pavement when she bent to pick them up. After she managed to get her door unlocked, Ellie collapsed into the driver’s seat. She knew she needed to go but wasn’t ready for the ball to be over. She wiped her eyes, started the engine, and pulled onto the road. Her wipers thumped back and forth at full speed, but Ellie struggled to see more than a few yards ahead.
The storm pummeled her car, the wind rocking the vehicle while the rain fell in straight lines, exploding across her windshield. Her breath caught in her chest and her fingers and lips started to tingle while blood mixed with the water that dripped from her hand to her knee.
Gone. It was all gone. She’d had it all and lost it in the time it took to speak two little words. The breath from between her very lips the tempest that annihilated her house of cards.