Declan (Special Forces: Operation Alpha) (Gold Team Book 5)

by Riley Edwards

  “Ash was smart, wicked smart, she was finishing her masters in bioengineering but she quit school and joined the FBI. Spent years there working sex crimes. Then the CIA approached and she crossed over. She’s been there ever since.”

  “If Tex had found that, he would’ve shared,” Kyle said. “That would’ve shed a beacon of light on why she goes rogue. Which means he didn’t find it. So that begs the question, how well do you know Ashaki and how do you know she’s not bullshitting you?”

  “Because I know her real name.”

  “And that is?” Brooks looked at me expectantly.

  “And that’s going to the grave with me. Ash is the only person I trust with my life. I told you her story so you’d understand why she doesn’t follow the rules. Her entire family is gone because a sick fuck stole her mother, doped her up, and rented her out. Beyond that, I’m not telling you any more.”

  I felt Max’s stare boring into me so I turned and met his gaze. He didn’t bother hiding that I wasn’t his favorite person, which made me like him. It was oddly comforting knowing where I stood, no bullshit, no subterfuge. He didn’t like me and he had balls big enough to be honest about it.

  Yeah, I liked Max.

  I felt my lips tip into a smile and Max’s eyes narrowed. I bet many men had pissed themselves when he turned that angry scowl their way. The thought only made me smile bigger.

  “Something funny?” he snapped.

  “I was just thinking how much I liked you,” I told him. “I appreciate your honesty. You don’t think much of me and you don’t give two fucks if I know. The same way I don’t give any fucks that you don’t. I’ve been buried in filth for so long it’s nice not to have to wade through layers of shit to find the truth.”

  Max’s face relaxed, then slowly his face broke out into a smile.

  “You don’t give any fucks, huh?”

  “Not a single one to be found.”

  “Fresh out?”

  “I was out of fucks so long ago I forgot what a fuck feels like.”

  “Come again?” Declan’s angry growl came from across the room.

  I watched his lips move, but I couldn’t hear the words over the raucous laughter. The longer Kyle, Brooks, and Max roared with hilarity, the deeper Declan’s frown became.

  I was totally lost. I didn’t know why the guys were laughing, why Declan looked like a homicidal maniac, but mostly I didn’t understand why my stomach started to feel funny. Tiny flutters in my belly that felt like what I remembered happiness felt like.

  But then the flutters faded, the guys stopped laughing, and Declan was still mad. And since I was me and had no idea how to react in a social situation with normal people, I popped off.

  “Why are you pissed?”

  “Probably because you don’t know what a—”

  “Don’t finish that,” Declan cut off Kyle.

  “Damn, brother, you packin’ light?” Brooks chuckled.

  “Swear to God, I’ll beat your ass.”

  “What the hell is your problem?” I asked.

  “I think you bruised poor Dec’s ego,” Max told me.

  “Huh? Why? I didn’t mean I like you, like you. I was just saying—”

  “The. Fuck?”

  All the guys busted up laughing again and I looked around in confusion.

  “Y’all are fucking nuts,” I mumbled and stood.

  “Speaking of fucking,” Max joked. “Dude, you misunderstood. I could try to explain it to you but it’s one of those things that wouldn’t be funny the second time around. We weren’t talking about fucking fucking, she was saying she gives zero fucks what people think about her.”

  I did a quick rewind and tried to remember what Declan had heard when he walked in.

  I forgot what a fuck feels like.

  Oh!

  Oh, shit!

  “You thought I was telling them I didn’t remember what fucking feels like?”

  “What the fuck?” Thad grouched.

  “Sweet Christ. Not again.”

  Kyle, Brooks, and Max lost their shit. They laughed so hard, Max was wiping tears from his eyes, Kyle leaned his forehead to the armrest and roared into the material, and Brooks was bending sideways holding his gut.

  Declan wasn’t laughing but he was smiling. Straight out, full-blown smile that changed everything about him.

  Every-damn-thing.

  Sweet Jesus.

  Declan was sexy as hell. But smiling, he was beautiful.

  The tiny flutters from earlier turned into flurries.

  Yeah, this was exactly what I remembered happiness feeling like. But accompanying it was an emotion I was well acquainted with. An emotion that clung to my skin and coated my insides—fear.

  Most days fear was the only thing I had, my only friend, the one thing that kept me alive. Once it crept in and took over, the rawness of it suffocated me, then it settled in and I couldn’t breathe without it. Losing it meant complacency. Complacency meant mistakes. Mistakes meant death.

  So for years, I wrestled that nasty emotion into submission and used it for my benefit. The problem was that fear stifled happiness. It smothered everything until I was left with nothing.

  And now happiness was even more frightening than death.

  Because I never had it, not fully, and feeling a tiny twinge of it hurt like a thousand shards of glass piercing my heart.

  Chapter 12

  Something was off.

  The vibe on the street was all wrong.

  Last night we’d run the plan until Autumn had finally relented. I still had strong doubts she’d follow orders. My gut was screaming she’d go off-reservation. She wanted an up close and personal takedown. I wanted Max to use his exceptional sniper skills and put Madeleine Strotherby to ground from five-hundred yards away.

  Autumn had agreed. Said she saw the wisdom in a fast takedown, leaving our identities concealed with no chance of blowback. None of us were under the illusion that with Strotherby dead Omni would crumble on its own, but it would send them scrambling and that’s what we needed. Then we could finish dismantling it before they replaced the bitch. Before they could get their house in order.

  My eyes went back to the alley across the street from the clinic, then back to the small camera crew filming Strotherby as she spoke to the clinic director. I felt my lip curl in disgust as the women shook hands. If the director only knew the woman she’d just taken half a million dollars from money earned by peddling flesh, she sure wouldn’t be smiling. Wouldn’t be looking at the old twat like she was a guardian angel. Madeleine Strotherby was the devil. A sick and twisted bitch who oversaw a criminal empire. Drugs and girls were where she made most of her money. Not the cosmetic brand she slapped her name on. Not the clothing or the perfume. Humans and drugs.

  So, yeah, I wished the kill could be up close and personal. But leaving Afghanistan with no one following us home was more important. Keeping Autumn safe was more important.

  My gaze skidded back to the goddamn alley. I was missing something. I knew it. Yesterday when I was waiting for Autumn to leave the clinic, two men stood in the shadows. One Afghani, one American. And by the look of the American’s close-cropped hair and clean-shaven face, he was a service member but he was out of uniform, which was strictly forbidden.

  I was definitely missing something. And whatever that was, I wanted my team off the fucking street and out of the village. There was one main road that traveled in and out of the area. Thad and Kyle were on the west end, Brooks and Max were on the east end. Whichever way Madeleine’s convoy headed, one of my teams would pick up and follow.

  “How many damn pictures do they need?” Autumn grouched from beside me.

  The woman was already pissed off that she was covered head to toe. The only skin showing was a small sliver around her eyes, even her brows were covered. She had to be hot as hell under all that material. She hadn’t been pleased when I barred the front door until she donned her niqab.

  I ignored Autumn’s
grousing and clicked on my mic. “Bravo. Charlie. Check in.”

  “All clear,” Thad came back.

  “Five by five,” Max answered.

  A few minutes later, the camera crew was packing it in, and Madeleine was escorted to a black Mercedes SUV.

  Thank fuck.

  “Standby targets on the move,” I radioed.

  “Good thing. Looks like there’s a military convoy coming straight to you. The street’s gonna be packed. ETA three minutes,” Thad informed me.

  I jerked my head toward our piece-of-shit sedan. The thing was on its last legs, and I prayed it got us to where we needed to go.

  Once we were back inside the car, I cranked the engine three times before it turned over. Autumn pulled her long black skirt up, exposing her bare legs.

  “Fucking hell, it’s hot as balls,” she exclaimed and I bit back my smile.

  “Change of plans,” I told her, taking my eyes off her toned, tanned flesh. “Convoy’s coming our way, we need to get out of here before we’re stuck waiting for them to pull through.”

  The Merc pulled into traffic and headed east, forcing me to make a U-turn to follow.

  “Call that into Thad.” I gestured to the SUV and checked my mirrors. “He needs to get in front of that convoy.”

  I heard Autumn over the radio as I maneuvered around a parked pickup. For a small village, the traffic was horrendous. A motorbike with three grown-ass men on it weaved in front of us, causing me to slam on my brakes.

  “Goddamn!”

  “You drive like a maniac,” Autumn complained.

  “You ain’t seen nothing yet.” I heard Brooks tell her.

  “You need to get out of there.” Max’s voice had taken on a hard edge that had me hyperaware.

  Before I could turn back on my mic, which would mean taking one hand off the steering wheel, when I needed both where they were so we didn’t crash Autumn took over.

  “What’s going on, Max?”

  “You got four pickups coming in at a high rate of speed,” he returned.

  Fuck.

  “You think they’re gonna intercept that convoy?”

  “I think you better hold the fuck on and Dec better drive crazier than his normal crazy before you’re stuck in the middle of something you don’t wanna be.”

  Fucking shit.

  I knew something was off.

  Indecision pricked the back of my neck.

  “Ask Thad if that’s an American convoy.”

  “Heard him.” Thad came back. “No markings. And it fucking pains me to say this, but get the fuck out of there.”

  I could see the Merc half a mile ahead. And beyond the SUV, no less than seven trucks full of insurgents were coming straight for us.

  “There’s six of us,” Autumn unnecessarily pointed out. “Even if those trucks only hold ten men each, we’ll be fucked.”

  She was right, but it didn’t stop the gut rot from churning.

  Something was off. I’d known it the moment I’d parked the car down the street from the women’s clinic. Helplessness washed over me. I was a fuckin’ Marine, it didn’t matter that I’d been out of the Corps for years. Once a Marine, always a Marine. That convoy held American service members, it was my job to protect them. It had been ingrained—service before self. I’d lived and breathed that motto. Now I was rushing away from the fight, leaving my brothers’ asses swinging in the wind.

  “Fuck!”

  “Dec?”

  “I know,” I hissed. “I know, but I don’t gotta like it.”

  Autumn wisely didn’t say anything.

  The farther we traveled from the village epicenter, the more dilapidated the buildings got. Less traffic, too, which meant I had to slow down so I didn’t get too close to the SUV.

  I glanced in my rearview mirror and saw Thad and Kyle in their POS car. Theirs wasn’t any better than the one I was driving. Up ahead Brooks and Max were a few car lengths behind Strotherby.

  “They need to slow down,” Autumn said.

  “I’d keep that comment to yourself, babe. Unless you want an earful from Max. He knows what he’s doing.”

  The words had just left my mouth when I saw Max’s brake lights flash.

  The silence stretched for a good long while until the sound of rustling material drew my attention to Autumn. She’d pulled off the niqab and was working the long black skirt down her legs.

  “Sweet Jesus, that’s better,” she sighed.

  “Put some clothes on.”

  “Give me a minute. I’m sweating to death over here, this piece of shit doesn’t have AC, and I’m getting ready to pass out from heatstroke.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her taking off the long-sleeved, shapeless top that went with the skirt and niqab. The tank top she wore under the garment did nothing to hide her ample tits. As a matter of fact, the tight cotton molded to her curves and I clenched my jaw.

  “You okay over there?”

  “Peachy,” I returned through gritted teeth.

  “You don’t sound peachy. You sound like you’re huffin’ and puffin’.”

  “Put your clothes on.”

  “Nothing you haven’t seen, big guy. And I’m so hot even the warm air feels cool.”

  She was hot all right.

  Even with her long, shiny blonde hair pulled up into a ponytail, sweat dotting her forehead and more rolling down her neck. Hands down, Autumn was the hottest woman I’d ever laid eyes on. Juliana was seriously beautiful. Brown hair, brown eyes, dark complexion. Autumn was the opposite in every way. But even more than their looks, Juliana had an innocence about her that Autumn lacked.

  Both women were gorgeous, but there was something about Autumn that put her miles ahead. Not her beauty, not even her strength and determination, more than two broken souls connecting.

  Even if I’d been whole, my body would’ve recognized her, my heart would’ve bound to hers.

  Fucking, fucking, hell, that hurt.

  My hand went over my tattoo to cover the physical ache my guilt caused.

  I was a motherfucker. A no-good son of a bitch. I loved my wife, loved my daughter. I wanted to die loving them—only them—my girls.

  I had no room in my life for Autumn Pierce. I couldn’t.

  “Put on your damn clothes,” I barked.

  I didn’t need to look to know Autumn was glaring at me. I could feel her icy eyes shooting icicles my way. I sounded like the asshole I was.

  Clothed or unclothed, it didn’t matter—somehow, some way, Autumn had gotten under my skin. And she was right, I’d seen all of her, tasted every part of her, had fucked her in all manner of ways. Actually, no I hadn’t. I’d never taken her missionary, never sweetly, never tender or soft, never looked into her eyes when my cock was inside of her. I’d fucked her rough and dirty—the exact opposite way I’d made love to my wife. The only way I could have sex now. The only way I stomached touching another woman.

  Christ, I was fucked up.

  I was a broken motherfucker who needed to walk away from Autumn before I killed what was left of her.

  Chapter 13

  Something had seriously pissed Declan off and it went beyond us not staying behind to watch out for the convoy. And it wasn’t me changing out of that ridiculously hot covering I’d been forced to wear. Just yesterday, Declan had helped himself into the shower where I was naked, had kissed me, then held me while I’d spaced out, and we’d swapped secrets.

  And we’d slept in the same bed last night—that was another first—but nothing had happened. He was as far to his side as he could get and I was rolled on my side facing away from him. But this morning when we’d woken up, it was business as usual.

  Now, he was angry and we had a mission to carry out.

  Go-time was imminent. Madeleine’s SUV had pulled into a gated compound, Brooks and Max had already peeled off to search for a location Max could use as a sniper’s perch, and Thad and Kyle were scouting the area.

  So whatever was g
oing on with Declan had to end. We had a job to do and I didn’t need Declan barking at me while we were doing it. The only problem was, I didn’t know what to say.

  Well, I did. What the fuck’s your problem, was on the tip of my tongue but I didn’t think that’d be the best approach. And since I couldn’t say that, I didn’t know what to say.

  “Cover up,” Dec barked.

  And suddenly I knew exactly how to broach the topic.

  “What the fuck’s your problem?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Bullshit. You’re barking orders at me.”

  “Correction, Autumn, I’m giving orders. Orders that you need to follow immediately and not question.”

  Was he serious?

  “Are you serious with this shit?”

  “Deadly.”

  I pinched my lips together in an effort not to tell him to go suck a bag of dicks. Who the hell did he think he was? I didn’t blindly follow orders, not even when they were given nicely. Barked at like a dog? Um, no. Just no. That wasn’t happening.

  Declan pulled to a stop in front of a half-crumbled building and I glanced around. The area wasn’t deserted but it was by no means populated. Just enough cars around that we wouldn’t stand out.

  “Cover—”

  “What the fuck, Declan?”

  “You understand we’re in Afghanistan, right? You’re a woman and you got pale skin and blonde hair. Cover that shit up.”

  “Or what? You’ll lock me in the trunk?”

  His gaze sliced to mine and his eyes gleamed with irritation. “Fucking hell, you’re a pain in the ass.”