A Cowboy's Kiss

by Trish Milburn

  When Anna saw the trail her car had cut while tumbling down the hill, she stopped and squeezed his hand even tighter.

  “Oh, my God,” she said, barely audible. “How did I survive that?”

  “You were very lucky.”

  She wiped at a tear that had escaped, and he wanted so much to pull her into his arms. But he had to keep reminding himself to take things slowly. Right now, what was important was for her to fully accept what had happened and move past it.

  “I don’t even know how long I was down there.”

  “From all the evidence that was pieced together, we believe less than an hour.”

  “I…I want to thank the couple who found me.”

  “I’m sure you can get their names from the sheriff’s department. I believe they’re from Minnesota.”

  He stayed quiet as Anna continued to stare down the embankment, at the broken saplings and crushed vegetation, the occasional piece of torn metal or plastic that hadn’t been cleared away by the tow truck driver. He would allow her all the time she needed.

  She shifted her gaze to their surroundings further afield, the untouched trees and mountains.

  “Hard to believe I almost died here.”

  The thought of that happening caused a pain in his chest.

  “I’m glad that didn’t happen.”

  She looked at him with that curious expression again. But before he could give in to his desire to erase the distance between them and kiss her, she lowered her gaze.

  “We better get back before Andrea thinks I’ve absconded with her car.”

  When he felt her pulling her hand from his, he relaxed his grip. This time was all about her and what she needed. He had a feeling in his gut that she’d not had someone make her the center of anything in their life.

  As she pulled off I-90 a few minutes later, driving more normally than when they’d headed out, he glanced over at her.

  “So, what do you think?” He gestured to indicate the vehicle.

  “I like it. I’m going to take it.”

  “Great.”

  Andrea was so thrilled to sell the car that she not only gave Anna an enthusiastic hug, but also a gift card to a local restaurant she said she didn’t have time to use.

  “Isn’t that what I gave out to the staff last Christmas?” he asked.

  Andrea looked sheepish. “What can I say? I’m a busy person. And forgetful.”

  Once the money had exchanged hands and Andrea had signed over the title, Anna looked at the car keys in her hand as if she couldn’t figure out how they’d gotten there.

  “We should go have dinner to celebrate,” he said. “I skipped lunch and am starving.”

  “Why’d you skip lunch?”

  “Patients to see. Paperwork to do. Drug reps to meet.”

  “Don’t you just want to go home?”

  “If I go home, I have to cook for myself. I’d rather have someone else do it.” Not to mention he wanted to spend more time with her.

  “Good point. I think I agree with you.”

  “You pick. My treat.”

  “No, we only go if I use this,” she said, holding up the gift card. “You’ve already done too much for me.”

  “There’s a limit on how much one friend can do for another?”

  “Yes.” He must have looked surprised because she waved off her quick answer. “I mean, let me do something for you for a change.”

  If it meant getting to spend the evening with her, he wasn’t going to argue about who picked up the bill—especially since it evidently hadn’t dawned on her that he’d already done so by buying that gift card in the first place.

  *

  They agreed to meet at the restaurant, but on the way there Anna wondered if she should have just gone on home. Her emotions were still all tangled up after their drive to where she’d had her accident. At first she hadn’t wanted to face it, but when she had she’d experienced the most overwhelming sense of gratitude. It was so powerful that she’d nearly laid all her feelings bare there on the side of the interstate. She couldn’t even fully explain why what he’d done had made something feel freer inside of her than she’d ever felt.

  When she arrived, Roman was already standing outside the entrance waiting for her. After parking, she simply sat and stared at him for a moment, appreciating just how gorgeous of a man he was—inside and out.

  His smile as she approached him made her insides do that flippy motion she was getting used to when around him. He held the door open for her but paused inside the door when another woman stepped toward them.

  “Fancy meeting you here,” the pretty blonde said, giving Anna a quick, curious glance before returning her attention to Roman.

  “Hey,” he said before shooting a glance of his own toward Anna. “Anna, this is Kailee, one of my neighbors. Kailee, Anna is a friend from Logan Springs.”

  Anna wasn’t the most experienced person when it came to romantic relationships, but there was no mistaking the relief on Kailee’s face when Roman called Anna a friend. A rush of jealousy flooded Anna’s body like adrenaline when coming face to face with a wild animal that could end you. And though her relationship with Roman had only progressed to friendship, in that moment she wanted to proclaim he was more.

  “Nice to meet you,” Kailee said. “How long have you two been friends?”

  The truth was not long, not real friends, but before Anna could figure out how to answer Roman did instead.

  “Since elementary school.”

  Anna missed the rest of the conversation between Roman and his way-too-pretty neighbor as his answer bounced around in her head. Surely his definition of friends was different than hers because while they’d known each other since elementary school, she didn’t think the occasional greeting counted as true friendship. More like friendly acquaintances.

  After they were seated and the waitress had delivered their menus, Anna found she couldn’t concentrate on anything until she had an answer.

  “Why did you tell Kailee that we’d been friends since elementary school?”

  He looked confused by her question. “Because we have been.”

  “That’s stretching it, don’t you think? I doubt we’d said a hundred words to each other over the course of our lives before I woke up in the hospital.”

  “That’s an exaggeration.”

  “Is it? We didn’t exactly move in the same circles.”

  He placed his menu on the table. “Logan Springs isn’t really big enough to have cliques.”

  She actually laughed that he evidently believed that. “How many times did we hang out in school?”

  “You didn’t want to.”

  “What?”

  “You were so quiet and shy that you didn’t even come to my sixteenth birthday party.”

  She was getting more confused by the minute. “What are you talking about? I was never invited to a party.”

  “Yeah, you were, but your grandmother told my mom that you weren’t comfortable in crowds.”

  It hit Anna what must have happened at the same time as the realization that she couldn’t tell him the truth. She could only imagine how he’d react if she said, “Oh, she said that because she doesn’t believe people on our social strata should mix with yours, and she didn’t want to take the chance that I might like you and forget everything I’ve been taught my entire life.”

  She’d sound crazy and rightly so. Sitting across from her was the most amazing man whose actions said he liked spending time with her, and a part of her was still trying to figure out a way to keep enough protective distance between them.

  “Well, that’s true.” At least that wasn’t a lie. She had always felt uncomfortable in crowds. “But, um, thanks for inviting me.”

  “I invited everyone.”

  Oh. So it hadn’t been specifically aimed at her at all. The fact that she’d thought maybe it had been, even for a moment, told her that this evening should probably end quickly.

  And yet it di
dn’t. Instead, one topic of conversation flowed into another. The main course flowed into dessert. Anna was surprised all over again by how easy it was to talk to him now. They laughed and teased and commiserated so much that she wondered if to those seated around them it appeared they were on a date. Because as the night progressed, it was even feeling more and more like that to her.

  That should be her cue to leave, but she couldn’t make herself take that step. She wanted to indulge in the feeling as long as it lasted.

  “Did you ever want to be anything other than a librarian?” he asked.

  She considered saying no, but it felt good to be open and honest with someone.

  “For a long time, I had this crazy thought about writing mystery novels of my own.”

  “You totally should. As many as you’ve read, I bet you’d be great at it.”

  She shook her head. “I did try but the rejection letters came back so fast my mailbox almost spun around in circles.”

  “You don’t seem like the type of person to quit so easily. Remember, I saw you during rehab.”

  She smiled at his attempt at humor. “I think maybe it was more me trying to solve the mystery in my own life than creating fictional ones.”

  That wasn’t totally true. She still sometimes imagined seeing her name on the front of a book in a bookstore. Since she’d arrived home from rehab, she’d even re-read what she’d written before and was surprised that it wasn’t as terrible as she remembered. The story might actually be salvageable.

  But the real mystery in her life was the one she’d more often wanted to solve. There was that part of her that always imagined she could somehow figure out the identity of her father, that maybe he was out there somewhere wondering about her.

  Roman reached across the table and laced his fingers with hers. “The identity of your father?”

  She nodded, stricken by how easily he seemed to be able to read her.

  “I need to get home,” she said as she pushed back from the table after paying the bill.

  “Me, too. Very long day tomorrow.”

  “Free clinic day?”

  “Yeah.”

  “It’s really kind of you to give of your time like that.”

  He shrugged. “I got into medicine to help people, and not everyone can afford to pay for that help.”

  When they stepped outside, instead of heading to his truck he fell into step beside her.

  “I’m just parked across the street,” she said.

  “I know.”

  She couldn’t very well refuse to let him walk wherever he wanted, but by the time they reached her new car her nerves were jumping like crazy. That feeling she’d had of this being a date had increased with each step. And when she turned to face him, he was closer than she realized and her breath caught.

  “I had a nice time tonight,” he said, then glanced downward toward her lips.

  He couldn’t be thinking what she was thinking, right?

  “It was nice. Thanks for all your help today. It does feel good to have the freedom of mobility again.” She lowered her gaze, staring at a button halfway down his shirt. “What you did, out where I wrecked… I don’t know why, but I felt better afterward. So thank you for that, too. You’re a good friend.”

  She gasped a little when his finger lightly touched underneath her chin and lifted it until she was looking at him. “What would you say if I told you I wanted to be more than friends?”

  Words absolutely failed her. So did rational thought because as she stared up at him, she saw something that thrilled her. Something that kept her from moving as he seemed to silently ask permission for what she knew was coming next. In the next moment, his mouth descended toward hers. When his lips touched hers, she thought she might explode with happiness. She kissed him back and it felt more wonderful than anything she’d experienced in her entire life.

  And then she heard her grandmother’s voice. “Don’t be as stupid as your mother. Powerful men only want one thing from women, and when they get it they move on to the next conquest. There are no fairy-tale endings. That’s just crap made up to sell books and movies.”

  Anna jerked away from Roman as if the memory of her grandmother’s voice had burned her. Roman reached for her, but she stepped out of his reach.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  She nodded, feeling anything but okay. “I…I just need to get home. Good night, Roman. Thanks again.”

  She fumbled her keys but managed to get into her car and shut the door before Roman said anything else. Though she did her best not to make eye contact with him again, she failed. Just before pulling out of the lot, she glanced over and saw the confusion on his face. Before she could cave to the desire to get back out and tell him he’d done nothing wrong, that she’d enjoyed his kiss more than she could adequately express, that how much she’d enjoyed it scared her, she drove away into the night.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Anna was about to take the first bite of the salad she didn’t really want when Paige strolled into her office with her lunch bag, shutting the door behind her, and parked herself in the chair on the other side of the desk.

  “Can I help you?” Anna asked, really not in the mood to help anyone at the moment, not after she’d run away from the single best moment of her life the night before. “And leave the door open. Someone might need help.”

  “Which Serena will provide,” Paige responded, referencing one of their volunteers. “We are going to use this lunch break for you to tell me where your mind has been all morning. I mean, I can guess, but I’d like to hear you actually say it.”

  “I’m not in the mood, Paige.”

  “Explain. And you know you’ll be better off to just tell me now instead of having me pester you every five minutes until you do. I pester because I love.”

  Though she didn’t even have to guess how Paige would react, Anna pushed her lunch away and told her what had happened the night before.

  “You are certifiably crazy,” Paige said when Anna finished. “Seriously, a guy who is not only hot but also the nicest guy ever, and you pushed him away?”

  “I know, I know. I’m completely crazy.”

  “Yep.”

  “It just caught me so off guard.”

  “Why? You two have been spending a lot of time together, and word is meaningful looks have been going both ways.”

  “It’s so tempting to just let things happen, but I just don’t know if I’m wired that way. What if I’m more interested than he is? You know me. I’m not the type of person to have something that’s just casual.”

  “You’re just scared and brainwashed, and I feel like I should knock some sense into you and I’m not a violent person.”

  “I don’t want to end up like my mother, broken and lost and always wanting someone I can’t have.”

  Paige threw up her hands. “But you can have Roman. In case you missed it, he kissed you. He made the first move.”

  She heard everything Paige said, wanted to believe it, but the doubts in her mind refused to vacate the premises. Logan Springs was a small town, and even though Roman lived in Livingston she would still have to see him occasionally if things didn’t work out. She wasn’t sure she could handle that.

  Paige was staring at her as if she was waiting for Anna to suddenly change her mind. Anna started to speak, not entirely sure what she was going to say, but her cell phone ringing drew her attention. Where it sat atop her desk, both she and Paige could see it was Roman calling.

  Paige pointed at the phone as she stood. “You like him. He likes you. Stop listening to the doubts. Take a chance at being truly happy.”

  Anna considered letting the call go to voice mail. She could later claim she’d been working and hadn’t heard it. But that would just delay the inevitable.

  “Hello,” she said as Paige left her office.

  “Hey,” he said, then hesitated. “I wanted to call and make sure you’re okay.”

  “Fine. Just worki
ng.”

  “Listen, I’m sorry if I took things too far last night.”

  “No need to apologize.”

  “But you looked scared when you left.”

  “Not scared,” she said, knowing that was a big fat lie. How much she’d wanted to keep kissing him, to believe they could have a happily ever after, had scared her, not anything he’d done. “Surprised.”

  “Can I make it up to you? I had a nice time at dinner. We could do that again. Just dinner.”

  A memory of one of the arguments between her mom and grandmother chose that moment to surface. Her mother told Helena that she’d found someone new, that things were going to work out this time. Helena had told her daughter she was an idiot and they’d all be lucky if Anna didn’t grow up to be just like her.

  “I appreciate how kind and generous you’ve been.” Though it might feel like she was ripping her own heart out, she had to stop this before it went too far, beyond the point where she could conceivably recover when things ended. “But we’re not suited to be anything more than friends.”

  Tears threatened and she lifted her gaze to the ceiling to keep them at bay. Silence from his end of the line made her want to yank back her words.

  “Why?”

  How could she convince him that she was right?

  “You’ve taken a lot of time out of your schedule to help me, and you don’t have to do that anymore. You’re a man whose entire world revolves around his job.” Somehow she sensed he was about to but in, to contradict her. Time for the nail in the coffin. “I can’t come second in a man’s life. So it’s best if we just walk away now. I’m sorry if I made you think we could be more than friends.”

  “Anna—”

  “Sorry, I’ve got to go. I have a patron waiting for help.” The lie tasted bitter on her tongue. Her entire life tasted bitter.

  *

  Roman couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. That hadn’t sounded like Anna at all, and yet she’d been the one to say the words. After she’d told him how much she admired him for devoting so much time to helping people, today she’d used that as an excuse why they couldn’t pursue anything more than friendship. It just didn’t feel right, almost as if she was being forced to make that excuse by someone else.