by L. G. Davis
I curl up on the bed and wrap my arms around my stomach, breathing in and out through my mouth. When I find my strength again, I pull out my phone and go online to research places that are easy to get lost in.
This time, I’ll choose a big city, where people don’t care about my business. I’ll be a regular single mom raising her baby on her own.
Chapter 14
Shortly after 3:00 p.m., I’m eating a sandwich I bought in the snack machine of the motel, when I get another call from Jared.
He already called several times, but I ignored all his calls. The smart thing to do would have been to get rid of the phone hours ago, but I couldn’t get myself to do it. It’s a big step toward cutting myself off from the life I have created.
I plan to leave the motel tonight and I will leave the phone behind, but right now I’m not ready. I continue to stare at the screen, tears rolling down my cheeks. It’s hard to let go of him, of us. To make it easier, I remind myself that our marriage is imperfect. Jared is far from perfect. Without him in my life, I have more freedom. I’ll be able to make my own choices, to go where I want and dress how I like without his approval.
The phone stops ringing. A text message comes in. For a moment, I fear it’s Victor, but it’s Jared.
Baby, where are you? I’ve been trying to reach you all day. Call me.
I pick up the phone and press it to my chest, just as a wave of nausea hits me. The phone drops to the stained carpet and I rush to the bathroom. After throwing up, I study the mildew and broken tiles. Even though my marriage to Jared wasn’t a fairytale, I had a nice home. I never had to worry about not having enough to eat.
When I return to the bedroom, it hits me that starting over might not be as easy as I think it is. Last time I was alone, and now I have a baby to take care of.
Another text comes in as I dry my lips with a rough towel. This time it’s Victor.
Adios. Don’t ever return.
I crumple to the floor next to the phone, weak with relief. It’s over. I never have to worry about Victor hurting me again. I only hope that he will not follow me into my new life. But I doubt it. As long as I’m away from Sanlow, I won’t be a danger to him. Maybe he’ll even return home to Rachel. I can’t help feeling sorry for the woman. But she’s no longer my problem.
The phone starts to ring again, another call from Jared. This time, I can’t resist. In order to move forward, I need closure.
I press the phone to my ear and wait for him to speak.
“Kelsey,” he says, his tone like gravel. “Where the hell are you, and why haven’t you been answering my calls?”
“Because I need to go away.” I drag myself to the bed and close my eyes.
“What are you talking about? You are away.”
“I’m not coming back, Jared. I just want to say goodbye. I love you, but it was not meant to be.”
“Is this a sick joke?” His voice is edged with steel. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“I don’t know yet. But I can’t come back to Sanlow. I can’t come back to you.” I push a hand through my hair. “I’m sorry.”
“Sweetheart, don’t be stupid. Whatever it is, whatever you’re going through, we can work through it together. Come home. I love you.”
“I love you too, Jared. But I’m not the person you think I am.”
“Of course, I do.” His sharp tone makes me jump. “You are my wife, the woman I love. I’m aware that you’ve been going through stuff. I saw in your eyes that you were struggling with something. Whatever it is, let me help you. We are married, for God’s sake.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “It’s not as simple as that. If you knew who I am, you would hate me.”
“I could never hate you. Never in a million years. I love you too much.” He lowers his voice. “Kelsey, you have to come home. This is where you belong.”
Instead of responding, I move the phone from my ear and switch it off. Answering his call was a mistake. I could never make him understand why I have to leave him, not without opening up about my past.
Talking to him did give me some kind of closure. Now it’s time to move on, to start again.
Picking up my bag and the small notebook on which I jotted down details of my next life, I look around the room for the last time.
As soon as I pull the door open, I jump back in surprise, a scream stuck inside my throat.
“Ja...Jared.”
“It’s me, my love.” He pulls me into his arms. “Thank God you’re all right,” he whispers into my hair. “I was worried out of my mind.”
He breaks the embrace and cups my face with his hands, lowers his lips to mine. I’m too weak with shock to do anything as thoughts scramble for space inside my head.
“Don’t look so scared, baby. It’s me, your husband. I’m here to save you from making a mistake.” He lifts my bag from the floor.
I slump against the wall, faint with shock. “How did you—”
“How did I find you?” He draws in a deep breath. “You’ve been acting strange for a couple of weeks now so I put a tracker on your car. I needed to know where you are at all times to make sure you’re safe.”
My mouth opens and closes like that of a fish gasping for air. When he closes the distance between us, I flinch.
He sighs as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear like he always does. “You’re a mess. We need to go home so you can clean up. You’re my perfect wife, remember?”
“I’m not coming back with you, Jared.”
“Would you rather go to prison?” He cocks an eyebrow. “That’s right, baby, I know your not-so-little secret.”
His words feel like a punch in my face. It takes a few seconds for me to recover from his revelation. I want to tell him I don’t believe him, but I seem to have lost my ability to speak.
“It’s all right. You don’t need to say anything.” He runs a fingertip down my cheek. “I’m not here to hurt you. I came to take you home where you’re safe. I’m on your side here. Do you understand what I’m saying, Kelsey?” I give an involuntary nod. “You will walk out of this dirty motel and go home with me so I can protect you. If you refuse, I’ll call the cops right now. Your choice.”
I’m still too shaken to respond, so he chooses for me. He takes my hand, squeezing tight, and walks me to a red Toyota. When we pass the reception desk, he greets the man behind the counter like an old friend.
“We enjoyed a good game of chess while I waited for you to come to your senses,” Jared says, opening the car door for me.
Whistling, he gets behind the wheel and drives me back to Sanlow. I don’t fight him because something about him sends a chill down my spine.
What if it was him? What if he was my stalker and not Victor? But it doesn’t make sense. Victor wants me gone while Jared wants me to stay.
The truth is, I’m terrified of starting again, running into the unknown where other dangers could be awaiting me. But how will Victor react to my return?
“Everything will be great from now on. As long as you behave, I will do my duty as a husband to protect you. But you have to promise to never do something as stupid as running away again.”
I stare out the window, saying nothing until we get home. Inside, he takes me to the living room and tells me to sit.
“Let’s talk,” he says, pulling up a chair so we’re facing each other. He places a hand on my cheek. “Is there anything else you’re keeping from me?”
“I’m pregnant.” My chin hits my chest. I need to tell him now before he finds out on his own. I’m surprised he hasn’t already noticed that my stomach has started to swell a bit. Or maybe he already knows and was giving me a chance to come forward. After today, I’ll never underestimate him again.
When his hand drops from my cheek, I look up into his eyes. His face is puce with anger, veins popping through the skin on his forehead. I’ve seen him angry before, but not like this. This is the version of himself he normally brings out inside his office
.
Was it a mistake telling him? What choice did I have?
“It’s not mine,” he finally says.
“Yes, it’s not.” I struggle to my feet and shuffle to the window, afraid he might strike me. “I was raped.”
A sharp intake of breath fills the silence. Then something crashes against the wall. The sound makes me jump, but I don’t turn. I’m afraid of what I’ll see on his face. I clench my fists tightly at my sides, waiting for the storm to pass.
Finally, he approaches me, coming to stand behind me, but not touching my body. I can feel his warmth and his breath at the back of my neck, but he doesn’t say a word.
I turn around slowly and meet his eyes. “You don’t want kids and I get that, but I didn’t plan this.” I’m fully prepared for him to drive me out of his life.
“Tell me who did it.” The chill in his tone causes my skin to prickle.
I peel my gaze from his. “I don’t know. It was dark. He was wearing a mask.” As soon as the words come out of my mouth, I’m positive that I did the right thing. He will be able to handle the situation better if he doesn’t know who my attacker is.
Instead of responding, he does what he does best. He retreats to his office.
The rest of the day is spent in silence, with Jared barely saying a word to me. Even though we are in the same house, even though he promised that we can make it through anything, he spends most of his time in his office. I don’t blame him for being upset. He’s only human.
When night falls, I eat a quick salad alone in the kitchen and go to bed. He doesn’t come up for a while. I’m both relieved and terrified about that.
At midnight, he enters the room. He doesn’t switch on the light. My body tenses when he lies down next to me.
He doesn’t reach out to touch me, to comfort me. He falls asleep five minutes later. I don’t. As usual, I stay awake for most of the night, terrified of what tomorrow will bring.
Chapter 15
I feel the touch of Jared’s gaze on my face before I even open my blurry eyes. When I finally do, after steeling myself for whatever comes next, I have to blink several times to make sure I’m seeing right.
He’s not only standing next to the bed on my side with a huge grin, he’s carrying a breakfast tray. A thin stream of steam is rising from the cup upward.
I rub my eyes. This can’t be right.
Yesterday, when he slipped into bed next to me, I felt the heat of his anger. Now this. He usually works off his anger behind the closed door of his office and comes out pretending nothing happened, but I expected this time to be different.
I tried to run away from our marriage. He knows I’m an escaped convict. I told him about the rape and the baby. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he woke up ready to kick me out or send me to prison.
I search his face and find no trace of anger. I sit up in bed, unsure whether to be relieved or suspicious of his behavior. My gut warns me to stay on guard. This could be the calm before a huge storm.
“Good morning, my beautiful wife.” His grin widens. “I brought you breakfast in bed.” He lowers the tray onto my lap.
“Morning.” I look at the food, then back up at him. “Jared, I think we should talk.”
“About what?” He sits next to me on the bed. My skin prickles with anxiety when he touches my cheek. “Why do you look so tense?”
“Yesterday I told you that I was—”
“To hell with yesterday,” he cuts in. “You’re back home. That’s all that matters to me. I took the day off so we can spend it together.”
I can’t help wondering if something is wrong with him. He’s acting like someone with a split personality.
While I try to adjust to this version of him, he rises from the bed again and opens the wardrobe. He takes out a bright yellow dress, which he drapes over his arm.
“This is for you. I bought it a few days ago. We’re not going out today because you need to rest, but I think you should put it on for me.”
“I don’t want to,” I say softly. “I prefer jeans at home.” I hate going back to being told what I should and shouldn’t wear, being treated like a child.
“Don’t be so ungrateful, my love.” A dark shadow flits across his features and disappears almost immediately. “You will wear the dress and we will have a lovely day together.” He hangs the dress on the back of a chair and walks over to me.
He picks up a strawberry and brings it to my lips. “You must eat.”
My eyes remain on his face while my lips tremble open. My teeth sink into the soft flesh of the sweet fruit. It tastes so good, but I can’t let him know that. I don’t trust him. This could be a test. He could be waiting for me to relax before he brings out his other side.
I eat without showing any sort of emotion. He feeds me every bite, pushing my hands away when I try to hold the food myself. He even lifts the mug of tea to my lips.
When the food is eaten and the tea is gone, he tells me to take a shower and wear the yellow dress, which is a little tight around my middle. As he admires me, he pretends not to notice.
“Perfect.” He hands me a brush. “Smooth out those tangles.”
I clench my teeth and take the brush, almost yanking it from his hand. But I have to be careful how I act. One mistake and I could end up behind bars. I’m at his mercy and he knows it.
The day goes by in a blur with Jared fussing over me like a loving husband while I wait on tenterhooks for the other shoe to drop, and it does.
After eating a tuna pizza on the couch together, he quietly gets rid of the box and switches off the TV.
“You wanted to talk this morning. I wasn’t ready. Now I am. What do you want to discuss?”
“Okay,” I say, my body buzzing with dread. “I think we should talk about what happened to me...the baby.”
The smile melts from his face and he shakes his head. “No. We can discuss that later.” He plants his hands on his knees. His grip is so tight his knuckles turn white. “I need to know why you’re on the run from the cops.”
My body stiffens in shock. “What?”
“You heard me. What are you running from?”
I stare at him in astonishment. “You said you knew. You said—”
“I know what I said.” He leans back and crosses his arms, his eyes fixed on the blank TV screen. “I don’t know the details, but your Internet search history suggested that you’re hiding something. In the last two weeks, you’ve been searching about how to be the perfect fugitive and looking up the best cities to hide. So tell me, Kelsey, are you a criminal?”
“You liar,” I say between clenched teeth. “You said you knew everything. You tricked me into coming back with you.”
“What did you expect me to do?” His voice is too calm and controlled. “I did what had to be done to bring my wife home.”
I shoot to my feet and grab my hair on both sides, turning in circles like a mad person. Driven by a burst of anger, I halt and face him head-on, my cheeks hot with fury. “Fine, if you want to know, I’ll tell you. I’m done. I’m done pretending I’m someone I’m not.” I sink back onto the couch. “When I was seventeen, I was wrongfully convicted of my grandmother’s murder. They said I poisoned her. She was an evil woman, but I never killed her.” I grit my teeth so hard my jaw aches. “I was in prison for ten years for a crime I did not commit. No one believed me.”
“How did you get out of prison?” he asks, his face giving nothing away.
“I was involved in a fight. One of my cellmates attacked me badly. I had to be taken to the nearest hospital. On the way there, we had an accident. The guards died and I escaped.” I shrug. “Go ahead, Jared. Call the cops on me.”
As I wait for him to respond, his phone suddenly rings. His eyes still on me, he digs into his pocket and pulls it out. After a moment’s hesitation, he gets to his feet and leaves the living room with the phone pressed to his ear.
I remain on the couch, shuddering with both anger and fear, but in a w
eird way, I also feel a strange sense of relief. Now that one of my secrets is out, I’m almost free. When Jared returns, I’ll tell him that it was Victor who raped me. After that, everything will be out in the open.
Nothing comes close to being as heavy as a lie. Jared can either choose to turn me in or he can protect me. Whatever it is, I’m strong enough to handle it.
I close my eyes and listen to the distant sounds of him. What if he calls the cops before returning to the living room?
It takes a while before he does, and when he enters the door, his expression tells me that something is terribly wrong.
Afraid to ask, I wait for him to sit down and tell me himself.
“It’s Victor,” he says finally.
“What about him?” All the muscles in my body clench tight.
“He’s dead.”
* * *
Ten minutes after Jared tells me about Victor’s death, the doorbell rings.
“I’ll go,” he says and stands.
I stay behind, too shocked to move or even think.
Moments later, he returns to the living room, followed by Rachel, who comes to a halt as soon as she sees me.
I can see she’s been crying a lot. Her eyes are barely visible thanks to the skin around them being so swollen.
“Hi, Rachel.” I stand up to give her a hug. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” The right thing for me to do is to offer her comfort, but it’s awkward having her in my arms. After all, I’m carrying her husband’s child, a child he could never give her.
“Thank you,” she says with a watery smile and pulls away.
“You should sit down.” Jared leads her to the couch and brings her a glass of water.
In this moment, he looks like the man I married, the man I fell in love with, so kind and gentle. The unpredictable, manipulative man I saw a couple of minutes ago is nowhere in sight.
No one speaks until Rachel has finished drinking. Since she takes small sips and there are long pauses in between them, the entire process takes fifteen minutes. After she’s done, she stares at the empty glass in her hand for another five. She finally looks up.