Look Twice

by M. Garzon

  “That’s part of the reason I went back to school, you know,” he said. “I was living in three countries a year, and I started to wonder what I would do if I ever wanted to settle down.”

  “But won’t you always wonder if you could have gone to ten?”

  “No.” He surveyed me calmly. “I know I would have gone to ten.”

  I laughed at his assurance. Polo players are ranked on a scale of minus two to ten, but there were less than a dozen players ranked ten in the world; they were about as elite as gold-medal Olympians.

  After lunch, we went for a walk along the town’s main street, just because we could. Jaden looked so incredible in his suit that I had a hard time keeping my hands off him.

  “Must you keep mauling me?” he asked, amused, as he pulled my hand out from inside his shirt for the third time. It just fit between the buttons.

  “Well, you can’t show up looking like that and expect me to keep my hands to myself,” I said tartly.

  “Hmm... do you realize how sexist that would sound if our genders were reversed?”

  As we were driving home he shook his head. “I can’t believe that’s the first time I’ve taken you out since Florida. It’s bad enough that I can’t buy you anything.” It was a point of ongoing frustration for him that I refused most of his gifts in order to keep the peace with Dec.

  “You can’t take me out and you can’t buy me stuff — some might argue that makes me the perfect girlfriend.” I winked at him.

  We got back to the gas station where I had parked, which was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by fields. Jaden went inside to get a drink while I went to the side of the building to unlock my car. I heard a step behind me and was about to comment on how fast he’d been when a hand was clapped over my mouth.

  “Oh, I can’t tell you how I’ve waited for this moment,” a strange voice hissed in my ear.

  I struggled frantically, but another arm clamped around me, pinning my arms to my sides and lifting me off the ground. I was frenziedly trying to kick when a ‘whap’ sounded loudly behind my head; a familiar hand jerked on my arm and I staggered sideways, suddenly free.

  “Get in the car and lock the doors,” Jaden yelled.

  I whirled around. Thin Skinhead was facing Jaden, and both crouched forward, fists at the ready. My heart thundered; I was so weak with fear that I couldn’t move. A movement at the corner of my eye snapped me out of my stupor.

  “Behind you!” I cried.

  Jaden leaped out of the way just in time to escape the massive fist that Big Skinhead aimed at his head. And then everything happened so fast I could hardly keep track. Jaden spun quickly to put Thin Skinhead between him and the big guy. He hit him twice in the head, and Thin Skinhead dropped like a stone.

  Big Skinhead and Jaden started circling, looking for an opening. I was petrified. I wanted to yell at Jaden to run, but I was even more terrified of distracting him. Jaden made a swift feint toward Big Skinhead, who took a lumbering swing; in the time it took the large fist to come around Jaden had hit him two or three times. It only seemed to make him madder, though, and soon Big Skinhead made contact, landing a crashing blow on Jaden’s ribs.

  “NO!!” I screamed as he doubled over. I ran forward. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I couldn’t just stand there.

  Jaden’s snarl stopped me dead. “Téa, get out of here!”

  He didn’t look at me, though — his eyes never left his opponent’s.

  Big Skinhead took another swipe, and Jaden launched himself forward. There was a blur of blows, the sound of grunts and of flesh hitting flesh shockingly loud even here, out in the open. Jaden fought viciously, his expression downright feral. He landed another blow and suddenly Big Skinhead went down and Jaden was on top of him, raining blow after blow onto the hulking body beneath him. I ran forward.

  “Jaden, stop,” I sobbed. “He’s not moving!”

  When his fist came up again I grabbed his arm; for a second I thought I was going to go flying as it jerked downward, but it abruptly went limp in my hands. He hunched forward, his head hanging.

  “Are you okay?” I crouched down so I could see his face. “Are you badly hurt?”

  “I’m all right,” he panted. He finally raised his face, and I gasped — there was a lot of blood on it. “Come on, we have to get out of here.” He groaned as he got up.

  I put my arm around his waist and tried to support him. He had one arm around my shoulders but I could tell he was trying not to lean on me. Not for the first time, I cursed my small stature.

  “Lean on me,” I pleaded. I helped him into the passenger side of his car and ran to climb into the driver’s seat. He tossed me the keys and I peeled out onto the road.

  “Put your seat belt on,” he ordered. He was pulling out his phone.

  “Who are you calling?”

  “911. Those guys need an ambulance.” He gave the details anonymously before slumping in his seat. I rummaged in my purse with one hand and handed him a pack of tissues; his nose was bleeding. I was barely watching the road. I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

  “I’ll get you to a hospital,” I said.

  “I don’t need a hospital. Just go home.”

  “But you’re hurt!”

  “It’s not serious.”

  “I’m taking you to see a doctor.” My jaw set.

  “Téa,” he said impatiently, “if I show up at a hospital looking like this, on the same day that two men are mysteriously assaulted, don’t you think someone might put two and two together? I’m in law school, and I already have an arrest on record. Take me home.” He stared angrily out the window.

  The wall of guilt that hit me nearly knocked me senseless. This was my fault. It was my impulsive idiocy that had stirred up this hornet’s nest, and now Jaden was hurt and couldn’t even seek medical attention, all because of me. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I drove, but I didn’t make a sound. I kept my face turned away from him.

  We were halfway home when he spoke. “Find someplace to pull over.”

  I did as he asked. I heard him shift in his seat before feeling his hand on my face. “I’m sorry I snapped at you,” he said.

  I couldn’t choke back the sobs this time, and before I knew it I was crying onto his shoulder. I couldn’t believe he was apologizing to me. He held me for a minute, making soft shushing sounds, and I smothered my crying as soon as I could.

  He handed me his cell phone. “Call the house and make sure Dec’s not in.”

  “Why?”

  “Because if Dec sees us alone in my car on the same day I show up looking like this, I will need a hospital,” he said grimly.

  I didn’t understand, but I humored him and called the house. There was no answer, which didn’t mean much since everyone was probably in the barn. When we got to Shady Lane, Jaden made me stop on the road while he surveyed the property. Dec’s truck was in front of the shed, but we saw Blue trotting around outside. Dec was in the barn, then, because Blue shadowed him faithfully. I parked quickly and helped Jaden into the house. He sat in the kitchen, and I had barely handed him a towel and small icepack when Dec came in. At the sight of Jaden he stopped dead, and if the expression on his face had been directed at me I would have run.

  “There had better be a damn good explanation for this,” he growled. I flinched at the oath. He must’ve been really mad.

  Jaden shrugged lightly. “It was self-defense.”

  “What happened? Will the police be showing up here again?” Dec asked. His voice was harsh, showing no concern for Jaden’s condition, and it was starting to upset me.

  “No sir, I very much doubt that will happen.” Jaden’s reply was calm, and he held Dec’s gaze unflinchingly. Dec grunted and sat down, seeming to relax a bit.

  Jaden already had the icepack I’d given him pressed against his lip, and I found what I’d been rummaging for — a pack of frozen peas, perfect. I broke them up inside the package and wrapped it in a dishtowel, knowing the small
particles would shape themselves to the angles around his eye. I traded it for the smaller icepack. When he started taking the towel off I pushed his hand away firmly and helped him place the package carefully on his swelling eye.

  “You can get tissue damage if you put it directly on your skin,” I explained.

  “You certainly are a fan of ice,” he grumbled.

  “It relieves swelling, bleeding, and pain, it’s cheap and renewable, and has virtually no side effects,” I murmured absently as I checked the rest of his face. “What’s not to like?”

  “Remind me again why you’re not considering a career in medicine?” His one visible brow was frowning.

  “Not now, Jaden,” I said impatiently.

  I started lifting his shirt but his free hand caught mine. Probably a reflex by now, in this house.

  “Let her take a look, kid,” Dec sighed. “She knows what she’s doing.”

  Jaden’s surprised eye searched mine out.

  “Jaden, I’m a riding instructor,” I replied to his unvoiced question. “I have first aid training.”

  I gave him a small, tight smile; it was the best I could manage given his state. I was anxious to complete my assessment of the damage. I was wincing at the sight of the flourishing red patches on his ribs when Seth came in.

  “Whoa! You look like you went a few rounds with a prizefighter,” he exclaimed. He flung himself into the chair next to us. Dec stood up and braced his hands on the table, leaning toward Jaden.

  “Do you remember the promise you made me?” he demanded. He was scowling fiercely.

  “Yes. And I haven’t broken it,” Jaden replied.

  Dec gave a curt nod and stalked out.

  “What was that about?” Seth examined Jaden with interest.

  Jaden sighed, and I leaned against him, my hand on his shoulder. Dec wouldn’t like it if he saw, but I needed to be touching Jaden now.

  “I made Dec a promise that I wouldn’t fight anymore unless it was a life-or-death situation,” Jaden admitted. We explained what had happened. Jaden put his arm around my waist when he felt my trembling.

  “You fought both those guys and walked away?” Seth’s eyes were huge now. “Dude, that’s badass! But how?”

  I shifted so I could watch Jaden’s face; I’d been asking myself the same question.

  “Don’t you two know what Granddad did for a living?” Jaden asked.

  “He was in the army,” I supplied.

  “Yes, but more specifically, he was an instructor — he taught hand-to-hand combat,” Jaden said. “He taught all of his kids how to fight, and my dad taught me.”

  Seth and I exchanged a stunned look. “Dec’s been holding out on us,” he muttered.

  “Yeah, I wonder why,” I said.

  “Because the combination of your size and temperament with fighting skills would be a recipe for unmitigated disaster, that’s why.” Jaden laughed.

  I smiled back at him and returned the frozen peas to his eye.

  “Well, your face seems okay,” I told him. Thank God. “But you should get your ribs X-rayed, I can’t tell if they’re broken.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t need an x-ray.”

  And for once, I didn’t have the heart to argue with him.

  Jaden took some painkillers and went to bed early. I was still feeling dejected the next day, and hearing Jaden call the polo club to tell them he wouldn’t be playing that weekend only made me feel worse. I decided to go ride Hades to get my mind off things, and it worked as long as I kept moving. But when we dropped to a walk to catch our breath, the thoughts came thick and fast, and they weren’t reassuring.

  I’d always thought I was so very different from Dec. I’d even been contemptuous of the anger he sometimes couldn’t control. But this whole mess had been created by my temper. Just because I hadn’t hit anyone didn’t make me any less responsible because, in the end, people had still ended up hurt. Including Jaden, who was the last person I ever wanted to wound. Jaden, who had worked so hard to free himself from the legacy of our family’s anger. I’d never seen him fully in its grip before, and while he had only acted to protect me, a tiny part of me was shaken to discover the fury that lay dormant within him.

  I didn’t like where my thoughts were headed, so I pushed Hades back into a trot. I worked without stirrups, doing gymnastic exercises until we were both puffing and sweaty. I didn’t see Jaden until he was in the ring; he stopped me by holding the reins, and his eyes were gentle when they found mine.

  “Stop punishing yourself, Téa,” he said quietly.

  I bit back my automatic denial and closed my eyes. My guilt was so overwhelming it felt as though I was being consumed by insects, one tiny chunk at a time.

  “If you’re looking for penance, I’ve got a better idea,” he went on.

  I didn’t trust my voice, so I just looked at him questioningly.

  “I need a back rub,” he explained. “I haven’t thrown a real punch in a long time.”

  “Penance, huh?” I couldn’t help but smile. In my mind, touching Jaden — in any capacity — could only be construed as a reward. I dismounted to walk beside him to the barn.

  “Why aren’t you angry with me?” I blurted suddenly. I was certainly angry with myself.

  “I have no reason to be. This wasn’t your fault, Téa,” he reassured me. “Fighting was my choice.”

  “I wondered about that,” I said, hesitant. “About whether we could’ve just run.”

  He tensed. “Maybe we could have. But I wanted to give them a taste of what to expect if they ever come within a mile of you again.”

  His expression made me pray that they wouldn’t.

  I stole glances at his face while we walked. The cut above his eye was still fresh, and his brow, along with the outer half of his eye, was puffy and turning purple. His lip was also swollen, though that cut seemed to be mending more quickly. In the barn, we found Catherine, who was turning into my assistant of sorts, and I handed over Hades’ reins. Catherine’s long, wavy dark hair swung over her pale face, and I had a feeling she did it on purpose to hide the fact that she was staring at Jaden’s battered condition.

  Jaden and I went to the loft, and he sat on some bales. I kneeled next to him and brushed his lips very softly with mine.

  “I don’t know where to touch you,” I said, tentatively stroking his arm. “I’m afraid to hurt you.”

  He took my hand and placed it on his cheek. He held it there while he kissed my wrist, then started working his way down the inside of my arm.

  “Hey,” I reminded him gently, “we’re here to make you feel better, remember?”

  I helped him take off his shirt, and when he lay down I massaged his back, shoulders, and arms, taking my time. When I was done he rolled onto his back, and I winced at the sight of the darkening contusions over his ribs. I bent to kiss them gingerly, my hands caressing him at the same time.

  He groaned. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” He tugged on my wrist, drawing me up his body, and pulled me down on top of him.

  “Wait,” I protested, “your bruises-”

  He ignored me, clamping his arms around me and finding my lips with his eager ones. This kiss was less careful; I was still afraid to hurt him, but his zeal was such that I started to forget.

  Eventually, we rolled onto our sides, Jaden lying on his less-injured half. “You have difficulty dealing with guilt, don’t you,” he murmured.

  I sighed in frustration. “Jaden, you’re the love of my life and you got hurt because of my stupidity. Of course that’s hard for me to deal with.”

  He stared at me intensely, his beautiful eyes unfathomable.

  “Say that again.” His voice was low and slightly rough.

  I squirmed closer to him. “Jaden James Foster, you are the love of my life,” I said quietly, feeling the emotion shining from my eyes.

  He hugged me hard for a minute. “I feel guilty too,” he confessed.

  “Why?” I
asked, stunned. Yes, he had hurt those guys, but only because he’d been defending me.

  “I’m not that person anymore, the one who resorts to his fists. I never wanted you to see me that way.” He took my face in his hands, holding me as gently as if I were a soap bubble. “I hope you don’t think any less of me for my loss of control.”

  I would have laughed but for the doubt hiding behind his eyes. He really believed that this could affect my esteem for him. As if such a thing was possible. I took his hands from my face and held them in mine.

  “My love, you saved me, and you risked yourself to do it. The only person I think any less of is me,” I whispered.

  A sudden bang made us jump. My heart was soon banging harder than the trapdoor had, because Dec was standing in the loft, taking in the scene with eyes narrowed and nostrils wide. He took two slow steps toward us as Jaden and I scrambled to our feet.

  Dec planted his hands on his hips. Anger was slowly suffusing his face. He stared at Jaden without saying anything, and my gaze followed his while my heart lodged in my throat. Jaden looked so vulnerable, standing there half-dressed and bruised, his expression managing to be both resolute and embarrassed at the same time.

  I stepped in front of him.

  Dec’s eyes widened as they dropped down to mine. He was clearly startled. I felt Jaden’s hands on my shoulders, trying to move me aside, but I planted my feet firmly and reached behind me with both arms, holding him to me.

  “This wasn’t Jaden’s doing-” I started to say.

  “You both made me a promise,” Dec interrupted, his voice like steel. “You’re supposed to be keeping this relationship under wraps. What if a boarder had caught you?”

  “You’re right,” Jaden said behind me. “I apologize-”

  “Apologies are not going to help if you get caught!” I could see Dec fighting to keep his voice down.

  I hung my head because he was right. Jaden’s fingers tightened on my shoulders.

  “Uncle Dec, we’re doing our best to respect your conditions, but Téa spends virtually all her time here. If she were free to go out more or to come to my place, it would be easier, but for the moment — well, if we didn’t interact here, then we wouldn’t at all. She works too much.”