Watch Over My Life: Emotional Love Story (What Will Be Book Series)

by Laura Ashley Gallagher

  “Why don’t you talk to her?” Jessica heard the woman’s voice again. “She might open her eyes for you, Jake?”

  Jake?

  Jake was here.

  Her heart leaped as the doctor’s hand was replaced by his. And without seeing him, she knew it was his touch. The familiar tingle spread across her palm.

  “I need you to open your eyes, Jess.”

  Didn’t he understand that she couldn’t? She was trying her hardest.

  “Baby,” he whispered in her ear, and his breath swarmed across her neck. “I love you, and I need you to open your eyes for me. I need to see those beautiful sparkling blue eyes.”

  But she couldn’t.

  Instead, she just gripped his hand tighter and drifted back into the darkness.

  *****

  His fist came flying towards her, and he gripped onto her so tight she thought she was going to collapse. Then the pain shot through her body like fire.

  “Stop!” she screamed, struggling against herself and the bedsheets.

  That was the next time she heard voices. Her eyes shot open and cold sweat was streaming down her back.

  She remembered.

  She remembered everything until the pain in her heart hurt so much her cheeks were drenched with salty tears.

  “Jess. Breathe, baby. Breathe!” Her eyes focused on the man lurking over her. “It’s alright, sweetheart. I’m here.”

  It was Jake. That man was Jake, and she was safe.

  But she couldn’t say anything, as the sobs had taken complete control of her body.

  “The baby?” She panicked, placing her hands over her small bump. It was still there. But was the baby?

  “The baby is fine,” Jake assured her, looking away from her tear-filled gaze.

  Her baby was okay. More moisture fell from her blotchy and swollen eyes with relief, but somehow Jake wasn’t as excited as she was. Still, she decided not to question him about it.

  “How long was I out?” she finally asked, her voice sounding hoarse and strained.

  “Three days,” he answered shortly.

  “Three days?”

  “You had me scared for a while. Good thing Michelle called me. It’s not even worth thinking about; what could have happened if I didn’t get there?”

  “Michelle called you?”

  “She was worried after she got off the phone with Rob, so she called the office, and they gave her my number,” he explained, rubbing his thumb against the back of her hand. “Watching you lying there was unbearable.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered, swallowing the lump threatening more tears.

  As her eyes focused more on his face, she noticed a deep gash under his brow, and his knuckles were swollen.

  “Did he do that?” She sat up and laced her fingers over the wound.

  “Don’t worry about it.” He removed her hand.

  Somehow, she already knew that Rob came out the worse of the two.

  “I’m going to tell the doctor that you are awake. I’m sure he would like to examine you.”

  “Jake,” she called after him.

  She didn’t want to be alone. She needed him there with her. Jessica just wanted to feel the warmth of him close to her.

  “I’ll be right back. I promise,” he said before leaning over to kiss her softly on her forehead.

  A few moments later and Doctor Harris entered the room with a warm smile. But he was alone.

  “Where’s Jake?” she queried, hoping he was going to walk through the door after the doctor.

  “I asked him to give us a few moments alone. He has gone for a short walk. The baby is doing fine,” he started. “Jake got there just in time to save you both.”

  “I need to see him.” She tried to sit up urgently. She had an uneasy feeling that she couldn’t explain.

  “Please, Jessica. Relax. I think Jake needs some time to digest things. There has been a lot for him to take in.”

  The silence that followed told her it wasn’t just about what happened with Rob. He wouldn’t look at her straight in the eyes, and that told her everything she needed to know.

  “You told him, didn’t you?”

  Her heart sank. Jake couldn’t have known.

  “I’m sorry, Jessica. I had to tell him.”

  “No, you didn’t.” Her voice was rising now, and the pounding was beginning at her temples.

  “Yes, I did,” Doctor Harris pressed. “You came in here so badly injured; I didn’t know if I was going to have to operate on you or not, and the father of your child had a right to know if I was going to terminate the pregnancy.”

  She winced as her tears stung the deep cut across her jaw.

  “Thankfully, you didn’t need surgery,” he went on. “And I can’t terminate this pregnancy now. You are far too weak. Not only would you be too weak physically, but mentally and emotionally, you are nowhere near ready for any of that, and as your doctor, I can’t recommend it.”

  Right now, she didn’t care what he could recommend and what he couldn’t. Jake knew about her cancer, and that was all that mattered. That explained why he seemed so distant earlier. She couldn’t bear to think of him finding out like that.

  She should have told him, but she was stupid and selfish, and it was obviously too late for that now.

  “Could you tell him I would like to speak to him, please?”

  “Of course.” Doctor Harris nodded his head firmly before leaving the room.

  It was two hours before a dark shadow caught her eye, leaning against the door frame in the dull room. Her heart leaped with just the sight of him, his strong arms crossed, his shoulders broad.

  “Hey.” She swallowed before biting down on her lip nervously.

  “Hi,” he answered, looking away from her.

  “You just going to stand there, or are you going to come in?”

  “I can’t, Jess.” He nodded frantically before rubbing his fingers over his tired eyes.

  It poisoned her to see him like that and to know that she had caused his heartache.

  “I can’t just stand here and watch you wither away. I love you too much. It amazes me I could love you so much and hate you for what you are doing to yourself; for what you are allowing to happen.”

  She was right from the very beginning. There was no doubting how he would feel towards her when he found out.

  There was silence between them then, neither able to find the right words. And she had to stew in this and witness the consequences of her actions play out.

  “Now would be the time to say something,” he prompted.

  “I told you you’d hate me.”

  His dark eyes widened for a moment, and she could see the memory replaying in his eyes.

  “I thought you meant for being pregnant, Jessica. Not for dying,” he stated bitterly, and she flinched as his words hit her like another kick.

  “I’m so sorry.” She broke down. “I know I must seem like the most selfish person to you right now, but I couldn’t get rid of our baby. Do you honestly think this is how I wished my life would plan out? For months, we were just having fun, there was no ‘us’, but then we became us, and everything changed. And I loved you like I never knew it was possible to love someone, and I have loved you more every day since. This is our baby and when I found out that you wanted a child, all I wanted was to make you happy. And I am not blaming you, because this mess is my fault. But I wanted to be a mother, Jake. And getting rid of this baby, our baby, was like letting this illness win. I would never get another chance. I wanted to give birth and be a woman, and I wanted it to be you by my side throughout it all. I swear, I was going to tell you and I am so sorry that you found out this way.”

  Fresh tears brimmed in her eyes.

  “Yes, of course, I wanted our baby,” he agreed confidently, exhaling loudly at her doubt, shifting from one foot to another, and crossing his arms again over his strong chest. “But not in exchange for your life, Jess.”

  She could see the
reflection of his tears as his anger and frustration boiled over.

  “Can’t you see? I can’t live in this world if you are not in it with me? I can’t do it. I never could. No, I can’t sit back and watch that baby kill you. I am sorry, but I can’t do that. I can’t look at that baby and know what it did to you. I love you so much, and it’s unbearable to think of life without you. I can’t love something that I know it taking you away from me. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

  “Jake, you can’t be saying that you are giving up on our child. I’m not stupid, I know you love this baby,” she shot at him.

  He should be angry at her, not their unborn child.

  “Deep down, I always will love that child because it’s a part of you. But I can’t if it’s taking you away from me. I’m sorry, Jess, but I wish you felt that you could confide in me. If you did, you would have told me when you found out that you were ill.”

  “Nobody said I was going anywhere, Jake.”

  He swallowed hard before standing up straight and suddenly striding swiftly towards her. Before she could take another breath, his lips covered hers in a heated kiss, his fingers tangling in her soft curls. She was falling into him willingly and without any doubt of her love for him. But every second that his lips lingered on hers, she could feel him go, losing his grip on her.

  Slowly, almost painfully slowly, he pulled away before wiping the tears from her cheeks.

  “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

  Then he turned hesitantly on his heels, looking back only once through the eyes of a broken man.

  He had just shattered her, but it wasn’t anything less than she deserved.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  2 months later...

  “Hey, honey.” Jessica’s mother entered the room as she carefully removed her clothes from the wardrobe and packed her bulky bag. The dark circles around her mother’s eyes looked too heavy for her petite, heart-shaped face.

  She did this to her. If she had just told them from day one, none of this would have happened.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  Jessica tried to smile the sorrow away from her face, but her mother knew her better than that.

  “Are you all set to go home?”

  “I’m ready,” Jessica let out, wincing from the pain of the fading bruises as she lifted her arms to tie back her hair.

  “I’m going to miss you from around here, sweetheart. It was nice having you home again, and you and April got on well, for once,” Rose added.

  Her parents had convinced her it was best if she stayed with them until she got a little better. She had lived out of home for so long; it didn’t feel right. Or maybe it was that she no longer considered it her home. There was a place that made her heart leap when she thought of home, but with that jolt of happiness came endless tears.

  The pain she felt physically was nothing compared to the emptiness. For a while, she felt numb to everything, and in a sick way, she wanted to stay in that state. She didn’t want to feel the pain and the impact of Jake walking away, because that was all she could think of.

  The image of him walking away from her had haunted her since the day he said goodbye. It just felt so final. But she should have known the pain would eventually hit. And when it did, it hit her like a wave of fire, crumbling her to pieces. And she had no idea how to get herself back from the ashes.

  She had not seen him since then, but she didn’t blame him. How could she?

  Looking back on the past couple of months, she didn’t know what got her into such a frame of mind to believe that the best thing to do was keep it from him.

  Was she possessed?

  She thought she was protecting him, but in the end, she realized the only person she was protecting was herself.

  Her parents refused to come to terms with her illness, even though her doctor had told them there was a big chance that she would survive. They loved this baby as much as she did, but looking in their eyes, she could see what she saw in Jake’s the day he told her he couldn’t do it.

  And it killed her to look at them. It pained her to the deepest part of her chest.

  “Well, I will tell your father to put your bags in the car.” Her mother broke the silence of her daze.

  “Thanks.”

  Just then, her sister April stepped quietly into the room. Her long, flowing blonde hair fell over her shoulders, covered with a black knitted hat. She was tapping the white cordless phone against the palm of her hand.

  “The police called again,” she finally said, sighing outwardly as her eyes roamed over Jessica’s face. “They wanted to speak to you.”

  “They have wanted to speak to me for the past six weeks. I spoke to them enough in the hospital. There is nothing more I can tell them.”

  Jessica was getting annoyed. They called every day. Did they not get the hint that she wanted to forget about what happened to her?

  “I know, but the police are pressing charges and they just wanted to go over the details with you.”

  “He beat me half to death. Jesus Christ, how difficult is that to understand?”

  She stopped herself. These emotional outbursts had become too frequent and aimed at the wrong people.

  “But he did this to you, Jess, and he needs to be punished,” April pressed softly, glistening tears welling in her green eyes.

  “No April.” Jessica shook her head, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I did this to me.”

  “Okay, you know what?” April flung the phone on the desk, the landing making a loud thud against the pine wood. “I will not stand here and watch you blame yourself for this. You have been doing that for two months, and it is not your fault. Jesus, you thought what you were doing was right and nobody can judge you for that. Maybe it was wrong, but your intentions were good. And I can see that you worry about this baby, but it will have plenty of people to love it. And one of those people will be you because you are not going anywhere. You are my big sister and I have always looked up to you for being a fighter.” Tears streamed down her blushed cheeks, biting down on her lip to stop it from trembling. “You have to fight through this, Jess. You can’t just leave us. You can’t leave me. I need my big sister.”

  Jessica’s eyes stung as the heavy tears pooled around her orbs. She wasn’t expecting that at all; least of all from April. But as Jessica stood there and watched her little sister swamped in her loosely fitted sweatshirt, her sandy hair flowing around her narrow cheeks and tears flowing endlessly from her hazel eyes, Jessica couldn’t stop the sobs escaping.

  “Oh, April. Come here.” She stepped towards her, gesturing for her to come closer.

  And she did. Without hesitation, she ran into Jessica’s arms as if she were a child again.

  “I am going to fight as hard as I can, okay?” Jessica promised, whispering in her ear.

  April nodded, pulling away from the warmth of her embrace, and sprawled her hands down her face to wipe away the tears.

  “And don’t worry about Jake. He will come to his senses. He can’t just stop loving you overnight. That pain in the ass will never stop loving you and even though you might not think it, he loves that baby. He won’t stay away for much longer.”

  How wrong her little sister was? He hated her, but instead of disagreeing, she plastered a smile on her face and simply said, “I hope you are right, sis. I really do.”

  Forty minutes and tear loads later, she arrived outside her apartment building with her father. Her mother had decided it was best she stayed at home. Apparently, she had cleaning to do. Jessica knew what she was doing. She was distracting herself. She didn’t want to see her daughter leave to live on her own, and with Jessica sick and pregnant, her mother wanted to take care of her. Who could blame her? If the roles were reversed, Jessica would want to do the same.

  She placed her hand over the small bump jolting out of her body and carefully stood out of the car. Her father took her bags as they locked the car to head towards her apartment.

  It mus
t have been an omen that she kept this place. She needed it more than ever. Two months ago, the only place she saw as a home was Jake’s house.

  It was scary how things changed.

  Looking straight down the long, narrow hallway, memories flashed violently in her head, making her temples pound. She could imagine Rob storming through this hallway in a rage with thoughts of what he was going to do to her in his mind.

  “Are you alright, sweetie?” her father asked.

  She tilted her head up to look at him, and to her surprise, she had stopped and was staring straight at the ground.

  “You don’t have to do this, you know? You could come home with me again.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I can do this. I’m fine.” She smiled softly.

  Slowly, she pushed herself forward, cramping the terrifying thoughts to the back of her mind. She could do this without those images replaying in her head like a horror movie.

  As she reached into her bag for her keys, the door swung open, sweeping air across her face.

  “Welcome home,” a voice squealed before popping her head out from behind the door.

  “Oh.” Jessica’s eyes widened as Sharon’s face came into view and her arms flung helplessly around her. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “What kind of friend would I be if I weren’t here to greet you? And I cleaned around a bit for you? The place was getting dusty.”

  It was more like she was there to remove the remaining stains of blood from the floor, but Sharon didn’t say that. Instead, Jessica could see it in her light grey eyes. She could read Sharon like a book. They had been friends since the day they started school at the age of four.

  “Don’t just stand there looking at me. Get your ass in the apartment. I wasn’t slaving around here all day for nothing.”

  “Isn’t it great to know that it came from the kindness of your heart? I knew you were being too soppy for a minute,” Jessica teased her as she strolled into the apartment, closing her eyes briefly as she strode swiftly past the hallway, deciding not to comment on the new rug. The old one must have been soaked in blood.

  “Hey, Chris.” She heard Sharon greet her father before they both followed her into the living room.