The Undertaking of Adam Novak

by Sofie Hern

  I am looking out the window. Howard and Beth sit at the small table, Charles and his wife are sitting on the sofa and the silence is overwhelming. The only sound is the ticking of the clock on the wall and Aaron’s machines.

  “Jaycob needs to eat… you too, Adam,” says Beth.

  “I'm alright,” I tell her.

  “We're going down to the cafeteria,” says Charles, and Beth follows. “I’ll go with you,” she says and they walk out.

  I sit at the table with my elbows resting on it and my hands supporting my head.

  “Did you contact the lawyer?” asks Howard.

  “Yes. He’s on his way. He’s pretty sure that no charges will be brought up, but he still wants to be here and be ready to fight this.”

  I’m so worried about Jaycob. I have no idea what’s going to happen with him. I know nothing about law and don’t understand why they would do anything if it was an accident, and especially knowing how much Jaycob loves Aaron.

  It’s 5:53 p.m. and I know Rita should be arriving soon. They’ve been on the road for nearly nine hours. My heart pounds in my chest as I realize that the time is approaching and I’m in no way ready to let Aaron go. Tears well in my eyes, but I blink them away.

  “How come you don't cry?” I can still hear his sweet voice as I closed my eyes and the tears start falling. I’m restless and go to Aaron’s side of the room to find Rita giving Jaycob a hug.

  I look around and don’t see Frank anywhere. When Rita sees me, she comes to give me a hug.

  “Adam,” she says and I hold on to her as we cry together. Jaycob sits back down, puts his arms on the bed and buries his face in them. His cries give me chills and I cry harder. When I let go of Rita, I go to Jaycob and put my hands on his shoulders. “Come on, Jake, let’s give Rita some time.”

  He slowly gets to his feet. I wrap my arm around his shoulder and take him into the other room.

  –

  He sits on the sofa and I stand by the window, while Howard remains at the table.

  “Shit!” Howard stands and turns up the volume on the television overhead. Jaycob sits up straight and I freeze. Levy’s photo appears on the screen.

  “Levy Palmer is wanted by police for his alleged involvement in the shooting of a ten-year-old boy in Sana Monica. Hours ago, a black Honda, believed to be the suspect’s was found at a motel near the scene. If you see this man or have any information in regards to the shooting, you are urged to call the West Los Angeles police station. The condition of the boy is unknown at this time.”

  Howard turns down the volume once again and we remain in silence, but my blood is boiling at the sight of him. The black Honda is the same one I saw days before and curse myself for being so fucking stupid!

  I take a deep breath and continue to look out the window. Moments later Rita and the rest walk in and I know the time has come. Everyone has said their goodbyes and now it’s my turn. Everyone remains quiet and I step out of the room, taking a deep breath.

  –

  I am standing by the bed, take his little hand and kiss it. “It's time to go, buddy. Your mom is… she’s waiting for you, but… God, I'm gonna miss you.

  “I tried, buddy. You… you know that, right? We… we tried so damn hard to make you better and I... I failed you, buddy.” The tears are not stopping as I look at him. “Tell your mom that… that I'm sorry and... I'm sorry I told you that Jordyn had gone to see her dad, but I…” I cry harder than I ever have in my life. I bury my face in his bed and weep.

  “I love you, buddy.” I have no more words, only sobs escape me. Someone puts their hands on my shoulders and I gently put Aaron’s hand down.

  I turn to find Rita and straighten to hug her. Jaycob emerges and puts his hands in his pockets and everyone files into the room.

  I take a deep breath and press the call button for the nurse who appears within seconds.

  “We’re ready,” I say and she nods.

  Rita steps out for a moment and returns accompanied by Frank, who nods in acknowledgment.

  Soon Dr. Barksdale walks in, followed by a nurse. The doctor looks around and nods.

  They proceed to remove the breathing tube and when they do, nothing happens. His chest simply stopped moving up and down. We wait for an agonizingly long time and then the beeping from the heart monitor slows until there is one long beep. Dr. Barksdale listens to Aaron’s chest with a stethoscope then looks up at the clock on the wall.

  “TOD 7:41 p.m.” she announces and the nurse notes it on his chart.

  She then turns off the monitor and the silence is overwhelming. Jaycob walks out of the room and I follow.

  –

  He walks into the restroom, leans against the wall and slides down to the floor, weeping. I kneel in front of him and take him in my arms.

  “He's gone!”

  I press my forehead to his, as the tears fall. “I'm so sorry!” he cries as he hits the floor with his fists. “I'm sorry!” he repeats over and over.

  I take a hold of him because I’m afraid he’ll fall apart.

  “We have to be strong, Jake,” I tell him and help him stand.

  We gather ourselves and make our way back to the room. The nurse is back at the station and she looks at us but says nothing and I wonder how many times she’s had the difficult task of turning off a life.

  Everyone is in the small room, Charles holds his wife, Frank holds Rita’s hand and Howard holds on to Beth. The sliding door remains open and Dr. Barksdale walks in and says it’s time to take Aaron’s body and I turn to look at him one last time.

  “He’s not there,” I tell myself and nod at the doctor. A sense of peace comes over me as we all stand and Rita leads us in prayer.

  31

  ADAM

  Rita and Frank are staying the night in the guest room downstairs while Charles and his wife stay in a hotel near the airport and will be leaving pretty early in the morning.

  The house is silent but it’s impossible for me to sleep. I’m sitting on the floor with my back against the bed, my bare feet planted on the floor and in my hands I hold the photo of Tianna and Aaron at the zoo; the one Aaron asked me to bring. My chest feels tight and hot, as the tears continue to fall.

  “I'm sorry, Tianna. I let you down,” I whisper. I’m in silence for a long time and then there’s a knock on the door. It’s probably Howard checking on me. “Come in,” I say and the door opens behind me. I turn around and find Rita at the door.

  She approaches and sits next to me, then takes the photo from my hand and admires it. “They're together now,” she says and starts to cry.

  “I really fucked up. I failed her, Rita.”

  She moves to sit on her heels in front of me and gives me a hug. I cry into her shoulder as she soothes my back.

  “I'm so sorry, Adam.” She takes my face in her hands and wipes my tears with her thumbs. “Look at me,” she tells me and I open my eyes and find tears in hers. “You did not fail... do you understand?”

  But I don’t understand.

  “You did everything to make sure Aaron had what he needed. You… you sacrificed so much to be here so he could get better.”

  I shake my head. “But it wasn’t enough,” I sob. “Don’t you see? I’m alive and he isn’t.”

  “You did all you could, love,” she says this so naturally.

  Our foreheads press together and our tears fall as one and then our lips meet. I don’t know what’s happening, but this is a mistake. We pull apart and look into each other’s eyes. I see tears in hers, but not only tears; I see love in them. She leans in and our lips touch once again.

  I wrap my arms around her and we kiss gently and everything around me disappears. The taste of her mouth is sweet and salty with tears. I hold her close as her fingers intertwine behind my head. We pull apart slowly and again look in each other’s eyes.

  “What's happening?” I whisper. We sit in front of each other once again and she takes my face in her hands.

  “I n
eed you, Adam,” she whispers and wraps her arms around me and we hold each other for a long time.

  When the tears subside, we pull apart and I help her stand. Once again we embrace and softly kiss. She rests her head on my chest and I stroke her red hair softly. I’m not sure what’s happening, but I don't care. I know we’re both vulnerable after such a tragic loss. Perhaps it wasn’t love I saw in her eyes, but gratitude for everything she said I did for Aaron.

  Maybe things will be different when morning comes but there is no longer denying that I am in love with this beautiful woman I hold in my arms. I close my eyes and rest my head on hers and my heart starts to slow down to a steady beat. Having her in my arms gives me comfort, something I never felt before.

  We pull apart and kiss one more time. “Get some sleep,” she whispers and turns to go.

  “Wait,” I pull her by the hand and she turns around. I pull her in close and kiss her again.

  “I should go,” she says and I nod.

  She leaves the room and I stand with my hands on my hips wondering what the hell just happened. But most importantly, what will happen next? I shake my head, knowing that what happened is wrong, especially with her husband in the house.

  32

  IRENE

  Colin walks into the kitchen where Irene is sitting at the table drinking wine. He takes a beer from the refrigerator and pops it open.

  “You have a couple of years to go, mister,” she jokes but Colin doesn’t laugh.

  He’s been acting strange and is distant now. Irene is reading a magazine and Colin pulls out a chair and sits across from her.

  “Everything okay?” she asks, looking at him.

  “Adam just told me that Aaron passed away.”

  She chokes on her drink. “What?” She isn't even sure that she heard right.

  Colin takes a sip from his beer. “He said that Levy showed up at the house they’re staying at and pushed him down the stairs.”

  She wants to smile but knows it’s not appropriate. “Wow.” She has not heard from Levy since he told her he fucked up so she had no idea exactly what he’d done. “What, uh… he fell and died? Just like that?”

  Colin studies her for a long time, making her nervous. He finally takes his eyes off her and takes another swig of beer. “Jaycob accidentally shot him.”

  Irene cannot believe her ears. This just keeps getting better!

  “It was an accident, though.” Colin’s gaze is making her very uncomfortable and then he says, “Some people are murderers.” He lets the words hang in the air for a moment. “And some, like Jake, are not.”

  Irene looks back at the magazine and turns the page with shaky hands. Why is he telling her this?

  “Is he going to jail?” She says without looking at him.

  “Don't think so. It was an accident. But I know when they find Levy, man, it’s going to be sweet. They have cops and detectives and even Adam’s PI friend and all his guys out there looking for him. They’ll catch the fucker because eventually murderers always get caught.” He takes one final swig and gets to his feet. “I'm going out. Don't wait up.”

  She’s left simmering in his words. She’s not a murderer, though; she only helped Jordyn into a better life.

  The boy is gone. She smiles at the wonderful news and when Colin leaves, she goes to the family room to get her phone and calls Levy not expecting him to answer and is surprised when he does.

  “What the fuck do you want?”

  “I've got some great news.”

  “What?”

  “You did it! The boy is dead.”

  “What? Are you sure?” He sounds more worried than happy.

  “My son just told me. Jaycob shot the boy and he’s dead… dead!”

  “Holy shit… how about that?”

  “So thanks for making it happen.”

  Silence

  “Are you there?” she asks.

  “Wanna make a deal?”

  She’s curious. “What deal?”

  “Keep me informed on what’s going on. I wanna stay a step ahead of those fuckers.”

  “What’s in it for me?”

  He laughs. “You got what you wanted, bitch.”

  “Fine. Deal.”

  “I’ll check in periodically and you call me at my new number if you have anything. Only if you have info, I don’t want to hear from your stupid ass otherwise. Also, I need your husband’s number just in case.”

  “In case what?

  “Just give me the damn number.”

  “Fine.”

  They exchange numbers and the call ends.

  Irene puts the phone on the coffee table and smiles. Finally! Now Adam has no excuse.

  33

  JAYCOB

  Jaycob was told by the lawyer that no charges would be brought against him. Obviously, what he did was in self-defense. Even though he was negligent in firing the weapon, he did it to protect Aaron. But Jaycob thinks this is wrong. He killed Aaron. How can he not be punished for it?

  Being in the room he once shared with Aaron is painful and again, he knows that he deserves to be hurting. He’s standing by the window looking out to the Pacific Ocean, thinking that he has nothing left. No purpose, no hope, and no Aaron. He misses home, but he’s not sure where that might as he cannot see a home without Aaron in it.

  As he looks out to the ocean, memories of Aaron flood his mind. Tears well in his eyes and he shakes his head. The clock on the dresser says it is 11:33 a.m. and he realizes that he’s been awake for thirty-six hours straight.

  He turns to Aaron’s empty bed and his heart accelerates. His chest moves quickly up and down and it feels like it’s on fire. He starts to hyperventilate and his vision is only a tunnel. He takes Aaron’s tablet and presses the button to awaken the screen and finds a photo of him and Aaron on the beach on Christmas day. Aaron had set it up as his background.

  Once again, tears start to form and he throws the tablet against the wall, breaking it. He takes the vase with flowers from the nightstand and does the same and then looks around for more things he can break. From the dresser, he grabs the clock radio, pulls its cord off the wall and throws it at a full-length mirror.

  He sees his distorted reflection in the remaining pieces and approaches the mirror. Now he sees his face and he doesn’t recognize himself. He stares at himself for a long time. I am a killer… I am a killer… I killed Aaron, he thinks and starts punching the mirror over and over until all the pieces are gone and then someone pulls him away. When he turns around, he’s ready to throw one more punch but stops.

  Adam’s eyes are filled with tears. Jaycob drops to his knees and buries his face in his bloody hands. Adam crouches in front of him and wraps his arms around him. “I’m here, Jake.” His big brother holds on to him. “I can’t even pretend to know how you must feel, but… you are not alone in this. You’re my brother and I love you and I'm not going to fucking let you go through this alone, do you understand me?”

  Jaycob stops crying and wipes the tears away. He sits on his heels and looks down at his lap, sniffling.

  “What happened was a horrible, horrible accident,” says Adam and Jaycob listens as he watches his blood drip from his knuckles onto the white carpet.

  “Nothing will bring him back, but I… I know with all of my heart that he does not blame you.” Adam sits next to him and puts an arm around his brother’s shoulders.

  “Yes, it fucking sucks that he's not here because… because we love him and miss him so much, but… can you imagine the reunion they had up there?”

  Jaycob says nothing, but he can imagine it.

  “Now he’s with his mom whom he missed so much. And mom and dad and… Jordyn. He will be with us always. He… he’ll be a void that will never be filled, but we can take comfort in knowing that one day we will see him again. And I know… I know you told me that that’s something people say to comfort others, but we have to believe that, Jake. We need to hold on to that or we’ll go insane. Now we cry a
nd mourn our loss but we have to think about what he would want for us.”

  Jaycob looks at his brother.

  “Don’t you think he’s sad that you’re blaming yourself for this?”

  Jaycob nods.

  “I’m not telling you how you should grieve or how to feel, but I can tell you that I'm here with you through this.” Adam stands then helps Jaycob to sit on the bed.

  Adam walks out, but returns moments later with a first aid kit and sits next to him. He takes Jaycob's hands, cleans the blood and wraps them with bandages. When he’s done, they sit on the bed, side by side with their heads down.

  “What's next?” asks Jaycob.

  Adam takes a deep breath. “I was thinking we should cremate Aaron and take him home to his mom.”

  Jaycob is quiet for a long time and then takes a deep breath. “Can I, uh… can we, maybe… I don’t know…” He looks down at his hands.

  “What, Jake?”

  “I… I don’t want to go home, Adam. Not without…” he shakes his head.

  “Maybe you’re right, Jake. But this is something we need to really think about.”

  “But what you said about taking him to Tianna.” He nods. “I think that's a great idea.”

  They know it isn't going to be easy, but they have each other. “I'm going to kill the son of a bitch when we find him. I’m gonna fucking kill him,” says Jaycob.

  “That fucker will burn in hell. Now, get some sleep, Jake.”

  34

  RITA

  Rita wishes that she could stay for Aaron’s cremation, but Frank has to return to work. She’s broken and emotionally drained. She sinks into her seat, looking out the window and she’s at peace knowing that Aaron is with his mom and that she got the opportunity to tell him goodbye.

  She wipes the tears away, rests her head on the window as the memory of her kiss with Adam comes to mind. They didn't get a chance to talk about it and she’s afraid to think that he might not feel the same way about her. She knows it is wrong, but she can't stop the feelings for him.