Confessions: Julien (Confessions Series Book 2)

by Ella Frank

  “‘I will be homesick for you, even in heaven,’” Robbie said, quoting from the book Julien had clutched to his chest.

  He wasn’t sure why, but Robbie remembered that from when his ma had read it to his sisters, and as he stared into the silent room, he felt as though he really understood Jacquelyn then and why she was so adamant about staying behind—because who wouldn’t miss Julien, even when they were in heaven?

  Chapter Twenty-One

  CONFESSION

  Even at my worst, you love me.

  But can he?

  PRIEST WALKED DOWN the hallway that led to the library and wondered what he would find when he stepped inside. After receiving Robbie’s text saying he’d found Julien, Priest had decided to give the two of them a moment to connect, to see if Julien would open up to Robbie. So he’d moved their bags into one of the guest rooms and taken his time heading to the library.

  When he came up to the door, Priest hesitated for a moment before he slowly pushed it open, and nothing could’ve prepared him for what he saw next or how his heart would react.

  Across the room, by the window, Robbie sat on the floor with his back against the bookshelves. His legs were stretched out in front of him, and on the ground, curled up with his head on Robbie’s lap, was Julien. There was a close-to-empty bottle of Grey Goose beside them, and Robbie was gently running his fingers through Julien’s hair.

  Priest slowly nudged the door open to not wake his husband, and the movement must’ve caught Robbie’s attention, because he angled his head in Priest’s direction.

  There was no smile, no greeting, just a forlorn expression that immediately gave Priest a snapshot of what had taken place while he’d been searching the rest of the house. Robbie looked exhausted. He also looked devastated. But as he stared into Priest’s eyes, it was clear that he now understood.

  Priest stepped inside the room and walked to the wingback recliner in the corner opposite them. The curtain was open enough that it cast a dim light across the room as he reached the chair and took a seat, and the entire time, Robbie kept his eyes fastened on him.

  Somewhere during this trip—or maybe it had been back in Chicago—Robbie had gotten under Priest’s skin, and seemed determined to get inside his heart. He was compassionate, intelligent, and understanding, and Priest wondered if Robbie knew just how much both he and Julien were coming to care for him.

  “You’re so good with him,” Priest said in a hushed tone, finally breaking the silence.

  Robbie glanced down at the fingers he was running through Julien’s hair. “It’s not hard. He’s easy to lo—”

  Robbie bit off his words, but Priest knew what he was going to say. “To love?”

  Robbie raised guilty eyes to Priest. He looked conflicted by his response, worried that he was about to be told to get out and leave. But that was the last thing Priest was feeling, and it was time Robbie understood that.

  “I agree with you. He is easy to love,” Priest said, as he looked over the man they were discussing, and then raised his eyes back to Robbie’s. “He told you about Jacquelyn?”

  “He did.” Robbie bit his lip as he smoothed his hand down Julien’s arm. “The heartache he lives with…it’s too much for one person. I don’t know how he does it.”

  “Neither do I. A broken heart of gold, that’s what our Julien has.”

  Robbie’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and then he whispered, “Our Julien. I like that.”

  Priest kept his eyes fastened on Robbie and said, “He is ours. You know that, don’t you?”

  Robbie looked almost shy at those words as he nodded. “Yes. Can I be honest?”

  “Always.”

  “I always dreamed he’d be mine. Ever since I saw him on TV. But now? Now I know he feels the same. He trusts me.”

  “He does. I can see it whenever the two of you are together. He needs you. Your warmth, your sweetness—”

  “And your strength,” Robbie interrupted, and when Priest didn’t immediately respond, he added, “You’re his rock. Julien worships the ground you walk on.”

  “I know. As I do him.” Priest paused, and then heard himself say, “I just don’t know that I can give him what he needs right now.”

  The room fell silent as his words lingered in the air, and Priest couldn’t believe they’d just come out of his mouth. But ever since Jimmy had resurfaced, Priest had felt off his game. Unstable. Distracted. And he hated not feeling as in control as he usually did.

  “Joel?”

  Priest refocused, and the frown marring Robbie’s usually smooth forehead was at direct odds with the soft expression in his eyes.

  “You don’t always have to be the strong one, you know. I’m tougher than I look.”

  Priest didn’t doubt that for a second. If there was one thing he knew about Robbie, it was that he had no problem fighting for what he believed in. He’d been on the receiving end of his wrath several times, and Priest could only imagine how spectacular he would be in full-on protective mode.

  “Plus,” Robbie said, “whether you’re strong or not? There’s no one Julien loves more.”

  “You’re right,” Priest said, as he got to his feet and crossed over to his men. When he crouched down in front of them, he trailed his fingers along Robbie’s jaw and then cradled his cheek in his palm. “But there’s someone he’s starting to love just as much. Someone we both are.”

  Robbie’s lips parted on a soft gasp, shock entering his eyes as they stared at one another and Priest said, “I’m not sure you understand just how much you mean to us, Robert. How much having you here this weekend means to him. I don’t think I’ve told you that before, but I love how you are with him. You understand what he needs when he needs it, and every time you give it, I find myself trying to work out exactly what we need to do to make this—to make you—permanent in our lives.”

  Priest traced his thumb over Robbie’s lips, memorizing their shape and texture, and then he leaned in and kissed them. “Somewhere in these past few months, I lost my mind over you, Robert Bianchi. It’s only now that my heart’s beginning to catch up.”

  ROBBIE WASN’T SURE how much more his heart could take tonight.

  Never could he have imagined Priest saying what he had just said, but as he sat there with Julien’s head in his lap and Priest’s mouth inches from his own, Robbie found himself moving forward to run his fingers over the scruff he loved.

  A rumbling purr left Priest’s throat, as Robbie returned the kiss, and then he traced his lower lip with the tip of his tongue.

  “Sweetheart…” Priest said, but Robbie just shut his eyes and reveled in the feelings coursing through him as Priest took his face in both hands and angled his head to deepen the connection.

  Robbie sighed and let him in. God, was it possible to feel so much in one night and have your heart not fly apart? But as he sank into the kiss, Robbie let himself go. He let himself fly all the way up into the damn clouds. He’d already lost the battle with Julien, and when Priest raised his head, Robbie knew he’d just lost it there too. His heart no longer belonged to him. Each of these men now held a piece of it.

  “If we’re being honest…” Robbie said, and gnawed on the inside of his cheek.

  “Yes?”

  “I kind of lost my mind the first time you called me sweetheart in Logan’s office.”

  A roguish grin tipped the corner of Priest’s lips, making Robbie’s heart thump a little harder. “You hated me.”

  “Well, yeah,” Robbie said. “But I couldn’t stop thinking about you either. Apparently you have that effect on people.”

  “Only the ones who count,” Priest said, as his eyes shifted to Julien and he ran the back of his fingers down his cheek. “This might seem like an odd question with everything that happened today, but are you happy, Robert?”

  “Happy?” Robbie said, and when Priest raised his head, it was clear he was serious. This question and answer was important to him, and Robbie replied the sam
e way Priest once had to a question of his: “Be more specific.”

  “Are you happy with us? With this relationship of ours.”

  Robbie was floored by the vulnerability in that question, by the doubt behind those words. He’d always assumed that he was the one constantly freaking out that he wasn’t what they were looking for. But as Priest remained crouched opposite him, his eyes glued to Robbie’s, it was clear this was something that weighed heavily on his mind.

  Robbie licked at his suddenly dry lips. “Yes, I’m happy with us. Actually,” Robbie said, and felt a silly grin hit his lips, “I kind of love us.”

  “Oh?”

  Robbie nodded and felt the devil on his shoulder as he said, “What’s not to love? Julien cooks, you worry about the important stuff, and I make everything sparkle.” That elusive smile of Priest’s lit his face, and Robbie added, “I also love that I can do that.”

  “What?”

  “Make you smile. It’s so rare that it feels like a major accomplishment when it happens.”

  Robbie watched as the smile immediately left Priest’s face and his usual stoic expression returned.

  “I suppose you’re right,” Priest said, as he straightened to his full height. “It’s not something I’ve done much of until the past eight years.”

  Robbie craned his head up and watched as Priest slipped his hands into his pockets, removing himself from any kind of comfort, from any more moments of weakness. “Why?”

  Priest looked toward the heavy curtains that flanked the large window and said, “I had a difficult childhood.”

  Robbie waited for Priest to continue, but when he didn’t, Robbie decided that maybe tonight wasn’t the right time. They were already dealing with enough with Julien, and it was clear that Priest wasn’t in the divulging kind of mood. So Robbie took Priest’s advice from last week and let it go.

  Priest would talk when he was ready—hadn’t he proved that tonight? Robbie could never have imagined he’d hear half of the words Priest had said to him earlier—so he would wait. He would wait for Priest, just like he’d waited for Julien, because he knew both men were worth it.

  “Do you think we should try and get him to a bed?” Robbie said.

  “Yes. He’s already going to have a terrible hangover. The least we can do is make sure he doesn’t have any other aches and pains to go with it.”

  Robbie nodded, as Priest crouched back down and gently shook Julien’s shoulder. “Julien? Julien…let’s get you to bed.”

  When Julien didn’t budge or make a sound, Robbie said, “Got any other ideas?”

  “Prop his upper body up so I can get an arm in under his shoulders.”

  Robbie shifted and got his hands under Julien, and on a soft count of three, they hoisted him up so Priest could put Julien’s left arm over his shoulder and slide his right around Julien’s torso.

  Once he had a firm grip on him, Priest grimaced and hauled Julien up to his feet with more strength than Robbie had any hope of ever possessing.

  Robbie moved into Julien’s right side and got an arm around his waist, and when Julien’s head lolled onto Priest’s shoulders and his bleary eyes opened, a sad, defeated smile morphed his lips.

  “Je suis désolé, mon amour,” he whispered. “So sorry.”

  Priest frowned at him as they all hobbled along. “You know there’s no need for that.”

  “But you…” Julien paused, as he stumbled over his feet and into Priest’s side. “You don’t like me like this. So how can he?”

  Priest placed a kiss to Julien’s forehead and said, “You’re right. I love you, no matter what. And I have a feeling he will too.”

  Robbie sucked in a breath, as Julien sighed and his eyes fell shut, and when he slumped fully into Priest’s side, Robbie let it out in a rush. Had he really just heard what he thought he had?

  But before he could ask, Priest gestured to the door with his chin. “There’s a bedroom a couple of doors down. I already put our bags in there. It’s a guest room with a king and an en suite. We’ll all fit in there.”

  Robbie’s heart swelled at the automatic inclusion, which was silly, but he couldn’t help the butterflies he got whenever he thought of himself as belonging with the two of these men. And he did belong with them—after tonight, there was no question in his mind. His body had become theirs that first night back in Chicago. But tonight? Tonight, he’d given his heart away.

  As they reached the bedroom and lowered Julien on the mattress, Priest said, “Why don’t you go and shower? Get ready for bed. You must be exhausted.”

  He was, but then Robbie looked at Julien, worry causing him to hesitate.

  “It’s okay,” Priest said, and touched Robbie’s arm. “I’ve got him. Go and unwind.”

  Robbie gave Priest a soft smile, and then headed over to the door he assumed led to the bathroom. When he spotted their bags all lined up side by side, he opened his to grab his toiletry bag and pajama shorts set, and as he did, Priest flicked on the bedroom lamp and then walked over to switch off the main light.

  Robbie straightened and watched as Priest went about removing Julien’s shoes and socks and then draped a blanket over him, and when he sat down by the bed and ran a hand through Julien’s hair, Robbie backed away into the bathroom, giving them some privacy.

  As he shut the door, Robbie stripped out of his clothes and walked to the massive shower on the far side of the room. It ran alongside a wall of windows, and while there was nothing directly outside opposite the clear panes, it was somewhat disconcerting to be looking outside while standing stark naked in a bathroom.

  Robbie soon got over that, though, the shower beckoning to his tense muscles. He grabbed his favorite exfoliating sponge and body wash, walked to the enormous stall, and looked at the fancy faucets and jets on either end of it, and what looked like a computer panel.

  He located the power button easily enough, but as soon as he hit it, the controls lit up and freezing-cold water shot out at him from all sides, making him shriek and reach for the red plus button—which he hoped to God was for the hot water.

  He pressed it several times, and as the temperature went from frigid to toasty warm, Robbie sighed and moved into the middle of the massive stall. He raised his arms until they were stretched out on either side of himself so the water could blast his entire body, and then he shut his eyes and relaxed.

  Ahh… I could stand here all night, Robbie thought as he enjoyed the water sluicing over his body from every possible angle. Now this is how the other half lives—or, you know, with a fish tank in their bathroom.

  At that thought, Robbie imagined Priest and the way he had so patiently taken care of Julien just now, and Robbie realized he didn’t want to linger in there alone—no matter how tired he was or how good these faucets and massage sprays felt. He wanted to be in there with them, and from everything Priest had said tonight, that was also where he would want Robbie.

  So with that thought in mind, Robbie reached for the soap and began to lather up, knowing the sooner he got done, the sooner he’d be able to be with his men, because that was exactly where he was supposed to be.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  CONFESSION

  Blowing off steam helps clear the mind

  and cleanse the soul.

  PRIEST PLACED A glass of water on the nightstand beside Julien, and then straightened so he could look over the sleeping man.

  For the first time in weeks, Julien looked peaceful, and Priest wasn’t sure if it was because of the alcohol or whatever had happened with Robbie before he had tracked them down in the library. All he knew was that the mental exhaustion written all over Robbie’s face was a clear indicator that the dam of emotions Julien had been standing behind had broken tonight, and he’d finally let himself and Robbie be swept under.

  “It’s time to come back now,” Priest said, as he pressed his lips to Julien’s cheek. “Sleep, and then come back to us, mon beau voleur de cœurs, because tonight, I believe you
stole another heart.”

  Satisfied that Julien was safely tucked away, Priest walked to the bathroom door, wanting to check and make sure Robbie hadn’t fallen asleep on his feet, and as he pushed open the door and stepped inside, the sight that greeted him had Priest coming to a stop.

  Robbie stood in the middle of a massive shower and was facing away from the door. He was staring out the window at the dark blanket of space ahead, and he had his arms held out on either side of himself, letting the jets of water hit him from all sides.

  Priest’s cock responded immediately. Robbie was breathtaking.

  He hadn’t heard Priest’s entry yet, and when he lowered his arms to his side and bent to pick up his bottle of body wash, Priest walked to the vanity that ran along the opposite wall and leaned against the sink to watch the show.

  Robbie reached for a bright purple sponge, and Priest couldn’t stop the smirk that hit his lips, because of course Robbie had brought a purple sponge with him. He poured some of the soap onto the surface and began lathering up his arms, chest, stomach, and groin. He was quick and efficient in his moves, not lingering at all before he bent at the waist and began the sensual task of running that sponge up and down his legs.

  Priest rubbed the heel of his palm over his now-aching dick, and then spotted Robbie’s unzipped toiletry bag on the counter beside him, and the several condoms sitting inside.

  He hadn’t gone in there with the intention of getting naked. But the longer he stood there watching Robbie run that loofah up and down his calves, the more Priest wanted to switch his brain off and lose himself inside Robbie’s spectacular body.

  He unfastened his jeans and shoved his hand inside to wrap it around his cock and stroke, and then waited for the moment when Robbie realized he wasn’t alone and someone else was enjoying the show. Luckily for Priest, he didn’t have to wait too long.