All Things in the Shadows

by B. D. Messick

  I reach out and take her hand, squeezing her fingers gently.

  “What is it? I can tell there’s something else,” she says.

  “I’m not sure if I should ask.”

  “Go ahead. No secrets between us.”

  “Are they still alive?”

  “My parents?”

  I just nod.

  “Yes,” she replies quickly. I can feel her fingers grip mine a bit tighter.

  “Have you seen them?”

  “I check in on them every now and then.”

  I nod again, still holding her hand.

  “Would you save them, if they were attacked by a demon?”

  She sighs, and then smiles softly at me.

  “Years ago, I would have said, no. I would have stood by while they were ripped apart, piece by piece, so they would suffer like they made me suffer,” she says, her eyes turning dark, but the brightness returns quickly, “but now, I think my greatest revenge would be to save them, to prove, at least to myself, that I’m better than they will ever be.”

  I swallow, my throat dry. “You’re amazing,” I say, unable to come up with any other response.

  She shakes her head. “Nah. Most of the credit goes to Father and Lena. They’ve taught me a lot. They’re the ones who are amazing.”

  I nod, and we sit for a few minutes, both of us lost in our own thoughts.

  “Can I ask you something else?”

  “Again?” she asks, laughing.

  “Don’t make fun.”

  “Sorry. Go ahead.”

  “You said you've been guarding me.”

  “Yeah,” she says, nodding.

  “Why you?”

  “I asked for it.”

  “Why?”

  She looks at me for a few seconds and then lowers her head, unable to make eye contact with me.

  “You kind of remind me of myself, besides, I ... I like you,” she says, her words trailing off toward the end.

  That shocks me, and I don't really know how to respond, so I say, “Oh ... I ... I like you too.”

  Dork!

  A few seconds later, after I've let Kateri recover from my oh so smooth response, I finally speak again.

  “So, um ... how long have you been guarding me?”

  “For about three years.”

  “Three years?”

  “Yeah. Father's been concerned about you for a while.”

  “Why?”

  She pauses for a few seconds before answering. “You know when we said you were a hybrid.”

  “Yeah.”

  “There's a lot to that, having to do with the Abyss and the Umbra. You're more important than you know.”

  “Well, how many other hybrids are there?”

  She looks at me and smiles. “None.”

  Chapter Eight

  “I'm the only one?”

  Kateri nods.

  “Now do you understand why you're so important?”

  “I guess,” I say, and then I yawn involuntarily.

  Kateri smiles and starts to stand up. “Listen, it's been a long day. You should probably get some sleep.”

  I nod as I rise from the couch. “You could stay here, tonight,” I blurt out.

  She looks at me for a second, probably as shocked as I am that I said it.

  “I don't know if Father would like that.”

  “You're guarding me, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then stay and guard me. My mom's out of town, so you don't have to worry about that.”

  “Okay. I guess I can stay,” she says as a smile breaks out on her face.

  I smile back at her, thrilled and terrified at the prospect of her spending the night.

  “You ever play Forza Motorsports?” I ask, trying to come up with something we can do besides simply going to sleep.

  “I've played it a few times,” she says, somewhat slyly.

  I look at her and tilt my head to the side. “Something tells me you've played it more than a few times.”

  “Maybe. You still up for it?”

  “If you're up for an ass-kickin'.”

  She laughs and again, I stare into those unbelievably beautiful eyes and my heart flutters wildly. I jump up from the couch and we start to race upstairs, but Kateri slips into the shadows cast by the porch lights coming through the front door and she's gone.

  “No fair!” I yell as I race up the stairs.

  By the time I get to my room, Kateri is already sitting cross-legged on the bed, a controller on her lap, the second one resting on the comforter next to her. She turns and looks at me, smiling and trying to stifle a laugh.

  “Man, you're slow. You've got no chance.”

  “Funny. Just remember, there's no shadows in the game,” I shoot back, as I sit down on the bed, only an inch or two between us.

  For a few seconds I feel nervous sitting so close to her on my bed, but it fades quickly as we begin playing. A couple minutes into the second race, she suddenly drops her controller and scoots to the edge of the bed, a terrified look on her face.

  “Oh my God,” she says, her eyes wide.

  “What? What?” I ask, expecting to see an intruder emerging from the shadows or something even stranger.

  “There's a spider!” she screams, pointing to a spot near the window.

  When I look over, all I can see is one of those pale, almost translucent spiders walking up the wall. It's probably less than half-an-inch across.

  “What, this?” I ask, standing and walking over to the tiny arachnid.

  “Kill it already!”

  I shake my head and scoop the little guy into my hand and drop it out the window onto the fire escape.

  “There, it's gone.”

  She nods silently as she slowly begins to calm down.

  I return to the bed and she looks at me.

  “Don't tell anyone about that, okay?”

  “No problem. What's the big deal? You don't like spiders.”

  “Don't tell anyone.”

  “Okay. I won't,” I say, putting up my hand. “You still want to race?”

  She nods, and a smile gradually returns to her face. She scoots closer to me until our knees are touching, which sends a jolt through me. She's a lot better than I figured she'd be, or maybe I'm nervous, but in any case, she beats me three out of five races. As the fifth race ends, she sets her controller down and stretches her back and neck.

  “Hmm. I didn't see any shadows and yet, I believe I just kicked your ass,” she says, grinning at me.

  “Yeah, yeah,” I reply, and I flop onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. “I'll getcha' next time.”

  Suddenly, Kateri lays down next to me and those flutters of nervousness return in force. I turn my head and I can see she has her eyes closed. For a few seconds, I stare at her, studying every tiny detail; her full lips, perfectly proportioned nose, turned up slightly at the end, long eyelashes, and the lovely slope of her neck as it disappears under the collar of her shirt.

  “I think it's getting late,” she says, without opening her eyes.

  “Yeah, I think it is.”

  She pushes herself up and looks at me. “Well, if you have a blanket and a pillow I can sack out on the couch.”

  “You don't have to sleep on the couch,” I blurt out and it feels like the world slows to a crawl as I wait for a response.

  It feels like hours before she says anything, although I'm sure it's only about three seconds.

  “Okay. Left or right?” she asks.

  “Oh ... uh ... left, usually.”

  “Sounds good,” she says as she starts pulling off her boots.

  “Um ... you said you've been guarding me for three years, right?”

  “Yep.” She stands and undoes her belt.

  “So, you know how I am,” I say as I turn away and walk over to the dresser.

  I open the top drawer and pull out a pair of pajamas for me; light blue with small white flowers, and a second pair for her; bright red wi
th tiny Scottie dogs on both the pants and top.

  “How you are?”

  “Yeah,” I say quietly, still not turning around.

  “Oh, you mean that you're a giant dork?”

  “Come on, stop. I'm being serious. I'm gay,” I say, almost tentatively as I finally look at her again.

  She covers her mouth with her hand and gasps. “No,” she says, before smiling and then laughing.

  I shake my head and frown. “You know, sometimes you're not near as funny as you think you are.” I hand her the red PJs.

  “Well, you're not going to jump on me or anything, right?” she asks as she pulls her tank top over her head and wiggles out of her jeans.

  I know I'm probably staring at her, but I can't help it as she stands there in her underwear, but finally, I'm able to look her in the eyes.

  “See, that's what I mean, and no, I'm not going to jump on you.”

  She slips on the top and steps into the pants, smoothing them out before looking at me again.

  “That's too bad,” she says quickly, and for a second, I'm not sure I heard her right.

  “What?”

  “I said, time for bed.” She moves around to the other side and slips under the covers. “Well, are you gonna' join me?”

  And then, I'm really nervous. I've only ever undressed in front of my mother, and in gym class, but certainly not in front of someone in my bedroom. I take a deep breath and slip out of my jeans, tossing them on the floor at the end of the bed. Glancing over at Kateri, I can see she's watching me, but surprisingly, I don't feel embarrassed or awkward. Honestly, there's a part of me that's excited to know her eyes are on me. I pull my top off, exposing my bra, and much less prominent top half, and then suddenly I feel strange about being so bold and I put on my pajamas as quickly as I can. I move around to the left side of the bed before pulling back the covers and sliding underneath. My leg brushes against hers and I pull it back quickly.

  “Sorry,” I say.

  “For what?”

  “Nothing, I guess.” I lay back and pull the covers up.

  For a couple of minutes, we both lay there and then Kateri starts squirming and a few seconds later she pulls her bra out from under the covers and drops it on the floor.

  “That's better,” she says.

  A few seconds later, I maneuver my way out of my own, tossing it toward the end of the bed. Kateri laughs and I smile at her, a warm feeling flowing through my entire body. I switch the lamp off and the only light in the room comes from outside, casting eerie shapes on the ceiling through the curtains.

  “How come you never showed yourself to me before?” I ask without looking at her.

  “It wasn’t up to me. You'd see me when you were ready.”

  “So, why now?”

  She shrugs. “I don't know, it's just when it happened.”

  “Hmmm. Hey, what about the voices? Father said they’re thoughts from other Shayds.”

  “Yeah.”

  “But it's a bunch of jumbled stuff. What good is it?”

  “At first, that's how it seems. Used to give me headaches, but Father taught me how to control them, to filter out the noise and make sense of it all.”

  “But if it's a collection of random thoughts, what can you do with it?”

  “There's a lot. It's not exactly like mind reading you see in the movies, but you can learn to direct your thoughts toward a certain person, and to weed their thoughts out of the rest. It's also how I use the paper, to send messages.”

  “Wow. Can you teach me?”

  “Father and I will. He's better at teaching than I am.”

  “Okay.” I’m suddenly becoming all too aware of any thoughts I might have about her.

  We quickly fall into a self-imposed silence. I’m exhausted, but I'm far too wired to sleep. For the longest time, I simply lay on my back, staring up into the dark when Kateri ends the silence.

  “I'm sorry about your dad,” she says, quietly.

  “Why? I didn't even know him.”

  “I know. It's funny though, you never met your dad, and you wished you had. I knew my dad, and I wish I never did.”

  Her statement hits me like a punch in the stomach. I can sense the pain in her words and I slowly move my hand under the sheets until my fingertips touch hers. She immediately wraps her fingers around mine and squeezes gently. Slowly, sleep begins to take me and my eyes close.

  I'm not sure how long I’d slept, but I'm awakened by the sounds of sobbing in the dark. I look over at Kateri; she’s laying on her side, facing away from me, and although I can barely see her in the now completely darkened room, I can tell that she's crying.

  In a moment of sheer ... bravery, or boldness, I reach over and touch her shoulder. I feel her tense up immediately.

  “What?” she asks, an irritated tone to her voice.

  “Just checking to see if you're okay,” I say quietly.

  “I'm fine,” she replies quickly.

  “All right. As long as you're okay.” I lay back down again.

  About a minute later, I feel her shifting in the bed and the next thing I know, she has her arm across my upper chest and her face buried in my neck. It's not a sexual gesture, but one made out of basic human need for comfort. I gingerly bring my left arm up and lay it across her back under the sheets and she presses herself closer to me. A smile slowly builds on my face and not long after, I drift off to sleep.

  As the first rays of the sun peek through my window, my eyes flutter open and immediately I notice Kateri's not here. Letting out a sigh, I feel completely deflated and alone. I've never felt this way before. I mean, I have friends. I have my mom, and Amanda, but there's something completely different about Kateri. It has nothing to do with her ‘Shaydness’, but more about the actual person that she is. I sit up, leaning back against the headboard, wishing she was still here and then I spot the little folded piece of paper on the nightstand. In a flash, I have it in my hand. My heart is racing as I open it.

  Thanks for last night. See you soon.

  Kateri

  BTW ... you have a cute little ass.

  I start laughing as soon as I read the part about my butt, and then I press the paper against my chest, hugging it tight. I still have a million questions, and maybe I should have spent last night grilling Kateri about them, but at least I have one answer. This is for real, it's not in my head, unless I've created the most elaborate delusional universe ever. I've seen them, talked to them, and touched them. There's no doubt in my mind that this is real. But then, what the hell does that mean for me? If it was a figment of my imagination, I could pop a few pills, get some electro-shock therapy and be done with it. Now that it's real though, I have to figure out how to deal with it.

  Not only do I think Kateri is real, but I know deep down inside she has sparked a fire. There's something about her that has awoken new feelings within me. I know I can't be in love with her, right? I've only known her for a few days, but I also know it's something bigger than what it seems right now. First things first, though. I have a lot more questions that need answering, especially concerning my mother and how she fits into all this. I look over at the pillow next to me, and instantly, I miss this mysterious girl again. Without thinking, I pick it up and bring it to my face, inhaling deeply. The scent of lilies and sunshine fills my nostrils and I can't help but smile.

  “Some people would call that weird,” Kateri says from the direction of my doorway.

  “Damnit! You have to stop doing that!” I say, trying to pretend to be annoyed, when in reality, I'm overjoyed to see her.

  She’s leaning against the doorframe, dressed in her usual black jeans and boots, but the bright green t-shirt is a definite change.

  I nod toward her shirt. “That's bright.”

  “Yeah, I like to mix it up sometimes,” she replies with a grin. “Come on, get up.”

  “Can you give me a minute to get dressed?”

  She shrugs. “I've already seen most of it.” />
  “Yeah, well. You don't need to see the rest of it.”

  “Fine, I'll meet you downstairs. Don't take all morning, we've got a lot more to talk about,” she says as she turns and heads back into the hallway.

  After waiting for a few seconds, I roll out of bed, close the door, and drop the sheet. I grab my jeans off the floor, toss them on the bed, and then open my closet to find a shirt. I pick a light blue t-shirt with the Chinese symbol for power printed on the front; at least that's what the girl at the store told me it was, although it might be the symbol for cat poop for all I really know. I read somewhere once that most people who have tattoos of Chinese characters have no clue what they really say. Most, as it turns out, are gibberish or made up symbols that look cool. You might think the markings on your arm say, ‘Strength from Belief’, when in reality it says, ‘House In Donkey’. I toss the shirt onto the bed next to my jeans.

  Pulling open my dresser drawer, I select a matching set of white lacey underwear with delicate red flowers along the edges. It's much sexier than what I was wearing last night, a fact that does not go unnoticed in my head. I dress in a few seconds and then check my hair in the mirror, adjusting everything until I look at least presentable. I even put on a little eye shadow and lipstick, once again, doing something I almost never do. Smoothing out the shirt, I double check how I look from behind, and then I shake my head.

  “Why am I so concerned with this?” I ask myself quietly, but deep down I know why.

  I pull on my Nikes, and start to head for the door, before I turn and check the mirror one more time.

  When I get downstairs, Kateri is stretched out on the couch, flipping through one of my mother's art books. She looks over at me and smiles, as I watch her eyes scan me from top to bottom. I must admit I like the feeling.

  “You clean up nice,” she says as she gets to her feet.

  “Thanks. So do you, by the way.”

  She grins at me and I swear she blushes, but I could be wrong.