by Brooke May
Glancing over at the passenger seat, I check to make sure the basket of white carnations I bought Patience are still doing okay and not on the floor. I could have left them at my place and gave them to her when we got back, but I wanted her to have them right away and to know they will be in her home even if I’m not.
They are still upright, and I take better care with the turns getting back to town and through the streets until I reach her house.
Her grandma’s house.
It makes me laugh at the thought. Like my house and all the guys’ houses, Mamie’s was the place to go to avoid adults and to get spoiled with food. All five of us guys were always hungry, and Mamie never minded feeding us.
It was one of the best things about going to her house. And now Patience lives there. I can’t believe it. But at the same time, I’m not surprised. Mamie loved Patience more than anyone. They spent so much time together, so it makes sense that she left her house to her granddaughter.
When we were younger, we had converted the basement into our hangout center. There were two bedrooms, a bathroom, a bar that had a refrigerator where we kept all sorts of drinks, a pool table, and an old TV we had an original Nintendo hooked up to.
Hours were spent in there playing, especially during the winter.
But we spent a lot of time outside too. In the summer, we would be out back, picking raspberries from the bushes that bordered the entire yard, and in the winter, we would close off the block so we could sled down it. We more often ran into the cottonwood in the neighbor’s yard than successfully getting to the bottom of the hill.
That’s where Ryder broke his arm for the first time and Patience broke her four front baby teeth out.
As I pull into the driveway, I look at the old tree and wonder if trees can remember what humans can.
Cutting the engine, I get out of the truck and anxiously walk up to the front door. Just as I’m about to knock, the door swings open.
“Holy shit.” My breath is stuck in my chest at the sight of her.
“You kiss your mother with that mouth?” Her small yet curvy hip juts out to the side as she holds the door, and a beautifully sculpted brow rises at me.
No, but I would love to kiss you all over with it.
Her sharp gasp tells me I didn’t think that.
Fuck.
“I mean, you look gorgeous.” My jaw clenches at my stupidity. But she does look breathtaking. Her jeans look the softest velvet, washed out on top of her thighs. I know she didn’t buy them like that. Patience doesn’t do fashion like that. These are old jeans, but they do look great on her. Her shirt is pale blue and extremely loose. She has a thick brown belt around her waist to make the shirt form to her better, and it exposes a great deal of her neck and the top of her breasts. But the outfit wouldn’t be complete without the well-worn brown boots on her feet.
“Those look familiar.” I nod down at her boots.
“They haven’t changed in seven years,” she smarts and backs out of my way. “Come on in. I just need to get a coat on.”
Stepping into the house, I offer her the flowers. “I got these for you.”
“Thank you.” She takes them, but I don’t let go. Instead, I step closer to her and place a brief kiss on her cheek. I can’t help myself. I need to do it. I need to feel her skin against my lips.
“You’re welcome, snowflake.” My low, husky whisper dusts across her warm cheek before I pull back. She is barely blinking, her breathing has picked up, and her cheeks are starting to glow.
“I’m … umm … I’m going to put these here.” Shaking her head, she looks away from me, then puts the flowers on the table and quickly pulls her coat on.
“Ready to go?” Offering her my arm, I help her lock up, and deposit her into my truck. This time, she seems happy to be here.
Chapter Seventeen
Patience
HE’S JUST AS NERVOUS AS I AM.
I can tell by the way he’s gnawing on his bottom lip. He has only ever done that when he gets himself into a situation he isn’t sure he can control the outcome to. He has every right to be nervous about this dinner. I’m not predictable—never have, never will be.
The truck rocks as he hops behind the wheel, and I watch as he puts his seat belt on and then starts the truck before pulling out his phone to fire off a text message before we drive away.
“Some officer of the law you’ve turned out to be.” Snorting, I roll my eyes. “You aren’t supposed to be texting behind the wheel.”
“I haven’t put in drive yet.” Waving his phone at me, he drops it to the cup holder and grabs the stick.
“It doesn’t matter, the truck is started, and you have the intent to start driving.” I frown up at him. “You’re a deputy, you should know this.”
“It’s my first week on the job, snowflake. I’m still learning.” He flashes me a wickedly dazzling smile and then puts the truck into reverse. A small thrill rushes through me at that smile. It was one he used to always give me, and the one I want to see all the time now.
But my nervousness returns as the truck jerks backward, and then Duke easily glides it into first gear.
Moving my hand up, I grab a lock of hair to play with to help settle me. It’s a habit I know Duke will recognize. When I reach only air, I place my hand back down with the other on my lap and twiddle my thumbs instead.
“It’s good to see someone driving around in a standard. They are becoming a rare sight.” I honestly don’t know what the hell I’m doing bringing up truck talk. I’m bullshitting myself.
“There is no need to be nervous, Patience.” He chuckles.
And I can’t bullshit him either.
“I can’t help it.” My head continues to move around; to the side window, to the windshield, and to him over and over again.
“I know, and I hope you aren’t going to be expecting any calls.”
“No, I’m not.” Looking back at him, I lightly shake my head. “Mom knows where I’m going to be, so there won’t be any calls from my dad. No one else really calls me unless it is Angie checking on me for the millionth time today.”
“Good, there will be zero reception where we are going, and I don’t want you to worry about missing anything.”
“We are going to your parents’, right?” I’m a little worried. Where does he plan on feeding me out there that isn’t in his parents’ house with them around? It’s freezing outside.
“Yes, I’m living in the old barn for now.”
“I didn’t know they built a new barn.” My parents never said anything about it, and I feel like shit for being so shut away from the world that I didn’t know.
“They did, and then they started to convert the old one into living quarters. I’m living there for now until I find something more permanent.”
“Oh? Are you helping work on it?” This is an easy conversation to start with. This will be easy to ease into others.
“For the most part, I am. There isn’t much I need to do to it. I think my parents are planning on renting it out to artists and authors throughout the year once it’s done.”
“Is the heating better in there now that it’s been converted to living quarters?”
This makes him laugh again. “It is much better now.” That makes me smile.
“That’s good to know. The last winter we hung out in there, I nearly froze to death while Decker and Holt were seeing who could down the most of the moonshine Chase brought over.” Together, we laugh.
My nerves slowly return when we turn off the highway and onto the dirt road leading to his family’s ranch.
“I haven’t been out here since right after graduation.” My voice is a breath above a whisper. I guess this will lead to the next part of tonight’s conversation. Rubbing my lips together, I feel my nerves start to bounce around inside me.
I was somehow a functioning wreck before he showed up to pick me up. My mom and Aunt Satin forced me to leave early today to go home and get ready. I needed it
for how rough I looked this morning. At least, that’s what they told me. I’ve got to love the women in my family because their honesty keeps me grounded.
Maybe a little too much.
I had scrubbed and lotioned my body, blew out my hair, did the best I could to hide the bags under my eyes, and then spent a good hour trying to put a decent outfit together.
I wanted sexy but not too revealing.
Something warm that wouldn’t cover me too much.
Something that was a blend of the girl I once was and the woman I’m working toward becoming now.
I had changed at least a dozen times before I pulled out an old pair of jeans I’d had since the end of high school. As if I wasn’t feeling a jumbled mess already, I tried them on, and much to my surprise, they fit like a glove, far better than they did the last time I attempted to wear them.
It took me just as long to find the right bra and shirt. Once I settled on my outfit and my hair and makeup were under control, I paced from my living room to my kitchen while I waited.
The moment I saw the lights of his truck glowing through my window, I was captivated by watching him get out and climb the three steps of my porch. I swung the door open with a little too much excitement before he could even knock. In that time, I openly ogled him. I took in his slow, easy gait I have always admired. He’s filled out in all the right places.
Ooh Rah.
Bless the United States Marine Corp for this fine-looking Marine.
“Here we are.” The truck stops, and I’m snapped back to where we are. My eyes open widely as I look over at him. “Ready to eat?”
A genuine smile grows on my face. “A meal with an old friend?” He winces, but I don’t care. I did it on purpose. He can’t know I’m elated to be here with him. There is no place I feel more at ease with him than here.
Well, except maybe my house.
“Did my friend cook for me?”
Shaking his head, he hops out of the truck. I’m not given a chance to get out because he is around to my side in a matter of seconds and helps me out. Flashing me a smile, he offers me his hand, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes until my hand glides into his palm.
Warmth envelops my hand and radiates up my arm into my chest and then spreads throughout my body. Delight surges everywhere. My lower muscles contract as I slide out of the seat and down to the soft ground.
Looking up, I realize how close he is to me. My deep inhale forces my chest out, and it lightly rubs against the bottom of his sternum. Sapphire blues smolder down at me, heating me even more so that I can’t feel the cold nipping at the tips of my fingers or my nose.
“I didn’t cook.” He reaches up, and his warm hand cups the side of my face while his other continues to hold mine. “I didn’t want to get you sick on our first date.”
Shock rattles through me.
First date?
He can’t mean …
No, he can’t.
“Quit overthinking things.” His face comes down to level with mine. “We were always meant to happen, snowflake. Now come enjoy the meal my mom made for us.” Pulling me away from the truck, he shuts the door and leads me to the barn.
The big door has been replaced with normal ones and has more of a homey feel to it when he opens it for me, and I step in.
“Thanks.” Removing my coat, I look up and just like everything; every look and every action Duke does for me, my breath is taken away.
Chapter Eighteen
Patience
IT’S HARD TO BELIEVE the barn I once knew from my childhood has been transformed into a beautiful home. The stalls have been replaced with walls, doorways, or taken out where a glorious sunk-in living room sits. I don’t see why his parents aren’t living in here instead of their three-bedroom ranch house.
I want to explore. I want to see everything I once knew transformed into this amazingly cozy country home.
I’m envious.
But I won’t overstep the reason I am here, even if it goes against every grain in my body to do so. I used to just walk in and make myself at home when I was invited into any of my friends’ homes.
Instead, I wrap my arms around myself and stay in a state of awe at the white candles scattered throughout the open space. They form a circle around a small table with two chairs and a single candle glowing between the place settings with our food waiting.
“Oh, my.” Duke’s hands wrap around my shoulder, shocking me, but that is soon replaced with warmth as he helps me remove my coat.
“Do you like it?” His whispered question brushes across the tiny hairs on the shell of my ear, causing a rippling of sensations to shoot through every part of me.
Blinking in rapid succession, I turn to look up at him.
“It’s beautiful.”
Ease settles across his strong features as he runs the pad of his rough thumb against my chin. “It is nothing compared to you, Patience. Come on, let’s eat before our food gets cold.” Reaching down, he takes my hand and guides me over to my seat.
“Thank you.” After pushing my seat in, he makes his way around to his chair. Honey-smoked salmon with garlic mashed potatoes and mixed vegetables are set out before us. “One of my favorite dinners.” My wide smile instantly melts more of the tension surrounding Duke.
“I know.” Cutting into his salmon, he slowly takes a bite. His eyes never leave mine.
How can eating be so sexy?
“Enjoy, Patience.” He flicks his fork in my direction. Gently, I pick up my fork and knife. The salmon crumbs as my knife pierces it, and it melts against my tongue as I wrap my mouth around the delicious bite. “Fuck.” He hisses under his breath, but I can barely hear him as I moan around my fork.
This is amazing.
“Sorry.” My blush is crimson. I’ve never been embarrassed around him before.
“I should be the one apologizing.” He laughs.
“This is weird, isn’t it?” Setting my fork down, I pick up the glass of water to take a long drink.
“It is a little awkward.” He mirrors my action. “I don’t know what to ask you first. Asking how you’ve been the last seven years seems a little—”
“Rude? Strange? Wrong?” Take your pick.
“Yes.”
“Well, I guess we could start there.” I reclaim my fork. “My life has been one giant test of my nerves and emotions. I should have never married Greg.” I look down at my food in shame.
“Then why did you?”
Shit.
I flinch.
There is a perfectly good reason why I accepted Greg’s marriage proposal, but I’m nowhere near ready to tell him. This will be the first time we have sat down to talk; I don’t want to go that deep yet.
“I didn’t think I had a choice.” It’s part of the truth. I didn’t think I did at the time. “All of you left throughout that summer, and I was left by myself. Greg was coming home whenever he could to see me around football, and I took it as a sign that he really cared.”
“He never came to our graduation.” There is no missing the anger in his voice.
“He was there the next day.” I don’t mean to bite it out, especially when I see the hurt flashing in his eyes. “Shit, I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay.” He nods solemnly. “Life never turned out how I was hoping it would.”
“You mean me being with an asshole while you were off traveling and seeing the world?”
“I don’t know how much of what I saw you would find fun.” I nod even though I don’t understand.
“Is it like what you see on the news?” It’s the only way I can relate.
“It’s worse at times,” he answers. “I spent a short time in Japan before I transferred to the K-9 unit, trained, and then it was off to Afghanistan and Iraq.”
“Why did you re-enlist after your first tour?”
“I loved what I was doing. Working with a dog to find anything harmful was great, and if I would have had something to come home to, I would ha
ve …” He trails off, looking away from me.
“You did, though. You had your parents.”
“I couldn’t come home and see you with Greg, Patience. I couldn’t handle seeing you happy with someone other than me.”
“That’s what kept you away? Duke, you were always my friend. Having you home would have made me happy.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“Then what did you mean, Duke? I think I need you to fill in the blanks for me. After the shit I’ve been through, it would be greatly appreciated.”
“I didn’t think I could handle seeing you cry when I wanted to say goodbye or see you have children with Greg when I came back. Seeing his ring on your finger would have broken me,” he mutters, pushing his food around. “It wasn’t until after I finished with basic that I realized I fucked it all up with you.”
“How do you mean?” I need to keep eating. Cold salmon doesn’t taste the greatest, so I need to keep eating. I force another bite into my mouth while I wait for him to fight through his thoughts.
“I didn’t want to leave you that night, Patience. I mean, I did, but differently?” He cringes. “I wanted to get through basic and then take you with me to whichever base I was sent to. But when I came back for you, it was too late. He had already taken you to Alabama, and you were planning a wedding.”
“Why?”
“Why, what?”
“Why did you want me to go with you?”
“I wanted you with me. Not as my best friend, but as my girl. Patience, I’ve loved you my entire life. Looking at you now, I realize how much of a fool I was by not going after you or staying in the first place to tell you I loved you when you were sober. I should have told you I would come back for you instead of abandoning you.”
I’m gaping at the bombshell he just dropped on me.
Holy shit.
He loved me?
For real?
“Yes, I loved you, and I find I still love you. Time has never changed my feelings for you, Patience. It’s because you have always been an easy girl—woman—to love.”
“W-Wh-What?”