by Brooke May
I’ve never really been a crier. I don’t like doing it, but lately, it seems to be all I’m doing. Quickly, I wipe the big fat tears from my eyes, but they don’t stop.
The scraping of Duke’s chair is the only warning I get before he turns me and is on his knees beside me.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He helps push the tears away from my eyes.
I sniffle before I can form an answer. “I never thought you would say anything like that to me.” I gasp to try to catch my breath. I’m so overwhelmed with emotions of joy, happiness, and relief that I don’t think I can talk anymore at the moment.
Instead, I cling to him, holding his larger body to mine while I absorb all of this, all of him, and what he has to offer.
Seven wasted years of something I could have had to begin with.
Eighty-four months of thinking I wasn’t good enough for him.
A fraction of our lifetime I hope we can make up for.
“Oh, Duke. You made every dream I ever had come true.” He opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off by sealing my lips to his in the deep, passionate kiss I’ve longed for. His lips are firm but gentle with mine. I brush my tongue across his lips, needing a better taste of him.
He opens, and I melt into him more as his heat mixes with mine.
This is real chemistry. Something I felt when we were younger, and what I tried to replicate with Greg, but I have never been whole like I am with him.
Chapter Nineteen
Duke
IF THE CLOUDS COULD be touched, I think they would pale in comparison to the softness of Patience’s lips. They would be jealous of the feel of her as the softest thing in the world. I’m in awe of having her lips on mine again, but this time feels so much better than the first.
We were sloppy, drunk, and a complete mess as we fumbled around in the dark while our classmates and friends partied below us. I finally get to feel her pressed against me once more. My arms don’t hesitate to wrap around her small body, locking behind her and pulling her closer to me.
I wish we could get closer, but having her chest against mine kills the cold nerves that have wrecked me since I asked her to dinner this afternoon. Heat floods out of my heart, surging through every vein and artery in my body. From the tips of my toes and fingers to deep inside my chest cavity, I feel her.
This is what I’ve been missing from my life.
This is what I have needed far more than I knew was possible.
This is what I have tried and failed time and time again to find with other women.
It is all Patience, not some hot military nurse or a foreign woman who thinks being with an American soldier would be an adventure. It has been Patience my entire life, and I was a fool for too long.
Our lips meld in a slow, thoughtful pace. I breathe her in when she exhales, and she reciprocates. This is everything and more that I’ve longed for, and I hope she has wanted it as well.
Before I’m ready for her, Patience’s tiny hands press against my chest, and she slowly peels us apart. Her lips are the last part of her body to break away from me; even with her hands on my heaving chest, I can still feel her right against me.
Her eyes are hooded, staring down at my lips as she licks hers.
“We should finish eating.” My dick jumps at her low, sexy rasp and the roll of her lips into her mouth. Her eyes remain downcast as she turns in her seat to play with her food.
“Yeah …” Shaking my head, I try to get it back on straight. Our kiss wasn’t long by any means, but it was powerful enough to leave me stupid. “You’re right.” Rubbing the back of my head, I make my way back over to my side of the table, doing my best to conceal my growing erection.
I couldn’t care less about eating the rest of my meal. It can always be heated up later. I want to consume a different hunger that involves her and one that has now been unleashed. I won’t push her, though. The kiss was completely her until I quickly set the shock aside and enjoyed her. It is going to be a real struggle and possibly a severe case of blue balls, but this has to be on Patience’s terms. I’m the one who left her. She’s the one who just got divorced from an asshole and now needs to find her way back to herself and find it in her not only to forgive me but also to let me in again.
“Well … umm …” Finally breaking the silence, Patience’s nerves strangely help me break through my own. “Was coming back to be a sheriff’s deputy what you had planned when you were leaving the Marines?”
Blowing out a breath, I’m relieved this is the direction she has picked to go with.
“To be honest, no. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I knew I was going to help my parents around here and get myself straightened out, but that was it.”
“I like it, you know?” She looks up at me finally, and there is a blush spread across her face. “Being an officer of the law suits you.”
“You think?”
“The fact that you look good in a uniform is a bonus.” The faint glow of the candles does nothing to conceal the red growing brighter on her face.
“Oh, I do, do I?” Leaning forward on my elbows, I toss a smile I used to use on other women but only ever want to use it on her now.
“You do. I nearly lost it when you came strutting into the café today.”
Leaning back, I grow steadily more comfortable with all of this and her opening up with ease. “I guess I do if you think I do. I don’t mind the job. It reminds me a little of the military, but it gets boring around here when I’m used to always having something to do.”
“I believe that. There isn’t much trouble that requires the law around here. Perks of a small town, right?” She takes a sip of her water. “So, you don’t have a wife or any kids?”
I choke on a stalk of asparagus. I shouldn’t be surprised by her forwardness. Patience has always been very up front and has never beat around the bush when it came to rumors. I think it helped to have solely male friends. We didn’t do drama or dealt with rumors about our group.
“Well?”
I would love to change the subject and tackle my PTSD than talking about past relationships, but since I know about hers, it’s only fair she knows about mine.
“I’m glad to see you haven’t changed too much.” I laugh and set my fork back down. “No, there is no wife, no ex-wife, and definitely no kids.” I don’t miss the slightest flinch in her gaze. “Did you and Greg ever—”
“No, none.” She cuts me off with a quick brush-off.
“You two never planned on having kids?”
“I wanted them, but he never did. I guess it’s a good thing I divorced him before I got too old to have any, right?” Her laugh is a dead one. But her wanting to have kids gives me a flicker of hope that maybe she could have them with me. “What about you? Do you want a family?”
My tongue thickens, and I’m barely able to swallow.
“Yes.” I grate, still barely able to speak. “I want kids.” I can barely meet her gaze. I can’t take the bright glow coming out of those amber orbs.
“Oh.” I feel her eyes leave me in an instant.
Looking up, I watch her poke around at what’s left on her plate. For the life of me, I just can’t understand why Greg never wanted her, never wanted kids with her, but it is his loss. I’m back now, and I’m going to finally make her mine, and we will make a family together.
“Patience?”
Her lashes flutter and fan out on her flushed cheeks before she lifts her head. Her ash blond locks spread away from her face to frame it, only leaving a few thick strands of her bangs to move every time she blinks.
“You are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen.” Her lightly painted pink lips part. “I thought you were when we were teens, and I believe it even more so now that we are adults.” I fight the urge to go back over to her and scoop her into my arms to never let go.
“Du—”
“I want to see you again and again and again until you feel the way I do and want to spend
the rest of your life with me.” I cut her off. I’m not taking any excuses. She may not beat around the bush with rumors, but she always has when it comes to her feelings toward me. “I want us to date, Patience, and then someday, I want to put my ring on your finger, and then I want to have children with you. I’ve had a lot of time to think about all of this and all the mess-ups I have with you, and I really hope you are on board with all of it.”
She sits frozen across the table, leaving me hanging and starting to question my whole approach. I didn’t want to rush her, but I want her to know I am in this forever.
Finally, a smile moves into place on her face, lighting up not only her face but the room and my heart and soul as well.
“I know it may be too soon after your divorce, but it has always meant to happen between us.”
Not wasting another moment, I am out of my seat once more and reclaiming Patience all over again. This time, I carry her over to the couch and drop myself down with her on top.
Cupping her face, I look deep into her eyes, finding her soul reaching out for mine. “You. Are. Mine.”
“Yes.” With fervor, we consume one other in another passionate kiss. She presses into me. Her short hair fans around our faces as her lips press mine, opening and waiting for my tongue to come out and join hers.
My massive hands glide up and down her sides to her firm ass and back up into her soft hair. I can’t get enough of her, enough of touching her, feeling her heartbeat against our connecting chests, and enough of her.
I lose myself in us, in her. But again, she ends it too soon. I feel like a teenager all over again. Instead of sitting on a couch fantasizing about making out with Patience, I’m on a new couch making out with her and disappointed it is coming to an end.
There is still so much I need to tell her before we can move on, but for the life of me, I can’t bring myself to tell her yet.
When she gets off my lap, I brace myself for her sudden cool down.
“Duke?”
“Yes, snowflake?”
“Will you take me home, please?”
I shouldn’t feel the rejection like I do. I completely understand that she isn’t as ready as I am.
“Umm … yeah.” Doing my best to mask the discomfort coming from my nether region, I lift myself off the couch. “Help me clean up, and then I’ll get you back?”
“Thank you.” Keeping her voice soft and timid, completely unlike the Patience I know, she comes over and quietly helps me clean up my table and then remains silent as I take her back to her house.
I don’t want to let her go. I want to stay by her side. Even as I walk her up to the door, I feel the need to grab her and never let go.
She isn’t ready yet.
Something from the corner of my eye steals my tracking attention on Patience’s back.
“Stop. Patience, stop.” Shoving her behind me and away from the door that is barely a crack open, I make my way in. Years of training kick in as I look for the threat I saw in the front window. “Stay out there.” Muttering back over my shoulder to a confused Patience, I make my way through the living room to check out the bedroom, bathroom, and office before I come back out and do the same search in the kitchen and basement, but there is nothing here.
“Duke?”
My heart feels like it is able to jump out of my chest as I drudge my way back up the stairs and find Patience standing in the middle of her living room with a curtain flapping from the breeze of the heating vent it is draped over.
“Fuck.” Hanging my head, I can’t help but shake it. “I’m sorry about that.”
“Are you okay?” The cautious steps she takes to close the distance between us has me flinching. I don’t want her treating me like a dangerous animal.
“Yeah.” Now would be a perfect time to tell her, but when I get the nerve to say it, she takes me off guard with the click of her lock and her question.
“Do you work tomorrow?”
My head shoots up, and I track her as she removes her boots and coat.
“Yes, but not until eight.”
“Okay, you can stay the night if you want.” As she pushes some hair behind her ear, her gaze darts away from my surprise. “I only have one bed if you want to crash on the couch? I don’t want you driving home this late and end up in an accident with how worked up you are.”
Will I ever get sick of smiling at her and her kindness?
No, I will not.
“That would be great.” After the scare I just had, I appreciate staying close to her.
“Okay. I’ll get you a blanket and pillow. Make yourself at home.” Hurrying off to her room, I do as she commanded. Kicking off my boots, I place them by the front door and next to her shoes and then start to remove my pants when she comes back.
“Thank you.” I reach out for the pillow and thick blanket while her eyes stay locked on the open fly of my jeans.
“Y-You’re wel-welcome.” She tries to pull away, but I’m quicker. Bringing her back into my embrace, I kiss her forehead and then both of her cheeks. “Good night, snowflake.”
“Night.” She shyly smiles up at me before hurrying to the bathroom.
Lying down, I make myself as comfortable as I can on the couch. I’m too tall for it, my feet hang over the end, but I can make this work. I’ve slept in tighter, worse places.
Closing my eyes, I smile into the pillow. It’s Patience’s pillow. Inhaling her scent, I feel a calmness settle over me.
Chapter Twenty
Duke
MY EYES CRACK OPEN after it feels like I just closed them. There is no way I could have gotten any sleep. I may have been comforted by Patience’s pillow under my head and her blanket draped over me, minus my feet, but my mind was unsettled by my freak-out. Yet I fell asleep quickly.
But it still feels like I just closed them.
A heavenly scent floats from the kitchen, waking me completely. It’s too goddamn early to be functional, but if it means I get a taste of whatever goods are being cooked in there, I’ll get up.
Sitting up, I crack my neck and then bow my back to try to get the knots out of it from sleeping at a weird angle on this tiny couch. I should not sleep on something that clearly won’t fit me. I probably would have had better luck sitting up and kicking my feet up on the coffee table or sleeping on the floor.
Wiping my eyes, I gaze around the room and don’t feel the chill in the air like I do when I wake up at my place, or somewhere I am familiar with. As much as I was once familiar with this house, it’s different now. Patience has splashes of herself where it used to be her grandma, and I like it. I wasn’t lying when I told Patience the heat was better in the barn now that it’s a house, but I’m never there because of work and helping my dad, so I don’t bother turning it up.
This warmth has a homey feel to it.
Perfection.
This is home.
This is what it is supposed to feel like when you say home. The living-slash-dining room doesn’t look too different from the last time I was here years ago. The long dining room table still has a bench below the window with the same large painting of a bull elk hanging above the head of the table. I remember seeing her grandpa sitting there whenever he was home from driving crude oil.
The hutch on the opposite wall of the table is still there. But unlike when her grandma lived here, it isn’t cluttered with random things Mamie felt the need to keep hold of for “just in case” moments.
Instead, there are nice dining dishes, a box I’m assuming contains silver utensils, and a whole bunch of glass.
Smiling, I start to chuckle softly. She has snowflakes; glass ones in the hutch, and as I look across from me to the entertainment center where even more are on display, some alone while others are with various animals, but there is one in particular that sticks out to me.
Standing up, I make my way around the coffee table, careful not to hit my shins, and come to stand in front of the entertainment center. The sun’s light pink rays shi
ne in from the cracks in the curtains. When I come to a stop in front of the stand, the figure isn’t attached to the snowflake but is the front piece with a unique glass snowflake behind it.
It stands out, and I just know there is a reason for that, even if I can’t quite put my finger on it.
Why did she pick a little boy angel?
“You’re awake.” Patience’s cheerful voice jolts me from my snooping, and I jump away from getting too close to the figure.
“Shit!” My foot slams down, and it rattles everything, including the TV. I’m panicked for a moment that I will knock every fragile thing over.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you could hear me in the kitchen.” She tosses a towel over her shoulder and crosses her arms as she leans against the doorway to the small kitchen.
“No, but whatever you are making woke me with the delicious scent.”
This makes her grin as well as blush. “I’m making chocolate stuffed pancakes with homemade whipped cream and sliced strawberries with some bacon and coffee.”
“Heart attack, here I come.” Laughing, I pat my flat, growling stomach and then walk over to her, giving her a tight hug and a kiss on the forehead. “I could get used to breakfasts like that.” In the back of my mind, I’m wondering what time she got up to make all of that.
She bats me away. “You work out, right?”
“Can’t you tell?” Lifting my arms, I flex them and then proceed to lift my shirt to show off my very well-defined abdominals.
“Nope.” Poking me in the belly button, she turns her sexy ass to me and saunters back into the kitchen. “If you eat anything I cook, you’ll have to start pushing yourself more in the gym.”
“Snowflake, you wound me.” Grasping my heart, I feign hurt.
“You’ll get over it.” She throws over her shoulder. “Why don’t you take a seat, and I’ll dish breakfast up.”
“Okay.” Stretching my arms over my head, I grab the top of the doorway. “What time is it anyway?”
“A little after five.”
“How are you functional this early? I remember you struggled to get out of bed before seven thirty on most days.”