Braxton smiled, still feeling Ryan’s touch even as he moved away. Whatever else they faced, so they were on the same page concerning their relationship. And it was a damn good place to be. “I’m happy you are.” He made a face as he checked the time on the microwave. “I should start getting ready.”
“Yes. And you’ll have to take a cab back to your place. I’d rather drive you myself, but…” Ryan sighed and shook his head. “I won’t take any chances with you.”
The first time they’d had this discussion, Braxton couldn’t help arguing, but this time, he accepted Ryan’s decision and the reasons behind it without question. He shifted forward, stealing a kiss and snickered when Ryan smacked his ass. “If you can put up with the craziness of my job, I can deal with whatever comes with yours.”
“That’s good to hear, my boy.” Ryan brushed a hand over his hair, a tenderness in his eyes. “I can’t tell you exactly when I’ll call, but I have a general idea of when you’ll be available. If you try to call me and I don’t answer, I’m probably on duty.”
“I’m allowed to call you too?”
Ryan gave him a level look. “Within reason. And don’t call my sister if you don’t hear from me.”
“No, sir. I’ve learned my lesson.” Braxton went to the bedroom, feeling Ryan’s eyes on him as he got dressed. “If...if anything happens, someone will let me know though, right?”
For a long time it seemed like Ryan had no intention of answering. But then he put his hand on Braxton’s shoulder. Met his eyes when he turned. “Yes, Braxton. I won’t leave you wondering. I’m going to be telling Laura about you soon, and if not her, someone else will be in touch if there’s ever an emergency. I’d like you to make the same arrangements. Accidents happen on the ice and I don’t want to be left waiting to hear whatever the team decides to tell the press.”
That was more than fair. Braxton inhaled slowly, hoping neither of them would even need to get that call, but finding some comfort in the fact that what they had was special enough to make these kinds of plans. “I will, sir.”
The rest of the day seemed almost surreal with how normal it was, but it wasn’t until he’d said goodbye and was in the cab that it really hit him. Usually, road trips were exciting and he didn’t think too much about how long they’d last. Everything that really mattered in his life was around him, everything he’d worked so hard for, all his hopes and dreams were along for the ride. He’d never let himself want more.
He still had all he’d accomplished. Still had his goals and Ryan wouldn’t let him lose sight of them.
But now, on top of the excitement of the game…
Was something else. Something beyond the thrill of every win.
There was a reason to look forward to coming home.
Chapter 16
Ryan never denied being a workaholic. He loved investigating cases, often brought them home with him, and he put in as many extra hours as humanly possible. But...being with Braxton changed that. He found himself watching the clock, eager to get home even when his boy was on the road, because either he could watch him play, or see him on video. On his days off he checked flights, knowing a spontaneous trip wouldn’t be practical, but hell was he tempted.
Somehow, in the weeks apart, he and Braxton had grown closer. Not because of the phone sex—though that definitely spiced things up—but he’d never shared so much of his life, his thoughts and dreams and random observations, with anyone. Or been so interested in every single detail of someone else’s life. Hearing his phone buzz, seeing Braxton’s number, never failed to make him smile.
There was no mistaking it. He was falling hard and fast, but he didn’t bother putting his hands out to brace himself. He couldn’t stop it. And didn’t want to.
Not when he looked into Braxton’s eyes and knew he felt the same.
With so many away games, there wasn’t much time to spend together. When Braxton had returned this past weekend, their schedules clashed to the point that the only way they’d been able to see one another was for Ryan to swing by the forum between practice and that night’s game to take his boy out to lunch.
This week wasn’t looking to be much different, but Ryan would deal. So long as he got to hold Braxton, hear his laugh up close, taste the sweetness of his lips…
Yeah, he was getting sappy as fuck over a man who should have been all wrong for him.
And he couldn’t care less.
Tonight, stepping into his empty house had him thinking about the long summer ahead and an idea he’d been toying with. One so reckless he’d shelved it because he knew he needed to go back to his old ways, at least in part, and weigh the pros and cons.
He wanted Braxton here. In his bed whenever he could be. His clothes in Ryan’s closet, his favorite food in his cupboard, his stinky gym bag tossed in the garage until it could be decontaminated.
The problem was, it was too soon. Ryan’s life wasn’t safe. He was stuck in his ways and...all right, the last wasn’t true. He’d believed it once, but having Braxton around proved he could be adaptable. Willing to compromise. Be spontaneous and find joy in all the little things that had passed him by before.
Sighing, he tossed his bag of takeout on the coffee table, turning on the TV before he sat, the station already set to the game. He relaxed onto the sofa, smiling a bit at the sound of skates on ice. Recognized several of the players from interactions over the years. Some closer than others, like Tyler Vanek and Raif Zovko, both in a polyam relationship with Laura and Chicklet. There’d been some ups and downs, but his sister seemed happy now, so he didn’t question the complexity. Tyler was a handful, but Raif and Chicklet managed him well enough. And the young man brought some fun into Ryan’s sister’s life.
She deserved that. She deserved what all of them gave her.
Gaze scanning the screen, Ryan went through his usual routine of searching for Braxton. His boy wasn’t on the ice yet. Frowning, he sat forward, checking out the players still on the bench. Usually, Braxton was one of the first out there. He didn’t get long shifts like the higher ranking players, but he was starting to be used more often on the penalty kill, which he’d been excited about. And being on the bench for most of the game meant he took every opportunity to stretch his legs.
The screen switched to the announcers without Ryan spotting Braxton. He took a big bite of his burger, hardly tasting it as he listened to them go on about expectations for the night. Players being called up last minute because of injuries, but Braxton wasn’t mentioned.
Then one of the male sports reporters held up his hand. “Just coming in, we have another player out of the lineup. This appears to have been a game time decision by the team doctor. We’ll share more details as soon as we have them.”
As the chatter continued on to other things, Ryan couldn’t hear a single word. He set down his burger and pulled out his phone, checking to see if he’d missed Braxton’s call. Nothing. Shaking his head, he opened the can of rootbeer that had come with his meal, already dialing. When Braxton didn’t answer, he called Laura.
Her tone was cheerful as she answered. “Hey! I hope you’re calling just for the hell of it, and not because you want me to cancel your visit to see Mom and Dad this weekend for you, because it’s not happening. They’ve been planning this for months.”
“No, it’s not that…” Ryan had been looking forward to seeing their parents. He’d planned to tell them about Braxton. And...well, the fact that he was gay. He didn’t see it being a huge issue, more them being concerned that he hadn’t told them sooner. With the hell Laura had been through with her birth mother, it had seemed ridiculous to act like his sexuality was even something that needed to be addressed.
Avoiding the subject at work had also led to avoiding it in general, but that was a bit harder to explain. Still, of all people, Laura would probably be hurt that he hadn’t confided in her.
He took a deep breath. “I wanted to know if you’d heard anything about what’s going on with Braxton.
He’s...out of the lineup.”
There was a long silence. “Braxton...Richards? As in the hockey player?”
“Laura—”
“No, give me a second, I’m trying to understand why in the world this would be on your radar.” Laura’s voice tightened a bit. “Since when do you care about the games, or the players, or… Ryan…”
Damn it, this wasn’t how he should be telling her, but he’d waited too long. And he needed to know what was happening with Braxton, not spend half the call beating around the fucking bush. “I’m gay, Laura. I’ve been seeing him...hell, it’s been a couple of months now, but it started...a while ago. I wasn’t sure how to tell you—I knew I could, it’s just…”
Laura exhaled roughly. “Wow, my big brother, not sounding sure of himself for once. You’ve got it bad. I can’t even be upset.” She let out a soft laugh. “I should’ve suspected something when he was getting my number from Tyler to talk to you.”
“He’s too young, I know.” Ryan rubbed his hand over his mouth, expecting the lecture, logic not really kicking in. Tyler wasn’t that much older.
This time, Laura chuckled. “He’s an adult and he clearly knows exactly what—and who—he wants. But I won’t torture you. Give me a few minutes, I’ll see if I can get a hold of Oriana. She went on the road with them and she’ll know what’s up.”
“Thank you.” Letting out a sigh of relief, Ryan tipped his head back. “Hell, this was easier than I thought it would be. I was expecting to feel guilty. I should’ve known better.”
That got him a sharp laugh. “Oh, I’m not done with you yet, big brother. Save it. We’ll get there when you’re not worried about your man. I love you. Bye.”
After the line clicked off, Ryan smiled a little, knowing Laura was only teasing. His sister could hold a grudge like no one’s business, but he could tell when she was really upset. She didn’t hold back. In this case, she’d likely want to talk things over, but more than anyone, she’d understand him hesitating, for any reason.
Which didn’t stop him from checking his phone every five minutes, waiting for her to call him back. He managed to eat a bit more, but the food was tasteless. For some reason, his mind kept going to worst case scenarios. There was no way Braxton wouldn’t call him if he could. The young man was many things, but thoughtless wasn’t one of them. He knew how closely Ryan watched his games. That he’d be concerned when he didn’t see Braxton out there.
About half an hour passed before his phone rang.
“I need you to listen to everything I have to say before you freak out.” Laura’s soothing tone only put Ryan more on edge, but he didn’t interrupt because he needed whatever information she had now. “Braxton was feeling off this morning, but like all players, he pushed through it. No one knew anything was up until just before the game. Sloan caught him swaying on his skates and pulled him aside. He was running a fever. It was really high, so they sent him to the hospital. The flu’s been going around, so they think it’s that.”
Ryan braced his head on his hand, elbow on the kitchen table where he’d finally stopped pacing. “Are they sending him home?”
A pause, then Laura sighed. “Not yet. He was dehydrated and they want to keep him a few days because of some complications. The team makes sure the players always have the best doctors, Ryan. He’s in good hands.”
But he’s not with me.
Nodding slowly, Ryan sat back in his chair. “I guess he’ll have friends or family there with him?”
That got him a longer silence. “Both his parents are in the military and aren’t due back for months. Braxton has a request that no one contact them unless it’s life or death. Sloan and a few other players will check in on him when they can, before the team continues on the road. He’ll be sent home as soon as the doctors feel he’s up to it.”
In other words...Braxton will be alone.
Like hell.
Ryan pushed to his feet, then headed to his bedroom. He grabbed an overnight bag from his closet. “Text me the name of the hospital and his room number. Tell Callahan I’m on my way so I’ll be cleared to see him.”
“Are you serious? Ryan, think about what you’re doing.” Laura sounded stunned. “If you’re not careful, you’ll out him...and yourself. Are you ready for that? Are you sure he is?”
Bag open on his bed, Ryan began tossing in what he’d need for the next few days. “If he’s not, I’ll do what I have to so this is kept private. I’m sure the team will cooperate, not all the queer players on the team are out. We’ll take this at his pace.”
With a quiet sigh, Laura seemed ready to try a different approach, but she was too straightforward to pussyfoot around the issues. “I can tell you care about him very much, but this all seems...very fast for you. I’m not going to lie, I can’t wrap my head around you taking leave at a moment’s notice and hopping on a plane to look after a man you’ve been dating mostly long distance for two months.”
A smile tugged at Ryan’s lips, despite the concern constricting his chest and his need to keep moving so he could get to Braxton as soon as possible. “Because it’s not something I was ever willing to do for anyone except you and our parents. I wasn’t willing to take chances or let anyone in, I thought I had everything I could ever want. But I was wrong. And one man showed me that, in little ways at first. Ways I didn’t see coming until it was too late to put my guard up. And by the time I realized it’d happened? I didn’t want to. I wanted him. And this relationship deserves better than to do anything halfway. He deserves better from me.”
“All right, despite my reservations, I really love hearing that. I never said anything about you being alone, because you seemed to prefer it that way, but you’re a good man, Ryan.” Laura exhauled on a laugh. “Mom and Dad are going to be excited to meet him. I hope you’ll let me be there when you share the good news. And I’ll let Sloan know you’re on your way.”
“Thank you.” Ryan zipped up his suitcase. “I love you, sis. Wish me luck on getting a damn flight out to New York tonight because I won’t be able to sit still until I know he’s okay.”
There was the sound of a soft breeze over the line, as though Laura had stepped outside. “I love you too. And I’d tell you again that he’ll be fine, but I get it. It’s not the same hearing it as seeing it for yourself.”
After exchanging goodbye’s and promises to call with updates, Ryan hung up, then began his search for the next flight out. One connection in Montreal, then straight to LaGuardia. Leaving in less than two hours.
Cursing under his breath, Ryan secured the ticket, then hurried out to his car. A cab would be a better idea, and cheaper in the long run, but he needed this bit of control over when he left and how fast he got to the airport. Such a small thing to keep himself from obsessing over what might go wrong.
Braxton was young. Healthy. An athlete in the best condition he’d ever be in.
And yet, something felt...off.
There was no way Braxton would’ve pretended to be fine just to play, was there? Yes, probably, that seemed to be a common thing with hockey players. Which didn’t make it right. Ryan might not have any say about Braxton’s career, but they would discuss the risks Braxton would take for it, if he had ignored his own health just to get in some extra playing time.
The thing was, the more Ryan thought about it, the more he doubted that had been the case. Knowing Braxton, this had to be something different. Something unexpected.
Whatever it was—God, don’t let it be anything serious—Ryan would be there with him as he faced it. And for every step going forward.
Laura was right about one thing. He’d never done impulsive. Never dived into a situation where he couldn’t be sure of all possible outcomes. Never let his heart lead the way. This had never been the type of man Ryan was.
But it was the type of man he wanted to be.
For the man he loved.
Chapter 17
If this had been the flu, Braxton would’ve never complaine
d about having to get vaccines again. Hell, he probably wouldn’t anyway. He was rarely sick. He’d rather keep it that way.
Unfortunately, going from being real healthy all the time to this?
He’d never seen a doctor for more than a checkup. Never had to be admitted to the hospital for anything. With good insurance to cover him while he traveled and a team behind him, he was luckier than most, but…
Right now, he didn’t feel that way at all.
He was alone.
And terrified.
The doctor had asked him a bunch of questions when he’d gotten here, but everything was confusing and Braxton wasn’t sure any of his answers made sense. His head hurt worse than the last time he’d gotten a concussion and his stomach felt like it’d been turned inside-out from how sick he’d been—he hadn’t drank any alcohol in weeks, so it definitely wasn’t a hangover.
His neck being stiff seemed to shift things into high gear. Before they’d even started the test, he was put on an IV. The doctor explained what he was doing, but Braxton couldn’t follow.
Then there were needles. One in his spine which was pure fucking torture.
Everyone was wearing masks.
Hours later, he was dozing in a private room when the door opened. Eyes burning, he tried to sit up, vision blurry, shaking his head as a nurse spoke softly to him. At first he couldn’t make out a thing she said.
But he heard a name.
A sob broke from his throat. “Ryan? You have to call him. Tell him not to worry. I would’ve told him, but I didn’t get a—”
“Shh…” A soft touch, on the back of his hand. That familiar presence. Eyes he’d stared into from his knees, above him, hazy, but close enough he could see the smile in them above the blue medical mask. “I know you would’ve, my sweet man. It’s okay, I know this wasn’t something you could help. Try to rest.”
Checking his chart, the nurse, who’s name tag read simply ‘Amanda’, had a brightness to her tone. “Your partner insisted on seeing you, Braxton. The doctor is allowing it, but he’ll need to keep that mask on whenever he’s here for the next twenty-four hours. He won’t be able to stay overnight tonight, but tomorrow night will be fine.”
Neutral Zone Trap: The Dartmouth Cobras ~ An Off Ice Novel Page 12