How to Be Human

by Ruby Wax

  Ruby: Okay, so no replacement for Mommy, but can they replicate a human brain yet?

  Neuroscientist: I’m asked about this a lot – whether we can ever build a complete replica of a human brain. In principle, yes, the brain is a physical device that obeys physical rules, so we could build something that works like a brain. But the brain doesn’t work in isolation. We’re human because of our social connections, how we interact with each other. We see ourselves through other people’s eyes, and that changes our behaviour. I don’t think we can replicate that with technology.

  Ruby: So, the computers would have to learn how to mingle? A cocktail party of computers spouting emojis at each other.

  Neuroscientist: That sounds like my college reunion.

  Ruby: Thubten, what are your thoughts about future technology? You’re back in the conversation again.

  Monk: Thank you! I work with some of the biggest technology companies. When I speak to them, I try to emphasize the need to look at solving the world’s problems, not just making tech for the sake of tech. There needs to be a compassionate and ethical motivation. The driverless car, for example, won’t be able to make ethical choices, it will just drive to survive. That’s a concern, and I think the more we can get mindfulness and compassion training into those companies, the better chance there is of them creating a meaningful future for this planet.

  Ruby: So, where does the human and the machine divide? I have a couple of capped teeth, and screws in my toes from a bunion operation. If I start replacing other parts on a big scale, when do I lose who the original me?

  Neuroscientist: There is no original you. With the normal rate of turnover in bone cells, you create an entirely new skeleton about every ten years. Every single molecule in every cell of your body gets replaced many, many times over your lifespan. It doesn’t matter if we replace our body with cells or with mechanical parts, that’s not what makes us who we are. Do you know the paradox of the ship of Theseus?

  Ruby: No, why would I?

  Neuroscientist: The paradox was proposed by Plutarch in the first century. He describes the wooden ship that the Greek hero Theseus captained, kept as a memorial in the Athens harbour. Over the years, to preserve the ship, the Athenians replaced all the rotting wood plank by plank so that, eventually, not a single plank of the original ship was left. Was this still the ship of Theseus? Aristotle said it was, because the ship was defined by the idea of its identity more than by its materials.

  Ruby: Ash. Stop showing off like you know Plutarch. I’ll ask you an easier question. If you remove everything, like you take me apart, where is the essence of human consciousness?

  Neuroscientist: That’s the big question everyone wants to know, but I’m not sure I can even say what consciousness is, let alone where it is. When I work in the hospital, I’m just interested in conscious versus coma – and, by ‘conscious’, all I mean is whether someone can move and respond. I don’t get into anything about self-awareness.

  Monk: This is a central question in Buddhism: what is the self? Does it even exist? If it exists, where is it located? For something to exist, it has to have a location or other defining characteristics. So, in meditation, we explore the question, for example, if we were to remove a part of our body, does our self diminish by the corresponding amount?

  Ruby: So, if I had full metallic body, where is the Ruby part?

  Neuroscientist: We all know that losing a limb doesn’t mean losing any sense of self. It turns out that you can lose quite a lot of the brain too, without losing any consciousness. For example, there are babies born with a large amount of ‘water on the brain’, or massive hydrocephalus, where the brain is crushed down to just a thin rim and the skull is filled mostly with spinal fluid. There is very little brain there but those babies can still have rich and complex behaviours.

  Monk: The Tibetan philosophers talk about ‘water brain’, where the individual has almost nothing but water for a brain and yet is still conscious. So, this suggests to us that consciousness is beyond brain activity.

  Ruby: So, how do we explain it?

  Monk: We can’t, because the mind can’t understand itself through concepts. We can’t be conscious of what we’re not conscious of.

  Ruby: Einstein said something like that. You stole that from Einstein.

  Monk: Let’s say we both said it. We don’t believe you can pin consciousness down and, if we’re constantly trying to define it, it’s not getting us anywhere. Actually, the point of mindfulness is to directly see the illusory nature of our thoughts and the self. Breaking down the illusion of self will free us. My teacher often used to say, ‘Don’t take yourself so seriously,’ which can be taken on quite a profound level. People experience this when they meditate. They start to identify less with their thoughts, and they discover an awareness which is beyond their pain, beyond their ideas of self.

  Ruby: We were talking about the future, so can we steer the ship back to port?

  Monk: In terms of the future, we keep talking about getting ‘more advanced’, but what do we mean? As a species, are we becoming happier, kinder, wiser? What we now need is to evolve our minds, upgrade the software. Maybe that’s why mindfulness is so popular now.

  Ruby: I wrote in the chapter on evolution that we evolve to deal with challenges the environment throws up. Technology is part of that evolution because we needed to deal with modern challenges. Now, the technology itself is the challenge, because it’s making our lives more pressurized and it’s got out of hand, so maybe our next step in evolution is incorporating something like mindfulness.

  Monk: Yes, maybe mindfulness is the next step in our evolution.

  Ruby: So, what we’re saying is, we don’t need any more thumbs but we do need a new kind of mind to overcome the damage we’ve done to the world. Do you think we can actually evolve our minds?

  Neuroscientist: I hope so!

  Monk: Because we seem to have made ourselves so unhappy, it motivates us to find a solution. In fact, the more messed up we are, the more we’re motivated to meditate! Everyone wants a better life. There’s a natural search for the solution.

  Ruby: We should build better minds, not better missiles. I’ve become a hippie. Let’s light up a joint and celebrate.

  You’ll find the relevant mindfulness exercises for dealing with the future in Chapter 11.

  11

  Mindfulness Exercises

  The Benefits of Mindfulness

  All the topics in the prior chapters lead to the practice of mindfulness. Practising it is the only way I know to be able to find some peace in a world that’s not peaceful.

  Mindfulness isn’t a spa treatment, like bathing in a warm, sacred urn of Nepalese yak oil, it’s hard-core – Iron Man for the brain. It takes stamina and commitment to build up those brain muscles to make them strong enough to rope in that wild, woolly mind; otherwise, it will run you ragged.

  Here are some of the benefits:

  Breaking bad habits

  Personally, mindfulness has helped me curb my addictions, one of which is anger. Rage is my drug of choice. With mindfulness, I’ve recognized it’s a bad habit and that all I get from indulging my fix is acid reflux. We all have bad habits of thinking and feeling, and mindfulness is a way of recognizing them, forgiving ourselves for them and nipping them in the bud.

  Stress reduction

  I can’t mention cortisol enough. Like it or not, empirical evidence shows that mindfulness reduces anxiety, panic and stress. You can’t argue with science.

  Longevity

  I don’t think I’m being unreasonable when I say I’d like to live a long, healthy life. Overpriced moisturizers and facial reconstruction don’t cut it because, obviously, your insides still age and there’s far more of you inside than outside. There aren’t enough surgeons in the world to nip and tuck it all.

  What defines your real age is the wear and tear of your telomeres. How long they are determines how fast you age, so, if you lie about it, your telomeres will
expose you. The scientists who discovered them won a Nobel Prize. Without getting too ‘sciencey’ on the subject, telomeres reside at the end of your chromosomes, which you have in every cell that makes you you. They’re like the little plastic bits at the end of a shoelace that stop it from fraying. Whenever your cells replicate as you age, telomeres get frayed and wear down. If they become too short, they wither and die. How fast they fray depends how you live your life. Research shows that mindfulness helps you live longer and stay healthier.

  I haven’t had my telomeres tested but I feel, in my bones, a lot younger than I really am. To me, an inflexible mind and body is a sign of ageing. At this late stage in life, I’m proud to say there’s almost nothing I won’t try; I’ve been to the ‘Burning Man festival’ three times and I can still do the splits. Case closed.

  More visits to the present

  Most of us spend about 50 per cent of our lives mind-wandering; sometimes we have nice thoughts but, mostly, they’re negative: rehashing and worrying about things that have or haven’t happened. I figure I’ve missed enough of my life; I don’t want to miss any more. I practise mindfulness so I can have a front-row seat to watch my life with no intervals.

  You can take as many selfies as you want of yourself in front of a chocolate brownie, but nothing compares to that firecracker going off inside, blasting out pure pleasure dust, when you’ve got that brownie in your mouth. We live for the moment, but no one tells us how to get there. Mindfulness trains you to stop and smell the roses.

  Better attention and memory

  Now that I practise mindfulness, I have better control of flipping my attention to where I want it and away from where I don’t, even in the face of stress. When you’re under pressure, your memory goes down and you go blank. I’m happy to report that, during the tours of my one-woman show, in over two hundred performances, I’ve never forgotten a line.

  Thubten and I are now going to give specific mindfulness exercises to help you deal better with your thoughts, your emotions, your body, with compassion, in relationships, with your kids, with addiction, with the future, and with forgiveness. There are many different ways to teach mindfulness, so Thubten and I are offering you a selection. As in everything, different styles suit different people.

  First of all, some general points from Thubten which will be helpful when you do any of the exercises that follow.

  Find a quiet place for your practice.

  Practising first thing in the morning is ideal, as it means you’re starting your day off right, but really, any time you can fit it in is great. Also, it’s good to practise micro-moments of mindfulness a few times a day in addition to your regular ‘formal’ session.

  For beginners, the length of the session should be five or ten minutes. Later in your practice you can choose to up the timing. Use a clock or a timer. It’s not the length of the session that counts; practising every day is what changes the mind.

  It’s good to start and end each session with a moment to set the intention of kindness. Remind yourself that you’re practising to help yourself and others; as your mindfulness grows, the effect you have on others will become more and more positive. This is compassion.

  Mindfulness Exercises for Thoughts

  THUBTEN’S EXERCISES

  During mindfulness practice, the mind will wander a lot, but this isn’t a bad thing, it’s a chance to exercise. When you get distracted by thoughts, you can bring your attention to the body or to your breath, coming back to them as an anchor when your thoughts have carried you away. Later, as your practice develops, you might not need to anchor using either the body or the breath, you’ll be able to just stand back and let the thoughts pass by. They won’t disappear, but they won’t be so intrusive and overwhelming.

  It’s important to understand that you’re not trying to get rid of your thoughts, you aren’t trying to go blank – which is impossible, anyway. Instead, you’re focusing your mind so that you can be less controlled by your thoughts. The point of the training is to enable you to return again and again to the present moment.

  It’s difficult to steady the mind, so when you notice you’ve been pulled into mind-wandering – the past, the future, your fantasies, distractions such as external noise, and so on – don’t be self-critical. Mindfulness is all about learning to be kind to yourself. So, when you notice that your mind has become distracted, just gently come back to the area of focus.

  Exercise 1: Body Scan

  Lie on your back on the floor. If it’s more comfortable, place a pillow under your head and knees.

  The next step is to get a general sense of your body lying still. Feel the floor beneath you.

  You’ll be moving your focus through specific areas of the body to hone your attention. Try to sense the sensations directly, rather than think about them. If your thoughts are scattered and your mind is distracted, don’t get frustrated, be kind to yourself and bring the focus back to the specific area you are working on.

  If you can’t sense anything in an area, just be aware of the lack of feeling.

  Start by focusing on your toes (left and right feet simultaneously).

  Let go of that focus and move up into the soles of both feet, again, not thinking about it, just sensing the whole area, from the tips of the toes all the way to the heels.

  Let go of that and move your attention to the ankles, feeling that entire area.

  Slowly shift your attention up through the calves and towards the knees. Really sense the whole knee: bones, muscles, skin, etc.

  Now move to both thighs, being present and sensing that region.

  Next, bring your attention to the pelvic area and then slowly up to the waist.

  Now let go of that and move your focus, like the beam of a spotlight, into the fingers of both hands.

  Slowly shift your focus to the hands, then up into your arms, elbows, armpits and shoulders. People often feel tension in their shoulders and, once more, it’s important not to be critical, just focus on whatever’s there.

  After the shoulders, move your focus to your torso, travelling step by step, upwards from the waist, then the lower back, up to the rib cage, chest and upper back.

  Now, moving up to the neck, notice whatever’s there. If you feel any tension or stiffness, don’t judge it.

  Next shift your focus to specific areas of the face: the mouth, cheeks, nose, eyes, eyebrows and forehead.

  After this, move your attention to the top of your head. Spend a few moments resting your awareness there.

  The next phase is to reverse the flow of attention from head to toes, but this time more quickly and in less detail. Use a sweeping motion, more like a water line descending, as if you were pulling the plug out of a sink. Travel quite swiftly down from the head to the shoulders, torso and arms, to the legs, feet and toes, noticing each area.

  When you’ve finished, spend a few moments relaxing, having a general sense of your body lying on the floor, feeling it beneath you, and noticing your breathing, without manipulating it in any way.

  Some people may find that this body scan makes them feel dizzy or disorientated. If this is the case, do the scan only from head to toes, first slowly, and the second time a little faster.

  Exercise 2: Breathing

  Sit on a chair with your back straight. Try not to lean against the back of the chair; if necessary, put a cushion behind the base of your spine for lower-back support. Make sure your head is upright and your face, jaw and shoulders are relaxed.

  This exercise has four steps.

  Step 1. Body awareness. Feel the contact between your feet and the floor. Then move your attention to the sensations in your lower spine and bottom, where they make contact with the chair. Next, bring your focus to your shoulders. Now move into your hands and fingers and feel them resting on your lap. This brings your attention into the present moment, making you feel relaxed and calm.

  Step 2. Notice your breathing, initially just the feeling of your body moving slightly with each
in breath and out breath. Be careful not to manipulate your breathing; leave it natural, as it is.

  Step 3. This is the most important step, so spend the most time on this. Narrow your focus to the feeling of the breath coming in and out of the end of your nose. Feel the air brush against the skin at the edge of your nostrils, again being careful not to manipulate your breathing. If it’s uncomfortable to breathe through the nose, then breathe through the mouth and focus on the air as it crosses your lower lip. The nostrils or lip is the point of focus that you will return to whenever your mind wanders. Your mind will wander. This happens to everyone and is normal, but just keep bouncing the awareness back to the breath. Don’t be frustrated by distractions; all you need to do is notice when your thoughts have taken you away and then gently return to the breath with patience and kindness. Sometimes, your mind will wander for a long time before you even notice that it has gone; that’s okay, your focus will improve with training. It’s the noticing and the gentleness of returning that count.

  Step 4. When you’re ready to end the session, go back to focusing on the feeling of your body where it contacts the chair, and the sensation of your feet on the floor.

  RUBY’S EXERCISES

  Exercise 1: Three-minute Thought Exercise

  There are three steps in this exercise.

  Step 1. (One minute) At any time in the day, or right now, notice what you’re thinking about. If you’re thinking of something good, bad or neutral, notice it, but try to do it with curiosity, not judgement. Even if your mind berates you for always focusing on the negative, at least congratulate yourself for noticing – most people haven’t got a clue when their mind has wandered.

  Step 2. (One minute) Take your focus to the breath, zooming in at the tip of the nose, the throat, the chest or the abdomen.